TEEN SON AND BEST FRIEND ENGAGE IN FETISH ACTIVITY

[tighe]

I know this is probably not the forum, but I am very concerned about my 14 year old son.

Recently, my son had his best friend sleep over as he usually does every other week. They spend an inordinate amount of time together. One weekend he stays at his friends house, the next weekend they stay over at our house, without fail.

I never gave it much thought until last weekend when I went ot check on the boys. They were in bed together hugging, kissing and fondling one another, both were wearing what appeared to be disposable diapers. They were unaware I was watching them.

I have not said anything to my son yet, and wondered if this was just sexual experimentation or some sort of deviant, perverted behavior.

I have read some information on fetishes and such, but diapers? What causes a person to engage in this kind of activity?

Should I talk to my son about this or will I embarrass him?

I have not even talked with my wife (his mother) yet about this, should I?

Please advise how I might handle this without embarrassing my son.

We have always been close and open with each other, but I am afraid I will cause him to withdraw from me.

[donb_fl]

prob just just sexual experimentation, guys see all sorts of things on the Internet now days...

deviant means harmful, as in rape, i dont think this is the right description you want to apply to your son, yes its a bit perverted, but that's nothing that unusual with guy, we normally just suppress the fantasies.

Sounds like you might want to pass on talking about this bit of experimentation, but i think you might have to accept your son might be gay or at least bi.

[April2]

I personally think this is very disturbing and I think you should talk to him about it. Not yell, but calmly talk to him. Tell him you walked in and saw this and ask him about it. This is your home and you are allowed to say this is not acceptable behavior. It doesn't matter if it's boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. You have the right to say that it is not acceptable and that you will no longer allow sleepovers. That's what I would do if it were my kid. As to the diapers, I'm at a loss on that one. Maybe your son can explain it to you. But do talk to him. You need to be able to feel like you can have an open, honest communication with your children. If you can't, then there's something wrong there with the family structure.

[Evie1963]

I would be very careful with how you approach this with your son. It might be experimentation but he also might be gay or bi. My middle son was different growing up, I found my sanitary napkins in his underwear once and a few times under his pillow. I never mentioned it to him, I just removed them if I found them. I'd noticed he was different growing up from his brother and sister, like he enjoyed doing my hair and nails, giving me a massage and stuff mothers and daughters usually did. Then I noticed that he never brought home the opposite sex like his brother and sister and then there was the gay porn sites I discovered he'd been visiting.

When that happened I asked if he was gay, of course he said no (he was 16 at the time) but I also added that I didn't care if he was and that it wouldn't change how I felt about him. I also asked him not to visit these sites at home or at least not leave evidence for other family members to discover! Two years later he came out to his friends, brother sister and me that he was bisexual. His brother took it hard but has accepted it now, his father doesn't know - he's homophobic.

The way you approach this subject could cause your son to get hang ups about himself. I discovered that my son actually wanted to commit suicide there for some time before he came out. Do you really have to tell him what you saw directly, this would be so confronting and embarrassing for him? Can you just drop hints that if he thinks he's gay it won't change how you feel about him? That sexual experimentation at his age is a normal part of growing up. Like you said you don't want him to shut down communication with you. If he is gay or bi no matter what you say he can't change who he is or his sexual orientation, believe me I wished it was untrue about my son because I didn't want him to be ridiculed by people who were prejudice about his sexuality. That's part of being a parent wanting to protect them from any hurt.

I understand how hard this is going to be for you but how you tackle this situation can impact your son for the rest of his life. I wish you all the best. :)

[ArtChik]

I'm the mother of a 15 year girl who is straight, as far as I know, but we have family members ( a cousin of mine & my ex-brother-n-law) who are gay.  In both cases we knew long before either of them came out.  I have always taught my daughter to be accepting of other people regardless of their sexual orientation.  If she decided at some point that she was gay or bi then I pray I would feel the same.

  There is a national group called PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays). Please check out their website, it may answer many questions for you. It is www.pflag.org  .  The following is some info direct from their site ...

