Thyroid Disorders Community
Graves Disease is ripping my marriage apart
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to thyroid issues, goiter, Graves disease, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Human Growth Hormone (HGH), hyperthyroid, hypothyroid, metabolism, parathyroid, pituitary gland, thyroiditis, and thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH).

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Graves Disease is ripping my marriage apart

Hello,

My wife was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over two years ago, and I've watched her slip gradually since long before then, which leads me to assume that she had the disease and was undiagnosed for some time. She hasn't been able to get insurance, and we are currently waiting for approval so that she can seek treatment.

I am well aware of the emotional effects of this terrible disease, and it has literally pushed our 17-year relationship to the brink. I hardly recognize this woman anymore. She cannot focus, she suffers mood swings, she lashes out, she is very distant, she has become detached, has no libido whatsoever, acts irrationally and I cannot even talk to her. She will not be bothered with even simple problems that we face. I watched it become worse over time, so much so that I suffered a nervous breakdown this year. It is very difficult to watch the person you love slip away like this.

It took me six months to reach her and convince her that it was this disease that was largely responsible for our marriage difficulties, and not me. She is so irrational, that she is ready to throw away a 14-year marriage, and leave with no place to go and no money. She was ready to take the kids and move 5 hours away to her mother's. I've watched her make bad descision after bad descision, and become completely self absorbed.

Does anyone know of any alternative remedies that we can try while we are waiting to seek an endocrinologist? Has anyone else suffered these types of symptoms, and if so, do you have any advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly at my wits end, and I am a very patient man; it's just that this has become so difficult to deal with. I haven't found any support groups in my area (central NY) but my wife has finally become willing to come to see my counsellor with me.

My poor wife is tired all of the time, and she gets sick so often, I assume because her immune system is so stressed. If this went undiagnosed for too long, is there a chance of permanent mental damage? That is my greatest fear, because the sweet lady that I married is not here, and I want her back! I've been through a lot in this life, and these are unquestioningly the most difficult times I've ever had to face. If there's any advice anyone can offer, I am certainly open to it.

Thank you very much. Most sincerely,
DougM

Related Discussions
651 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Your wife needs medical test and medical treatment or else she could die if this is prolonged.

Could you make some kind of arrangements with a medical office until the insurance kicks.  

This can be serious consequences if not treated.

Sorry, there is no other treating method other than medical.

Good luck to the both of you!
Blank
11852_tn?1216845043
It's as hard if not harder on the family member being afftected by any disease.  I took the news of my thyca last year a lot better than when my sister found out this month.  Mainly because I feel more helpless since she's in anothe state that the one I live in.  Definitely get counseling for you both.  Maybe both of you need to come to this website to see what patients and their care givers go through.  

In the past year sinc I found out about my Graves disease and then thyca.  My personality has changes...some for the better. a lot for the worse.  My motivation to do simple things like keep a budge it just too hard for me to focus on.  However, as a thyca survivor, I am a little more tolerant of some idiot drives on I-95 in Northe VA.  Before I got on "happy pills" I was extremely intolerant the the inconsiderate drivers on I-95.  May want to check into you wife getting some type of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety pill, which ever her doc thinks will help the most.  Another trait of hyper I had before surgery and it continues because of the necessary med level for cancer supression, is insomnia.

I hope  you find some answers quickly.  Suport your family the best you can.  There but the grace of God could go you.  Think of what you would want you wife to do if the situation was reversed.  Most vows to say in sickness and health....just a thougt.

MJ
Blank
209384_tn?1231171906
Am very sorry for all you and your poor wife are going through.  I too had Graves'.  There are anti-thyroid meds that can be very useful short term.  They are dangerous when used long term, but if she can just get into see some one there is immediate things that can be done to help her.  I hate to think of not only all your marriage has gone through, it can be resolved with time, but what her body has gone through.

Her mental problems should right themselves when her thyriod levels are brought into check.  Mine have.  I am now a fully functioning adult again. =)

Hang in there and get her medical treatment as soon as you possibly can.

Dac
Blank
97628_tn?1204465633
I am also very sorry for all your wife and your family have been through. Is there anyway you can speak to the billing person at a doctor's office and find one willing to work with your budget for payment? If she can get examined and tested she could at least start some threapy to try and help her and maybe it won't be that much out of pocket. Do you have family members who can help you out on this?
Often it's not all that much. One of the best Endos in our area charges between $75-125 for a visit and then there's the labwork. Call and get an estimate of the cost of an appointment, labwork and possible medication and see if there's a way to work that out.
Her condition can be very serious.
Blank
125112_tn?1217277462
I'm running short on time, sof forgive me on keeping this short:

If it's been sometime since your wife has been checked:

http://www.healthcheckusa.com/lab_tests/Thyroid_Screenings/Thyroid_Panel_II

and here is a all-around good one that includes the testing above:

http://www.healthcheckusa.com/lab_tests/Combination_Panels/VIP_Plus_II

You don't need doctor's orders and it will be an out of pocket expense. However, from what I have heard from other's who are uninsured, this is a cheaper avenue then the testing that occurs through a doctor's office.Code 12345 takes 10% off your order.

In receiving the results, you will just where she is at. I would then follow kitcurious's advice or do so anyway, if you choose not to test. I just posted the above, as it may come cheaper beings you are uninsured.
I would take the lab results into the doctor. She does need a good endo but even a good doctor would be better than no doctor at this point. She needs treatment, uninsured or not. This isn't anything you let "slide."

