Still want to be there for him...but how?

[AMom60]

My son is doing better but still struggling.  I want to be there for him but don't know how.  I tell him I love him from time to time even though he doesn't reciprocate.  We have tried to remove all stressor / pressures from him so that he can recover from this.  When he wants to sleep, we let him.  When he tells us to leave him alone, we do.  We don't force anything upon him but I am not sure that is working too well b/c some weekends he never leaves the house.  We love him beyond words.  What is the best way for us to show him that we love him and that we are 100% there for him without smothering or crowding him?  He is a very private person.  Unfortunately, he is living in his own private hell.   I don't like how he sometimes isolate himself...but we can't force him to do things he doesn't want to.  Please tell me teens how you want to be treated by your parents when you feel like this.  I am afraid he hates us but we have done nothing bad to him and have only put him on a pedestal for 16 years.

[Obsidian_rain]

Anytime it makes me feel better to help people :)  and I'm very sure that your son will see how much you love him someday. :)

[AMom60]

Thank you Obsidian & OneWord --

I guess we have been doing the right thing then.  We don't try to force anything with him.  The couple times I tried to get him to talk to me when he didn't initiate it -- I got my head bit off -- so I retreated.  We never take his wishes lightly and never try to give an opinion.  Only listen.  He really has improved since Christmas.  I hope someday he thinks about it and realizes how much we love him and supported him through the good & bad.  It is hard being a parent and watching your kids suffer.  But I am sure that it is just as hard, if not harder, for you going through depression.  Your offering comfort to people like me is something to be proud about.  Thank you!

[OneWordSaysAll]

Hi,
I have problems talking to my parents too.
Let me explain shortly what my life is like:
I'm depressed and anorexic, when I'm talking to my parents I feel like they don't understand, they don't listen.
They say things like: I doubt whether you eat enough...
Then I think *$&@)?!(/:-"@!* don't you remember I told you I had an eating disorder.
It's difficult to take a look at life through someone else's eyes. Just try to...
What helped me (a little), is that my parents gave me the option to write things down, things I wanted to say but couldn't. I simply wrote a letter and pasted it on the bathroom mirror.
This way I didn't have to confront them with things.
Another tip: don't try desperatly to keep a conversation up. Don't keep talking about what happened at school, what his grades are.
We can almost "smell" when someone desperately wants to talk but doesn't know what about.
I sit all day, all weekends in my room just because I like it there. It has nothing to do with my parents, I just like the fact that it's quiet and I can do whatever I like.
Keep in touch if you like, ask me anything you want I'm here to help.
15-year-old girl from holland.

[Obsidian_rain]

Well. I know when I'm depressed I want everyone to leave me alone. But I do also want someone to be there for me in case I fall. Just make sure your son knows that your there for him and when he does talk to you about what he is feeling. Try to understand and listen to what he is saying. But also on that note everyone experiences depression a little differently. And so the way I would like to be treated and the way he would like to be treated may be different. But either way. Make sure your there for him :)
I wish you the best of luck
-tabetha-