I want to kill myself. Why should I put myself through this?! I just cut myself, again. I am making new blades. Taking apart pencil sharpeners. Taking the metal tip off of pencils and straightening it into a blade. Please help...
You need to get some professional help, hon. It sounds like you have things to talk out and work through, and it's only going to get better with the help of a doctor trained to deal with these things (psychiatrist), a therapist, and lots of open honesty. But it CAN get better.
You've made a great first step coming here. Are you able to get to see a psychiatrist or therapist in your area? If so, please make an appointment as soon as possible. You don't want to let your mental health go. This is not just hormones or being emotional or anything like that. It is a physical problem that is presenting itself emotionally.
Something to help curb the cutting until you are seen: try getting a piece of ice. Hold it in your hand and let it melt completely, even when it's tot the point of burning. While it is melting, distract yourself doing something you enjoy like taking a walk or watching a funny movie, reading a book, or listening to some good music. Nothing that has a trigger in it that will bring you back to those urges but something that gets your mind distracted.
It's hard to deal with things and it's impossible to handle it on your own. I urge you to seek help, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free.
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