Self Known issues and Love

I am 17 and I lived a lie for 4 years. In the aftermath, I get depressed whenever some major part of those years is brought up. There was an abusive cycle with my manipulative friend, and I also acted out emotionally in a way that leaves me vulnerable... scared is a better word for it.
I'm getting close to being a year free from this person I fell in love with. (yay me!)

Currently there is a boy that I like and he likes me. A lot apparently. When we're around each other, people joke that we'll get married. He and I will both be serving a religious service mission within the next year or so and return in about 6 months of each other. Either he'll go off to school and disappear or we might form a more serious relationship. So u tip then it should be easy to keep a friendly friendship, right?

I wish! Slowly, I am getting over the past few years. But because I was convinced at those times that I was an adult and in love.... I keep regressing. I feel tormented. I wish I could reclaim those years and not worry about horomones and pheromones and all of that! My obsessive texting is back, I am constantly convincing myself I don't love him. I'm too young to know what Love really means, and I know it. It's hard to stop texting him when he wants to talk to me (we don't go to the same school and barely see each other)  and it all comes back. I regress to texting these crazy emotional texts that only make sense to me. If it continues I might send one that my dad says he can use to get me hospitalized if he wanted to. I feel depressed daily. I'm torn between wanting to text him and trying to stay sane. If I saw him normally this wouldn't be a problem either.

But it is. My only soultion that I can think of is to delete his number and do everything I can to not text him. Get rid of him from my life. Today's day one. I had my little brother hid my phone for me after keeping it home while at school. This is all I can think to do if I want to be sane and happy. But I don't want to hurt and lose him. What else can I do? Can anyone suggest something else?

[Gelise]

if you read this: I have been made aware that I don't make sense in my post. Please forgive me for posting such a confusing and unimportant situation.