_______________________________________________________________
Should I talk to a loved one about his or her sexual orientation or gender identity before the person talks to me?

It’s seldom appropriate to ask a person, "Are you gay?”  Your perception of another person’s sexual orientation (gay or straight) or gender identity (male or female) is not necessarily what it appears.

No one can know for sure unless the person has actually declared that they are gay, straight, bisexual, or transgender. PFLAG recommends creating a safe space by showing your support of GLBT issues on a non-personal level.  For example, take an interest in openly discussing and learning about topics such as same-sex marriage or GLBT rights in the workplace. Learn about GLBT communities and culture.  Come out as an ally, regardless of if your friend or loved one is GLBT.

Read PFLAG’s Dos and Don’ts for Friends and Families to get some tips should the “coming out day” happen.  Your ultimate goal is to provide a safe space for your loved one to approach you when he or she is ready without fear of negative consequences.  
____________________________________________________________

I wouldn't worry so much about the diaper thing and concentrate more on accepting your son. They could be something as simple as they wore them to catch any ejaculate so you wouldn't find it on the sheets or in their underwear when you did the laundry.

Please check out the PFLAG site for tips and I wish you all the best.  By the way, my daughter lists on her my-space site that she's bi.  When I asked her about it she said all the kids do it.  Although she admitted that one time she thought she might be because she was attracted to someone of the same sex. She is incredibly boy crazy so I'm no too concerned and told her so. I also told her that I would love her no matter what and to not be in a hurry to define herself.

I think kids these days have more friends who have come out of the closet so they are naturally curious.  Time will tell what your son chooses but just make sure he knows you choose him.
Artchik

[tighe]

Thanks for the advice. As it turned out my sons friend is a bedwetter and the diaper was a Goodnite.

I must admit it was hard for me to bring this up (I was more embarrassed than my son), but as a show of support he wore one as well so his friend would not feel ashamed.

As far as the fondling and what not, he was a little uncomfortable talking with me on this, but it sounds like experimentation as he told me it makes him and his friend "feel good".

I told him that I love him no matter what his sexual orientation might be, but he firmly insisted he was not gay, I left it at that.

Thanks all for the advice.

[April2]

Sounds like you handled that very well! Good for you, Mom! Keep that communication going. :)

[donb_fl]

congrats on handling that so well, that possibility didn't even enter my mind! Kids are amazing, your boy sounds great being so supportive of his friend.

[panadabeads]

Ok.  I don't know if your children having sexual entercourse in your home is a rule or not.  But it does not matter with whom your child is having sexual relationships at 14, it is inappropriate.  I would not treat this any differently than if it was a girl.  Don't treat children differently because of their sexual orientation.  Gay or not they still need  your guidance.  So I would talk with him and tell him that whether he is gay or straight and just experimenting that is his decision that he has to make on his own with your support but having sex in your home  is inappropriate because it is leads to STDS and more.  So be the parent.

[panadabeads]

your son sounds like an empathetic person who may have sexual feelings toward his friend and that is alright.  I WOULD SET SEXUAL BOUNDARIES AT THIS TIME. It does not matter that whether your children are gay, straight, or bisexual.  There are certain boundaries that must be set by parents in order to guide them to becoming healthy human beings emotionally.  There are emotionally healthy gay, straight, and bisexual people because their parents set clear boundaries for them and accepted them for who they were as people.  So don't let the fact that he may or may not be gay stymie you as a parent.  Your son deserves your support and your guidance.  Also don't try to get him to tell you is your gay or straight he has to figure this out himself.  But let him know if he has questions or needs an open ear you are available.

[April2]

Why did you pull up a post that was 2 years old?

[dnlkruger]

Hi sorry i started reading these posts on medhelp and stumbled across this one i see you handled it well but to every one that has children round about the age of 13 remember that they are experimenting and that they decide what make them happy but for boys to excrement on boys that age i feel it is normal and they wont turn up gay and if do try to accept it may be hard for a lot of people but I'm ashore if they experiment on that age the phase will past I'm 18 this tear and a lot of people especially that age talk to me about it and thats were i came to the understanding