should i get pregnant?

im 17 and been diagnosed with Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), ive already had it twice and no-one knows whats caused it so its more than likely to come back again. i want more than anything to have a baby but i might not be able to because of the PID. i joined this website for advice on this question:
should i have a baby at 17 while i can rather than leave it until its too late and not have a baby at all?
it would mean leaving college and everything but im prepared to do it.
i dont want to be judged i just want advice and what you would do if it was you.

[sandy828]

its more than likely going to happen. the doctor said that scarring can be quite severe and it took me nearly a year to get propperly diagnosed when its spose to take 2 days. im not on about getting pregnant out of the blue, im in a stable relationship in my own place, engaged and my partner is 23 and he is ready for having a baby, i know its a lot for a 17 year old but if i left it and in a few years im ready to have a baby and i get told i cant because of my PID i will be devastated, iwouldnt know what to do.

[alaysha]

First off its illegal you dating someone who is 23 which is crazy. Usually when someone that old dates someone who is not legally an adult it means that there are some problems that make him incapable of finding someone his own age. Not trying to be mean but I'm a psychology major and we talk about this a lot. Also at 17 you aren't ready to have a baby. I know that you may think you are ready to have a baby and be willing to throw everything away for one but you cannot possibly understand how hard it is and how most likely the man wont stick around. It happens in some case but most of the time at 17 your not going to stay with the person you are dating for the rest of your life. Also due to the economy someone your age probably wont want to think about a baby at this age since you wont have a good way to support it. Sorry but one 23 year old man wont be able to take care of both you and a child financially. Last but not least even if you have PID and cant naturally concieve (conceive) a baby there are lots of other ways to do it (when the time is right) including embroy transfers, fertility drugs, surrogate, and adoption.

[sandy828]

i want to say this in the nicest way possible, you dont know anything about me or my partner or anything. all i was asking for is advice not to be told im not old enough and all that. im more mature than you think and the age difference with my partner is something that you may not understand. he is more than capable of getting someone his own age because he has before. his financial status is more than enough to provide and its not illeagal for us to be together. all that stuff as an alternative to having a baby is not the same and never will be. plus some will cost a lot of money. my best friend had a baby at 17 and she couldnt be happier. everyone tells me that it might not last this relationship but like i said no-one knows what its like because there not me. is it so hard to believe that we are capable of staying together.
all i wanted was advice and i dont apreciate someone saying my partner is not right in the head.
i will say it again i want advice not critisism so if you have nothing helpful or nice to say then please dont say anything at all.

[Kim1989]

how did you get it....twice? if your in a stable relationship. i didnt think that stds just happen. i thought you have to get them from someone. i take it your not in as stable of a relationship as maybe you think. and you talk about this and that about what about YOUR future? your 17 you should still be in school and even if your dont high school you need to go to college you cant do **** with a high school diploma. you just tlaked about HIS financial status....what about YOURS? its not about you two staying together its about you being worried about what might be. you might be able to have a baby. and you need to think long and hard about how you got an std from someone who you say your in a stable relationship with

you asked a question...and we answerd it. dont get mad at her for answering it.

[sandy828]

i have only ever had sex with him. he does not have any STDs or STIs. PID isnt always caused by STDs. no-one knows what mine was cause by and i had it twice because the first time wasnt treated properly because my doctor told my to stop taking them because they were making me ill. i am at college for 2 years, i started this month. theres this thing called child supprt that could help me. i have thort this through. if someone has PID there more likely to get it again.
so your dig about not being in a stable relationship was pointless.
and your not exacly answering my question your just critisising me.
im just saying what if i cant have a baby ... a question that needs advice.
doesnt mean you have to be horrible and talk about things you dont fully understand.

[Kim1989]

but what if you can have a baby? waiting is much better

[mj_mommy_manda]

sandy you seem to have your mind made up about what you want to do.. if you dont want criticism follow your heart and dont ask people what they think about you having a baby on a public thread.. Theres LOTS of teen moms here who are going to tell you to wait (myself included)

[alaysha]