I hope you both have better days ahead!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hi,
I am very sorry that you and your wife are going threw so very much right now.  I understand the medical insurance thing.  I know that seeing an Endo is really out of the question right now, and Endo's are really not required to have treatment for Graves.  They are good, but almost any medical doctor can treat Graves as long as they know what they are doing, and are willing to do it.  Most MD will treat Graves as long as you have medical records showing infact that this is what is has(that would mean taking labs with you from when she was Dxed with Graves).  I see a family practice doctor for my Graves, and there isn't an Endo within 2 hours from my home.  So it is less expensive to see a family practice doctor anyway.  Also there are clinics out there(not sure about one in your area)that do have doctors that will treat on a sliding scale, some are even free.  I know we have one here.  Sometimes it takes awhile to get an appointment, but it would be worth a try.  If your wife continues to have such emtional problems I would even recommend that you have her visit the local ER.  They can even start her on meds there for her thyroid, as they would do thyroid testing in there lab.  Anti thyroid drugs are a good start, and will soon start to help her in all areas of her life, but there has to be regular labs done in order to keep her healthy as there are major complications sometimes accociated with them, such as a low white cell count that can kill you.  That is why labs are so very important, as well as the causes you already know can come from being over or under medicated.  I hope that you look around your area for a free or sliding scale clinic that can help, you might start with a phone call to you local Health Department, they  may be able to point you in the right direction.  Also try calling the last doctor that Dxed your wife with Graves, they know this disease can't be left untreated, and should at least be willing to help you find some way to work out payments.  Good Luck,
Valarie
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I am 22 years old, and was diagnosed with Grave's disease about 4 years ago. I can not express how urgent it is that you get her to a doctor as soon as possible.
I know you have concerns about insurance... However, you may want to ask around or do some research on doctors (endocrinologists) in your community... you may be able to find one that will see your wife for free... or for a minimum fee. When i first got diagnosed i didn't have insurance either... my family doctor saw me for free and gave me samples of medications for about 2 months (until i got insurance).
By the time i was diagnosed I was in really bad shape... and it wasn't until i found out what was wrong with me, that i realized if it wasn't treated it could be fatal.
There has to come a point when you say your wife's health, and well being is more important than the money it will cost to see a doctor, without insurance.

Once she gets on medication, such as an anti-thyroid like tapazol, her mood should improve. I agree that the disease causes mood swings, and irritability... But please keep in mind that she has a lot to deal with right now. She has probably been on the internet, or picked up a medical book in the two years she has had the disease. She knows what effects it can have, and she probably knows that if it goes untreated she could die. And that is a lot to think about, on top of having to deal with the side effects of having hyperthyroidism. Like i explained earlier, i was diagnosed 4 years ago, and had been dealing with the symptoms 2 1/2 - 3 years before that. So i know how hard it can be.

i hope all goes well for you and your family.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I was the person your wife seems to be,I know I had it for a longtime but due to our great medical system I am on it was a late diagnoses of thycancer,thought this was going to be my first good year 07'that was,but it turned into a bunch of family members that just blamed me for some things that happened;which if I had not the bi polar stamp woulda been easier to deal with.Hope that you stick with her for her sake and your conscious.though is a living hell,physically and emotionally for both of you.take care.
Blank
393685_tn?1325870933
You are unbelieveable and I am totally honored to add a thread to your post. I will be late for work - but I do not care. You are a very supportive individual to your wife and you are "in tune" with her - more than she is with herself. You are my hero.

Although the link "borinquisitive" shared with you may be a good start I don't know if it will provide treatment for you. Instead of taking it into your hands - you need both medical and mental support/treatment right now - from a doctor.

She needs to see (even a regular) MD right now for basic treatment - and YOU need it to stay sane!!!!  Most insurance companies will not list this a pre-existing - so relax on that. and if you are getting a "group" plan - They are forced by federal law to take anyone applying within the group. She will need meds to help her with the thyroid disease itself along with a possibility of beta blockers for her heart and anxiety - mood enhancement meds. The internet CAN provide that for you - but I wouldn't trust that with a ten foot pole. !!! A good bonified doctor will work with you. FIND ONE NOW.

Frankly - your marriage may be in danger b/c she is not chemically right. She is not able to make good decisions right now. Anyone with a disease whether this or many others can't function normally.

Briefly - I believe I was Graves / Hyper Thyroid 15 years prior to an actual Dx. I put my parents - boyfriend (now my husband or 23 years) through hell. I was not in control as much as I had myself convinced I WAS. THEY were crazy - not me. This man - my husband put up with a loon - a - tic. He is patient and caring like you and loved me to pieces. I believe - as I do with you -  he did one thing wrong. He became co-dependant to my disease. He put up with it b/c of his love for me. That is wrong. He should of demanded me to get help - or HE should of made threats to leave. Trust me after 17 years you say - she is only lashing out b/c she feels like garbage.

I honor your dedication to your research and it sounds like you have really learned alot about thyroid disease- especially your wife's situation - but YOU are not able to get her the help she HAS to GET NOW to SAVE HER LIFE. Surrender that thought - and get a doctor. Unless you are a doctor and can write Rx's - that is what she needs.

Believe me - the only way you can save your marriage and get her healthy is to "step up to the plate" if taking her kicking to the doctor's office screaming is what has to be done - then do it now.  I feel for you - know that I have gone through so much and fell much better - My marriage is the best ever and I am grateful for him. NO BODY would of put up with my behavior when I was ill - --- except him.

Thank you for sharing - you are a miracle man and deserve to share a wonderful life in your marriage - please forget the money aspect and look to saving her life.

Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I feel for you as well - I am 30 and my wife is the same - we have a toddler whom is 19 months and we just have arguments after arguments - I find it difficult just to go out and see my family on my own without it becoming a blazing row - Our relationship was never that solid from the start - has had its ups and downs - However I've taken the vow of in sickness and in health and felt that I need to stick by it - I can't help but wonder however that life would be better with a new start - I'm not that difficult to get on with but when we have what should be simple conversations about normal day to day things turn into a blistering row.  To make matters worse she is seeing a doctor through private medical care whom can't prescribe her any medication at the moment as she has a variant form of Graves - As u can understand she is not deailng with this too well and has bouts of mood swings.  

I'm currently receiving counselling which is helping me but I think I need to get her to come and see my therapist together.  She had an arugunment with my sister a year ago which is thankfully slowly getting better but during that time my life was even more stressful as my sister had an overactive thyroid then and I was stuck in the middle of them!  Constantly battling between them both until I thought ENOUGH! and had to distance myself.

Her family aren't easy to communicate with - her Mum doesn't soeak much English and her brother is easy to talk to but even he has had ebough of hearing about our constant bickering (he has his own marriage to worry about!)

I just don't know what to do sometimes - Arguments come and go and we end being ok later on but am just fed up of the ups and downs - I sometimes feel that divorce is the better option but feel pressure from my family to keep things together for the sdake of son if anything else.  Life feel s**t - I suppose you just have to deal with it - Wh knows maybe things will improve some day..
Blank
168348_tn?1379360675
I don't know what to say as I have not walked in your shoes but want to welcome you to the community and let you know we are here for you, anytime.

Cheryl
Blank
346355_tn?1219858547
Thak you all so much for your support and heartfelt, kind words. I fought as long as I could, but the marriage ended, which is for the best. I am now legally seperated with a divorce pending.

I can't say for sure if it was the thyroid that caused my ex to change so dramatically, but regardless I am better off without her. I don't mean to sound cruel, but I would've gone bonkers if she didn't leave.

