Aa
I think I got my 17 year old cousin pregnant
I dont know how to say it any other way, but Im a 24 year old guy and over last christmas break I was spending alot of time hanging out around my 17 year old first cousin who had just turned 17, who is a junior in high school and very cute and she had been having problems with her longtime boyfriend at the time; in any event, we ended up making out at first, and eventually having unprotected sex several times over one week and now i just found out she's pregnant.
Neither she nor I ever told anybody about our relationship, and although we've kept in touch since then, I think that the family is assuming it is her boyfriends. The problem is that she had not had sex at all until she did with me, and even though she initially came on to me and I should have tried harder to resist and turn her down, I didnt and now she's pregnant. I dont know if she and her boyfriend became sexually active afterwards or not, but she was raised by very religious parents who were strictly against pre-marital sex, and she is a very active christian herself, so its hard to say.
Look, I know I messed up, but Im willing to do what's right, if I could find someplace that allows 17 year olds to marry their older first cousins, which I think is something that would be important to her, even though Im not exactly a devout christian Im very open minded and willing to do the right thing - if I just knew what that was!. Ive recently been admitted to Dental school this upcoming fall, and I am truly absolutely willing to own up and face the consequences, and either marry my cousin if thats what she wants or let her come live with me and let me help support her and the baby, as I could get a part time job to make extra money while Im in school.
I just dont know what to do about this or how to go about it! when she and I visited about it briefly on facebook chat she's at a total loss for what to do and is looking to me for guidance and support. Since she is such a devout christian cannot imagine that she would contemplate an abortion, but if she did that would be her decision and I would support her, but Im not going to suggest it to her unless she brings it up first. Although she hasnt said anything about marriage yet, Im pretty sure she wants to be married before having a child, and I suspect she'd say yes if I decided to ask her, although under the circumstances its hard to say. I know its going to be hard on our families anyway around it, but Id rather try to man up to my mistake than either be another absentee father who just sends a child support check or let some other guy take the blame.
Neither she nor I ever told anybody about our relationship, and although we've kept in touch since then, I think that the family is assuming it is her boyfriends. The problem is that she had not had sex at all until she did with me, and even though she initially came on to me and I should have tried harder to resist and turn her down, I didnt and now she's pregnant. I dont know if she and her boyfriend became sexually active afterwards or not, but she was raised by very religious parents who were strictly against pre-marital sex, and she is a very active christian herself, so its hard to say.
Look, I know I messed up, but Im willing to do what's right, if I could find someplace that allows 17 year olds to marry their older first cousins, which I think is something that would be important to her, even though Im not exactly a devout christian Im very open minded and willing to do the right thing - if I just knew what that was!. Ive recently been admitted to Dental school this upcoming fall, and I am truly absolutely willing to own up and face the consequences, and either marry my cousin if thats what she wants or let her come live with me and let me help support her and the baby, as I could get a part time job to make extra money while Im in school.
I just dont know what to do about this or how to go about it! when she and I visited about it briefly on facebook chat she's at a total loss for what to do and is looking to me for guidance and support. Since she is such a devout christian cannot imagine that she would contemplate an abortion, but if she did that would be her decision and I would support her, but Im not going to suggest it to her unless she brings it up first. Although she hasnt said anything about marriage yet, Im pretty sure she wants to be married before having a child, and I suspect she'd say yes if I decided to ask her, although under the circumstances its hard to say. I know its going to be hard on our families anyway around it, but Id rather try to man up to my mistake than either be another absentee father who just sends a child support check or let some other guy take the blame.
I'd say that this is a very bizarre and... controversial situation you've gotten yourself into..
I can understand consoling her if she's upset but...I don't think a loyal gf or devout christian would make a move, especially on their cousin.
I find it a little weird that you would do stuff with a family member but...
Now that I've gotten my awkwarded-out opinion out, at least you're a man about it. I don't think you deserve quite as much hate mail as you're getting. Obviously these people can't read. You're not only being bluntly honest, but you clearly want to be involved and do whatever it takes.
You're no "liar" or "dead beat" or not owning up.
However, I think maybe you should make her fess up whether or not she slept with her boyfriend. Find out if she really is pregnant, or if you're both just paranoid. and then try to figure out by her cycles when she even could've gotten pregnant. If you look up "Pregnancy Calender" or "Pregnancy Calculator" usually you can enter her normal cycle length (from the start of her last period to the start of her next) and it'll tell you the date that she most likely conceived..
