feel so down :(

[Midnight1234]

I feel so down at minute and it seems to be getting worse each day. I was doing okish intil Tuesday then everything went down hill. I was starting to get really panicky so I decided to go for a walk just listening to music as it normal helps enough. But it didn't that night. I don't remember anything still so quite scared as I haven't gone like that in ages but my friends told me all that happened so here I go- i must of walked and not stopped for ages to the middle of nowhere, then I started texting them and they said what I was texting them was quite worrying and they got scared as incase I did something stupid. They both came looking for me and found me, I had cut my arms up pretty bad and staring into space, crying and shaking, still the blade in my hand. When they found me they said that I didn't speak to them once or even looked at them that night. It was really cold that night and I was frozen. They took me back to his to try getting me to drink and eat something but I couldn't, his mum came down to try talking to me but they said she touched me (I hate people touching me) and I freaked out and tryed legging it but they stopped me and wouldn't let me go. I ended up in his room, sitting on the floor, staring into space, crying and shaking still. They couldn't get one word into me, they where so scared as they had never seem me like it. They had to call my mum up as I was so bad, my mum couldn't get a word into me either.
And that night she found out about my cutting which I have kept hiden for 6years. I'm so stressed out and scared. i don't know what to do? I'm so scared it will happen again.

[Midnight1234]

hey,
No haven't gone like it in about 6months so yeh its happened before. Not much but enough. Normally its when everything gets to much and I start not thinking straight, its hard to cope.

I don't know whats she thinks at all, she keeps looking at me weird and she did try talking to me for a couple of days but i think she has given up. My mum has told people about it and its not something you should be telling people. Thats why I never wanted people finding out, its so much harder for me. She is making it harder and harder and making me worse and worse.

I have feeled like this for alot of my life, i not sure I know any different now. I want help to get better. I'm so scared as I have really bad communication problems. My mum said I need help and need to talk to someone but she hasn't done one thing yet or even tryed. I feel so bloody worthless, she doesn't want to help me proberly never has.

I never know intil that night how much they mean to me. They could of left me in that state as they didn't know what to do but they didn't, they never left me not even for a minute, i thank them very much, I know they are true friends. They may of made my mum find out but they just didn't know what to do so they tryed there best- i dealt i would know what to do either

[looloo141]

Hello, sorry to hear that you in a bad place right now..
You said that you haven't gone like that in ages? So this has happened before? what happened the last time? Does something trigger it?
I am concerned that you are self harming, what does your mum think now she has found out? This can only be a good thing, your Mum can support you and get you the help you need.
Have you seen a doctor about these episodes? It must be scary not to be able to remember much...
I think you really need to seek professional help about this, there is allsorts of treatment out there, you don't have to feel this way..
Its great that you have good friends to support you, all of us on this site will support you too, let us know how you get on.
Good Luck