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The Chronic Pain Couch User Group
So depressed and scared
About This Group:

This is a great site for anyone suffering from Chronic Pain or has a Family member or Friend who suffers. A place where you can tell your story, find others with similar conditions or pain, help someone in need, read up on the latest Chronic Pain treatments or simply sit for a while. Chronic Pain as we all know can be debilitating and relentless. It is not prejudice in any way, shape, or form. It can strike without warning and stay for life. The Chronic Pain Couch is a place designed for your comfort, and please note.. You don't have to suffer from chronic Pain to be a part of this community, we offer a variety of other topics as well. I truly hope that you will come and join us. And remember, there is never a need to worry whether or not your post has been read, a member or myself (Molly) are generally available to read and respond to all posts that come our way...... We are always here for you. Together We CAN Make A Difference in each others lives and how we manage day to day in coping with our relentless pain. Warmest regards, Mollyrae, founder of The Chronic Pain Couch.

Founded by Mollyrae on September 22, 2009
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So depressed and scared

hi pain friends, I am sorry to seems negative (esp. this time of year) but I am so depressed and scared.  My pain is like a 20 on the scale and I can barely get out of bed lately.  I am terrifed like I am getting paralyzed.  I can barely get out of bed at this point, for like 2 weeks already.  I thought it would get a bit better.  I have dr. appt. tomorrow and don't even know how I'm going to get up and get ready and my legs hurt so bad when I try to walk even a few steps.

My husband has been mad at me and barely speaking to me the past week.  He leaves me alone and goes in  his room to sleep and doesn't talk to me and unless the aid is here (she comes 3 times a week for a few hrs. to help clean and cook a meal).  He says he *can't live like this* and I try to talk to him and he snaps at me and says he needs to get out and leaves me home alone and I'm stuck.  I know it's hard for him, but what can I do?

My son moved to China and I am all alone, I am scared and so sad.  I have no one else.  I was trying to cope and do meditating and breathing (thanks omhome, dalubaba) but it doesn't help my personal situation.  I need the help to function at all and can't do anything for myself....I've turned into an invalid.  How did this happen?  If I force myself to move, I scream in pain or I fall.

I've been married 28 yrs., why is my husband turning on me. He doesn't seem to care and I feel all alone in the world and why do I have to suffer?  I even called a Crisis Line the other day and the girl talked a while then said she *had to go*.  I feel unwanted, unloved, and in agony--I am getting frantic with no one to talk to , no one who cares....

I am so sorry but I feel really desperate and every dr. appt. is a disaster, and I'm sure this will be another one.  So sorry to burden you, but I just need to talk. I don't even have friends, no one to call.   I just feel like I am at the end of my rope and my life has fallen apart because of this pain and I'm just a burden to my husband and that's why my son left, too.  I did so much to help everyone when I was healthy...  I feel like I am losing my mind--maybe I am.  I am just crying and feel like a board from laying in bed all the time...I want to move but can't...

Thanks to anyone who listens.    Again, I am rambling, I can't be strong anymore.  I feel no purpose...will this pass?  I have anti-anxiety and antidepressants but nothing for pain (I am allergic).  Tylenol is like water.

Thank you again, I know this sounds bad but maybe if someone has any ideas what I should do?  I have no friends or anyone else to call?  

God bless you all.
54 Comments
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ok cindee----i want you to tell me again why it is that you can not take opiates ok? I'll have more for you later but gotta go now. Do post back about that would you?  Omhome
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Hi Om, thanks for answering.  I know that was a terrible post.  I cannot take opiates because I have some sort of allergic reaction to all of them--projectile vomiting, shaking,  headache.  

Over the years I tried them all.  I can only take like Advil or aspirin type meds, which do nothing for the pain, neither did the epidural shots.  I have lidoderm patches, which aren't very effective.

This is why I feel so hopeless.  I keep asking the doctors there must be something , some other person  in the world who can't take oxycontin or fentanyl patches and vicodin.  I can't be the only one.  They just say--nothing I can do.
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Avatar_m_tn
cindee they are wrong and i am going to help you get thru this ok? Hang on just a while and please just stop worrying and wasting time and energy fighting with your husband. Let him do "whatever" and you take care of cindee. Please. Let that all goooooo! HA!
     Now-----it won't hurt (yeah i know) ---to talk with many other resources about your problem with opiates. Talk with some of the nurses--docs----helpers---whoever with experience with opiates. CINDEE you can very very very likely get some great relief with opiates and i think something else happened before when you tried. Maybe too big a dose at first. Who knows---but i know it is extremely rare to be allergic so Please get relief!
      Does your husband not want you to take opiates---your church---family ???  
     OK cindee i am here and others are too and the cavalry is comin' and i can hear the bugles a callin'     omhome
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I have read almost all your posing.In spite of all these constraints, your thinking is clear in narrating your issues. It is true when one is chronically ill in a family,family members are distressed and behave in an obnoxious manner. Yes, it is a difficult situation.If opiate works as per OM's suggestion, it will be a great relief to you.
Best of luck.
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Avatar_m_tn
cindee---ask at addiction place about the reaction to opiates--many experience what you did the first time especially if they gave you too much. takes a while to adjust. just see cindee---ya never know.  om
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Thanks,burt have tried low dose oxycontin, vicodin, , the lowest possible patches (different kinds) and just can't seem to tolerate them.  I also have other health issues, like Highblood pressure, liver problem (this is a new one I found out today), Type 2 Diabetes, extremely high cholesterol, thyroid, overweight.  So they say to me *with your history we don't want to try more pain meds.*

