brother is abuser of his children

[Mergatroid224]

My brother is verbally abusing his own two boys.  He yells at the nine year old boy for every little infraction (coming in second even though not in a race, forgetting a spelling word though he's a straight A kid, etc.).  His abuse includes yelling for an hour, then blaming the boy for taking up too much of his time, and then keeping the boy up too late at night so he can redo his homework "right" (remember, he's already a straight A kid, so "right" means perfect in absolutely every little aspect).  The yelling accuses the boy of wasting the money that my brother and his wife spend on private school, telling the boy that he's useless ("you will never make it, will you?"), etc.  The younger boy, who's 7, sits in a small chair trying to stay out of the way.  He doesn't move or play - he's too scared.  I don't know what to say to my brother because he will become angrier and then I won't be able to visit my nephews and let them know they are loved.  My brother won't go to a therapist or a psychiatrist because he feels it will jeopardize his career.  What do I do and how do I get my brother to realize he's wrong and needs help?  And that his kids need help?

[Jennifer1987]

I can realte to that story unfortunately. I have the same relationship with my father.. now Im not a kid, im 22 yrs old but it is exactly what has happened from a young age.. And has gotten 100x worse! We dont speak, i hate his guts and over the past few years have begun to resent him! Last week we had a massive fight. he lost his timper and lashed out at me.. giving me a black eye (not to bad though). I haven't spoken to him since.. and doubt I ever will! This would be my first time speaking about him on this site mainly because last week was the last straw..... i just hope your nephews dont grow the hate their dad.. Its so unsettiing and horrible... I really feel like Im lacking something in my life but not sure what!

[margypops]

Your brother needs help, this is not... right you would be best for the childrens sake telling him most strongly that you will call Child services unless he seeks help, this is not okay. They should be with their Mom ....is she around as you ought to speak to her ,this is abuse very definatly ....

[Judy246]

I also think that when having a child, your life no longer belongs to you. It is up to the parent to "teach" the children well and let them lead the way. They are tomorrows future and if kids are raising kids, the child will suffer in the long run, because the parents did not have the patience nor education to raise the child properly. When a parents speaks, hits, cursing, yelling, screaming, punishing contanstantly for the slightest little thing then they are crossing the line to child abuse. Children will be children and they are curious, moody, cry and some people can't deal with that, but they should have thought about this life long responsiblity, before having unprotected sex. There is verbal, physical and emotional abuse and we do have laws to protect the little ones.

[turkee23]

my BFF is like that ... he daughter is 4 and yes she seems to be spoiled, but who is to blame except for her parents....ne ways when my friend gets annoyed or whatever with her daughter she will scream at her " your so f-ing annoying" or " get away from me, DO TOUCH ME< I HATE TO BE TOUCHED".... i know it not really my part to say anything because its not my child.... but ouch!.... i tell her all the time dont get mad when she gets in trouble at school after telling the teacher or another student that "your so f-ing annoying"..... its just sad

[Judy246]

I"m sorry, I meant "outside intervension"....

[Judy246]

Where is the mother in all of this? What about getting grandparents to step in? There has to be an outside entervension. These children are helpless and will be traumatized there entire life and may even repeat the behavior. John, you need to step in and tell him that if you see him verbally or emotionally your nephews, you will call DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) or call 911. Someone need to intervine now. Immediately for the sake of the children.

[John_jb1]

Hello,

He needs to know and understand that going to a psychiatrist wouldn't affect his career, because for one, they don't even need to know about it. I suggest you get him over to your house, calmly talk to him. If he shouts, DON'T shout back, you'll just be feulling his rage. Just keep calmly talking to him, eventually he'll calm down.

I remember growing up, having a few friends like this, they themselves had to have many years of therapy after. So he does need to understand what harm he's really causing.

Cheers,

- John -