. I have Grave's Disease, diagnosed in 2001, after years of trying to figure out why I was so sick. I was sent immediately for radiation therapy due to the severity of my disease and my thyroid being so toxic my body started shutting down. Since, 2001, I have been seen by several endocrinologists and internists, and opthalmalogists, treated with every medicine imagineable for a list of problems and ailments that wouldn;t even fit on this page. Now 9 years later, my thyroid levels are still not stabilized, and fluctuating back and forth from hyper to hypo, to the extremes with both. I have had 3 bilateral eye decompression surgeries, and told that I need atleast 2-5 more procedures, and that the prior surgeries were non-productive due to the fact my grave's disease has never stabilized. I take 200mcg of synthroid daily. I have no thyroid due to radiation therapy, but I still get hyperthyroid, and I have problems swallowing as if my thyroid were still there. Right, now i'm kind of jaded, and believe I will never feel better, no doctor can help me, I can't be fixed, and I am forced to live my life with the problems and symptoms assoicated with both Grave's and Hashimoto's, and Grave's Eye Disease, as well as the mental problems'issues associated with both and with any chronic illness, and now for about a year now, live with severe pain and swelling and redness, and stiffness in my hands and feet, when those used to be the only places I didn't have pain. Sometimes I can't even make a fist, or walk. And also live with the discomfort of not being able to swallow sometimes, to where i think i'm going crazy cause i just cant manage to swallow anything and i have to focus so hard as if i'm performing heart surgery. And live with the guilt that I wish sometimes that someone I knew would get Grave's. just so someone i know could actually relate to the hell i've been through, and maybe that person would stop saying , "oh just be positive, stop being negative, and have faith.... Don't you know the way you think can actually cause your disease"... I just wanna scream, "i tried being positive, until i realized my disease was not capable of being stabilized. I was positive when i had my eyeballs taken out 3 times, yet i still have the bulging, the pain, and now constant double vision that limits everything I do. I didn't cause my disease through negativity, my disease caused my negative thinking. I'm a victim of genetics, with both sides of family having thyroid diseases." And the thing that bothers me the most, is that I am a new mother, well she will be 2 in january. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, as I was told I couldn't have children. But she is the one positive thing that I have in my life, and I worry every day that she will get my disease, I worry that my depression will affect her, i feel guilty that she has to have a sick mom, although I love her very much and let her know that and feel that every waking minute, I can't help but worry that my disease will shorten my life span, and she will be here without her mommy... I do know she lengthened my life, saved my life, because I had given up before I had her, she is my reason to live...