She is a 38-year-old teenager. I have a 14-year-old daughter and determining which one is the grown-up is a chore! My ex decided to leave me for a man she met while playing X-box live. She began talking to him through the internet and having a phone-sex relationship. She refused to go to counselling with me, after 17 years of being together, and she still refuses to seek medical help. She is sick constantly, but does nothing. She is not even interested in alternative treatments such as vitamins or immune system boosters.

The man she left me for lives in another state, and allegedly, they've never met face to face. He is a former heroin user, is 31 and lives at home with Mommy. He deals pharmaceutical drugs illegally for money and has Hepatitus (hepatitis) C, and this is just what I know of him.

My ex put me through a year of living hell, and she did it deliberately. Grave's or not, I couldn't take it any more. I bent over backwards to try to help that woman, but if a person does not want to help themselves, there's nothing you can do.

She's the one who wanted divorce, and she tried to take it all from me. She wanted me to leave, and she wanted to keep the house I bought, the new car, all of the contents of the home, full custody of both kids, and both disability checks I receive for the kids. Then she wanted child support on top of that. I put my foot down and retained an attorney. We were able to persue an uncontested divorce, which of course saves thousands.

I got the house, custody of my son and ALL of my disability money. I tried to be fair; I gave her the car, and refinanced my house to pay the $14,000 in debt she stuck me with. Now she's pulling ancient bills out of the woodwork and trying to get me to pay them. I'm not. I'm disabled, out of work with severe spinal problems, so now I'm forced to work, which I don't mind so much, but she's still trying to nickel and dime me to death. She wanted me to buy her things for her new apartment. She wanted to do her laundry at my house, and have me continue to cook for her. She basically wants to have her cake and eat it too!

She lied to me for almost a year, while I knew what was going on; lied right to my face. And the one time I convinced her to go to counselling with me, she made a joke about how I never had my heart broken; she is a sick woman and I'm so glad she left me!

I told her for months to come and get her **** out of my basement. Finally, trash day came around, and I can't tell you how gratifying it was to purge my home of the last remnants of junk that reminded me of her. I wish I didn't give her my wedding ring back, because I would throw it to the bottom of the Mohawk River.

As fate would have it, I wound up meeting a wonderful woman, a true grown up, who has her priorities straight. I was not looking, believe me. She went through a very similar situation with a decietful spouse, so we were able to really relate to one another, and help each other greatly. It's a blessing to have someone that can help pick you up when you are in the pit.

My ex, tried to keep me in the pit; she deliberately used my emotional breakdown to try and destroy my life, and told all of her dorky X-box buddies my personal business, rallying them to her cause with lies. She lied to her family too, but the mutual friends we had all sided with me, and can't believe she would do what she has done.

She also blathers her ignorance all over Myspace, like you would expect a teenager to do. She has people that don't even know me commenting on how I'm so terrible. The freeing thing, is that I no longer feel bad for her. I don't mean to sound cruel, but thank God it ended! Despite the financial struggle I must now endure, I am free from a basket-case, decietful, backstabbing woman who refuses to do anything to help herself. I cannot allow myself to feel bad because I would be taken advantage of again, and it would prevent me from putting my life back together.

Thanks for letting me ramble; it does make you feel better to express like this knowing that there are supportive people out there. And to all of you that have reached out and showed that support, I appreciate it more than you know! Thank you. Walk in peace.
Sincerely,
Doug M  

Blank
213044_tn?1236531060
Sorry for your misfortune. I'm glad you are in a better situation now. I hope things continue to improve for you.

Divorce is painful and ugly. Sometimes it is the only choice.
Blank
168348_tn?1379360675
Pls always know you are a member of this community and we are here for you!!!!!  You sound like you've made all around healthy choices and this is the most important thing for all concerned inc. your child!!!!

Check out the Thyroid Tracker .. it is brand new since you last posted ... see if that can help you with your Graves, too.

WELCOME BACK!!!!

Cheryl
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
my husband has the same thing.  he is not the man i married 5 years ago.   i'm like you doug. i don't know what to do anymore either my husband is the same way your wife is. but whats bad is we have a 2 yearold and 4yearold that my husband pay attention too that often anymore.my husband was the sweetest man in the world when i married him now he is distist, won't talk to me  angry alllll the time. i just don't know what to do.   our marriage is falling apart.  and there is noooo sex at all.   he has graves disease.   i feel like i'm raiseing another kid its like he went back to being a 17 year old. not paying bills, texting allllll the time and playing xbox allll the time.  so anyone can help
amber
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
It is so heartbreaking to see what this Disease can do to people..both the Sufferer and Families.
My Heart goes out to all of you and I wish that Graves and Hashi's (the silent destroyers) never existed.
Keep your chins up...there is light at the end of the tunnel and it takes a very special partner to put up with all the Graves and hashi BS, as I myself have found out.

I have Graves but I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel now.
I guess you could say , I am one of the Lucky Ones.
Never give up!
Never!


"I HAVE GRAVES, IT DOESNT HAVE ME!"

Hugs to you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
My wife was diagnosed with Graves in 2000.  Living with her is hell for the reasons many of you have described.  One day she became very angry with me because I brought home a pizza for supper.  She called me told me I would have to pick up supper on my way home from work.  I ask what she wanted, she said anything is fine.  But when showed up with a pizza all hell broke loose. Then she told our 4 kids that their father is a dumb ***.  I still remember that day even though is was a few years ago and we were living in Arizona at the time.
--needed to vent--
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I got married a year ago and my wife has turned mean and angry I am just 25 all I have known is her being angry and abusive allmost like pms that never stops I am in grad school and it's taking a tremendus toll on me and my school work to the point I'm failing I'm very unsure what to do we are currently trying to seek out help but I'm truthfully afraid of failing in life due to her condition but I love her but not this new woman I'm with with she has offered to move back home so I could finish school but I did take my vows sickness and to health we have no kids but I need idvices and someone to talk to please done judge me but how can I help her if I'm starting to find it hard to help myself also it would be nice to chat with a spouse of some one going through this not the patient thank you
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Maybe it is hard for you to understand but your wife doesnt like the person she is ...any more than you do.
Graves can be so very destroying and so debilitating for both the sufferer and the family around that person.
I am not a partner , I am a Graves sufferer but I do know what you are going through as I put my partner through the h*ll you are going through.
Learn all you can about Graves and Hyperthyroidism and also realise that your wife didnt ask for this Disease....it just happened.

