From early adolescence i have had health issues and chronic pain . Muscle, joint , grinding and poping throughout even my collar bone and face. I get tired, back and body ache. hand wye coordination bad Slooking at comp 4 length of time.diagnoses fibromyalgia chronic fatigue) found myself off the cat acan as qell as MRI ...NOBODY TOLD ME. As well as (orgive me because i dont remember bname right now) my spine ... looked up. Its degeneration of joints and bones that started with my tmjoint. I told a dr. That i dont think i nees a dr. I think i need a dentist years ago . and he basically called me stupid told me not at all related. constant ear issues.So for 20 plus years health problems serious enough to stop my life as i wanted it. Its. undignified ,embarrasing also ive been sad. two major abuse relationships .throen down landed on back of head 20yrsold. Lost consciences, grasping air, no sight then gray later nose broke left side of face collapsed, ribs broke fractured several times, ice chest thrown at back popped soneting unable to walk, anymovement agonizing .uppercut to jaw. Several smaller incidents.no med attention . away ftom anyone otr thing so hostage .dr. 1x by him no escape.couldnt pay bills so moved to the city,able to leave. Dr. Had been seeking me endocarditus.Hospital 7 weeks. I also experience a series of musclespasms they look like a seizure but lasts about an hour hour-and-a-half . it feels like when your swimming and your foot cramps up but it happens in my entire back this happens once every 3 months after seems mybody resets.i know before they come ,eyes get very shallow for the few days I ramble alot distracts my head & body don't want to lay down I know they're coming it's very painful it will tighten and release again and again sweating,pull my hair to relieve or disract it. Start after candida trwated hollisticall. helped me for free abused for 6 months .everytime regular dr. tell them they said they do not acknowledge him and dismissed anything i would say. Again writing me off *** crazy or just another hypocondriac or attwntion seeker or crazy drug addict . Let me explain that last part. so for the last 20 years I have been in places that are very hard to imagine especially for myself I have tried everything under the sun to make whatever happens in the pain in my body go away. Probably every drug at one time known to man usually only once cuz i would know immediatly . I also would read and rwad i have a 12.9 in reading comprehension. I went to jr. College at 14 i play piano and i can excell in whatevwr it is i am doing ....ah...sometimes though which.has been very confusing . now the drugs that ive used that helped were iv both wys and they werw dilatan (?spelling) and amphetamines that i mixed woth some sort of rum but caused septicimia so i stopped mixing the drug with alchohal . The dilatin i liked to much and wantwd frwquently so i stopped using that and wont ever . So u see its not an addiction thing . I dont ike oppiates and refuse them becuase i want to know when its a beautiful day nor do i take phyce meds( my God is bigger and he seems to bkess me in ways throughout this that let me know that and as long as i hold my moral charactor and dont loose control and want to live to the best and fullest with the life given He will always be my rock ) ,,the amphetamine i got down to a science of two times very little through the day morning after coffee and brwakfast then about 3-5 p.m. then i function throughout the day on a normal level like everyone else . I have clarity in my thoughta enough to actually do tje tasks in my head and it doesnt seem so absolutly dreadful and overwelming ( i have spoken with two other woman that have fivro and degeneration they do the same on e is a hospital employee . ) no one would know. . couple problems that i have qith this method first im a beautidul girl and i dont think its cool . Also i now have permanent scars. people that use this drug I dont like most of them or their ways . plus sometomes if its cut it harms not helps.overall i thinkits speading up the process.people steriotype but nobosy knows unless i tell them .scars look recovered .throughout life and getting worse muscles hurt very badly and then sometimes I have no I have no energy I get confused it from time to time. I'm confident and this makes me periodically not comfortable some psychological damage still uncomfortable no. Body control people feel ugly freaky .try to hide fear that they will go away too.told I was crazy nothing wrong. questioned my own saniITY. fiance suicide psyche damage responsible for others self worth felt responsible i could hear them couldnt hear andy stayed in bad place. didnt want to be a "problem" i just wanted to be around nd bring the s a me aughter and love as anyone else ..contribute equally i guess dont loose them . .never even really liked him . I told him that often he said i was just ssaying it cuz i was mad . So he made the pain worse and then i was back to holding myself hostage cuz i hid . From the world barely even went to the store just me and my cat and the physical truama compounded it and it became physically emotional srezs truana . ...made it worse... and he knew thst. I had decided i was goig i had a bad spell bronchial infection and it made everytbi.g horrid and then he did the usual only this time i realky thought i was gonna go crazy i wasnt sure i was gonna come back i told him i was going to make him go away however possible cuz this physiacal pain is to much i cannot take it and i want a hole in the ground to swallow me up and here he comes to make the unbearable worae and then hurt me . R u kidding so i did not go crazy by Gods grace and after that i like woke up i guess . I remembered im better then all if it sick or not i stayed sick longer and it proggressed because of them and so i was packing and going to leave on first i told family they were suportive . he threw omething at my head all of a sudden my world went into a buzzing dark . then spjnning the ringing atleast a half hour hour . blood coming out directly up fto, corner of eyebrow hairline .. i packed & drove home bately riad in and out took4hours . I still get dizzy,short breathe,mouth.always dry,now headaches miastly now my teeth i told them i dont wanna loose any teeth its different for me it uoset alot of things and again no ody listened . So now i have lost topleft side in back 3one right top back and the bottom one back middle im horrified and its really making it worse on my entire frame i feel it is crumbling away more rapidly and i am staying on a friends coych with my cat and i have just landed a janitorial position for 3 hours eay morning everyday i can do tbat or i will . Ive gotten call baks on my applications for mRketing and advertising but i qm haulting that because i need this medical dobe and done quickly and this is the first time ive dobe what i wantex by asking u all online and telling all and i want my own litgle plqce to support myself and my litle animal frien and guve bak to life as Gody head worse now since head blow two months sgo. I know what I need to do but it gets hard for me to take those steps and I get confused and overwhelmed I don't know what's going to happen to me . refuse to just roll over so I tried to get up and do whatever it takes but then i get a whole lot of nothing done and it sedms somedays thst just the tssk of getting ready takes muh linger then it should plus 20 years and i was right the whole time the whole time all of it so .. im secure with that now no self doubt . But i need help pkeas
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