They just keep offering those epidural shots and anti-depressants...

Now I need 3MRI'son my back, a huge mass on my thigh which is like a hard grapefruit needs an MRI  and have an abnormal EKG so I have to see a cardiologist.

I am so overwhelmed, and at this point feel like I'm just dying.  Again, I went to the doctor and got more bad news.....and I;m still in pain...

Maybe after I get these tests (I dread them--the pain) I will ask again about the meds cuz I cannot believe they let me live like this.


Thank you both for caring and I will continue to work on calming....
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Avatar_f_tn
If you cannot tolerate pain meds ask about a nerve stimulator. There is a trial one that can be put in place for a couple days and if you get relief they can implant one permanently. They have to be put in the precise area to work effectively but some people have had great results with them. Look up Medtronic nerve stimulator online to read about it. Another option would be to try and take Lyrica for your leg pain. It worked wonders for my nerve damage.
I hope you get some pain relief very soon my dear
Ginger
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Hi Cindee...

Sorry I didn't see this post sooner. I am so sorry that you feel the way you feel. And it is hard when you're in pain and it seems that there is nothing you can do but lay around. Believe me if anybody knows I have been there and I know. I also have a 25 year marriage that is stressed do too several factors so I can feel your pain there.  I just want you to know that you are not alone. And as soon as you feel even a little bit better I would say get into a group therapy for anxiety or depression. For 1 it will give you a place to talk and for 2 it will introduce you to others in your area and maybe build some friendships. Also I would request your doctor give you a prescription for what is called a TENS unit I have 1 of these and I use it everyday. It is similar to the stimulator that ginger was talking about except you have small contacts that you put where the pain is and then you control the pulse and the intensity. More coming
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I am so sorry that you have to go through this. And wish I was closer and could do something to help you. It is very stressful and I agree with om in saying not to worry about your husband let him go and do his own thing don't let his stress and his anger get to you don't let it hurt you it is his problem. I know it is a hard thing to say and a harsh way to think for your own sanity sometimes it's just better. Don't say anything to him don't instigate or aggravate just ignore him and tell him that you are not going to talk to him until he has nice things to say to you. Then you need to focus on yourself you need to get yourself stronger and you need to stay positive you need to find your self worth it's hard but you have to you have to for your own sanity. You brought life into this world you have a son that is amazing that is something awesome that you have done I bet if you think card you can tell me a couple more really awesome things that you have done. So I will post back after I see something from you telling me something awesome about yourself something positive. Just remember we are here we can't listen but we can read and that as long as we are here you are not alone.
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Oh and 1 more thing while you're looking for that awesome thing I want you to do some stretches ankle rolls you can look them up on the Internet that's some stretches will really help loosen up those muscles and maybe give you some relief do it until you feel it but not until you're crying and only if you can. Okay now I am really going. I will be looking for the postCindee
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1683709_tn?1370713201
Dear Cindee,

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, and feeling alone.
I often feel alone with my pain too, that is why I am so thankful that I found this site.  We are here for you Cindee, and I think we can understand the amount of pain you are in. It really *****!

I really struggled to find the right drug that I could tolerate too. I  was also vomiting with the oxycodones and percocets, but it isn't an allergy it was a bad side effect.  Everyone reacts differently to pain meds.
I wondered who on earth could be come addicted to these pills, when I couldn't even keep them down?

I did get a lot of relief from the fentanyl patch.  It made me very sleepy and I was having hot flashes, but I think it would be worth the trade off to get you more comfortable and out of so much pain.

Morphine was the best pain killer for me,  I had no trouble taking it for a few years.  Constipation and dry mouth were the main side effects.  Like all these meds, you need to take them regularly or you will go into withdrawal.
After a few years I needed to change meds, because I was in a bit of a brain fog.

But I probably would not be here today, if it wasn't for the pain relief I got from the morphine.  I think in the U.S. they also offer morphine pumps, so  the drug goes directly into your spinal cord, and you get far fewer side effects!  I wanted to try the morphine pump, but it is not offered in Canada.

