What should I do? I think I'm depressed.

[liveforever]

         I'm a seventeen year old girl and I think I might be depressed. I don't do drugs or drink any alcohol, and I don't cut myself. I am a fairly popular kid in highschool. I used to think I was normal, but I just realised today that I haven't been acting like myself lately. My grades have dropped (I used to get 90's, now I barely get 70's) because I have trouble concentrating. I have been feeling angry and have had many mood swings that my friends and family have noticed. I cry myself to sleep for absolutely no reason. I often feel very sad. I'm not suicidal, however I have thought about it (just of what would happen, not of actually commiting it). I don't go out anymore, I barely call or text my friends, and I have been a little unsociable lately. I used to want to apply to a very competitive college but now I don't think I'm smart enough. The activities I used to enjoy I avoid now. I was at a concert a week ago, one that I have been dreaming to go to all my life, because they're British and never come to the US, and while in line, I seriously thought about just going home and sleeping. I also have noticed that my sleeping habits have changed, I can barely sleep. My eating habits haven't changed much; I used to be really thin, and I have gained ten pounds, but I think that is really normal, you can't even tell I gained weight. I've been feeling really sad, and thought that the whole world has been bleak and lifeless. I feel like the world is experiencing a great depression, however when I asked someone about if they remember being happier a year ago, they replied that they feel the same.

I do not want to admit to my family that I am feeling depressed, because I think they will feel like I want attention. That's the opposite of what I want. I have been trying to hide my feelings as much as possible but aparently it's not working because people have noticed I don't act like I did before.

However, that being said, I'm not sulking around 24/7, I do go to work, and have conversations with people. So what should I do? Should I try to see if it wears off? I don't really think it is that important or serious to see a doctor or go on medication. Is there a way to cure it by myself? I don't really want anyone to know that I am depressed unless I need to. Also therapy wont work; I'm just not that type of person.

[Lonely_and_Confused]

I'm a 14 year old girl and most of the time I am happy, but sometimes I have days where I nearly cry at everything. Ex: I left my coat on the plane and when my mom said we couldn't go back for it I was holding back tears, even though it was just a coat. When I got home I just sobbed and I couldn't stop. Then I was sad and angry most of the day after that. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep for no reason. I get mad and cry at the stupidest things and i hatr myself for umit.I'm usually good at holing it in when I'm with other people though. I really want to tell someone but all my friends just think I'm moody. My dad wouldn't understand, and my mom and my step dad are too busy taking my sister to her therapist because of mild depression. I don't want them to think I'm just seeking attention, but I don't know what else to do.

[oldguy123]

i ment i was abused not abusing

[oldguy123]

Hey girl seems to me your just dealing with life...dont beat yourself up ok..im 34 and have attempted suicide only to wake up on the floor puking with a massive headache busted bloodvessals in my eyes. this attempt failed dec 26th ....i cried because the rope broke and i wasnt even aware i had that emotion. trust me when i say girl ...pick yourself up goto work join the gym. hug a cat and smile...apperantlydeath doesnt even want some of us...life and death rejected me now im stuck to walk like a ghost. im sure next time ill use a gun. always been afraid that it would just mess me up and not do the job....ive lost everyone and everything ive ever loved ..everything that ever loved me beat the hell outta me. and then did it again because i woulkd cry from the pain. guess thats why i didnt think i could still cry..im a guy and have been physically and mentally abusing in every aspect...ive tried to be the best i can be only to find that everyone says im still crazy....And i cant seem to argue them anymore....I see ppl smile and im confused i see someone dead and find myself calling them lucky. i ask for help and everyone wants money....ppl dont care but i do pick your head up girl just remember some of us out here. heaven or hell doesnt want..ill try again hopefully it works

[Sweetbrier]

im 18 and i live with my mum.she's been making me angry cause im the only child and for little things of my own im not alowed to decide.(i cant send her to a therapist cuz she's 60 and not logical at all).we all the time fight.and i shout and imagine my self killing her.i also hate my dad casue he is a very bad man.
any way...i feel like commiting suicide or killing others.i dont have enough sleep and when i sleep i wake up in the middle of the night for thousond times.i hate my room our house....i just like to stay in streets!(though i dont ever do such a thing)i dont like my self.
there is one thing that is killing me....i cant understand i should modify my behavier or my mum should do?!
i have flaws and problems but she IS ALWAYS THE BEGINER.
im trying so hard to find my self.and im studing painting in university and i need to find my self to make an art work...
when im tired and come home my mum messes everything up and my dad...it really hurts.
what should i do? it feels like there are lots of things in my head in my life i cant handle anymore....
forget about the thereapist.im not alowed to do so.i dont have the situation to visit one.
any other way? please tell me.thank u.

