Aa
I think I got my 17 year old cousin pregnant
I dont know how to say it any other way, but Im a 24 year old guy and over last christmas break I was spending alot of time hanging out around my 17 year old first cousin who had just turned 17, who is a junior in high school and very cute and she had been having problems with her longtime boyfriend at the time; in any event, we ended up making out at first, and eventually having unprotected sex several times over one week and now i just found out she's pregnant.
Neither she nor I ever told anybody about our relationship, and although we've kept in touch since then, I think that the family is assuming it is her boyfriends. The problem is that she had not had sex at all until she did with me, and even though she initially came on to me and I should have tried harder to resist and turn her down, I didnt and now she's pregnant. I dont know if she and her boyfriend became sexually active afterwards or not, but she was raised by very religious parents who were strictly against pre-marital sex, and she is a very active christian herself, so its hard to say.
Look, I know I messed up, but Im willing to do what's right, if I could find someplace that allows 17 year olds to marry their older first cousins, which I think is something that would be important to her, even though Im not exactly a devout christian Im very open minded and willing to do the right thing - if I just knew what that was!. Ive recently been admitted to Dental school this upcoming fall, and I am truly absolutely willing to own up and face the consequences, and either marry my cousin if thats what she wants or let her come live with me and let me help support her and the baby, as I could get a part time job to make extra money while Im in school.
I just dont know what to do about this or how to go about it! when she and I visited about it briefly on facebook chat she's at a total loss for what to do and is looking to me for guidance and support. Since she is such a devout christian cannot imagine that she would contemplate an abortion, but if she did that would be her decision and I would support her, but Im not going to suggest it to her unless she brings it up first. Although she hasnt said anything about marriage yet, Im pretty sure she wants to be married before having a child, and I suspect she'd say yes if I decided to ask her, although under the circumstances its hard to say. I know its going to be hard on our families anyway around it, but Id rather try to man up to my mistake than either be another absentee father who just sends a child support check or let some other guy take the blame.
Neither she nor I ever told anybody about our relationship, and although we've kept in touch since then, I think that the family is assuming it is her boyfriends. The problem is that she had not had sex at all until she did with me, and even though she initially came on to me and I should have tried harder to resist and turn her down, I didnt and now she's pregnant. I dont know if she and her boyfriend became sexually active afterwards or not, but she was raised by very religious parents who were strictly against pre-marital sex, and she is a very active christian herself, so its hard to say.
Look, I know I messed up, but Im willing to do what's right, if I could find someplace that allows 17 year olds to marry their older first cousins, which I think is something that would be important to her, even though Im not exactly a devout christian Im very open minded and willing to do the right thing - if I just knew what that was!. Ive recently been admitted to Dental school this upcoming fall, and I am truly absolutely willing to own up and face the consequences, and either marry my cousin if thats what she wants or let her come live with me and let me help support her and the baby, as I could get a part time job to make extra money while Im in school.
I just dont know what to do about this or how to go about it! when she and I visited about it briefly on facebook chat she's at a total loss for what to do and is looking to me for guidance and support. Since she is such a devout christian cannot imagine that she would contemplate an abortion, but if she did that would be her decision and I would support her, but Im not going to suggest it to her unless she brings it up first. Although she hasnt said anything about marriage yet, Im pretty sure she wants to be married before having a child, and I suspect she'd say yes if I decided to ask her, although under the circumstances its hard to say. I know its going to be hard on our families anyway around it, but Id rather try to man up to my mistake than either be another absentee father who just sends a child support check or let some other guy take the blame.
he age of consent is the age at or above which a person is considered to have the legal capacity to consent to sexual activity. Both partners must be of legal age to give consent, although exceptions to the age of consent law exist in some jurisdictions when the minor and his or her partner are within a certain number of years in age or when a minor is married to his/her partner. Persons below the age of consent may not, by law, give consent, and sexual relations involving such persons may be punished by criminal sanctions similar to those for rape or sexual assault. Non-violent sexual contact with persons under the age of consent may be punished with varying degrees of severity, ranging from a misdemeanor with a simple fine, to a felony with a punishment equivalent to rape.
Different ages may apply if one partner is in a position of power or authority over the other, such as a teacher, manager, coach, parent or stepparent. For example, in Indiana the age of consent is 16 but it is illegal for a person over 18 to have sex with anyone under 18 if they work at their school, are their parent or a stepparent, or are a person recruiting them to join the military.