But again Cindee, you need to take something for your pain,  this will help you gain control over your life and your other health concerns.

Have you tried Tramadol, Ultram?  It can be a very good pain killer too.  It's not as good for my pain as the morphine was, but it is less addictive.  I am taking it right now with Tylenol 3's and my medical marijuana.
I also take meds for anxiety and depression.  You can take blood pressure meds with opioids too, just ask your pain Dr.

The one thing I wish I could take are NSAIDs, but I ruined my stomach when I first experienced this back pain 20 years ago!!  My surgeon gave them to me and I was on them for 3 years. I took them like candy (big mistake) They really helped the pain but I developed ulcers.  Today they have stomach pills you can take with the anti inflammatory drugs, so they can be less harmful to your stomach.

We are all here for you Cindee, you deserve to get some pain relief.
When I am at that pain level, I can't think or function either,  and then the depression kicks in.

Please go back to the Dr. or the Hospital, and try something else.  Opioid drugs are used to treat chronic pain patients, that's us!  Please don't be scared of the medications, be brave and try, try again.
Sue xoxo
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Avatar_m_tn
cindee cindee cindee isn't it so cool and must be reassuring when you have such friends and ones who respond when you need them. Ya know i wish we had one of those multiple-screen-conference thingys like with all of us on the big screen tv by your bedside being able to talk together in real time (or even just close to it). MAN! Would that freak your husband out!!!!  
      Hang in there cindee---sometimes that is really all you can do--just Abide.    Just abide.    With each focused breath and in your inner voice saying  "i just abide" and as each breath calms saying "i abide" "i abide" and then in the now longer pauses between your breaths saying "abide" abide" et. cindee ask motown it works!
     Now. Do each abide cycle for only about ten breaths---no more---it won't hurt you to do more burt you want to keep it fresh and not wear yourself out over it OK?   Just that for now cindee and more later after you do this one (with your other practices!!---don't leave them out)  YES YES YES!  Omhome





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i just had to say that i am so effing proud of this group of suffering folks who take the time and effort to share some positive energy with another. Truly---that's pretty darn Cool!      om
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Thank u all--much love and I am grateful for you all.  I am scared to go to ER--last time I did that they didn' t believe my pain  levels and I was crying so much they said I needed to go to mental place--I had to go to one for 3 days till a very kind psychiatrist said no, you are really in oain and let me out--now tha was like 5 yrs ago.  So I'm terrifoed to go to hospital--I can't go thru that again.  And at that time the pain wasn't nearly even this bad.  My legs, except my knee, were ok. Now i can't walk or sit at all.

Sorry--just waned to explain.
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I did a lot of help to a (former) friend who's son died.  I was there for her and took her to dr's and talked to her and exercised (when I used to, like 10yrs. ago).  
But when I got sick, she just got mean and said I was a baby--so I hung up on her.

Let me think--I took care of my mother, who had Alzheimer's, for 10 yrs. (no help there either from my two sisters), but I loved my Mom.  She died in 2006.  My Dad died in 1995.  I took care of their grave, until about 2 yrs. I ccouldn't do it anymore--I feel bad.

My son--I do think I was a good Mom, I taught him to read when he was only 3 (he's really smart).  He is gone now though--he lost patience with me too but I know he loves me.  He lives and works in China.  He likes it, has the girlfriend there, he speaks Mandarin.  If he comes home, it will just be a little while......

Do these count?

I hope everyone is feeling better than I am today, you guys are keeping me going today my back is just so bad--I think it was that horrible chair in the dr. office and waiting....maybe tomorrow will be better--see, om, I am trying to be hopeful?  You must all think I am really nuts at this point!

How is this?  
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That was a wonderful start Cindy but I want to hear more. I know you did good thing let me hear about thank you did last year little things. Holding the door open, buying the perfect present, take care of an animal, tell someone a joke when I needed to hear it. Come on I know you got it let's think hard. I can remember I came from hey hard home to grow up in and did a lot of things to be ashamed of but then I went to school and became a social worker and I helped a lot of families stay together.  I know I will never be able to do that type of work again but when I'm feeling down I look back at a certain case or a particular family and remember what I did for them and it makes me smile. Every time you do something it has a chain reaction 1 good thing that happened in your past could have started a whole chain of events that you are unaware of. So you need to find the good thing you did, smile, make an imaginary story of how what you did started a chain reaction what were the events that possibly happen afterwards. For example you but a friend
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I was trying to edit and hit the post button sorry for the typos at the end I am on my phone.