Its like someone being terminally ill and finding out they are dying....no-one asks for it.
Get yr wife to learn all she can about the disease and believe me...there is light at the end of the tunnel for both of you.
I (and many others) have been where you are at now and my heart goes out to you and your wife.
There is light at the end of the tunnel...maybe her joining this site will educate her enough to take the next step to wellness as it can be achieved.

(Graves and Hyperthyroidism, RAI (radioactive iodine) june 2008, thyroid cancer and Thyroidectomy Sept 2008....now doing good)

Blank
1013194_tn?1296463081
This is all really sad, i am one of the lucky ones as well, a loving husband, family and friends..Before i was dx hashi/hypo i was loosing my mind i felt, and didn't understand why. My marriage certainly had its ups and downs from this but we came through it thank god, its a dreaded illness but with treatment i now feel like the old me is back and back for good. So sad to hear these marriages not make it tho..Im with deb, i wish this graves and hashi never existed..Best of luck to you all...

                            Dawn
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I didn't quit a marriage... but I did quit a job I loved.  I knew I was driving my boss crazy but I didn't know why I felt so restless and then the irritability kicked in.  As a woman, I thought it was the OTHER hormones but the timing didn't seem to match.  It wasn't until the heart issues surfaced that I finally put it together and had my thyroid checked.  I was always hypo.  Seems I had gone hyper.  It was the week things escalated that my brain went foggy, I could barely think and I quit.  I wish I could have that week and the many months before it all back.  I should have paid attention to the tremors and other signs I had months ago.  

The good news is that I know now what to watch for.  And if I ever get married... I can get help before it escalates and affects the marriage.

Unfortunately, thyroid imbalance is very misunderstood.  I am heartened to read about those of you who strive to help your loved ones and work through it.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I am new to this site. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease and Hyperthyroidism about 2 years ago. But, I believe that I have been dealing with this for the last 8 years or so. I used to be a very outgoing and happy person. I was in college with a 4.0 GPA. I had lots of friends and had a great life. Durring my second year in college I began to have health problems. I would feel short of breath and would have a pretty rapid heart rate at times even if I were just sitting down doing nothing. After a few months I didn't feel like doing anything. I met a guy as I was going through this. In the begining we had a great relationship. And then I began to fight with him about any and everything. We have since had 3 wonderful children.

Over the last eight years I have continued to fight with him over the smallest things. I am always tired, I cry at the drop of a dime and I at times don't know who I am. My boyfriend and I have been on and off over the years. He tries so hard to stick by me. I feel so bad because I am always so tired and even when the kids want to play I don't have the energy to do so. I want so much to be my old self again. Tonight was his last straw. I picked a fight wtih him over something so small. He says that he is willing to just give me money to move to another state.  

I can't say that I blame him. I have an appointment with an endo in the morning to figure out how I should get my thryroid removed. He says that he doesn't think that he can even deal with me after my thyroid is removed because I have pretty much been a *****. The worst thing is I cry in front of the kids. I have no drive anymore. I was laid off from my job 3 years ago and can't focus long enough to remain consistant with a job search.

I pray that I can either have the radiation or surgery soon. I am tired of hurting my family. And I am afraid that my children will grow to hate me and that I will forever loose the man that has tried to stick by me for the past eight years.
Blank
231441_tn?1333896366
Hi,

you should have made a new post, this one tacked on the end someone else's won't necessarily be seen and answered.

First thing, you need to let your man read up on thyroid.  So he can understand.  Second, you need to make a huge effort, despte how you feel to let your man know how much you love and appreciate hime.  And also you need to make a huge effort on  how you treat him.

Next, can you tell us what your thyroid levels are including the reference rnages.  This is important so we can give you proper feedback.  If thyroid levels are out it h as a huge huge impact on how we feel and behave.  But you still have to make the effort.  Getting levels right can help a lot.  It can take time and you need to be an educated patient tomake sure you get best possible treatment.

On your relationship - Have you two looked at going to councelling?  Also if things are really bad, maybe you need to see a psychiatrist / psychologist to help you deal better.

One really great thing I was told, is always treat your partner with the respec5t and consideration that you would give a stranger.  It is a good thing to keep in mind.  Second develop some coping strategies.  Before you fight  or answer back count to ten.  Talk to your partner.

Very best
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
It's very common for people with thyroid disorders to also have psychological and psychiatric issues that are brought on or made worse by the imbalance in thyroid levels.  There are some endocrinologists who work closely with psychiatrists, mine in the same practice actually!!, that could help.  My psychiatrist says bipolar patients almost always have thyroid issues.  Counseling could help also and provide coping skills to deal with all the issues the Graves disease has brought on.  
Blank
393685_tn?1325870933
I cringed at the psychiatrists comment - but yes - I will have to admit - some do need that help to maintain life... The only real issue I have is so many endos will not adequently try to solve a person's thyroid disorder with any more that just trying one method - but quickly sends that patient off - to seek help mentally if that ONE method didn't work!. Then the doctor (psych) thinking bi polar or other mental illness is the CAUSE and sticks the potential "thyroid" patient on an abundant supply of psych meds that does absolutely nothing for the real ROOT cause of the manic- levels of mood and depression with this patient - IF the darn doctor would have opened the BOX up a bit more and really looked at that stupid disease better in the first place!

WOW... vent over... I'm good now for a while... lol
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
My wife was diagnosed with Graves two years ago. We have been married for 22 years and have three children. She has been asking for a divorce for the last year and a half.  We are both religious people but our marriage vow means nothing to her now.  I have been trying everything I can think of to buy time to get on the other side of this.  I have read many times that she will come back to normal after her numbers are back in check. Nope, it just keeps getting worse. This disease takes everything you love and puts it through a meat grinder.  I am done, she can have her divorce.  I have tried everything I can think of.  I have no idea who she is anymore and havn't for quite some time.  How knows, maybe this is just what happens when a marriage ends.  
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
i have been together with my wife for 17 years. she was diagnosed with graves about 5 years ago. she went into remission 2 years latter. she was doing very well until about 6 months ago. she started a new job. its like a repeat of 5 years ago she says shes moving out. she  says she needs space texting all the time dosnt want to talk imposible to reach her. i love this girl to death. she refuses to go get her blood work. im trying to stand by her but its getting harder and harder! does anybody have any advise? thanks simon
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
It seems unbelievable, but your story is so much like mine.  I married a very intelligent woman - phi beta kappa - and over 13 years she deteriorated into a monster.  Symptoms exactly as you described.  Mean, hurtful, emotionally distant from me and my children, slept incessantly, kept counsel with strangers on the internet and at work (before she decided to retire).  She pushed us all away from her while saying that I (and my daughter) were abusing her.  Even though her family had a history of thyroid disease, she and her doctors never discussed this a possible cause.  Instead I was blamed for causing her depression, passive-aggressive anger, etc. by her many therapists.  She decided that she was an Asperger and entered a psych hospital for depression.  After a month at the hospital, she left on her own volition and didn't tell me or our 3 children (ages 4, 6, and 10) where she went to.  The kids and I showed up one Sunday at the hospital and the staff told us that she left and that they couldn't tell me where she went.  I later learned that the staff at Dominion Hospital in Falls Church, VA  had applauded her for making the brave decision to leave her "abusive" family.