Historically, the age of consent applied to male-female relationships; same-sex relationships were often illegal regardless of the ages of participants. Modern laws vary, and there may be multiple ages that apply in any jurisdiction. For instance, different ages may apply if the relationship is between partners of the same sex, or if the sexual contact is not strictly vaginal intercourse.
Different ages may apply if one partner is in a position of power or authority over the other, such as a teacher, manager, coach, parent or stepparent. For example, in Indiana the age of consent is 16 but it is illegal for a person over 18 to have sex with anyone under 18 if they work at their school, are their parent or a stepparent, or are a person recruiting them to join the military.
Historically, the age of consent applied to male-female relationships; same-sex relationships were often illegal regardless of the ages of participants. Modern laws vary, and there may be multiple ages that apply in any jurisdiction. For instance, different ages may apply if the relationship is between partners of the same sex, or if the sexual contact is not strictly vaginal intercourse.
in most states 17 is the legal age for a female to consent to sex.....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America
I know as tough as this might sound, my advice to you is to really think hard about having more children. You two must think about risking the health of another child born from blood-related parents. Even if you've had a normal first born, the risk doesn't go away it will always be there. My parents are second cousins and I will admit from a psychological stand point that I'm not 100% normal. I've done things a normal brain wouldn't do (No, I didn't kill anyone). I've also had weird sexual attraction with relatives which truly hate. I feel lucky though that I'm capable of discerning right from wrong and considering my mental challenges I'm managing just fine. You should consider yourself very lucky to have parents that aren't blood-related. Use your normal brain to make the right decisions and use a lot more self-control. Good luck, Gerry
Hahaha, this has to be a **** take right? The original post was pretty funny but the update is just comedy gold!
Well played Phil..!
Well played Phil..!
Thanks for the update, Phil, and I'm so glad you didn't listen to all the bad advice you were given. When society interjects their values, situations like this often end in sadness and suicide, as happened in at least one post above. Let this situation be a lesson for all reading it. Had you been charged with statutory rape, or treated her like a liar and insisted on a paternity test while she was in crisis as many suggested, or insisted on abortion or adoption, or broken her little heart and destroyed her dreams by refusing to marry her because you are cousins as many more suggested, if any of that advice had been followed due to societal pressure nothing but pain would have resulted. Please remember this when one of your daughters gets pregnant as a teenager. Think first of the person's feelings, and only secondly of what society as a whole thinks, cause they're often wrong.
Congratulations I read this when I was pregnant and all the **** you got was unreal I'm actually so happy that you sorted it and got through it all best of luck x
Just to update those who care, my cousin and I had our first baby girl in August 2011, and we got married in December 2011, the day after her 18th birthday!
We are still together and happily married, and the proud parents of four beautiful healthy little girls! My wife always said she wanted a big family of her own, and we have been blessed by the Lord!
While relations with my wife's parents, particularly my uncle/her father, have remained strained; we have tried to do the Christian thing and turn the other cheek when called names, and always welcome family and friends with open arms with the love of Christ!
Shortly before my cousin and I got married she became a born again Christian, turning herself over to the Lord. I continued to struggle with my sin, as well as my bout with alcoholism and depression until I too accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. Once I accepted Him into my life, he freed me from my addictions, and helped me aspire to be a Godly man.
Of course, we all can continue to try harder to become better people before the Lord, and it's a struggle every day for most. My wife still struggles with her addiction to cigarettes, as she still smokes between two to three packs a day, and cannot seem to quit. We have accepted this burden from the Lord, and that He will decide when she is ready to quit smoking in His time, not ours. There will always be struggles and adversity in life, and we do well to remember that we can all always aspire to do better and become better!
I am now clean and sober for 15 whole days, and the Lord has saw fit that I am still employed and still married to my beautiful cousin, so that we may continue to grow our family and prosper as He wills it.
To all those who offered words of encouragement, I thank you. You are all truly Blessed and merciful.
To all those who offered scorn, I thank you as well, and pray that the Love of Christ fills your hearts when you are ready to receive Him.
What is founded in Love cannot be wrong in the eyes of the Lord. Peace be with you all!
We are still together and happily married, and the proud parents of four beautiful healthy little girls! My wife always said she wanted a big family of her own, and we have been blessed by the Lord!
