I'm 14 years old and i've been in severe depression for quite some time now, It's a drag to go to school everyday, i can barely concentrate, i find difficulty in keeping focused on simple things such as reading. Every time i fail a test or get a low score on work it plunges me down, and i start to not care about school anymore. At school i have difficulty making friends, and the friends i do have always put me down. I have 2 friends who are bisexual and since i hang out with them, everyone else assumes that i'm bisexual myself, and i can't help but feel very hurt when people from my school call all three of us fags, or when someone points at me and says "eweee lesbian!", everyone seems to treat me differently, some dont even wan't to talk to me. A couple days ago I got so depressed that i started crying in front of everyone and nearly having a panic attack because i forgot my locker number, everyone just sat there watching me while i noticed my friend was standing there smiling me at, as if i was just playing around, which i wasn't. I find myself helpless once i get home from school. At home i only live with my mom because my dad is deceased. My mom and i have a broken relationship, we hardly talk and when we do it usually only starts up an argument. My mom loves to put me down as well, she always says stuff to me like "you need to lose weight" or "i don't like the way you dress" and it makes me feel really ugly. Pretty much when i get home from school i go straight to my room for the rest of the day and stay there until i go to sleep, it gets very lonely up there with no one to talk to...my mom sees me depressed like this and sometimes threatens to kick me out of the house to go live with someone else.
All of this eventually adds up to me sitting there and thinking for hours of how i should kill myself, i mean i feel so worthless and theres really no point for me to live anymore, i don't think anyone would care if i died anyways. I don't have a good relationship with my mom or my friends so why would it matter anyways? i can't help but feel down every single day, no one really does anything to help either. At school i would talk to my counselor about some of what is happening to me but she wouldn't do much about it, all she would tell me is to get more involved. I don't like getting involved with anything anymore, i don't even like to be around people. One of my other friends came to my counselor and told her about some of my problems and my counselor said that i was just trying to get attention! does she think what i'm saying is a joke? and also concerning my mom helping me, she just tells me to get over myself and be strong and says she'll find help for me but never does.
I've lost all hope in everybody and everything. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm helpless. I just don't care anymore. I don't know what to do. I hope i won't be living too much longer.