My name is Hani, 14 years old girl in Indonesia. First of all, sorry if my English is bad, but I think you can understand..
It's been 2 years I've been in junior highschool. Last year I started to think that I changed. I started to feel that everything is too hard, but why other people didn't look like they're working hard like I do? My body became weak, it's easier to catch a cold or fever.. I always feel lazy and it always feels like I don't have any power to do housejobs.. I have a will to do those works but I feel like I can't do it..
I never feel that way before, my body was fit and I never feel sad or desperate with no reason before those things that I felt.. I always have a negative thinking in my mind, I think I stopped making friendship, and I lost a lot of confidence I had.. I had no idea what and why these thing happened to me.
My parents started to angry to me since I started skipping school for a few days.. I've lost my spirit to go to school.. I always feel down everytime my parents insult me that I'm really lazy.. I don't want to blame anyone.. The "error" is in me, and I think I deserve to be blamed..
All these time, the only thing I really did is play with my smartphone and look up anything that I think will entertain myself.. The only things I'm sure about is that I have a will to do something, but looks like my body doesn't allow me.. But, I don't know why.. So I think I should have a consultation with a phsyciatrist..
I hardly ever say something directly to my mother about sonething I want.. So I just say something about Phsyciatrist, but it looks like she doesn't like that kind of idea.. She always say and act like she can handle everything.. But I know with this situation she doesn't even understand me or situation I have.. Everytime I try to become stronger, it always last for days or even hours.. I want someone to understand my feeling and my situation..
Thank you for read this..
Is there someone at your school you can talk to, like a guidance counselor or school psychologist? A teacher you trust? I really don't know the systems in Indonesia, but it sounds like you need some help. Try doing the Beck Depression Inventory (it might even be available in your native language, since it's a popular test). It's far from perfect, but it gives you a score for the severity of depression, and asks about things like your appetite, ability to do tasks, self blame, feelings of failure, self criticism, etc. It might help if you can go to your mom with something quantitative (solid numbers) to show her how you're feeling.
You can try to set goals for yourself, however small, so that you have something to work towards. For now they can be things like "go to school", "do homework", "limit playing on smart phone to ___ min (or don't play on smart phone)", "do at least one household chore", etc. Even if the goal seems tiny, if you make it reasonable, then it's something you can work towards to help accomplish more. Make sure you're eating right, try to exercise, and try to get plenty of daylight, which can help with mood. Again, the exercise goal could be to walk around the block, or do 5 pushups, or any other small task. Anything is better than nothing.
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