i think im depressed, ive been through so much lately.

Think i have been through more in the past 4 weeks than most people my age have, what with losing my virginity, getting pregnant, losing my first love. Been pretty dramatic, i feel so emotional all the time, maybe its still the effect of my termination, maybe its the effect of a broken heart, either way i have never felt so hopeless, lonely and pathetic in my life. I started to cut myself, i swore i'd never do that.. but somehow now i understand how physical pain can overwrite emotional pain even if just for a few minutes, its worth it. It seems that its never ending, like  i will never be happy. i will never trust a boy again not properly, he's ****** me up properly I'll give him that. he promised me he wouldn't mess me around anymore, said he couldn't loose me again and that he Loved me. A week and 6 days since he said that and i believed him I'm sitting here miserable, single and unable to talk to the one person i thought i would always have. he gave me no reason to feel like this about him yet every time i think of him and how i can't even want to have him because of how he treated me, my heart breaks over and over and over again and it hurts more and more every time and i don't think i have any more tears left. I'll never be able to forget him, he was my first love, my first time and the father of my first child. everytime i think of that I'll think of him, i can't change that. Now i suppose its half past 11 and the time of day i dread its dark, silent and now i get to curl up in bed, and think. and i no exactly what i'll think about, ill dream about him to, i cant even control that.

[ku111]

This is a lot to deal with for sure.  I am sorry all this has happened.  I don't know if there is anything I can say to make you feel better but I am going to try.  I so remember your age and it was hard.  Here is what I have learned and I am so glad I did.  Dating is what it is.  Dating a variety of people is how you find what you like, what you expect, how you want someone to be or not to be until you find the one.  You get a little smarter and learn something everytime.  This guy isn't it.  You learned a lot and you now know this is not how anyone should treat you.  He has so many years he needs to grow up and probably won't realize what he did until years down the road.  Sad, right?  But, you pick yourself up, dust off and take time for yourself.  Don't let anyone not let you love life.  This is your life.  You have one thing that can never be taken from you and that is YOU.  This is your time to shine in life.  Shine bright!  Down the road you will be glad this didn't work out because the one you are looking for is still out there.  You are young and have so much time to find that person who will treat you with respect.  For now, just be cautious, have fun, learn, watch and see what you like and what you don't like.  Goodluck and take care of yourself.  You are important!