Teen Depression Community
Not really a teen, and not exactly depressed, but
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Not really a teen, and not exactly depressed, but

I never know where to place my threads here.  The forums never really have something I can suitably fit to what I'm asking.  I suppose, my question this time, is what do you consider impulsive, and is that a trait of anything? (Be it depression, etc.)  Now, I've gotten some hostile replies here before, because I, apparently, have a very unorthodox personality, but bear with me.  I know none of you are professionals, that this is just amateur advice, blah, blah blah.

But basically, it's just a trait I never really understood, because, well, I am the way I am.  I work the way I work.  I never really understood other people who won't do certain things, but then, there's some things I won't do, so I guess it's whatever your cup of tea is.

If it helps, here's a brief summary of me:
I'm 20.  I go to college, I work, blech. I like college more than work, but I don't study, because that's boring.  I get pretty good grades, though. So don't pass me off as some idiot, because I'm probably smarter than you, or at least somebody you know.  I like to cut my hair, dye it, grow it out, dye it more, cut it some.  I don't particularly love having blue hair because it's blue, I just sort of do it because it's boring if it's always the same color.  However, blue's my favorite color, so I guess that helps.  I drive fast.  I've gotten pulled over twice. Oops.  Although once wasn't my fault! Well, it wasn't my driving, it was just the inspection sticker.  The other time, I got nabbed for speeding.  Written warnings both times, no tickets. Yay.  I ride dirt bikes.  I used to ride a lot more, but my boring life has constricted me to doing boring things, and hence, not a whole lot of riding.  My work is fast-paced, and they love me.  I guess it's 'cause I get stuff done, even if I fool around doing it.  And mostly because I show up. Usually 5-15 minutes late, but hey. I show up.  That's more than some people there can say.  I spend a lot of time online.  Not a whole lot in front of the TV.  I start projects.  I don't finish them.  I'm into art, but I never do it.  I spend my money within days of me getting it because I'd rather have stuff than a savings account, and let's face it, it's fun.  Usually art supplies or books.  Sometimes I get something fancy.  

I can be happy.  I can be angry.  I can be any of the 7 dwarfs! Well, I think so.  I don't know.  I don't like sleeping.  It's boring, too.  I'd rather be up doing something.  I sometimes try to see the good in everything, I sometimes become one of the most cold and vindictive people you'll ever meet.  It depends on the day, I guess.  I don't even know when I'll be like what.  It's like a game! When I'm upset, I don't do very good things.  I won't tell you what they are, because I don't need you all flipping out and overreacting like everyone does, because they aren't that bad.  I'm not hurting anyone.  I'm just bored.  Well, have you ever lit a match and dropped it on a notebook?  It goes out, no risk of fire, but it makes little burn marks, and, I don't know. It's satisfying.  Calm down, I'm not gonna burn anyone's house down, it's just something I've done, as an example.  See? No victims.  No pain.  Just fine.  I read a lot.  Not sure if I told you that already, not bothering to find out by reading back.  Basically, sometimes I'm your best friend, and sometimes I'm the people you like to avoid.  Which reminds me, I only have one friend, and they're an online friend.  And they get mad at me every 3 days because they are moody as *%&#.  

I live at home, with my parents. Yay me.  I wish I didn't, but I can't afford to live otherwise.  I wonder what it will be like, on my own.  I probably won't last very long.  I'd be too lazy to eat, not sleep, and honestly, I'd probably be worse if there wasn't someone around to disappoint or have yell at me.  I don't have a significant other.  I don't really want one, either.  They're just money suckers.  No one pays for you anymore, it's all splitting the bill.  Well, let me tell you that I've already spent my money, kiddo.  I'm fresh out and the food at the restauraunt you wanna go to probably ***** anyway.  Besides, they go on about annoying things and want sex which is... well, I get it, but... I have no interest in it.  For the most part.  I guess.  Sometimes I want it all scandalous and 50 Shades of Grey style, and most of the time it just doesn't cross my mind at all.  Oh, and I don't really know if I want it 50 Shades style for sure, because I've never read that book.  I just know I want it, when I want it, rough and that's the best way I could put it.  Although I suppose once I explained it, the eloquence sort of died out, didn't it?

So, back to my first question.
Impulsive?  Not sure.  What's this sound like?  Depression?
My mom says... well, nothing. Because she likes to think there's nothing wrong with anyone except her.  And my dad never talks much, but I don't think I'm all that normal. Maybe I am, and I'm just paranoid. Who knows. Thoughts?

Guess that was kind of a book. Sorry.
Avatar_dr_f_tn
Hi,
How are you? I appreciate your long post, it helps me get to know more about you.  Aside from  your parents, do you have any brother or sister with you? Are you closer to your mom or dad? Depression usually presents with a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair, or hopelessness that lasts for a time. It usually drains the energy, motivation, and concentration of a person. Well, in your case,  what you mentioned wouldn't exactly fit somehow. Hope to hear from you again. Take care always!
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