I don't really know what else to say to this. If you want an honest, anti-hate conversation, you can message me for help.
I can understand consoling her if she's upset but...I don't think a loyal gf or devout christian would make a move, especially on their cousin.
I find it a little weird that you would do stuff with a family member but...
Now that I've gotten my awkwarded-out opinion out, at least you're a man about it. I don't think you deserve quite as much hate mail as you're getting. Obviously these people can't read. You're not only being bluntly honest, but you clearly want to be involved and do whatever it takes.
You're no "liar" or "dead beat" or not owning up.
However, I think maybe you should make her fess up whether or not she slept with her boyfriend. Find out if she really is pregnant, or if you're both just paranoid. and then try to figure out by her cycles when she even could've gotten pregnant. If you look up "Pregnancy Calender" or "Pregnancy Calculator" usually you can enter her normal cycle length (from the start of her last period to the start of her next) and it'll tell you the date that she most likely conceived..
I don't really know what else to say to this. If you want an honest, anti-hate conversation, you can message me for help.
I just read every single post, which brings me to their next point.
How will these children be damaged by labeled as 'inbred?'
Seriously who is going to go around and say their married cousins? No one you'd just call them your wife or husband, and you wouldn't be telling your children at a young age in the first place yet alone at all. You'd Obviously have a talk with family members (those that still want to be apart of your lives) bout what to say to your child and not be insensitive.
I'm also surprised that some people are calling him a liar, not sure why, I don't see what he'd be getting out of this except advise for his 'fake' situation sounds very silly to me and also because the series of events are very believable as well. People have relations with their cousins all the time and probably also more than most people think, just because they don't go around telling everyone about it. For example my grandpa is with his cousin, did not have children with her tho, had an affair when they were young teenagers, broke it off as their families were pushing them to do. So they went on their separate ways she moved overseas and they both got married had kids and grew old, my grandma (his wife) died, she got a divorce from her husband and moved back to the UK and have come back together after all these years to grow old and die together. I think that is sweet and real love there..
I also have had a relationship with my mother's cousins son, I think that makes him my second cousin once removed, when we first met I was 19 he 20, nothing happened but we were both very fond of each other and wasn't sure how to go about expressing these feelings, he lives in a different state and I only used to see him once every couple of years until he sent me a message saying how much he felt for me and I replied that I felt the same and so it began.. we are no longer together and I have settled down and had a baby living with boyfriend etc. But I have done some crazy things when I was younger, I'll admit, yeah I've slept with two of my older first cousins also had previously kissed the brother of the second cousin I had the relationship with. And no i'm not some weird hillbilly creepy type of family either but I just don't go around telling everyone this, people keep that sort of stuff quiet but doesn't mean it doesn't happen in everyday society.. Hell even once a girl I know got drunk and told me that she had 'experimented' with her sister! Now that's gross, just saying people do worse..
And lastly to Philmore87 I think what your doing is great, so many people surprisingly are tell you to dump her off with her parents, to an abusive father and a mother that seems not to have any say in the matter is just ridiculous.. I do think a paternity test is in order when its born but assume it is yours till its proven its not. Then get married if you want to, its just a piece of paper afterall. Stop buying her cartons or give her one pack to last a week or so, I myself totally quit while I was pregnant, the well being of the baby was more important to me than weakness on my behalf. But she'd be having it quite soon if not already..
I'd love to hear an update of what happened, all the best!
How will these children be damaged by labeled as 'inbred?'
Seriously who is going to go around and say their married cousins? No one you'd just call them your wife or husband, and you wouldn't be telling your children at a young age in the first place yet alone at all. You'd Obviously have a talk with family members (those that still want to be apart of your lives) bout what to say to your child and not be insensitive.
I'm also surprised that some people are calling him a liar, not sure why, I don't see what he'd be getting out of this except advise for his 'fake' situation sounds very silly to me and also because the series of events are very believable as well. People have relations with their cousins all the time and probably also more than most people think, just because they don't go around telling everyone about it. For example my grandpa is with his cousin, did not have children with her tho, had an affair when they were young teenagers, broke it off as their families were pushing them to do. So they went on their separate ways she moved overseas and they both got married had kids and grew old, my grandma (his wife) died, she got a divorce from her husband and moved back to the UK and have come back together after all these years to grow old and die together. I think that is sweet and real love there..