My ex-wife wasn't diagnosed with Graves Disease until 10 years later when she underwent a thyroidectomy.  She hasn't worked since she left the hospital and hasn't kept up a relationship with our children.

To make matters worse, at around age 16 each of my children has had massive psychological problems.  Two of them, who were excellent students, dropped out of high school.  They have been treated for depression, mood instability, anxiety, and paranoia.  One psychiatrist told my son that if he were older, he would be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Since I learned about my wife's thyroid problems and how they might be related to psychological problems, I have taken my son to an endocrinologist.  At first the endocrinologist suspected Cushings Disease since he is very much overweight, but after all the tests, the doc told us that all the readings were normal.  Given all the problems in my ex-wife's family with autoimmune disease, this seems hard to believe.  (My ex-wife's sister died at age 45 of autoimmune hepatitis.  Her grandmother died of thyroid disease.  Her mother, mother's sister, and sister's children were all alcoholics; not sure if that's related - but all had depressive personalities.  Her mother committed suicide while in a drunken stupor.)

So, I'm hoping to find a doc that can help me sort my childrens' problems out.  All the psych medications have been useless - excess we know that lithium and Seroquel exacerbated my son's anger issues which necessitated his entry into a day treatment center for a couple of months.

That's where I am in my life.  I'm hoping the next one will be better.

Cheers to all!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Little does everyone know that UNTREATED Graves Disease can kill you.
I wish that all who have it, get treated as it is a debilitating disease if left untreated.
I am one of the LUCKY ones.......
I got treated, I got well.
I have a Pit. Tumour now to deal with but nothing compared to the feeling of hopelessness prior to RAI and TT.
I didnt want to live prior to RAI.
As much as people wont want to hear this....unless the person with Graves gets help, then YOU cannot help them.
They have to want to get better instead of ignoring it.
I suffered 3 episodes of thyroid storm (levels too high and fibbrillations) before RAI and if it wasnt for treatment, Graves wouldve killed me or the thyroid storms.

Dont ignore ANY symptoms when you have Graves and Hyperthyroidism.

I still have Graves, I always will have BUT I am now happy and now have a beautiful life ...compared to 2007 when I was first diagnosed.

To all the guys and women here who have partners with Graves...my heart goes out to you as I was one he// of a nasty p=iece of work BEFORE treatment.
Blank
393685_tn?1325870933
Where are you located.... Please email me your information
Blank
393685_tn?1325870933
This original post w/ Doug starting it still breaks my heart and to read the followers posting on here tears it even more.

Just brings me back to how horrible this disease is to a person and just know... its not them with the disease being this.... it IS the disease doing this to them..

Trust me here... I was that monster I am reading in your posts during my illness... not now... nor will I ever be that again as my vow..

Blank
504369_tn?1243458122
hi marriage is in Shambles,I'm thinking of leaving my Husband , we fight all the time,I have Graves Disease,and I almost hate him,life is hell ,he does not care anymore what happens to me and I no longer Care about him,he has gotten mean and nasty ,I fight back ,name calling is the worst and blames me for my graves and that I caused it it's all my fault ,I have been in a few Grave Rages and items broken things in the house.we are now selling our House and I just want to get away from him a.s.a.p.He hates me and this disease ,days I sit and cry when he is not home,I feel it is all my Fault,on January the 3rd he did somthing to me I can never forgive him for it and said I was not worth  it to go too jail over ,I know longer know what to do ,I told him I would leave and he said no your not leaving,I feel like no body cares anymore and I donot care about any of this anymore ,we have been married 4e years
Blank
346355_tn?1219858547
I haven't posted in a while but I still read all of the postings. I feel for each and every one whose lives are effected by this disease. Sometimes, ending a relationship is the only healthy thing to do. My ex ended it, and split up the family for some guy she met on line! Now, because of the Osteoporosis brought on by Graves, she is suffering with bad spinal problems. And where is this guy she so dearly loves and who allegedly loves her? Well he ain't here taking care of her! It's amazing how a bad thyroid can effect a person's mentality and decisions. My ex threw her life away for what? She walked away from a man who would've gone to the grave with her and been faithful every step of the way. Oh well, somewhere out there is a sweet, caring, sensitive kind and intelligent woman that I can share my life with : ) To all of those suffering with Graves and to your families, you are in my prayers daily! I have lived through the hell that this disease causes and I feel a great sympathy for all of you! Sometimes, ending what once was is all that you can do.
Blessings
Doug M
Blank
393685_tn?1325870933
Doug - thanks for coming on board - Its nice to see you. As I said, your original post - as a Grave's patient myself - was heart wrenching and very difficult to read.

The emotional twist of thyroid disease is devasting to the individual suffering and to others around them.. very lonely - isolated and not reality in thinking or seeing correct things. Twisted is a good way of putting it.

Again - I am blessed to be one very lucky woman to find what I needed to get my life back.. I may have lost jobs over the illness - but my family and I are still intacked and I am very grateful for this.

You still sound compassionate with your X-wife's situation and you have a long history of sadness associated with her. I feel you may be the only one to push her into getting more information on how to tame the Graves' beast than anyone and if you emotionally can - have her take part in some learning for herself if possible.

I'd love to help her uncover all I learned and give her life back to her. If you want to share that w/ her - let me know. In the medical world the disease is mis understood in lots of ways and that - is even more frustrating for the patient that can't think clearly in anything. Scary and sad my friend.

Osteoporosis is not as dibilitating as it sounds once found and it can be corrected if not altered entirely - if she recieves correct information to do that. Its her emotional breakdown that will cripple her - not the bones and it takes a heck of a strong person to pull out of it to really be well with all the "other" stuff blamed as the reason for this he//.

