how can i show real me inside to others?

[sara1983512]

am a 29 year old girl.I try to keep myself as good as i can like i try to not shout or show my anger.if i cry or shout i hide it from other people.if someone does bad to me i try to be more good to him instead of taking revenge or punishing him.I give him time to understand his mistake and i easilly forgive him or her.All in summary i understand everything and even i notice every small details in life that other people may not realize.some people call this as being too much sensitive person getting hurt easily by everything.however,i try to pretend to other people as if i am not sensitive so that they be comfortable with me and i can have close friends.but i can t pretend as numb and not sensitive anymore cause i hear most people call me as idiot,stupid or someone that doesn't understand whats good or bad.and even people hurt me more for sense of humor or jealousy.I get pressurized lots and i explode all at sudden in a way that i get blind and i attack them with my words or rarely body.the more i try to understand people the more i get hurt from them.so i dunno what to do cause after attacking them they think am totally crazy or insane and they stop keeping contact with me.I know i have difficulty showing my real emotions and expressing myself properly from first meeting and maybe its the reason why other people don't see real me inside and they don't take serious my words and my warning to them.i give u an example.my bf left me cause he thought am a ***** or jerk to let him be with other girls if he cant enjoy sex with me.he was shocked to see i am not jealous about him though i love him. He never could understand if i let him be with other girls is not cause i don't have feelings for him.its cause i love him lots and i cant see he suffers not having proper sex when he is with me or same again i couldn't show him if i let him freely look at other girls and i don't react just like am not jealous doesn't mean really i like he look at them.I love him lots that i don't believe in limiting my loved one or pressurizing him to be only with me when he desires to enjoy only via looking.every one even my parents know me exactly 180 degree different from real me inside.am going crazy cause i feel like everyone is blind to see my real feelings or identity inside.what can i do to show other people real me.I try to talk them and explain all but mostly they don't have time or mood even to listen to me.i wanna have some close friends to understand me and see actual me inside.i mean my real character.please help me.thanks

[danil97]

Wow, I thought I was the only one that analyses people, gives them exactly what they want, smile when they say something ill abt you or just be totally emotionless & when you go to your bed you cry out and o well you let it go. You try things you're not comfortable with just Because you want to keep your friends but to you its not pressure, you are just flexible. Sometimes you desperately want to say something but you keep it in because you fear there reaction. You make everyone comfortable around you because you long for someone to treat you the same but you will realize that after sometime those friends will disappear, you Probably keep yourself closed up because you feel inferior, you feel that no one will get to love who you really are, you need to rise up above yourself because you are worth all the respect & love in the world. Time to stand up honie & take those baby steps to expose who you really are before you lose your identity. Write down what you like, what you dont like & who you think you are.let people know who you are & if they don't like it then they are not your real friends. You have to make place in other people's hearts by being just the way you are. Build up yo esteem & don't be afraid of change & of what people think, time you got your happy back & enjoy who you are!  Good luck

[mishymoshymarcy]

Well i wouldn't say to not marry, afterall it may be one of the best things that will happen to you. And as i have heard from many.... it's beautiful. All i am saying is to be yourself, because everyone else is taken. And thats alright. I am sorry if i wasn't a big help... :)

[sara1983512]

wow.your nearly same as me :).i got happy to not be alone and face someone that understands me.whatever you wrote made sense to me.I appreciate it.But you know when it comes to my partner especially a life partner i try to be half of day real me and the half of day the girl he wants me to be cause i believe life is a matter of balance.If i only care about myself and all the time be real me then i had done nothing for my marital life.In that case its better i don't marry and stay single. thax for your comment.

[mishymoshymarcy]

The only thing i am able to tell you, seeing i am very much younger than you, is that EVERYONE cries and gets angry. You shouldn't be afraid to  show your emotions to others, It's not bad for you to cry in front of people you know, because most likely they may have cried in front of you before. Also you may be doing the right thing by not giving revenge to someone who has hurt you, because that possibly could make it worse. But that doesn't mean that you can't be angry at him/her for it. I would call the part where you said you notice every little detail in life, as being very conscious. I am the same, but i am a perfectionist, which may be a little different. Just let go, and be yourself. Are you afraid of the opinions of others? Of being judged? So am i. Trust me, it gets you nowhere. Stop being the person you think everyone else wants to see, and be the person you want to be. You never know, they may like the real you better.
I have heard tis saying that goes like:
"Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you."
:)