I also have had a relationship with my mother's cousins son, I think that makes him my second cousin once removed, when we first met I was 19 he 20, nothing happened but we were both very fond of each other and wasn't sure how to go about expressing these feelings, he lives in a different state and I only used to see him once every couple of years until he sent me a message saying how much he felt for me and I replied that I felt the same and so it began.. we are no longer together and I have settled down and had a baby living with boyfriend etc. But I have done some crazy things when I was younger, I'll admit, yeah I've slept with two of my older first cousins also had previously kissed the brother of the second cousin I had the relationship with. And no i'm not some weird hillbilly creepy type of family either but I just don't go around telling everyone this, people keep that sort of stuff quiet but doesn't mean it doesn't happen in everyday society.. Hell even once a girl I know got drunk and told me that she had 'experimented' with her sister! Now that's gross, just saying people do worse..
And lastly to Philmore87 I think what your doing is great, so many people surprisingly are tell you to dump her off with her parents, to an abusive father and a mother that seems not to have any say in the matter is just ridiculous.. I do think a paternity test is in order when its born but assume it is yours till its proven its not. Then get married if you want to, its just a piece of paper afterall. Stop buying her cartons or give her one pack to last a week or so, I myself totally quit while I was pregnant, the well being of the baby was more important to me than weakness on my behalf. But she'd be having it quite soon if not already..
I'd love to hear an update of what happened, all the best!
apparently babies conceived between first cousins carry the same risks as women over 40 having babies... and obviously the law states cousins can marry too... sounds like its going to be a bumpy ride the most important thing in all of this is going to be the baby once he/she is here baby comes first in everything you do, once the whole perternity issue is sorted i guess life carries on from there...i hope you have really thought things through and have the means to look after mum and baby also
ok that pertinity crap can hurt a child i know that i asked the obgyn that and you know what good for you for tryin to man up most guys would be like your fault good luck you should be pround of yourself for that and dont let anyone tell you that was a stupid mistake bc i garentee you they have mess up worse or close to it. you know if you wait and she has the baby wait to tell your family until a day after her 18th birthday bc they will pin this on you fast and it will be a horrible situation for all three of you so wait and talk to her before and ask if she wants to live with you and tell her mom that you would be happy to help her but dont make a mistake by telling her that child might be yours or you could get the fall so talk to her about it and her mom or dad and see
Phil, I hope you and your cousin got everything sorted out for the best. Although I may not be as wise as some of the other people giving advice, there sure seemed to be plenty of opinions and suggestions to choose from. For what its worth, I really do hope that you and and her came to a decision that you were both comfortable with, and that is in both in your bests interests and in the best interest of your unborn child.
I get the age issue but it's the fact that he is 24 and had sex with a minor. Point blank. Our great grandmother's were MARRIED and were long gone from their parents home when they had babies. And they were 15 or 16.
The birth defects is another issue. Women get pregnant everyday and do everything they can to make sure they have healthy baby and would NEVER intentionally put their child in harms way. This GUY should have been more responsible and realized what he was doing BEFORE he did it. There is a possibility of birth defects with every pregnancy but I can guarantee you if you ask any pregnant woman if she would intentionally do something that would put her unborn child at risk for a defect, she would say NO. This is the same thing. I understand it's normal in other cultures but in the U.S. it's frowned upon.
Its gross. Sorry I dont care how common it is.
And about him "stepping up" I get that to a certain point. It's going to be kinda umcomfortable for that kid to explain his mom and dad are cousins.
The birth defects is another issue. Women get pregnant everyday and do everything they can to make sure they have healthy baby and would NEVER intentionally put their child in harms way. This GUY should have been more responsible and realized what he was doing BEFORE he did it. There is a possibility of birth defects with every pregnancy but I can guarantee you if you ask any pregnant woman if she would intentionally do something that would put her unborn child at risk for a defect, she would say NO. This is the same thing. I understand it's normal in other cultures but in the U.S. it's frowned upon.
Its gross. Sorry I dont care how common it is.
And about him "stepping up" I get that to a certain point. It's going to be kinda umcomfortable for that kid to explain his mom and dad are cousins.
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