As an activist for thyroid, I can only say one thing. I don't know how I did it all alone with learning. My husband did not take part in stepping out of the his box and research w/ me. I am very proud I did this - but I can say I certainly would have liked to have someone helping me in my corner. I stuggled in a retarded state at the beginning and almost threw in the towel. I have become quite a believer in miracles and feel I was blessed to recieve one after my ordeal.  

I feel all thyroid patients need help with someone to be there and urge her - and you possibly - to work together to give her more courage and support getting information embedded in her mind to move forward and save her life. It will end up to be HER decision on alot of things but going it alone is not the way to do it all.- trust me .

I hope all is well w/ you and I appreciate you checking in here with our thyroid community.  My hand is reached out to her and you - and hope I can provide some support to help this women get the right medical options available to her.

Peace - stella
Blank
1284129_tn?1271600856
i am crying sooo hard after reading all the post i can hardly breathe....after my 1st child was born....i lost 1-3 #s a day for 1 month, stopped sleeping(read all of danniel steel books in our towns library) wore tangtop and shorts in the snow..skin became like velvet...and was faster than speedy gonzalez..manic depressant...i had about 20 storms...my eyeballs popped out...i had a goiter the size of a nb babys head..my heart rate was a normal 120+ a min...on sep.1997 i was diagnosed with graves disease hyper.....during this time barbara bush had the worst case of it and i believe i came 2nd....i had doctors come from other states just to see me....was in hospital for 2wks..released...and had 4 more weeks to go b4 the meds kick in...because i was in an abusive relationship....the meds ran out..had no insurance..nobody helped me..i was alone in this..and eventually all the symptoms return...except the depression was worst...i tried driving a broken car that can only go 20mph to the hospital bc my bf at the time wouldnt take me and neither did his mom...so i eventually went down hill from there...abusive relationship(his family included...would hit me as well) ...thyroid was out of wack...with no meds...curious how i turned out??? manic depressant/bipolar kicked in and i became a cutter...learned how to hide the pain very well i became an expert..cause nobody knew how bad i had it...i relapsed when i had my 2nd child...still with all the same symptom/ had meds this time bc i was preg./and yes in the same abusive rela..b4 i was diagnosed i lost my mind..got in my car and just started driving...ended up in los angeles...grabbed a gangbanger and told him he can have my car if e killed me..id write a note to save him from jail...he just looked at me for a long time then said come with me and he took me to his mother....excuse me i can hardly see with all these tears pouring out...i ts out of control cause ive kept it locked inside for many years...im sorry i will come back and finish this...excuse me....
Blank
1284129_tn?1271600856
ok..to continue my story....his mother counseled me to go back home and talk to some one about getting help....by the way i was suppose to pick up my baby but my mind took me to LA ....anyways she convinced me to go home and when i did....boy did i have an angry mob family...after 7 years of abuse....and with the thyroid issues...i was going crazy and finally left the abusive relationship...got on the greyhound bus with a 4 year old and a 6month old baby ...i was so weak i couldnt get on the bus walking..i had to have someone hold my baby so i can crawl in the bus...my body felt drained and woreout but i couldnt rest especially with two kids on a bus...i was at my lowest..and thats when i met my future husband..on the bus...fastforward a little...i stayed with my mom and she helped me out....counseling,meds,and radiation iodine...and after a couple months i almost felt normal...eventually moved in with future husband...then relapsed when i had my 3rd child....all the symptoms were back....had to do everything all over again....but after childbirth,medical is dropped,..and again went without meds for years....and had symptoms all over again....my husband caught me chopping my hair with a knife, after i had cut up my leg.....and couldnt handle me anymore and sent me to seattle with my sister to get help...insurance issues...my sister called the police/ambulance because i locked myself in the bathroom with a knife...back to the mental hospital...another radiation iodine,counseling and meds..i was 145# and ballooned overnight to 240#....went back home to future hubby...got a job (6years and i still work there) good insurance...labwork every 3 months...then all of a sudden i was fatigued with weakness, i started loosing my hair, i felt like i had cancer..went to see an endocron...and was diagnosed with HYPOTHYROID...wtf!!! awful new symptoms allover again....stronger prescription for months until i felt right again....then bamm...i relapsed with my 4th child, but this time was bearable...all the weight stayed...eyeballs still prutruding., still have symptoms...same meds for 7 years...and now..today...i have been suffering from new symptoms...memory lost, dilusional..having a hard time concentrating..shut down...monotone...hard to show affection...no sexual drive....bumpy lumps in my skin...body/joint pains...recently my now husband, who didnt know much of my condition at first learned more about it and became more understanding and supportive.....but recently he broke down and told me i show him no affection what so ever.....he cant tell anymore with my expressions if im happy, mad, sad.....because i look the same and i dont talk to him about anything....and we are now at a distant cause i dont know how to change it...its like im stuck this way...in conclusion...sorry so long....im in the process of seeing a counselor and demanding something done different with my treatment...im going to take care of my eyes, im changing my ways...i promised myself i must.....if this doesnt change me.......i dont know what else to do......im afraid......................thank you for taking time to read my story...im glad i found this site...i dont feel so alone anymore................ill keep in touch with future changes...good luck to everyone like me...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
You will never be alone here...we have all been through what you have been through and there are some who are just starting the roller coaster of Graves or thyroid issues.
The most important thing is....you know the signs, you know to get help and you know what can help you.
Thankyou for your posts...it makes me realise just how lucky I am to see that light at the end of the tunnel.
God Bless You and as long as you stay here, there will always be someone to help you and listen to you without judgement.
(((hugs)))
Blank
1284129_tn?1271600856
thank you for those comforting words...i dont get any of it in my life..its always "its all in your head" or dont use your desease as an excuse...so i dont even mention it anymore...so nobody knows what im going through then wonder why im the way i am...like im moodswinging or confused on purpose...they dont understand how dificult this is for me especially all alone...so i hide it...but obviously not..so i gotta fix it better...so thanks
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
My wife developed hyperthyroidism after a pregnancy over two decades ago. It was pure hell for three years; like dealing with someone with an extreme case of PMS round the clock, 24/7/365.  It is the most difficult experience I have gone through in my life. I am very, very sorry that you and your wife are going through this problem.

I am a very patient individual who worked very, very hard at tolerating my wife's behavior. After developing this disease, my wife treated me like the enemy. She experienced anxiety, became depressed, and, at times, was suicidal. Eventually, she became extremely irrational, mean, hurtful, and emotionally distant. She slept constantly. Sex was non existent. She even hit me. Most hurtful to me, she blamed me for her emotional problems. She befriended others at work who blamed me for the difficulties in our relationship because the disease overtly manifests itself with symptoms similar to spouse abuse (i.e., anxiety, depression upon arriving to and leaving from work). I thought I was going crazy. It came very close to destroying a good relationship.