But what I was trying to get it is instead of sitting there swelling on the pain and thinking of how much you are hurting try to think of something good that you did something small something we can go on and then private message me and we will create a story.
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I was trying to edit and hit the post button sorry for the typos at the end I am on my phone.

But what I was trying to get it is instead of sitting there swelling on the pain and thinking of how much you are hurting try to think of something good that you did something small something we can go on and then private message me and we will create a story.
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Hi Cindee,
I couldn't sleep so I'm up it's 4am.
I wanted to send you some love and kindness.  I wish I could wrap it up in a box and send it to you :)

You don't need to apologize for asking for help, or explaining your situation.
It sounds like you are a kind loving person to others, so please be kind to yourself. When I was being hard on myself, my psychologist asked me to start treating myself like I would treat my best friend or parent if they were going through this pain and suffering!

Those words definitely had a huge impact on how I thought about myself.
Love yourself, care for yourself, and pamper yourself.  Surround yourself with things you love.  Is it your pets, or maybe some cozy bedding and pillows to help make you more comfortable.  

Try to do one thing a day, even if it is having a shower and getting dressed.
That can be a huge accomplishment if you are sick.  When my pain is off the charts, that is usually my goal for the day!  Even if I go back to bed,
at least I feel clean and proud for accomplishing something important. What most people take for granted!

Maybe you could get a book or some movies to try and distract yourself. I also enjoy my relaxation cd's and yoga dvd's, these are great when I'm in too much pain to go to a class.   And then when you feel you have a tiny bit of energy, do some stretching and play your favourite music.  I love Christmas carols, so I love listening to the radio right now.

Also if you can, buy yourself flowers and your favourite chocolate, (even if you have to order from the store and have it delivered)  learn to be your own best friend :)

And then make a Dr. appointment, be your own advocate, and tell the Dr. what you need.  Dont say what will you do for me?  Say my pain is unbearable and this is what I need.  Honestly, I usually go with a list of drugs that I haven't tried, and I say I need something strong for my pain.

Maybe you can say, Look Dr., I can't cope and I can't live in this pain anymore? I need something strong to stay sane and comfortable.  And if you can't help me, please send me to a pain Dr. who can. This is urgent for my wellbeing.

It sound like you've been a great advocate when a family member needs help?
So please act like a mother bear, and get yourself the help you deserve.

I hope I don't sound preachy, but I don't want you to suffer, when you deserve to be treated seriously and with respect and kindness.
Love sue

Hopefully I can get a few more hours sleep.  Marijuana to the rescue!!

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hey is sue's advice and compassion the best you have ever seen~!!!
and no you don't sound preachy sue. all of us can benefit from what you shared.   om
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Sue, thank you so much and for thinking of me and my situation.  I try to be firm and have asked the doctors -- they have given me stronger stuff, but  I have so many other health problems and I always have bad side effects.

They just keep asking me to do more tests, which I say I can't tolerate (eap. MRIs) but it's complicated.....I had a pain dr. who actually dropped me...I don't know it must be something I am doing wrong or maybe when I go in there I am actually so good at Faking it by now--then I cry when I get home.

It's a big mess.  

I hope you and everyone else here, friends,have a good weekend and I appreciate so much the support!
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are ya ok cindee---let us know hon we worry about you?   Omhome
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2183581_tn?1369941147
Good morning Cindee hope you are doing better today.  Just wanted to chime in and send you some gentle hugs.  Please listen to Sues advice and treat yourself like you would some other person who is in pain. You deserve it the times and not so hard on yourself.
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hey cindee how are you? Please let us know ok. And PLEASE RE-READ this whole bunch of beautiful compassion from your group members---quite a response ya know.  ok--more soon cindee---post in ok?
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387767_tn?1345875627
Hi all my pain friends  -thank you for all your help and Happy New Year to everyone--I pray it will be healthier and less pain for us all.  Om, I a, still doing breathing but haven't got much beyond that.

Rough pain in all JOints and my legs--the cold doesn't help.  Can't wait for spring already.
  
I have a lot of tests and something with my EKG isn't right. and I have a series of MRIs coming up, so I'm very nervous.

How is everyone else?  What is going on?  Any new group people?
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1683709_tn?1370713201
Hi to all my CP friends :)
Happy New Year, let's all fight this stupid pain thing this year.

It is great to hear from you Cindee. Try not to be nervous of the Mri's.
That is where I always use my yoga breathing, and I don't panic at all.

Well I had a good Christmas, relaxing with the family. My kids were all home, so it was nice to see everyone.  But on New Years day, my 22 year old daughter (who has never been a big drinker) was so, so sick.  We were going to play scrabble or Settlers of Catan (my new Christmas game.) and just relax New Years day.