Sandy I am not trying to be mean but any of the teenage girls on here can tell you that it isn't as easy as your dreams have led you to believe. 2 out of the 3 of us speaking to you right now dont have the babies daddy in our lives. I thought me and my ex would stay together forever but guess what your child comes first and they bring lots of added stress. Relationships dont always last... it may feel like they will last right now but that doesn't mean they will. Also, it is illegal to have sexual relations with a minor which believe it or not is anyone under 18. Also, if you boyfriend or whatever is 23 why is he interested in a 17 year old? Sorry but it is NOT normal you can say anything you want any psychiatrist would tell you the same thing. Also child support in best case scenario is usually only like 400-500 a month. Try paying a car, a house, utilities, baby formula, diapers, furniture for the babies room, toys, food for yourself and a million other things with child support. Doesn't work doll. Also you obviously don't know enough about the reproductive system to be having children. An embryo transfer is when they take YOUR egg and HIS sperm and have them fertilize in a petri dish and then insert the fertilized egg into YOU. You carry the baby and it is genetically your child. Same with fertility drugs it just helps you get pregnant. Also a surrogate has your biological child as well you aren't able to carry the baby yourself but at least its YOUR baby. Last but not least adoption since there are millions of children out there would LOVE to have a mother. What everyone is trying to tell you is W-A-I-T. Don't jump down our throats for telling you the real situations that you are dealing with. If you've made up your mind then do what you want but dont come here and think that we are going to tell a 17 year old that it is ok to get pregnant because its not.

[leighanne143]

sandy- try not to warry about scar tissue.  it can be removed.  i would focus on what you are doing like college and once you graduate and start trying to have a baby, if you have trouble, then you ask your doctor to do an HSG which is looking  into your cervix and uterus to see if there is scar tissue, if there is, it can be removed.

i had 2 MC's and i had that test because they wanted to make sure there was no scar tissue but they told me if there was it was reversible.

i would definately look into talking to a reproductive doctor and they will tell you that you will still be able to get pregnant in a few years.  

if i were you i would remain focused on bettering myself and doing the things that are best for me so i would not have to struggle to fit them in after the baby is born.  you can be doen with school in 4 years and even start trying your last year, then things would hopefully fall into place.

[sandy828]

im sorry to hear about your MCs, but thanks for your advice, im having a talk with a docter in two weeks, i know your right im just worried.

[leighanne143]

try not to be worried.  After meeting with the fertility doctor, i realized that there is a lot they can do for you.  so try to stay positive because you WILL be able to have babies in the future.

[Rosa20]

just so everyone knows..lol...pid isnt aways caused by stds or stis....it can be caused from having sex at an early age or sometimes it just happens..i had a pid.. and i have a daughter and am on my second...i dont think you should worry about not being able to have kids...but i would reccommend using some form of b.c or condoms so you dont get prengnant at that age!! ITs a very very big responsibility and no matter how many say they are i dont think any 17 year old is EVER ready to become a mom no matter how much they prepare themselves..take it from experience...i had my daughter when i was 16 and its not easy..here i am trying to get my grade 12 now before baby #2 comes in dec....its hard and i stayed in high school and still didnt make it..so really think about what your doing!!! Good luck and dont worry

[K1990]

alaysha~ It actually isn't illegal to be with someone 6 years older than you in all states.  In colorado you can be 17 and be with someone who is 27 and after 18 you can be with a 40 year old if you really wanted.

[mami2karina]

In most states the law is if you are 16 your partner can be no older than 20 and if you are 17 or older is does not matter.  I found this out the hard way when I was 15 and dating someone older than myself.  

Now for the poster.  I had my daughter when I was 17, her father was 23.  I thought he was mature, and it was something we both wanted.  Once she was born we got married, and 5 months later he started cheating on me.  I loved him so I stayed with him until a few months after our daughter turned 2.  I couldn't handle the cheating, the lies, me working to support everyone.  I told him we needed to seperate for a bit, so he could get things straight.  3 days later he decided to hop a plane back home to Mexico City.  6 months later I tried to commit suicide, went through some therapy and thought we could make our relationship work. I took my daughter to stay with him for a couple of weeks but realized he had not changed a bit so we came back home.  I love my daughter, she will be 5 years old in March.  I wouldn't trade her for the world, I wish she had a better father.  It's been almost 2 and a half years since he left and she has only just recently recieved a phone call from him, filled with lies and empty promises.  It's your body, your life and your decision.  But if you are in school don't give that up on the off chance that you may not be able to have a child.  There is so much technology out there these days that can you help you become pregnant when you are older and married and ready to have a baby.  I desperately want to go to school, I want to be an ultrasonographer.  But right now I have two children, whom I love very much, and I'm expecting my third in March.  I can take care of them and now have a very loving man in my life who takes amazing care of not only myself, but my two children as well.  If you have the opportunity right now to get an education and have a career do that, make something of your life instead of throwing it away.  

[Riot_Queen]

I don't understand why you girls come on here asking for advice in what not if you're just gunna get p*ssed off afterwards if we tell you something you don't wanna hear.
It's obvious from the sounds of it, that you've made up your mind, and are only here looking for people to tell you what you wanna hear... which ISN'T gunna happen. Sorry.

It's NOT a good idea, and all these ladies are trying to tell you that.
And with advice, comes opinions and stories from experience to back up their advice.
So if you wanna ask questions, especially like this, you better expect peoples' two cents worth to follow.

