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verbally abusive dad help me!

my dad is always saying are you eating again. why do you drink so much soda it makes you fat. i feel so awful and ugly now. i'm really skinny to thats the sad part. my dad constantly screams at me and i just can't take it anymore. I don't know want to do. I feel like i am so stupid and can never do anything right. i was in the kitchen tonight and hes like what are you doing did you pick up your brother you retard dont play your music so loud and ****. hes so crazy. hes always drinking beer 24/7. what should i do. my mom is stupid for putting up with him and watching him do this to me.
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Avatar universal
My father has been verbally abusive to my mother and me my entire life.  I finally seeked some professional help and it is helping me so much.  It is a very difficult situation to get out of, especially alone.  Most people will not understand what you are going to which is why it is so important to be surrounded by the right people.  Sometimes, the only way is to break the ties with the verbally abusive person (father) because that person has no limit and makes it hard and sometimes impossible for you to put your own limits.  It is a hard process and you might have to let go a lot of things: the feeling of a family, money ... but nothing is more important then your well-being.  Verbally abusive parents have problems that belong to them and it is their responsibility to seek help themselves.  Why would you have to deal with that ?  Remember something: if you are accepting an unacceptable situation because you fear something worst, you are in the cycle of violence and most of the time, the only way to break that is to cut all relationships with that person.  I know how hard it is to do that - i am in that process right now but it is worth it!!! Focus on your own positive energy - nothing equals freedom and peace of mind.  The first step is to move out of the house - you don't want to be living with the verbally abuser.  It might be a long process, never never never give up!!! I have waited for 7 years after my mother passed away to move out of this unacceptable situation, dont wait as long as me ...I have a job interview this week and if it works out, the first thing I'll be doing is move out and there is no better feeling - this means so much to me and I wish other people who are living the same situation can live this awesome feeling one day - the sun after the storm !!! Good luck to everyone - to that person eye"s, you will never be good enough, the way to win this is to be happy!!!
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Avatar universal
yes my dad is always yelling at me for stupid and yes i mean stupid things like oneday this summer he called me ant told me he was picking me and my bro up tomorrow morning to go clean and straighten his house up so i called my mom and i told her the plan for tomorrow but then she txted him saying it was her week so we were not coming over there so he takes t out on me and takes my phone away and gives my phone to my little 7 year old sister changes the # and i have none of my friends #'s anymore and wtf is a 7 year old going to do on a cell phone i mean really oh and heres the thing when he came to pick my phone up he was screaming at me super loud people were coming out of there houses going who the f*ck was that and the thing is he has bi-polar dis-order but the docs and him dont put him on a med for it ya try to live with that it ***** he always says dont follow your dreams you will never get there cause i like to sing and guess what all my friends and i mean all my friends think im really good so suck on that dad sometimes i feel like running away i hate him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
Hi!....It's time to have a talk with mom. It is your mother's responsibility as the adult in the house and your protector to address the issue.

Tell her streight out that your father is saying things that are not only hurtful to you, but that you feel verbally abused and you want him to stop.  He is no one to judge you if he is drinking beer 2/47, which is 10 x's more fatning than soda.

Tell her that you are unconfortable or even afraid to tell him to stop, but that you want her (as mom and protector), to have a talk with him and tell him to stop immediately.

I wish you luck and tell us what has happened....Judy

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Avatar universal
My father abuses my mother and me so much. He doesn't drink. However, my mom found out he has a bad and abusive background. My mom told me when she first met him in London, he was so good to her. Then when she move to the U.S.A he started to verbally abuse her.

He called her names so much. Then when she said stop calling me names. he said, "don't make a big deal about it." He used to squeeze her arm that left a bright hand mark on her skin.

My mom hated his friends. They use to take drugs at parties and drink. When she told my dad to stop seeing those people, He said he would leave the family.

One month ago, my mom found out he was talking to young girls and his ex- girlfriend on facebook. They were saying all these nasty things. The young girls had naked pictures.

My mom screamed and yelled at him and he said he would delete it. However, he did not and still talks to those girls.

My mom kicked him out of the house. Three weeks ago, he was taking my little brother out. When he came. My mom asked for his password to his facebook account. He said no. He screamed and yelled at her. She said she would kill herself, if he didn't stop. ( She did not mean it.)

She was calming down and calling her friend. He quickly ran to the bedroom and called the police on her. The police took her away. I made my father take me to my friend's house and stayed their overnight. He said to my friend's mom that my mom put a knife to his throat and called the police on him!