My husband had picked her up from a party on New years eve, and then around 7am she started vomiting?  I just thought oh boy, she's going to have a rough hang over.
But by 2pm she was still so sick. I got her gravol and gatorade, but they didn't help.  Then I noticed that her face and hands were turning blue?  I took her temperature and it was 95.5f, and she was cold and shaking. She said she felt like she had a pins and needles feeling all over her body.

I was really concerned and called 911.  The paramedics were great, they got her hooked up to oxygen, an iv drip, and gave her a shot to help her stomach.  Apparently she was hyperventilating and also starting to get hypothermia?  So we spent our New Years Day at the ER.

I must say the paramedics and nurses were wonderful, but so busy.  Stretchers of people were lined up through the hallways! They were pretty sure she had alcohol poisoning, but also wondered if someone had put something in her drinks?

In just a few hours, they did blood work and sent her for an abdominal x-ray. I was really impressed with all the help we got.  And everyone was kind, they didn't try to lecture her or make her feel bad.

We came home late in the evening. and omg what did I do?  I got out of the car and then it felt like slow motion, i feel backwards on the ice!!  I landed on my right side, from my neck to shoulder, elbow, wrist and ankle!  I am usually so careful when it is icy out.  I am so mad at myself. Not only has my daughter been in bed these last few days, but I have been too. OMG
it was so stupid.

So the moral to my story is, next New Years I am going to go out and party :)
If I'm going to be bedridden, I may as well have some fun first. lol
I'm sure my daughter isn't thinking that right now, she is saying I will never drink again!

Well I'm feeling pretty lucky that my daughter is going to be ok.  And I'm glad she was at home and not at school. I have never seen anyone with alcohol poisoning before, but I had heard of it, so I am glad I followed my gut instinct to call 911.

Take care everyone, lets have a happy, safe, and a less painful year.
Love Sue
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I'm so sorry--you must have been so stressed, and we know that makes everything worse.  IHopefully your daughter learned a lesson.\]

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Read your post and I have got to say, you are going through hell woman. That is a lot to deal with on one plate. Damned life happens and then it happens to you.
I see that you have some strength and support behind you and I am glad to see that.
I have had a lot of experiences myself over the years that have left me devastated. I buried two wives, took care of some veteran friends and they died, lost all my family as of 2007, I have been disabled since 2001,had multiple surgeries, scar tissue that causes pain as a result of some of the surgeries, been to hundred of doctors for treatment BUT somehow I survive. I do not know why. I really though I would be dead by now. For some reason, I am still on this earth for a purpose and I am not going to question why. I have survived life to this point and wonder what is going to happen next.
This year for the first time, I had to concentrate on someone else instead of myself. My caregiver wanted to celebrate the holidays and this time of year is always rough for me. I lost all my family around this time of year and the memories still live. When my caregiver asked to celebrate the holidays, I had to stop thinking about me and share something he wanted for himself. I did not realize how selfish I had become until I saw what this was doing to him. He has been at my side through the good and the bad and now he wanted to do something for himself and all I could think about were my memories. I learned to let go of those memories and learned to share with someone who really cares about me. I focused on making his holidays bright and doing something for him for all the help he has given me.
To help myself get though the memories of the past, I created a website of family members and friends that have gone before with pictures of the good times and the tears that followed. I had my cry and moved on to focus on see a smile on someone else's face that maybe I could add. What a difference that made. He decorated the house, made a very nice dinner and we enjoyed the holidays without any drama.
It's hell to wonder why. It's hard to answer the questions we have no answer for. It takes A LOT OF STRENGTH TO MOVE FORWARD and leave the past behind. Mental strength is the best medicine you can use against any foe that tries to creep it's ugly head. Without the angel on my shoulders (my caregiver), I would not have survived but I do  and I continue because I know someone else cares. That is why we are all here. To survive, care and help in any way we can. Just realize you are not alone and that is why we are here.
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Avatar_m_tn
i have never heard it said better madman---thank you.    omhome
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387767_tn?1345875627
madman, thank you for this.  I am sorry about your family.  I have my husband, but it's hard --he has health issues too and is not very social--I like to talk more-.  My son moved to China, lives with girlfriend and works there.  My sisters do not really care or contact me.  I have called them, but they have no interest...it hurts, but I am NOT A SELFISH PERSON.  I am a very compassionate, caring person.  I took care of my mother for 12 yrs,--she had Alzheimers, she passed 7 yrs. ago ...

I do understand what you're saying.  I do anything I can --  order groceries online. pay some bills, straighten my personal things and try to keep my room in order.  Anytime my son calls, I talk to him and give him the best Motherly advice I can.  I like to help MedHelp people.  It just isn't really much....you know if I could get some pain relief I could have a better quality of life and tolerate some pain b ut the drs. situation really frustrates me the most--besides the constant pain..

