What's wrong w/ my sister!?!? HELP

[LittleTiny Me]

This has been a concern for me for many years. I have told my mom that she needs to get my sister some type of help, but she thinks nothing is wrong w/ my younger sister. She's just now 16 years old. She was a very happy child. Running around very hyper active, not staying still (I even thought she had ADD). We grew up w/ domestic violence. Before she was born; it was my mom, her husband, and my 3 sisters. There was always domestic violence around us. My mom meet my 16 year old sister's dad & they were together for 10 years. Had 3 kids total w/ him. Things w/ him began to do down hill & he also became abusive. Things got so bad that when my mom was preggo w/ my last sister (6 now) he tried to hit her in the stomach. But my now, 16 year old sister got in between & she took the hit. Getting a pretty big black eye. At school they questioned it, but my mom played it off. It took another event after my little sister was born for my mom to realize that it was enough already. My mom managed to raise all of us almost 6 years later being single. I did noticed that w/ time my now 16 year old sister has several issues. She's a very smart child. Gifted since kinder. She lacks people skills. She's able to talk to people but you get annoyed of her right away because she starts to speed talk or just get into nonsense. Shes book smart but not street smart. She lacks the common sense things. She's always asking questions about the weirdest things as if the answer is always known.

She rather stay at home w/ all doors closed & locked. Doesnt like to go out. When she does go out, she tends to wear these "old lady" skirts or the weirdest clothes that you wouldnt picture a modern 16 yr old to wear. Never fixes her hair nice always has to wear her glasses (though they were just for reading). She always has her head stuck in a book. She rather do that than go out. You catch her at home pacing back and forth w/ her ipod on. She gets so into that, and she blocks everything out. She cant see a door open, even if she sees that you're outside because she'll close it. You tell her stop that someone is outside but she doesnt get it. She's always having to call me if I am not home to get approval of her getting a movie, using my laptop etc. If she gets upset for any minor thing, she calls me & complains about it. When I tell her what to do, she gets upset at me & says that she rather call her other sister better. I dont know what to do anymore. I cant have a conversation w/ her bc she gets all mad & no matter how much I explain to her a certain thing, it doesnt stick to her. She has a lot of self esteem issues. Recently my 3 younger sisters were reunited w/ their dad (they dont really remember much of all the violence) the 16 year old has been more different. As if she is trying hard to get her dad to love her or accept her more now bc he has another family. Is there anything that can be done for her? I know things will get more harder when she gets to adulthood.........

[jdlk]

just don't tell her the therapy is for her....

[jdlk]

I definitely give you credit for trying to help - however she needs to speak to someone....  If your mom won't help her then perhaps you could ask the school to send her to a counsellor (they might not listen though)....  You could try going to group therapy together....

[LittleTiny Me]

I've taken her to movies, random drives (to help her calm down when she's upset) I've taken her to her favorite book stores. But I always feel like she tries hard to be "happy". My mom & I try to talk to her. Try to communicate w/ her. Somehow things get out of control and the fighting starts. She gets bothered and doesnt let go of things. She lacks friends. I had asked her a while back if she remembered all the things that went on w/ her dad. She said no, that she had blocked it all out. I asked her if she remembered the black eye...she said no. Thought I was lying. She gets easily bothered by comments & starts to cry then begins to deny that she was crying. We have noticed that when she stays up late watching movies....she'll eat a lot. For example...if we have a liter soda bottle, & you tell her not to drink it. By morning it's gone. & we ask her why she did it, says "I'm sorry, I didnt know" but does it again the next day.

I've told her that she needs to talk to someone, but doesnt listen. I have also told mom, but thinks nothing is wrong too.....

[jdlk]

Sound like your sister needs to speak to a councellor - there may be situations that she is trying to block out.  Her lack of social skills may be due to the domestic violence - never talking to people about her feelings - hiding things....  Her self-esteem issues are more than likely a result of the domestic violence and the years of hurt.  Try getting her into see a councellor when school starts up again...

In regards to the way she dresses - that is her comfort zone.... try being the older sister and hanging out with her (and do not yell at her or anything, as hard as it will be) - let her try on some of your clothes or ask her to do something - show her some love and acceptance - even if it is just walking to get an ice cream or a magazine together.