While relations with my wife's parents, particularly my uncle/her father, have remained strained; we have tried to do the Christian thing and turn the other cheek when called names, and always welcome family and friends with open arms with the love of Christ!
Shortly before my cousin and I got married she became a born again Christian, turning herself over to the Lord. I continued to struggle with my sin, as well as my bout with alcoholism and depression until I too accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. Once I accepted Him into my life, he freed me from my addictions, and helped me aspire to be a Godly man.
Of course, we all can continue to try harder to become better people before the Lord, and it's a struggle every day for most. My wife still struggles with her addiction to cigarettes, as she still smokes between two to three packs a day, and cannot seem to quit. We have accepted this burden from the Lord, and that He will decide when she is ready to quit smoking in His time, not ours. There will always be struggles and adversity in life, and we do well to remember that we can all always aspire to do better and become better!
I am now clean and sober for 15 whole days, and the Lord has saw fit that I am still employed and still married to my beautiful cousin, so that we may continue to grow our family and prosper as He wills it.
To all those who offered words of encouragement, I thank you. You are all truly Blessed and merciful.
To all those who offered scorn, I thank you as well, and pray that the Love of Christ fills your hearts when you are ready to receive Him.
What is founded in Love cannot be wrong in the eyes of the Lord. Peace be with you all!
Thank god someone said it! I was reading this and thinking theres no way this **** is real! Lol but apparently some people just need some drama in their lives and believe everything!
Agree ^^^
I never commented, only read it. From the beginning it sounded like a novel. I don't believe any of it either. But if you read everything, he can use a lot of other people's opinions, and experiences, and of course what he wrote, and he can write a pretty damn good novel.
Congrats man. You are an awesome writer... i kept reading everything just to get to the next part to see what else your response would be, and get more of the story.
I never commented, only read it. From the beginning it sounded like a novel. I don't believe any of it either. But if you read everything, he can use a lot of other people's opinions, and experiences, and of course what he wrote, and he can write a pretty damn good novel.
Congrats man. You are an awesome writer... i kept reading everything just to get to the next part to see what else your response would be, and get more of the story.
Lol, y'all are a bunch of ******* idiots if you really think this is real. Philmore87, good job, you've won the internet.
Nevada
New Hampshire
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
South Dakota
Texas
Washington
West Virginia
Wyoming
Arizona
Illinois
Indiana
Maine
Utah
Wisconsin
these states allow it under certain circumstances
Alabama
Alaska
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina*
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Tennessee
Vermont
Virginia
these states allow cousin marriage
LOOOOOOOOOOOL
Ok y'all were really judgmental against this Guy. He understands he did something had he didn't need all the **** from strangers too. He wasn't asking for people to judge him. He was asking for help on how to fix a mistake. That didn't mean be judgemental ******* to him. Damn, ******* these days!
So, I understand that this was 2 years ago....but I came across it while searching for answers to a similar issue I'm having. So, I'd like to say that if you need anyone to talk to if you are having difficult moments. I'm so here. My cousins went through this like 4 yrs ago. So, ya I'm here if you need to talk. But I hope you have figured all this out. And I hope y'all two are doing okay.
Soo... i just seen this today and read most of it.. I am guessing he is no loner on this site? I was going to ask how everythig turned out
Guys who would step up and face everything you have are hard to find. I really hope you update everyone.
People are such idiots. I can't believe the things that people wrote. Everyone makes mistakes. Including the idiots who wrote nasty things. It is so hard to find decent guys anymore. Ones that will step up and take responsibility. It's wonderful that you stepped up and took responsibility for your actions. I really hope that you, your cousin, and the baby are doing well. It would be great if you could update us and tell us how everything is going. Thank you for being one of the rare good guys in this world!
I'd say that this is a very bizarre and... controversial situation you've gotten yourself into..
I can understand consoling her if she's upset but...I don't think a loyal gf or devout christian would make a move, especially on their cousin.
I find it a little weird that you would do stuff with a family member but...
Now that I've gotten my awkwarded-out opinion out, at least you're a man about it. I don't think you deserve quite as much hate mail as you're getting. Obviously these people can't read. You're not only being bluntly honest, but you clearly want to be involved and do whatever it takes.
You're no "liar" or "dead beat" or not owning up.