Bless you and I am grateful for your reply.  God bless.
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3112530_tn?1342559764
After being in touch with you I do understand that you are a very compassionate person who cares. It is very rough when you feel you are fighting alone and even the doctor won't listen. I hear your frustration and wish I could offer a direction. Maybe getting the doctor to listen to one pain problem at a time (if that will help any, but if they are not listening). I know I was offered the spinal cord stimulator or maybe a pain pump would help you. Please research these two areas before making any decisions, they have drawbacks.
It is horrible to feel alone when you are in pain and no one listens. I know that I have been in bed watching old TV movies and just not moving on my bad days. Hoping sleep would give me a break from all the pain.
Willing to listen and hope you find one day or one hour pain free and wish I could offer something more. You have a voice that needs to be heard. We have compassion to share with you and a voice to hopefully help you through the bad days even if the doctor can't. At least you know you are not alone here.
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yep! i will second that madman--not alone--not alone--thank god almighty not alone.       om
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Thank you so much for what you said..  It is rough with the doctors--one thing is also that I have so many issues, I know it's a lot, but I feel they are all connected.  I definitely have DDD, like you, neck herniations and knee issues, but I have strange stuff like rashes and and stomach problems , swelling and my regular HBP and high cholesterol.  As far as my back and nerve pain, different opinions.  I was told to have surgery by one, then not by another.....

I have to go back to hospital on Tues. to get that echocardiogram stress test finished because I only got thru half of it--it was 3 hrs. of them pressing on my back and ribs and all the painful spots---I dread this and I know what the pain is going to be...and they are going to give me drugs to stimulate working the heart since I can't walk on treadmill.  I'm terrified, but I have to do it because my EKG was abnornal and I can't get the MRI's without a normal EKG.  So PLEASE I just pray the heart is OK.  Strong history of heart disease on my Dad's side.

I guess I have to think things can't get worse, but I know they can.....but you all help me a lot on MedHelp and I'm still breathing....

Hope your pain is well controlled Madman and thanks for listening. Oh, by the way, TV is all I do and computer, sometimes read, play word games.  But I'm so sick of it--I want to get out and be in the world, you know.  
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Sorry to hear o much of what is going on with you.
It seems the doctors need to take care of one problem at a time before they can move on to the next, so try and organize your issues when you talk to them. Tell them about the side effect caused by the drugs you cannot take and maybe they can give you something to help the side effects. Something is causing all these problems and you have got to get a doctor to listen. Stay calm when you talk to the doctor. Organize your thoughts. Has Fibromyalgia been mentioned? Look that up on the internet to see if that fits your symptoms. Could the medications you are currently taking causing some of these side effects. Ask you doctor this. Get your doctor focused on what is causing the rashes and some of these other issues.
I know the pain is there but there has got to be something you can take besides the morphine to help with the pain. Sometimes it is a trade off for pain medications but if you take something for the side effects, that might give your body a chance to feel the pain medication. Those are the choice.
Get your doctors to talk to one another. I know that i difficult but if you have to write to the hospital director to get them all together to focus, then do it. I had to and it took a while but finally got all the doctors on the same page when I wrote to the hospital director about my case.
I know the anxiety and fear of what you are going through is very scary. You have got to take control of the fear and put it on the back burner. Fear is just an emotional reaction to the unknown. Keep the emotions in check and learn how to deal with them. This is why the doctor do not want to move forward with you case. If you have a reaction to everything, how can they treat? Most everything has an answer and you need to be pro-active in order for the doctors to listen to you.
I know the doctors will limit their attention when they see they cannot help. That appears to be what you are experiencing.
I know you are experiencing a LOT of personal problems which will create more anxiety. The doctors only care about your medical history. They are cold blooded that way.
From the posts I read, I know you are going through a lot. You have got to learn to help yourself when no one else wants to listen to you. I feel helpless myself in offering advise to you. I wish I could offer more. I want to help but don't know how. Reading your history had created anxiety in me, because I know there has got to be something that can be done. I here to listen and help in any way I can. I am not a doctor but have spent 21 years in the medical field working in hospitals. There are cases out there like yours, but it takes one problem to be solved before you can move on to another. That is how you can help yourself, especially when no one wants to listen. I wish I could offer more advise but I am here to listen if that helps any.
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Hi Madman. the reason I am stuck in bed is the referring leg pain from my back,  Im canot take any narcotics at all-all I have is Tylenol.  they all make me vomit--it's a big problem, hence, I get nopain relief and annot move at all.  I can take a low dose of Vicodin, but it does nothing except constipate me and then make me feel sick after a while.  Morphine is really hard on my stomach.   I do have pills for the acid reflux.

It is like a balancing thing--they want me on statins cuz my cholesterol and triglycerides are over 400, but that worsens my muscle and joint pain, but it's risky for the heart.....

