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Avatar universal

Why should I be so sad?

I am 14 years old, and I was adopted when I was 4. I sometimes do think about killing myself. I'm a Christian girl and I don't understand why life is so complicated. My mom is trying to figure out how to make me happy but there are so many things I want to tell her but I can't. I just don't want to get hurt. I keep trying to tell her that I am so mean to other people because when I get close to someone they always die. OR they bully me and hurt me. Either way I always getting hurt. Sometimes I wonder why everyone leave me. Why do they leave me? When I'm mad it's not kinda mad I'm really mad. When I'm Happy I'm not kinda happy I'm really super happy. When I'm sad I'm like super sad. Random things make me sad though. I don't want to get close to other people because they just leave me in the dark. I don't like the dark... :( This is the only way to get my thoughts out without lashing out at someone. And nobody will know who this is anyway. I feel like every time something bad happens it's always my fault. When people get mad at me I can never figure out what I did wrong. It feels like there mad for no reason at all. I'm sometimes not sure if I should even be alive. I have tried killing myself before but I couldn't do it. I just can't bring myself to hurting myself. That's God keeping his hand on me. Anyway. Why do I feel such things? What's wrong with me?
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Avatar universal
This is my first ever help post, so please bear with me.. :)
I am a Christian young man, I am now 18 but I had a similar problem!

Hi there (insert name),
My name is actually Josh.
I at 14 was in a very similar situation..  I was homeschooled and was a bit of a nerd and a loner! The only time I ever spoke to anyone was at church, and over time I started to hide myself away and went into quite a dark place!! Often thought of suicide, but I promise its not as appealing as it sounds!!

I stayed in this position for quite a while.. possibly 3 years! And never made any friends and any time I did speak to someone I felt angry and rejected.. as if the only reason they were talking to me was because they had managed to see me and they felt sorry for me. (which I now see wasn't true)

It actually wasn't until a particular event that our church ran that I got dragged to.. I was given a whole bunch of leaflets to hand out, and I was not liking the idea!!

I went out and handed a couple out and then a couple more.. and then by the end of the night I had probably handed more out than all the rest of the people and I enjoyed it!! I went home buzzing and feeling like I could take on my life again! I then enrolled myself into kidscamps and other social places.. But I did it in a different way to what I would have before the church event!!

I went there to bless, not to be blessed! And I really feel it makes a difference!! :) There arent many people in the world that make sure they talk to all the kids in the corner looking sad.. And there arent many kids that would be willing to put themselves forward to serve, rather than to get served.
Now I can't promise that this will work, but I believe that God designed us to serve! When we serve ourselves we feel empty and dry, but when we serve others both them and us feel full and overjoyed.

Just remember that you are loved! - You are extra loved by your parents-- as guardians have (I reckon) a lot more work to do!
You are loved by God! If God didn't want you alive, He would not have made you! ---> Don't be ashamed of feeling like you don't fit in! Where you are looking for friends or company, or maybe the way you are looking for it may be wrong.. But I am a living testimony that a person can go from the bottomless pit to a point that they can/want to help others :)

And one more thing.. Pray! :)
If your feeling tired, sore, depressed, anxious.. The first thing you should do is pray about it.. Give it to God!
If I feel something like a headache, depression or anything like that coming on I quickly go hide myself away for 30 mins or so, and think about why I might be feeling this way and then give it to God to take care of.. Because no matter how hard we (as humans) try. We cannot fix it ourselves. :)

Thanks for reading this whole thing, and I pray that you will feel a whole lot better about how things are going soon! :)
One last tip: Set a goal.. I want to... Tell my mum one truth every week.. or talk to someone I have never seen at school before... or serve someone/somewhere every week.
You will find that if you set a goal for trying to get around your depression, like mine was lack of friends.. so I made goals to make a point of talking to certain people and it really helped!
Thanks again,
Your sincerely Josh
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Avatar universal
Psalm 139:14King   I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well... ** you just remember this sweetie. Times are hard as a teen and you must remember the lord wont put more on you that you can handle. You keep praying to him and he will heal your heart and your mind. My heart goes out to you sweetie and i will pray for you aswell. In the mighty name of Jesus we come to you Lord asking that you heal this babies heart and mind right now Lord, show he that she is a child of the living king and all thing are possible threw you alone. in Jesus name AMEN
Smile Baby******
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