Now he said he won't pay for my education and my brother's education. However, luckily my mom knows what to do.
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Avatar universal
Abuse and alcoholism both tend to escalate, meaning that this situation has a very strong potential to get physically dangerous for you.  If you have friends or. better yet, family you can stay with who you trust will not tell him where you are, then I would recommend getting out of there.  Even if you don't leave now, make sure that there is somewhere that you can go, and have a bag already packed with that you'd need in case it gets dangerous.  
You will both be better off if you are not living in the same space.  If he is only abusive when he drinks then he probably wants to get control of it, but I know from experience that that is very hard to do. (I am violent when I drink, and tend to be emotionally abusive when I'm under stress, but have worked -extremely- hard to get it under control).   Having you somewhere that he can't easily hurt you may be a relief to him, and it will definitely keep you safer.  
If nothing else, have a friend or someone that you can call for support even if it's the middle of the night.  It's easy to feel like you're alone when this kind of thing is happening to you.  
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Avatar universal
this might be helpful to you...

http://eqi.org/signs_of_abusive_fathers.htm

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Avatar universal
i know how you feel my dad was both verbally abusive and sometimes physical when my mom and him would fight. He would stand over her and shove her. But me i dont even have a father he lies, uses girlfriends so when i find out i tell my mom, he wont apologize and i jus don't understand. He also smiles when me my mom or brother cry. He also is an alcoholic. But what hurts the most is he tells me he doesnt want me and i wish that his abuse wasnt verbally but physical because verbal scars are invisible
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Avatar universal
hey..well let me tell you that first of all i know what you are going through, because me and my sister and my mum as well sometimes have to go through this most of the time. My dad doesnt drink but yet he still manages to come up with the most hurtful stuff, he usually tells us that we r good for nothing, that we'r lazy, that my mum is fat and that she doesnt know how to stan (which is not true) being that he is the fat one actually, he also always used to call my sis a fat pig which is why she has problems with food now and is afraid of eating certain foods all the time, which is a nightmare for me and my mum. In fact today he told me to eat sh** because i was going agasint what he said about the way we were feeding and educating our dog even though we are the ones following what the dog trainer is teaching us...but according to him, we r all wrong..so lately ive just decided to tell him whats what even if he doesnt like it, even if he swers at me cos im just tired of him thinking he's right, so i think that you should just tell him, u dont have to be rude, im not and well besides the swering and arguing nothing  happens even though im not sure how it would b with your dad. The rest of the time my dad tries to be nice, but all of the things he does and says always seem to overshadow the goodness i try to see in him.
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Avatar universal
my dad is verbally abusive to me and my mum and we are ready to  leave can anyone help me also when he shouts and bangs doors and flings things around my animals are very scared and run under the bed someone help me please
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Avatar universal
Honey I have a step dad who was the same way! He would always call me fat and i am not. If your mom is not doing anything, then call an friend or someone in the family and get out of there! That enviroment is not healthy for you! It made me depressed, but when i got and got help i felt soooooooo much better! Good Luck Hon.
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Avatar universal
My dad is the same way. You are not alone. My dad has hit my once and left my an awful bruise, I didn't tell anybody. I felt to ashamed. I am still strugling on what to do about it. But it does feel a little better knowing that I am not alone.  Don't listen to him, or let him bring you down. You are to vauable for his ****. Try to talk to a trusted family member. Or talking to your school counsler.
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Avatar universal
I am a mom of 4 (one teen girl) and I also work in an eatting disorder treatment faculity. I want you to really listen to what I am going to say to you. YOUR FATHERS BEHAVIOR IS NOT YOUR FAULT. THIS IS VERBAL AND MENTAL ABUSE AND YOU MUST REPORT THIS TO YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR OR A TEACHER YOU TRUST. HOPEFULLY THER IS ALSO SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY...AN AUNT, COUSIN, FRIENDS MOM THAT YOU CAN SPEAK TO. THIS IS ABUSE AND HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM THAT PROBABLY ADDS FUEL TO THE FIRE. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE PUT DOWN SWEETY. FOOD IS NEVER A BAD THING AND HE SHOULD NEVER USE FOOD AND /OR WEIGHT TO BRING YOU DOWN. PLEASE GET SOME ADVICE AND TELL AN ADULT. I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU A SPECIAL AND NOBODY CAN TAKE THAT FROM YOU. JOURNAL ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND HOPEFULLY ALL WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I HOPE YOUR MOM CAN FIND SOME SUPPORT ALSO.......
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Avatar universal
GURL! U ARE VERY STRONG AND SHOULD FEEL PROUD U HAVENT FALL INTO ANY V=BAD HABITS OR ANY KIND OF DRUGS! UR NOT WHAT HE SAYS U R! UR MUCH MORE UR WHAT HE WISH HE WAS... BUT CANT B/C FIRST HE'S A ***** ID*OT! HE'S A DRUNKIE AND A BIG A-HOLE! SO DNT LISTEN 2 HIS SH*T U DNT NEED DAT IN UR LIFE MA....
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Avatar universal
GURL! U ARE VERY STRONG AND SHOULD FEEL PROUD U HAVENT FALL INTO ANY V=BAD HABITS OR ANY KIND OF DRUGS! UR NOT WHAT HE SAYS U R! UR MUCH MORE UR WHAT HE WISH HE WAS... BUT CANT B/C FIRST HE'S A ***** ID*OT! HE'S A DRUNKIE AND A BIG A-HOLE! SO DNT LISTEN 2 HIS SH*T U DNT NEED DAT IN UR LIFE MA....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
GURL! U ARE VERY STRONG AND SHOULD FEEL PROUD U HAVENT FALL INTO ANY V=BAD HABITS OR ANY KIND OF DRUGS! UR NOT WHAT HE SAYS U R! UR MUCH MORE UR WHAT HE WISH HE WAS... BUT CANT B/C FIRST HE'S A ***** ID*OT! HE'S A DRUNKIE AND A BIG A-HOLE! SO DNT LISTEN 2 HIS SH*T U DNT NEED DAT IN UR LIFE MA....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
GURL! U ARE VERY STRONG AND SHOULD FEEL PROUD U HAVENT FALL INTO ANY V=BAD HABITS OR ANY KIND OF DRUGS! UR NOT WHAT HE SAYS U R! UR MUCH MORE UR WHAT HE WISH HE WAS... BUT CANT B/C FIRST HE'S A ***** ID*OT! HE'S A DRUNKIE AND A BIG A-HOLE! SO DNT LISTEN 2 HIS SH*T U DNT NEED DAT IN UR LIFE MA....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well, I once had the same problem. Now I know alot people say to call and talk to someone. I tried none of that worked and my mom was to afraid to step in. Afraid of what he'd do to her. So one night before he got home to hit the booze, I got rid most of it out of the house. left him only 3-4 (before the abusive state). About 10 minutes after he got home, I sat beside him and started talking to him. I told him exactly how I felt, what he did to me everyday. How he wasen't a true father for treated me this way. every single emotion in my body came out that night. I even gave him the option, of going to counselling together, getting help. Or I would leave and he would never see me again. I was only 15 but that was my only option.

