I´m addicted to shemale porn

[marur99]

So i have always been a very shy guy, i can't seem to keep eye contact with strangers for too long, and also i stutter a lot when i get nervous but, i have very low self esteem and tend to procrastinate a lot, and porn has always been something i watched since i was 13. it was never something I put much thought on, just wanked and that was it. when I turned 17 I had to wait for college to start for a whole year, and that´s when things started to go downhill. in that time i masturbated every single day at least once, and since i really wanted to actually have sex, but with my shyness and low self steem, I figured no girl would want to go out with me, so i started looking at escorts on the internet and calling them. i never had the money to go out with them but just by calling and talking to them i got a rush of adrenaline and kept doing it for quite some time, then after going through a huge amount of prostitutes in my area, i saw a shemale advert and clicked on it, it was alright, i guess but I wasn't overly aroused or anything it was just another advert of an escort, but then i got even more curious and decided to watch shemale porn, i wanked to my first shemale porn video and, i guess because of the taboo I cummed very quickly, since that day i started to watch more shemale porn and only had a break from it when i started my first relationship with 18. i was so excited to actually have sex and sex was ******* awesome, (the only problem is that a lot of the times i was focusing on not cumming, and when i did that it wasn´t enjoyable at all) to this day i can still get hard when i remember having sex with her, but she used to treat me really bad so we broke up because of that. after a couple of months in the relationship i restarted jerked off . I´m now single but the break-up was pretty hard for me i loved her a lot, so i got depressed for a few months and a friend suggested for me to go out with a escort to try to forget her, and that's what i did, but i just couldn't get hard, for some reason it was all way too fake for me, and i didn´t love that prostitute. So now I got back to jerking off a lot but can only do that to shemale porn, i get scared that since i failed to get hard with that escort, i won't get hard with girls again only with shemales. since I got this problem i started to read more about it and i learned a bit about HOCD, and even tough I don't fell attracted to man in any form, I get really turned on by women's with penises. I feel like pornography has really ****** me over, I stay on the computer a lot, feel depressed a lot, have no desire to study or to work, it got so bad that i think about taking my own life sometimes... I just want to have confidence on myself again and leave all this porn bs in the past but i just can´t get away from the computer, and therefore porn. Sorry about the bad grammar and the long text, english is not my first language, and i really feel motivated sometimes but then i just get back on the loop of my bedroom, my pc and then shemale porn... any help will be of great assistance.

[Swelter_]

Hi,

I'm very sorry to hear of the problems you are going through. Porn is okay as long as it doesn't take over your life or become the focal point- which it has, in your case I think.

I also feel you need to talk to maybe your school therapist (if you have one) about the depression. Can you find ways to distract yourself from thinking about porn or what you like sexually etc., by playing some kind of sport, or  going out with friends, taking up a hobby seriously etc.? It's not healthy mentally or even physically to be by yourself in the house always. Can you find ways to volunteer with an NGO in your area? find a routine where you can maybe help around the house, do extra chores...i don;t know - anything to do and not just be in your room and watch porn.

I think you're worrying too much and the stress is what is making you think you may not be aroused by real -live girls anymore and only transgenders. You need a break from all this and that's why you need to get out of the house and get busy with other activities.

Wish you all the best!