There's so much technology out there these days that it's almost IMPOSSIBLE not to be able to have a biological baby of your own.
I've heard about women still getting pregnant after their issues down there, just like what you're going through...
yet they're not jumping to conclusions of, "Oh! I better get pregnant while I still can then!!!" cuz it's NOT necessary.
And at your age, it makes it that much worse.
A child raising a child is NOT fair to that baby.
You need to get an education and make something of yourself before you bring another life into the world because your baby will be depending on you to provide a good life for him/her.

I accidentally fell pregnant and now I can't even go to college this fall like I was planning to, to become and RN.
Now I gatta wait till NEXT year when she's old enough for day school just so I can try to make something of myself, so I can give her a BETTER life.
Thank god for my fiance's parents because if it wasn't for them, me n my fiance would be SCREWED.

And yes, actually it IS illegal for an adult HIS AGE to be in a relationship with a minor.
And it makes it even WORSE that he is engaging in SEXUAL ACTIVITIES with a minor.
If anyone who had a problem against you wanted to REALLY do something hurtful to you, they can get your lil boyfriend over there in some SERIOUS trouble.

Last I knew, if you were under 18, you weren't allowed to date anyone 18+.
And when you're 18-20, you're not allowed to date anyone over 21.
And once you're 21, you can go whatever you like.

Him being as old as he is, DOES say something.
I've seen alot of girls in your situation where they were my age or younger, dating older guys and they were "So In Love" and they swore to christ and everyone else that they were in a very stable relationship and it was gunna last forever and ever...
And after their guys got enough booty calls, and started getting bored-
guess what:
They were GONE.
OUTTA THERE.

My friend Laura just had her baby in May.
She believed the baby's father was her soul mate, and they were so close and seemed like they were meant for eachother.
Obviously not because he dumped her the day she went up to him and told him she was pregnant with his baby.
Stuff like this happens all the time.
Even if you're so so positive that it ain't... it probably will.
So think about these things before you jump to conclusions.

You wanted our advice, now you got it.
Take it or leave it- but don't get angry at us because we're only telling you what you need to hear.

[tizzabella]

sorry but in the UK its not illegal to go out with or to sleep with someone over who's 6 years older if your over 16 years of age. Everyother law is you have to be over 18 (smoking, alchol, getting married ect) but its ONLY illeagal if your under 16.....if you follow me?

[tizzabella]

btw, personaly that dateing law *****.... I'm 19 for instance and my fiance is 23, ive been with him since i was 17, I know thats not that much of a difference, but for instance, my mum and dad have been married for 30years, they have an age difference of 6 years!, got together when she was 17, married at 19!

who's to make a law on love.. (not that many young people understand love prop)....but really you have Law's against it...ouch! Sorry guys!

Although it prob would be a good thing...might stop the teenage pregnancys... (cause as i stated before you are of leagal age over 16 years to have sex with any other person over the age of 16).....Interesting...Oh sorry about the rant..... not really aswered your question sender, Just wanted to point out that the laws are different here in the UK,...hence the mix up!
XxX

[Jary08]

Yes in the UK it isnt illegal...as long as the girl is 16 years of age she can date a 40 year old if she wants...id like to thin kthat she wouldnt be hey, people have to decide for themselves.

As for your PID Tizzabella, im so sorry that you have had this, especially when the doctors cannot find the source of the problem. If i was in your postion i would feel the same, because i'd love to be a mother, but the girls on here are right. 17 is a bit young cause babies cost a lot of money and you wont be financially stable to support a child easily. Besides, in a few years time they could have a breakthrough with fertility treatment and before you know youll have your little-un!

However, it is entierly your desicion because its your life and your body and i wish you the best of luck for the future.

[JoyRenee]

I wouldn't worry about scarring. As some other ladies have said, it can be removed later. I think it's great you'll be talking with your doctor in 2 weeks. I say, if you can wait, then wait! I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

[sandy828]

thankyou for the support :)
i have decided that i will think about it more when ive had the talk with the doctor on the 13th of this month.
ill let you know how it goes.
i understand that im young, i am more mature for my age but i also understand that its not just maturity i need,
it is possible to go college and have my baby because the baby can be looked after in the creche which is below my classroom. when its old enough obviously, ive been talking to my tutor and she is going to help me.
just to make sure EVERYTHING is clear , i am from england , in england the law is that if your over 16 you can date whoever you want no matter what the age, sorry for the mix up but who i am dating IS NOT illegal. i dont know what love is but im happy and to me thats all im bothered about. we have been together for a year.
but again thankyou for the support, everyone has different opinions and that fine,
ill keep you posted.