One of the symptoms of this disease is forgetfulness. She only partially remembers this period in our relationship. Sadly, now that my wife has been treated (iodine treatment), she continues to blame me for many of the difficulties and mostly discounts what I went through. Basically, two decades later, she holds latent ill feelings about how she was treated by me. After reading about this disease, I have learned that that is incorrect.

When I read about the experiences of spouses experiencing the 'other side' of hyperthyroidism, I must say that the spouse is not crazy. Two decades later, I still get angry about the consequenses of the disease on me both emotionally and psychologically; it has changed my personality. I have to constantly remember that it is the disease that is at fault.

So, don't neglect the effects on the spouse, as these take a long time to heal ... my wife takes her 'happy pills' and gets immediate relief, but I am left with the emotional and psychological consequences that I am left to resolve on my own.

To the spouse of someone with hyperthyroidism: Be patient with yourself first; only then can you be helpful to your spouse.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I am a 16 years old girl and was diagnosed with Grave's disease 4 years ago when I started to have severe mood swings (from hyper laughter to non-stop crying) and excessive sweating across my whole body. I refused medication as I thought I was just born an idiot :)

I am reckless around friends and people I don't know, acting delirious and unstable. I am aware of the implications of my reckless actions but still I convince myself that I have to do them. I like to go out on my own in dangerous situations, "Why not?" I think, "Let something bad happen!"

I am steadily getting worse and my parents cannot control me anymore. :( Even writing this now I am getting hysterical.

Everyone that has commented earlier is very lucky to have support or be the support and this will help you or the person suffering, I believe, to deal with the disease.
Blank
346355_tn?1219858547
Please seek treatment! Thryoid disorders are no joke and can have serious implications. You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck and all the best to you.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
My girlfriend has for 2 years diagnosed Haschimoto Syndrome. At the beginning everything was fine and we simply enjoyed time together, but last 2 month my life turn to hell.
She is angry at me every day. It seems that I don´t do anything right: don´t eat, don´t sit, talk too much (even if I most of the time keep silent). She is most of the time very tired and has no patience at all.
Sometimes she has panic attacks, but only few times she allows me to help. The rest is: stay away, I´m fine! God, it´s so hard to see how someone you love turns in totally different person.
Two weeks before she asked me to move out, because hers feelings has changed and she don´t want to be with me. I did found other apartment (2 minutes walking distance from her) and will move, but not leave her. Sometimes I think that I go crazy as well, because this living in stress is really hard. Lately I have found out that my hands little shake and I start to turn very intravert.
But one thing I did - I forced her to understand that it´s not her any more and that she should go to doctor. At the moment she does all possible tests and has set apointment with one of the best doctors (in our country) for Haschimoto. Still 3 weeks to wait, but at least some target.
I´m the only one from hers friends and family who knows the truth about hers health. I have no idea how our relationship will continue after my moving out, but I will be there for her. At least as much as she will allow.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm reading all these posts and am filled with overwhelming love and awe for my wonderful husband. He has stood by me since I was first diagnosed with Graves about 15 years ago. At that time we were not yet married and the doctor who was treating me asked him "are you sure you still want to marry her?" We will be married 14 years in 2012 and have two beautiful children.

This morning we had a huge fight about ... nothing. that is how I greet the day - snapping and snarling, ready to beat anything and everything down. I snap when I don't get coffee, I snarl because I did but it's not in the cup that I like. I fight him when he doesn't talk to me and I argue when he does. He wanted to leave me earlier this year and we saw a counsellor for a little while. At our last consult we decided that it was not worth it as we were even fighting when consulting with the therapist.

I'm out of control. I can afford the meds (Eltroxin) but the pharmacy won't let me have it as I need a script from a doctor. The doctor won't let me have the script without the tests - which are very expensive and I can't afford it. So, sometimes i have meds, sometimes I don't. When I do I'm fine (sort of) but when I don't i think of killing myself. I dont want to be like this. What is there to live for.

My husband has health issues of his own, and I couldnt care less. In fact, when i'm in my foul moods, i use it to belittle him. I recently stabbed him with a scissor - because he walked away from me while we were arguing.

My temper is legendary. I think nothing of hurting, kicking, biting - shouting, screaming. Mostly I get so crazy that I just want to hurt (him). I try to control my rages where my children are concerned, but I will lose it one day and i will hate myself forever.

I've not had panic attacks (I hope) but I get so angry and crazy that I could kill. I'm scared that I will one day.

for the past two or so years I have believed that my husband is the reason my life has gone to S&*T. I don't think he loves me anymore. In fact, he probably doesnt even like me. I don't, so why should he? I'm tired of having to explain myself over and over and over. I'm tired of apologising for each thing that I do that he doesnt like.

Deep down I know I love him, but it is so difficult. Every minute of every day, I bite my tongue and check my actions. So as not to cause an argument, but we still argue because I can't even control that part of my body. I want to be grown up but I fight like an adolescent who does not yet know that words hurt.

I have blamed my husband for everything, from running out of milk to the fact that he takes sides at work (We work together and run a small company from home).

I want to be his special girl and princess but I don't give him the respect that he deserves.

I want to get off this see-saw and just have a normal, happy life with somebody whom I know loves me and has stuck it out thus far.

I'm a bit all over the show here, as I can't even decide on what to say.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I have no experience with Graves, but I wondered what tests would be so expensive?  You have already been diagnosed with Graves' Disease.  Seems to me that the tests you need most would be Free T3 and Free T4, which are the biologically active thyroid hormones.  From those tests your doctor should be able to determine what type and dosage of antithyroid meds you need.

By the way, that would not be Eltroxin, which is T4, used for hypothyroidism, not hyperthyroidism.

So I suggest that you find a way to get the tests done and get your doctor to help you, finally.  If you will get the testing done, members will be glad to help you interpret the results and make sure that you get the treatment you need so badly.  We're here to help, but you will have to do your part.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
So sorry. I made a mistake. I was initially diagnosed with Graves and was treated with radioactive iodine, which I was told shuts down the thyroid. I was then essentially hypo and have been on Eltroxin since then.

The tests here in South Africa are expensive because you don't get a holistic approach here. you are sent from one doctor to the next and they want these tests done every six months at about R1400 every time. This would translate into about $200 if my calculations are correct.

