am i depressed.

im 18, and have a 1 and a half year old baby.
im always angry or upset.
my boyfriend is quite dishonest and i live with parents and my son, who always put me down about my parenting when they actually just belittle all i do.
i feel like im banging my head against a wall and when im at home i just sit in my room watching tv alone.
my boyfriend and son mean everything to me, but my life feels like it has no meaning.
i wish i could be in a serious accident or have the balls to take my own life, just to see if anyone cared.
i dont know if im depressed or just self loathing... help?

[JadeBailey]

Hi, Shannon. My name is Jade, and I'm 16. To answer your question, you don't sound self-loathing at all. Especially not under your circumstances. My best friend is in almost the exact same situation as you are. She's 17, and she has a six month old baby. I just wanted to let you know that all of the teenage girls that I know who had a baby at (or around) your age are now angry, upset, or depressed.. just like you. I don't know why! You'd think having a child would bring joy! Haha :) but I guess if I were trying to raise a child, I may feel differently... anyways, you are not alone. So you might take comfort in that fact.
As for your boyfriend, have you told him how you feel? Sitting down and having a talk with him may open his eyes. Call him out on his dishonesty, and tell him how alone you feel in raising your *AND HIS* child. His behavior may change when he sees that you're struggling.  
Parents should be comforting you and supporting you not putting you down or belittling you! I'm Sorry to hear that they are. The best thing you can do, in a situation like that, is try to move elsewhere even if it's just temporarily. Do you have anyone else you can stay with? Maybe a friend or other family members? Leaving might also help your boyfriend realize that he misses you and his son and then he'll try harder to be a better man and a better father.
Sitting at home and watching TV could be the cause of your depression for a few reasons. One reason is that we sometimes compare ourselves to actors and actresses who appear to be "perfect" when really they're photoshopped with special effects. Comparing yourself may make you feel flawed or not good enough. Our minds store these feelings and bring us down a daily basis without us even realizing it. Another reason is that everyone needs sunlight. Sunlight has a special type of vitamin D that our bodies crave, and it can actually help prevent depression. So go outside as often as you can, even if you're just sitting on the porch listening to music :) lastly, no one likes to be alone. Calling a close friend for a chat is the *BEST* way to relieve stress and cheer up a bit. Believe me, my friends are the only thing keeping me alive.
When you say you feel like your life has no meaning, I know exactly what you mean. I've been feeling that way a lot lately but probably for a different reason than you. Anyways, I figured out how to make that feeling go away. Engage. That is the key word. Get out there in the world and do the things that make you happy. I know, I know. It's easier said than done because sometimes money may be an issue... or maybe you just have no free time to yourself, but, when you're able, find something that you love to do and do it! :)
Lastly, all the people that love you and all that people that are hurting you (for example, parents) will be the ones hurting if anything happens to you. Don't injure yourself or kill yourself just to see if people will care because you know that they will care... very, very much. Death is a horrible thing. There are so many suicidal young people these days (not saying that you are one), but what they don't realize is that this life is short enough as it is. It is SOO beautiful, this life. This world is so resourceful, and we should take advantage of everything it has to offer. Especially now! While we're still young. Getting old blows haha, so now is our time to make memories and have fun :)
I hope you read everything I wrote, (I know, I wrote you a novel. I'm Sorry) and I hope it gives you some kind of hope for the future. You can only be so sad for so long. Happiness and love always triumph in the end.

P.S. If you ever want to talk, I'm always up for a chat! My email is ***@****
Maybe we can text... or maybe even talk on the phone :D haha.. I just want to make people happy because making people happy makes me happy :) lol

Feel better soon Shannon

~Jade

[jessilb]

Hi, you can not take your life because you are responcible for that little boy.  How would he feel without a mommy?  I have the same problem with everyone belittling me and telling me my parenting *****.  You know what?  As long as your son is healthy, fed, taken care of, and listening to you, then you are doing just fine as a parent.  Don't let them get in the way of your relationships.  Just spend time with your little boy, even if it's snuggling up and watching tv.  Keep him close, hug and kiss him often, and you will feel better just from how he makes you feel.  My children are my everything.  When I am upset I hold them as close as I can and just feed off their love.  I will pray that you can make it through and be there for your son.

[Anonymouse88]

You sound depressed.  Not wanting to do anything but watch tv, being angry or sad all the time, crying for little or no reason, feeling worthless, feeling suicidal, sleep disturbances, and low sex drive, among others, are all symptoms of a major depressive episode.  Your situation isn't doing you any favors, certainly, but this sounds bad enough to be clinical.  An antidepressant and/or therapy could be really helpful.  If you have trouble affording it, there might be clinics in your area that have sliding scales or are free for those in need.  Google major depressive disorder or major depressive episode and see if you think the symptoms fit.  If they do, then you really need to see someone about it.

[Kausus]

I agree with Anonymouse. You do sound depressed, and nothing about your current situation can possibly be helping your mood. Therapy or counseling may do you some good, and medication on top of that might also be a benefit.
I wish you the best of luck in this trying time.