It is overwhelming and I get very discouraged, as I am sure many others do.  Having people to talk to really helps.

I recently started with a new therapist who wants to try to hypnotize me as a way of coping with the pain.  I'm not the type to do that kind of thing--I'm very  much a *realist* so to speak and I told her I don't know that much about it, but if she's going to tell me to close my eyes and imagine myself on a beach somewhere it won't work on me because I know I'm in my bed in the same room with the pain--she laughed at that.  We'll see I guess.

Thanks fo  your time all.

.
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Hey Cindee,
I just read the last few posts again. I think madman has a lot of good advice about organizing your health issues.  And the  possibility of
getting your Dr's together to discuss options for you? I definitely agree, treating one issue at a time, or else everything is too much to handle. And then you could try slowly, to treat each ailment individually.

I'm sure you are trying so hard to cope with your pain, and live one day at a time, like so many of us do. I hope you are having a good day, today.

I was interested in the hypnosis you mentioned. If you try it, let us know how it works for you. My mum, who is 81, is a "therapeutic touch" practitioner.
She was a trained nurse, then social worker and after retiring wanted to learn more about alternative healing?  She volunteers her treatment at the hospital, mostly for cancer or palliative care patients.  Some people have felt less pain and more comfortable after a treatment. She helps a lot of people fall asleep with her relaxation stories. And she has friends dropping by her house with painful injuries, and they feel her treatments really help to heal them. Unfortunately for me, the treatment doesn't help my back pain, but I definitely feel relaxed and calm like a meditation.

Honestly if I heard someone was a healer, I would definitely give it a try.
I think I might even re-try acupuncture, since Om, has found some relief!
And yes it is great that it is covered by some health care plans.

Ok, well my rest is almost over, and I'm going to make dinner for my sister's gang. 3 more days, and I will be back in my own bed!! I can't believe how much difference a good bed makes, to the quality of my life.
Take care, Sue

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cindee and sue and others who are "missing from posting" please say hi so we know you are ok---i get worried especially right now for sue and cindee.   Omhome says hi and i miss you guys.     om
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Hi Om, and all my other friends.
Wow I've had a crazy few weeks. My husband is working in Houston for a few weeks. I'm really missing him, and his good cooking lol. Just one more week to go.

I've been trying to deal with my sister who needed my help to leave her abusive husband. She's getting depressed and has been considering reconciling. Oh my god I was so mad at her, she allowed him into her rented home, and her teenage girls were crying and upset. So now she is upset with me for  speaking my mind, and telling her "to wake up and smell the coffee"!

It's hard for me to help her, when I live so far away. But I've contacted a few of her friends, who I got to know while I was in Halifax, so they are going to visit her and encourage her to be strong.  It's hard for me to understand abused women,  and their desire to continue in theses awful relationships?I've never been in that situation, so it's hard to give advice, but I will protect her children. I told her that if she goes back to him, her kids can come and live with me.

So my harsh word have started some family drama and my sister isn't speaking me. My parents are going out to stay with her for a few weeks at Easter, they are in their 80's and have been so worried that they aren't sleeping. So I'm feeling pretty sad.

Now for me, I had a good deep tissue massage this week. I felt a little bruised the next day, but it was good to get all the knots in my back worked out. And I also had my Botox injections in my back this week too. I felt good, so then silly me,  I went and overdid some chores that I wanted to get done!  I also stripped some wallpaper at our stupid rental property, it feels so good to be physically productive and I really miss that feeling.

So of course I'm paying the price and have been in bed for the last 2 days and taking extra painkillers!!  We've had quite a bit of icy snow the last few days, so I can't get out anyway and I'm too scared of falling.  I'm really blessed to have my youngest son at home, especially when my husband is away. He has been grocery shopping, doing laundry  and even cooking for me. He's 20 years old, and I think he will make an excellent husband/father one day :)

Well I've had enough of winter, that's for sure. 22 days until spring, yeah, but for southern Ontario spring doesn't really start until May. So two more months and then I can open my pool; I will be counting the days.

I do have a question for my American friends!  My husband is going to a conference in Florida, we are thinking of making it a little vacation and spending an extra couple of days there. But I would really like to bring my "sweet grass" with me.  What is Florida like when it comes to medical marijuana?  There isn't a balcony at this hotel, so I would have to smoke discreetly outside, what is your opinion? Should I leave it at home and bring morphine instead, or should I just be myself and bring it?  I would appreciate all your opinions.

Also if anyone understands about abusive relationships, maybe you could explain my sister's behaviour? I don't know how to help?

