Dear,
There is no happiness pill for life. But there is one very important truth, and if you carry that with you, like a baby, all the way, you will be fine. No matter what you have been through.
The truth is: all people have histories, problems, and therefore agendas: everybody wants something out of you. Not because they're evil, but because they're trying to fill some hole in themselves. When your boyfriend at the time raped you (and I am not excusing his behavior, just explaining why it's not your fault), it was because he needed something from you. He wanted to be loved in some way, and the only way he knew was to take it without asking. It's sad, but true. You are a beautiful, unique woman, and you must always remember that. But you must also protect yourself by trying to be strong, by making yourself stronger every day by feeding your self-confidence with good thoughts and actions. Try to use your brain in constructive ways: think about the people that harm you, and why they may do so, and you will be able to forgive them. Once you have forgiven them, you will see how you are stronger, and you will no longer want to hurt yourself. With all of what you have been through you have gained a lot of wisdom. Use it to help others like you. There are so many of us that are in pain and don't know how to deal with it, get over it, or continue living. But we must remember life is a gift, and it must be lived all the way, in the best possible way. Our duty is to be strong, be ourselves, and do what we feel we have to do. Your eating disorder is a way of reacting to the fact that you are not happy with yourself. Again, this is because you feel abused. You have been wronged, yes. Every morning when you wake up remind yourself that the reason you have gone through all these things is not because you are bad, or because you deserve it, but because other people are in just as much pain as you, and unfortunately take it out on you sometimes. Try to see their pain, and yours will seem less consuming. Try to love yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror, and see how that is you. Realize that if you take care of yourself: eat healthy, not too much, not too little, only eat when you are hungry, and have a balanced diet in every meal, eat whole grain bread, not white... keep away from soft drinks, sweets, fried foods and only eat nuts and fruit as snacks - you know what to do, darling. Be strong. We need you, the earth needs you to spread the message: love, don't hate. Give, don't fear. And when you are loving yourself, you will be strong, and no man will ever try to rape you, because he will see that you love yourself, and you will also be attracted to "healthy" men and friends. Take care, love.
I need also add that I am a two year bulimic.