However, I think maybe you should make her fess up whether or not she slept with her boyfriend. Find out if she really is pregnant, or if you're both just paranoid. and then try to figure out by her cycles when she even could've gotten pregnant. If you look up "Pregnancy Calender" or "Pregnancy Calculator" usually you can enter her normal cycle length (from the start of her last period to the start of her next) and it'll tell you the date that she most likely conceived..
I don't really know what else to say to this. If you want an honest, anti-hate conversation, you can message me for help.
I can understand consoling her if she's upset but...I don't think a loyal gf or devout christian would make a move, especially on their cousin.
I find it a little weird that you would do stuff with a family member but...
Now that I've gotten my awkwarded-out opinion out, at least you're a man about it. I don't think you deserve quite as much hate mail as you're getting. Obviously these people can't read. You're not only being bluntly honest, but you clearly want to be involved and do whatever it takes.
You're no "liar" or "dead beat" or not owning up.
However, I think maybe you should make her fess up whether or not she slept with her boyfriend. Find out if she really is pregnant, or if you're both just paranoid. and then try to figure out by her cycles when she even could've gotten pregnant. If you look up "Pregnancy Calender" or "Pregnancy Calculator" usually you can enter her normal cycle length (from the start of her last period to the start of her next) and it'll tell you the date that she most likely conceived..
I don't really know what else to say to this. If you want an honest, anti-hate conversation, you can message me for help.
I just read every single post, which brings me to their next point.
How will these children be damaged by labeled as 'inbred?'
Seriously who is going to go around and say their married cousins? No one you'd just call them your wife or husband, and you wouldn't be telling your children at a young age in the first place yet alone at all. You'd Obviously have a talk with family members (those that still want to be apart of your lives) bout what to say to your child and not be insensitive.
I'm also surprised that some people are calling him a liar, not sure why, I don't see what he'd be getting out of this except advise for his 'fake' situation sounds very silly to me and also because the series of events are very believable as well. People have relations with their cousins all the time and probably also more than most people think, just because they don't go around telling everyone about it. For example my grandpa is with his cousin, did not have children with her tho, had an affair when they were young teenagers, broke it off as their families were pushing them to do. So they went on their separate ways she moved overseas and they both got married had kids and grew old, my grandma (his wife) died, she got a divorce from her husband and moved back to the UK and have come back together after all these years to grow old and die together. I think that is sweet and real love there..
I also have had a relationship with my mother's cousins son, I think that makes him my second cousin once removed, when we first met I was 19 he 20, nothing happened but we were both very fond of each other and wasn't sure how to go about expressing these feelings, he lives in a different state and I only used to see him once every couple of years until he sent me a message saying how much he felt for me and I replied that I felt the same and so it began.. we are no longer together and I have settled down and had a baby living with boyfriend etc. But I have done some crazy things when I was younger, I'll admit, yeah I've slept with two of my older first cousins also had previously kissed the brother of the second cousin I had the relationship with. And no i'm not some weird hillbilly creepy type of family either but I just don't go around telling everyone this, people keep that sort of stuff quiet but doesn't mean it doesn't happen in everyday society.. Hell even once a girl I know got drunk and told me that she had 'experimented' with her sister! Now that's gross, just saying people do worse..
And lastly to Philmore87 I think what your doing is great, so many people surprisingly are tell you to dump her off with her parents, to an abusive father and a mother that seems not to have any say in the matter is just ridiculous.. I do think a paternity test is in order when its born but assume it is yours till its proven its not. Then get married if you want to, its just a piece of paper afterall. Stop buying her cartons or give her one pack to last a week or so, I myself totally quit while I was pregnant, the well being of the baby was more important to me than weakness on my behalf. But she'd be having it quite soon if not already..
I'd love to hear an update of what happened, all the best!
How will these children be damaged by labeled as 'inbred?'
Seriously who is going to go around and say their married cousins? No one you'd just call them your wife or husband, and you wouldn't be telling your children at a young age in the first place yet alone at all. You'd Obviously have a talk with family members (those that still want to be apart of your lives) bout what to say to your child and not be insensitive.
I'm also surprised that some people are calling him a liar, not sure why, I don't see what he'd be getting out of this except advise for his 'fake' situation sounds very silly to me and also because the series of events are very believable as well. People have relations with their cousins all the time and probably also more than most people think, just because they don't go around telling everyone about it. For example my grandpa is with his cousin, did not have children with her tho, had an affair when they were young teenagers, broke it off as their families were pushing them to do. So they went on their separate ways she moved overseas and they both got married had kids and grew old, my grandma (his wife) died, she got a divorce from her husband and moved back to the UK and have come back together after all these years to grow old and die together. I think that is sweet and real love there..
