Convinced That I Am Slowly Dying - ThyCa/Lymphoma

Hello, I am a (white) 22 year old mother of two... also, a wife. I was diagnosed with three masses when I was 16-17 years young. I registered via this forum, due to my extreme fear of having thyroid/lymphoma cancer. I do get yearly ultrasounds, however, I am refusing a biopsy; though, my Endo. isn't too concerned -- the masses have been stable, since they were discovered. I told them that if my nodules ever needed to be biopsied, just take the suckers out! I have my personal reasons, trust me. Anyway, I'll cut to the chase:

- 2CM complex thyroid nodule, which is hard/firm/fixed and not very mobile.
- 9MM hypoechogenicity (sp?) thyroid nodule, possibly solid.
- "Pinky print" sized firm/fixed mass on my mastoid bone.
- All the above were found at 16 (17?) years old and remain stable.
- My g'ma had a thyroid nodule, sadly she died (of old age) and don't know much about it.
- I also get this dry cough that is daily, but not constant.
- I do have daily and almost constant heart palpitations, though.
- All blood work'n tests came out "normal," every single time.
- I've seen 3 different ENTs/Endos, so... yeah, none of them seem too concerned.

Why do I believe that I have cancer? Simple. I see a lot of risk factors, but none of my doctors are worried (yes, I've even mentioned all of my concerns to them.) Moving on, here is a short list of reasonings:

- My age! 22, but this was all discovered in my teens.
- My masses, come on... hard, firm, fixed, hypoechogenicity (sp?)
- The mastoid bone "lump," just seems too... odd, I guess.
- I do have bad dental issues and use to have severe ear infections.
- My daily cough, which could be from smoking cannabis 3-4 times a day.
- Have my card for pretty intense scoliosis; meds. won't work and make me feel horrible. It also helps with my depression, so...
- Other medical issues include, but are not limited to:

Anxiety, panic attacks, Duanes syndrome, OCD, oh... I'm also a hypochondriac, surprised? I'm serious about this post, however.

Bored, yet? Almost done! My next appointment(s) are next month, for another ultrasound. Should I just have them yank it out? Advice, please. I feel like everything I do is pointless, since I'm just going to "die off" soon.

Thanks!

(P.S. I've tried anti-depressants and I will not consume any more, gained weight and was partly suicidal. Also, in the process of looking for a new "shrink," since I moved to a new state.)

For anyone/everyone wanting to know why I am refusing a biopsy, it's because... for me, it'd be pointless. You see, if I got a biopsy and it turned out to be benign -- it would NOT matter to me, because I worry so much! I'd constantly be thinking "What happens if they missed the cancer?" That constant worry doesn't seem fun to me, so it stays - or, it goes. If any of that made sense.

Ultrasounds, in order:

09/04/08
History: Thyroid mass.
Impression: Nonspecific appearing complex cystic mass in the left lobe of the thyroid. Follow-up studies are recommended to determine stability.
Procedure: Real-time sonographic examination of the thyroid gland was preformed.
Findings: The right lobe of the thyroid measures 4.7x2.1x1.9CM and the left measures 5.0x1.1x1.4CM. There is a somewhat complex cystic structure in the right lobe of the thyroid measuring 1.3x2.4x2.2CM. This has multiple septations along with posterior acoustic enhancement.

01/06/09
History: Follow-up right lobe cystic mass.
Impression: Cystic and solid masses related to the right thyroid lobe, unchanged since the prior examination.
Procedure: The study was performed using real small parts scanner with color flow doppler.
Findings: The right lobe measures 2.0x2.1x5.5CM. There is a 1.3x2.0x2.0CM septated mass involving the mid-portion of the lobe. There is a 9MM area of hypoechogenicity in the upper portion of the right lobe. This is probably solid. The left lobe measures 1.3x1.6x4.8CM. No focal abnormality identified.
Isthmus: No isthmus abnormality identified.
Comparison: No significant change, since the prior examination of 09.04.2008. Review of images and consultation with the performing technologist affirmed that the lesion was and is related to the right thyroid lobe.

03/17/10
Indication: Follow-up of thyroid abnormality.
Impression: ACR category 3 thyroid ultrasound.
The patient has a focal sonographic lesion in the right lobe of the thyroid, which is really less impressive than it was on prior ultrasound studies done in years previously.
These findings support a benign condition.

06/21/11
Indication: Questionable thyroid mass.
Laterality: Right.
Impression: Basically normal thyroid ultrasound.
The findings correlate well with the clinical-area of concern. Both the right and left lobe of the thyroid are inspected carefully. No real sonographic lesion of concern can be identified.
These findings support a benign condition.
Recommendation: Clinical follow-up.

Whew, I'll write some more later... but, if anyone can help me read these, I'd very much-so appreciate it.

[katycat79]

The facts seem to be there has been no diagnosis of any kind of cancer, at least according to your test results posted. I was diagnosed with Medullary Thyroid cancer, a very serious, and incurable form, which I have been living with, not dying from, for 18 years now. I think you should concentrate on the facts "These findings support a benign condition", thank God for what you have, and don't have, and start concentrating on living instead of dying. We are ALL slowly dying every single day. You never know when our time will come. Start living.

[lsmith3741]

Katykat, I too had a very rare medullary cell carcinoma. This was 6 years ago now. I was 27. In 5 weeks it grew from a pea sized lump to a 50gramme tumour. Very fast growing and aggressive. My windpipe was bent sideways, and I was slowly suffocating. I'll never be in 'remission' coz my oncologist and endocrinologist have both said it will return one day. Blood tests every 2 week's, regular urine/kidney tests, total thyroidectomy done, throat cut 3 times etc etc. Such a small price to be alive. Levothyroxine and liothyronine to be taken for life. But I have 3 beautiful boys (3rd conceived after cancer) and I am now pregnant with baby number 4. Life goes on and you learn to adjust. Live life and be happy. Xxx

[katycat79]

Just now saw your comment. I have rarely met anyone else with medullary. I was diagnosed at stage 4 with mets to lung, liver, and bones. I was expected to die. Sent to m d Anderson cancer center and endured several rounds of radiation on shoulder and spine, and 12 years of chemotherapy. I quit chemo about 5 years ago against doctors wishes, had a reoccurrence followed by a couple more rounds of chemo before I quit again. My quality of life was very poor from the constant chemo. Another reoccurrence is expected, but it has been 5 years now and still no treatment.