Thanks everyone for reading and listening. Cindy I hope you are ok too?
Let us know what's going on. I hope you all have ways to cope with your pain today. Sue xoxo
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hi sue---really glad to hear from you and to hear your story----sorry about the ongoing drama.
     As for the pot i think you might call one of the places where you get your "permit". Or hey----call Florida Chamber of blah blah and ask 'em! Ha!
    I'll have more for you about your sister later. Ok?     Omhome
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Cindee????? C'mon hon just check in with your friends. Just a quick hello?  
I miss hearing from you.   omhome
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Hi Om and all, I am sorry I have not been here.  I'm just in a very very bad plce of unrelenting pain and also family issues.....I had a few appointments and tests but no pain relief.  I just am giving up any hope and don't want to be posting all my depressing stuff.

Love you all..
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thanks cindee and no need to be sorry hon. You have pain-friends here and it is ok to post anything you want to---it helps. Remember to take an occasional pain break for one breath---just imagine a lessening of pain for that few moments---it will work cindee and it will become more powerful as pain relief each time. Exaggerate the relief--imagine it lessening for just a moment. Please do not lose hope! We are here. Right group??  om
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Do you want me to come and visit me.
It could be fun, I could make you my special brownies?
We could invite everyone, and have a pot, pain, party :)

But I am serious, if you would like to get away for a break.
Sending my love,
Sue xoxoxo
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Hi,
I am new here - this is actually my first post. I understand alot of what you are going through. I have had chronic back pain and issues for 15 years. My wife has basically "run out of compassion" My pain meds have become a problem on occasion, - One of the reasons why i had spinal cord stimulator surgery last week. The doctor put in  "paddle leads" so the surgery also included a laminotomy at t9. I have been keeping a video journal of my recovery - and tell a bit of my story too. Here is the link to my videos.. hope they help. Maybe a spinal stimulator is an option for you.

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5Bu-q-H-lpChaONJnVGZdqxMfOd3w0PS

Peace & Blessings
Larry

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hi larry and thanks for posting!! Welcome to our humble little group (help us grow if you can).  Blessings to you my new pain-cult-member! HA!  omhome
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I would surely watch your video as spinal stimulation can be useful in many different conditions. Thanks for taking pain to share your experience.
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Watched you post op 6 video and sorry to hear you are in so much pain.
My experience in this area has been that doctors have recommended the SCS for my degenerative joint/disk disease BUT after going through the psychological testing (which I had to pay for), my doctor THEN turns around and says she does not think I am a candidate for this. (he is the one who recommended this to me and then changes her mind)
I am leery on this procedure. It may not be the best fit for me. I had a Botox injection to the piriformis muscle which was one of my pain issues and that helped tremendously. Since I have lost confidence in my pain management doctor (they keep changing my doctor and each time instead of reading my medical history, they ask the same questions over and over again), I will be looking for a new pain management team that can actually TREAT instead of argue with me. I had to fight to get this injection which did me a world of good. There are more doctors out there that are educated in the latest techniques of pain management. My pain management doctor continued to refill my morphine without question but drugs were not working for me. Nerve blocks and the Botox injections helped very much and I will keep you advised of my latest adventure. Pain level is down but still have pain along with the latest symptom of muscle spasms. Yes I take muscle relaxers but spasms are really bad. Just a new symptom but at least I am walking again.
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i get spasms too madman and about all i know to do is just wait for them  to pass while massaging or pressing on them.   om
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I think my body does not like what  I am 'training' it to do. At least the muscles are responding. I do a lot of walking on a good day and I think my muscles just don't like the changes I am putting them through. I will fight back with more determination to put these muscles in their place. Tough luck, I WIN!
Muscles 0, Mad Man 4.
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I like what i am hearing madman-----we both have to keep walking ---as soon as we stop--we stop!  Good to hear from you.   om
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Well for my age, I am still working what ever I can for what ever is left. I see improvement with the new treatment I am getting, don't know how long it will last but enjoying every minute of it. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. For now, I am enjoying the moments that are with 'A Tear and A Smile" (Kahil Gibran - beautiful story that I still remember).
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well here is that pest omhome putting out another call for cindee. Hello hon. why not say hi so i can stop worrying about you. I figure you are here with us and reading etc. just nice to hear from you.   om
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I'm still here, just depressed and family stuff, pain is ridiculous.  I'm trying to think of some good news...I still didn't get those stupid MRI's--what are they going to show, my back will certainly not be better.  Iam still arguing about it with my husband.

My son is still gone and I hardly get to talk to him, which doesn't help.

Oh, I do have something GOOD --  I lost 10 lbs!!!!  This was incredibly hard being I can barely walk.  But it's something--I need to lose a lot more, but I am proud of that----

Hope everybody is OK.

Love to all....
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Yes it is something cindee. Now---get strong--build on it---stay strong---c'mon hon i am proud of you and you can do it!    

om
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