In the end, he broke down. Never truly realized how horrible of life he was giving me with his emotinal abuse. after that, everytime he started all I had to say is remember our conversation. He apoligizes and cries. It stops immediately. Within 6 months, we were like best friends. That was about 10 years ago. Till this day we have not any such situation. He is now the father that all my friends wish they have.

I still remember the day I confronted him, the fear I felt. I thought for sure it would only make things worse but I just couldn't take it anymore. with all the abuse, I didn't see the point of anything.

Sometimes your biggest fears need to be confronted face on to have results. In my case, it worked out wonders. Maybe you should try the same. He already abuses you. At the point your at you can only go forward.

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Avatar universal
Your value doesn't come from what he or anyone else thinks or says.  You are unique, and special and have a purpose in this life...both of you do.  Don't stay quiet, ask for help...try a school counselor, if they are not helpful try Alanon...I went to it because my ex was that way...it really did help to know that I didn't cause the problem (his) and I don't have to fix it...I can only control what I do and how I choose to respond.  Don't let anyone take your value away from you.  God loves you unconditionally just as you are...life is worth living even if it is painful...you can choose to take action and while your situation feels and is huge and hurts it is temporary.  If you can't take it anymore and need to talk to someone call 800-273-TALK or 8255 it is a suicide hotline.  My son kept it all in and when he couldn't take it anymore (the emotional pain, thoughts, fears, anger) he lived w/his dad he committed suicide.  You matter to more people than you will ever know...more people love you than you can imagine...don't give up, get help and believe in yourself... I made a website in my  son's memory maybe it will encourage you www.isaacforever.com   take care both of you and all who are hurting ....
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Avatar universal
wat the hell! u dont need to take that sh*t from him...
thats the same as my dad.hes always drinking and he got drunk one last ngiht and was abusing me physically and verbally so i called the police and ran away to my firends house!
maybe speak to ur mum!
u sound perfectly fine and u dont need to take that stuff
dont listen to wat he says
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Avatar universal
Talk to your mom, verbal abuse and alcohol is not good and your dad needs help, it is not about you so don't take it personnally, If it is bad and you don't want to talk to your mom tlk to a counsellor bout what to do. You are beautiful and don't let him tell you different, ypu probably eat healthy enough, if you don't then only you can change how you eat. Your family may have to have an intervention with your dad to express feelings and tell him the consequences if it doesn't change. any other questions I'm here to listen.
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Avatar universal
when he starts saying things like that just walk out of the room.You don't have to listen to it.You are not stupid and you are not a retard.I have a 15 yr old granddaughter.
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177641 tn?1189755837
Why is he picking on you like this? Don't listen to that negative bull****. If he's drinking all the time, then he probably isn't even aware that he's doing it. Count down the days until you are gone, until you have the opportunity to live without his baggage. Know that when you are able to, you will leave and have a much better, happier life that YOU will make for yourself.  Living well is always the best revenge, and once you have it, don't be surprised when your dad comes crying to you out of shame for acceptance. Don't let him sabatoge you!!!
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Avatar universal
he's an *******. just remember that the best revenge is success. do the best you can with everything you got and then when your big and sucessful, **** him up =)

but your very strong for dealing like this. If his **** gets too bad to deal with, just **** him. is it possible to just stop trying and say **** u? how much is he really involved with u? like, can u **** him up and abuse him back or does he actually pay for u and shitt? cause if thats the case, avoid him a lott.
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