I also have had a relationship with my mother's cousins son, I think that makes him my second cousin once removed, when we first met I was 19 he 20, nothing happened but we were both very fond of each other and wasn't sure how to go about expressing these feelings, he lives in a different state and I only used to see him once every couple of years until he sent me a message saying how much he felt for me and I replied that I felt the same and so it began.. we are no longer together and I have settled down and had a baby living with boyfriend etc. But I have done some crazy things when I was younger, I'll admit, yeah I've slept with two of my older first cousins also had previously kissed the brother of the second cousin I had the relationship with. And no i'm not some weird hillbilly creepy type of family either but I just don't go around telling everyone this, people keep that sort of stuff quiet but doesn't mean it doesn't happen in everyday society.. Hell even once a girl I know got drunk and told me that she had 'experimented' with her sister! Now that's gross, just saying people do worse..
And lastly to Philmore87 I think what your doing is great, so many people surprisingly are tell you to dump her off with her parents, to an abusive father and a mother that seems not to have any say in the matter is just ridiculous.. I do think a paternity test is in order when its born but assume it is yours till its proven its not. Then get married if you want to, its just a piece of paper afterall. Stop buying her cartons or give her one pack to last a week or so, I myself totally quit while I was pregnant, the well being of the baby was more important to me than weakness on my behalf. But she'd be having it quite soon if not already..
I'd love to hear an update of what happened, all the best!
apparently babies conceived between first cousins carry the same risks as women over 40 having babies... and obviously the law states cousins can marry too... sounds like its going to be a bumpy ride the most important thing in all of this is going to be the baby once he/she is here baby comes first in everything you do, once the whole perternity issue is sorted i guess life carries on from there...i hope you have really thought things through and have the means to look after mum and baby also
ok that pertinity crap can hurt a child i know that i asked the obgyn that and you know what good for you for tryin to man up most guys would be like your fault good luck you should be pround of yourself for that and dont let anyone tell you that was a stupid mistake bc i garentee you they have mess up worse or close to it. you know if you wait and she has the baby wait to tell your family until a day after her 18th birthday bc they will pin this on you fast and it will be a horrible situation for all three of you so wait and talk to her before and ask if she wants to live with you and tell her mom that you would be happy to help her but dont make a mistake by telling her that child might be yours or you could get the fall so talk to her about it and her mom or dad and see
Phil, I hope you and your cousin got everything sorted out for the best. Although I may not be as wise as some of the other people giving advice, there sure seemed to be plenty of opinions and suggestions to choose from. For what its worth, I really do hope that you and and her came to a decision that you were both comfortable with, and that is in both in your bests interests and in the best interest of your unborn child.
I get the age issue but it's the fact that he is 24 and had sex with a minor. Point blank. Our great grandmother's were MARRIED and were long gone from their parents home when they had babies. And they were 15 or 16.
The birth defects is another issue. Women get pregnant everyday and do everything they can to make sure they have healthy baby and would NEVER intentionally put their child in harms way. This GUY should have been more responsible and realized what he was doing BEFORE he did it. There is a possibility of birth defects with every pregnancy but I can guarantee you if you ask any pregnant woman if she would intentionally do something that would put her unborn child at risk for a defect, she would say NO. This is the same thing. I understand it's normal in other cultures but in the U.S. it's frowned upon.
Its gross. Sorry I dont care how common it is.
And about him "stepping up" I get that to a certain point. It's going to be kinda umcomfortable for that kid to explain his mom and dad are cousins.
The birth defects is another issue. Women get pregnant everyday and do everything they can to make sure they have healthy baby and would NEVER intentionally put their child in harms way. This GUY should have been more responsible and realized what he was doing BEFORE he did it. There is a possibility of birth defects with every pregnancy but I can guarantee you if you ask any pregnant woman if she would intentionally do something that would put her unborn child at risk for a defect, she would say NO. This is the same thing. I understand it's normal in other cultures but in the U.S. it's frowned upon.
Its gross. Sorry I dont care how common it is.
And about him "stepping up" I get that to a certain point. It's going to be kinda umcomfortable for that kid to explain his mom and dad are cousins.
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