[ellahale]

I am exactly the same! the only difference is 1. I'm british, 2. I'm 16 and 3. I have cut myself and I do get suicidal thoughts.
I feel like I don't deserve to feel upset sometimes, my life isn't particularly great but I'm not being abused or bullied, I'm not disabled or seriously/terminally ill. I think my life is ****** up to an extent, for and example my mum always puts me and my sister second to whichever psycho boyfriend is on the scene at the time,
I rarely see my dad anymore and he doesn't give my mum any money for me (she enjoys bitching to me about that fact, though I really feel like she shouldn't be dumping her **** on me too) but he does give me pocket money when I do see him and he is lovely, but I also know that he's unhappy. My mum was his soulmate, even my sisters (who he isn't the biological father to) think the same, and he lost her - maybe because he was actually a nice, genuine man and she got bored of zero drama - then he got bored of his next girlfriend and dumped by his next girlfriend after that. Her name was Kelly, he was so madly in love with her, she went travelling for a while and when she came back she left him. I'm unsure of the details, I was too young to want to find out the details, all I remember is going to my dads and him telling me they'd split up, and then crying himself to sleep while he thought I was already sleeping. Anyway none of that is revelent, its just that since then he's kind of given up, now hes got a new girlfriend and she is so lovely! he's been with her for years now and they are truly the perfect match, they suit far better than my mum and him ever did, but he just doesn't seem to like her. I mean, i guess he must love her to be with her for what...6 years? I mean its been a while. But also, about a year ago he lent me a phone that he doesn't use anymore, i mean  i thought he didnt use it, but like anyone would I read the texts and well basically they suggested that he is gay. I showed them to my friend, without mentioning what i thought of them, and she concluded that he is gay also. Of course I don't care if he is, i just want him to be happy! It kills me when I think of him crying himself to sleep after the split with Kelly, and I don't want my dad feeling like that again, or feeling like he can't be who he really is. my sisters don't see him anymore so they have no reason to believe that he isn't happy with his present girlfriend.
I also think about how I rarely see my friends anymore - but then I think this  cant be it because when all this, depression or whatever, started I was still in school and I still saw them everyday.
So yeah when it started, I was about 14, i didnt notice it then but now that I think back my whole style changed, i wore darker clothes, listened to different music, stopped going out with my friends, stopped talking to people, i mean people would text me or facebook me or anything and i'd just try my hardest to end the conversation. I didn't even notice myself doing it. My sense of humour changed - nothing was funny. My family even started to dislike me, they noticed the changes but they put it down to being a teenager because I was 'at that age'. They thought I was hard as a rock, they thought I never cried or got upset but they didn't know I cried almost every single night until i literally cried myself out. I also used to cut myself whenever I felt majorly upset, like crying my eyes out, not seeing an end to how I felt. It was nothing serious mainly just scratches using like a compass (the circle drawing ones obviously), and i'd get suicidal thoughts alott, i never tried it. I used to think about how I wouldn't see my nephews grow up and they would miss me. But I always thought they would be the only people who missed me. But when I was at school with my friends  - yeah I suppose we were the 'popular group' even though I never admitted it then  - i still laughed and got on with the day, I was a bit moodier than I used to be but I still got on with them and with my work.
I was also crazily superstitious. I used to say to my mum every night 'lights, windows, doors, carson, kizzie, laptop' - it meant lock the windows and doors, turn all lights off except the hallway light, carson and kizzie had to be in the house every night so hey didn't get killed, and she had to hide my laptop so that no one would see it and feel the need to break in. Also, if my cat slept in my bed, i would have to just accept that I was going to die, because I thought god was giving me one last gift before he killed me. theres more but thats enough of that juju.
Anyway I started to notice what a **** I was being - as I said I didn't think I had a reason to be upset - and I started to recognise the weird things about  myself, the superstitions were the first to fade out, then I bought new clothes,  listened to whatever was in the charts, died my hair to a bright blonde. Anyway that went on for a while, and I did feel better but then I realised I was being a little extreme, i wasnt changing my style to what I liked i was changing it to what i thought everyone else did, so i bought the clothes I actually liked, which are still dark but not in a bad gothic way, i listened to the music i like, some of it in the charts, some of it a little more unknown and i died my hair back to its natural blonde. Only lately i've been feeling down again ALL THE TIME. there is always something to be sad about. i feel like my head is literally ****** and doesn't know how to think. Im getting super stitious again, this time i'm convinced that i can only be happy if i have bright blonde hair, even though i didn't even like the colour. I also don't understand how i still believe that when obviously I know thats kind of crazy. I also cut myself the other night because i felt upset about my life. I just dont see a way out. I dont know if its depression or what, it could just be my age i suppose. Either way I don't want to tell anybody because I dont want people to think i'm attention seeking - because im really not. i just dont know. I cant even handle college anymore, my grades have dropped and i rarely turn up anymore. I'd rather sleep. and so yeah thats my story, boring i know.

[whatnow1612]

I hear you! don't give up and try to find some help. I'm not an extremely religious person, but you're in my prayers. I hope your current situation is over soon and you can find true happiness :) goodluck