[leighanne143]

well just please talk to your doctor because your tissue because scar tissue can be removed.

also not to sound mean or anything, but a year of being together is not a long time.  I really think it is a good idea for you to wait and find out all of your options.  I know you can go to college with a baby but it is hard to juggle both of them.  it would be easier to get 3 years under your belt and then get pregnant if you are still with the same person and want a baby then.

i am just saying this because my mom had me at 16 and she struggled.  yes she was the greatest mother ever but i wish she could have completed school and done more things before my brother and i were born.

please keep us posted with what the doctor says.

[Rosa20]

you will have no idea what your getting yourself into if you decide to have a baby now...you may think you have it all planned out and that everything will work out just fine but to me it sounds like for you a good excuse to have a baby now...its alot of work and you will have no idea until you actaully are there or have been there and etc!! So again good luck with talking to your doctor..hes going to tell you by the way to wait...hes not going to tell you to go ahead and have the baby now...(just so you know lol)

[Tracy21]

hi i was a teen mum when i had my so i was 16 when i had him and it was hard but it was my decision not anyone elses me and my sons dad split up after my son was born.
all im going to say is make the right decision for you forget everyone on here its your life there not living it but i will warn you its hard work and theres no going back if you get pregnant you made your bed so you will have to lie in it. and as for the partners age i dont think theres anything wrong with it i got with my currnet partner when i was 19 and he was 23 and i feel pregnant with my daughter 4 weks after we got together and im still with him 3yrs later. so forget about people telling you he will leave you or use will break up thats just words from other peoples mouths we done see your life and how you are with each other. all i will say is think about what your doing before you jump into anything and speak to your dr about it. i hope you make the right decision for you and no one else good luck take care x

[Rosa20]

I was also a teen mum...which is why i said she will have no idea what shes getting herself into!! It very very hard work ..you being a teen mom should know how hard it is!! Did you get to finish school...i dont think the reason she wants to have a kid now is a very good one...she should have no prob having a baby later on!!

[Tracy21]

i agree 100% with your comment thats why i said dont jump into anything until you really think about it i do think she could have kids when shes older but she is going to do what she thinks anyway and i think we all know what she really wants to do if im wrong i will apologise but i think shes going to get pregnant no matter what anyone says on here i just hope she knows what she getting into theres no turning back. But likre i said its her life she can do what she thinks is right we can only give her our advice and move on we know what its like being a teen mum and its hard but if she thinks she can do it then we cant stop her i just hope she makes the right decision because its not a toy she can put in the toy box when she gets bored i really hope she make the right decision.

[sandy828]

my best friend is a teen mum and i lived with her for just over a year so i know exactly what its like. im not running blind into a decision. i havent even made one yet. in just want to get across that i do understand what its like. thanks for your advice tho

[Rosa20]

you may think hun that you know what its like but that baby was not yours....you didnt need to take full responsibility of that child...its different when there your own!! Im not telling you what to do...thats totally up to you..but to me it almost sounds like you want to have a baby and your using that pid as a excuse for people to tell you its ok!! Its not...and again just to get it across...ITS WAYYYYYYYYY different when there your own i cant stress that enough!!

[Kimberlee_20]

Well jesus, you've gotten a lot of NICE responses, I thought this website was for support not to judge. I know what it's like to not know if you can have a baby, I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 16, and my doctor told me my only chances of having a baby were between 16-20 and it scared the hell out of me, and of course all I could think about was should I have a baby now?! It's normal to ask yourself this question, don't let anyone make you feel like you're absolutely NUTS for thinking this. I was with my husband then, we weren't married yet, and talked about it. It's a lot to handle, I'm 24 now and expecting my first and still scared, I know you feel like you can do it, but think about babysitting a newborn for a night, and how stressful it is and imagine that for a LONG time. It's a great experience to have a baby, but something you should be absolutely positive you're ready for. You still have a lot of life to live also, but I hope you make the decision you think is right for you - and good luck!

[Kim1989]

kimberlee- youve posted twice with posts that are months and months old with answers as if they are recent.


just so you kno. shes been made up her mind to wait

[Kim1989]

i was pointing it out. sometimes people dont see the dates. i never said i was perfect

[mrz_honolulu]

y are these women meaning soo mean so what that she is dating a 23 year old when i was 16  my bf was 19 and now im 18 & hes now 21 bout to be 22 and im bout to be 19 sooo what!!!?????? im married to him and we do have our own place and we have our fist child on the way.... but that goes to show ur on the outside lookin in on ppls relationship soo dont judge ppl....!u dont know what life they live  all she did was ask a question you guys are alll off the subject(not everyone) ppl should not be judged on here your supposed to give advice not break them down!

[trixie1015]

I'm about to turn 36. I have 3 girls ages 17, 14, and 2. My husband and I really want to try for a boy. I had terrible hyper emices ( morning sickness the entire pregnancy) so I'm worried about feeling so bad while pregnant. Is it safe to try and get pregnant with my age, and the sickness?