Also a couple of years ago I was diagnosed as chemically depressed (apparently my adrenal gland had burnt out) and was given anti-depressants and some other stuff to cope.

At that same time the doctor told me that my levels are out of whack. According to her one of my levels (i really don't know how it works) was too high and the other one was low. Seeing as I am taking the same tablet to control both I was a bit stumped.

On the marriage front, i have just told my husband that I will be going to the doctor as soon as possible to start these tests. I also apologised to him for what I've put him through. I'll wait and see whether he wants me to stay or not, but i've decided that the ball is in his court and if he wants out I wont stop him.  

Thanks for the response, it is such a relief to know that I'm not alone. Shan
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
If you stay with us, you will find a world of support and help from the many experienced and knowledgeable members here.  For us to be most effective at helping you, we need you to help us with information.  Let's start with symptoms, which are most important.

If you look at this list of 26 typical hypothyroid symptoms, which ones would you say that you have?

http://endocrine-system.emedtv.com/hypothyroidism/hypothyroidism-symptoms-and-signs.html

Also, please take a look at this list of symptoms of adrenal insufficiency and tell us which ones you seem to have.  

http://endocrine-system.emedtv.com/adrenal-insufficiency/adrenal-insufficiency-symptoms.html

Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hi, my symptoms for hypo are: feeling tired, weight gain, constipation, dry skin, thinning and losing hair, brittle nails, enlarged tongue, heavy (painful) irregular periods, depression, occasional high blood pressure. I have also had two miscarriages and both my children were born via emergency caesars as my uterus "failed" both times.

From the adrenal symptoms I essentially have all the symptoms, to varying degrees.

I'm quite excited about going to the doctor and having my levels checked! mainly because i will then KNOW what i can do to help myself. I know that it will probably be a long road, but i would have started on it.

Thank you guys for everything and I'll keep you posted as to progress.

(Not mad) Shan
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Glad to hear that you are going back to the doctor and get some testing done.  Please make sure they test you for Free T3 and Free T4 (not the same as Total T3 and Total T4).  Also get a 24 hour urine cortisol test if possible.  

I thought you might find this interesting.  It is a message I gave to one of our members recently.

"Have you ever been tested for adrenal insufficiency?  The 24 hour urine cortisol test is considered best.    

I ask this because your symptoms when taking thyroxine sound like they could be a reaction to something called adrenal fatigue, which occurs after extended periods of low thyroid hormones, causing excessive stress on the adrenals.  You can get some good info from this link.

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art44711.asp

Also,I found this.    Hyper-like symptoms can occur from doses of thyroid meds that shouldn’t produce those symptoms, including anxiety or nervousness,  shakiness, dizziness, racing heart, nausea, feeling hot, or any symptom which seems like an over-reaction to the meds, but are really symptoms of low cortisol."

Please do let us know how your are doing.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
For that cortisol test, I meant to say 24 hour saliva cortisol test.  That is supposedly better than the urine cortisol test.  
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
My wife has been showing most of the symptoms mentioned here. It was so similar with the rest. The mood swings, arguments, sudden outbursts of rage and sometimes violence in one minute, to the loving and caring person I fell in love with, is literally making me lose my mind. All she told me was that she had a thyroid problem and went into bad depression and immune system breakdown before. I don't know what to do and who to turn to...it's hard to talk to people about something I don't understand fully. She is reacting negatively to my suggestion to seek medical help. Yes I feel selfish that I want to end this, but at the same time I would like to help her and do whatever I can. What can I do to cope with this problem? It is affecting my work and and to some extent my relationship with family and friends. I guess there isn't a quick solution to this, looking at all the posts, but some words of advice or encouragement would definitely help. Thanks.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I was diagnosed with graves 2 years ago, I had a total thyroidectomy and am having to rely on thyroid medication. Before my thyroid was removed I had severe anxiety attacks and mood swings. My husband and I have been together for 22 years and he realizes its the disease and not me.
I still have mood swings, concentration problems, and become irritable.
It is very frustrating for a woman that never had to rely on anyone.
I think the first thing would be to realize its not you, don't treat her like a child,
And just be supportive. It's a tough thing for any family to go through, things will improve. She does need to be managed by meds though, quickly.
Hope this helps.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I am in tears when I read all the comments... My fiancé was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a year ago. After months of misdiagnoses of bipolar,ADHD and other mental related illnesses the found out his thyroid levels were very high. At the time he was having severe rage attacks. Punching holes in walls, breaking things, anxiety attacks and very pale sickly looking skin. We pushed back our wedding date in hopes that once on synthroid he would go back to the man I know and love. This was the case and he did go back to that loving man. Although the last month I noticed him looking sickly again and the anxiety kicking back in. He went back in for blood work and his levels went from 3 to 10.8. I feel defeated. Just this morning he left in a fit of screaming and took my engagement ring off my finger all because I had visited a friend the day before. He knows something is wrong but doesn't seem to want help that he truly needs. Ive given up my life to make him better an now I feel back at square one. I don't think I'll be able to handle him like last year emotionally or financial.. The wedding is in four months!!!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hi Doug,

I was today writing to thyroidnightmare cause I've being that evil sick person in the relation.

But I have survived and now I'm much better (emotionally) the thing here is that you guys need to be veeery veeeery patience!

Lots of love and support also has made me pacify... when i get all crazy and stuff and my now-husband doesn't explode and listens to me and doesn't reacts when i even say very bad things and then he shows himself super understanding, caring, loving... it disarms me... makes me feel like an idiot...

But one thing that I have to do indeed was to become aware of my disease. When was my hormones acting and when was I. To say "forgive me"

But i didn't started that, it was him cause he was the one most rational of the two of us...

Now I don't know how are you guys in the faith-department, we are (both catholics) but he is more... that's a good place to go...

But if not, then one thing i did this weekend and seriously transformed my life was attending a seminar "you can heal your life" which is based on a lady called Louise Hay.... it was ... WOW...

Your loved-ones should go on their own and be open to change...

Now another thing that my dear husband has done is really let me decide on my own what kind of treatment i want to take and not push me and support me a lot... per instance i am SOOO against removing my thyroid or taking RAI and the antithyroidrugs feel like poison...

So i've tried a lot of this and that and it could have been much easier for him that i remove my thyroid and get it over with, for the sake of the relation but he has never pushed me

YOU play an important part in this whole mess WE get into... If you think is not fair and all that, then maybe you should really walk out of the relation... it requires TONS AND TONS of LOVE and real love and to let yourself go for the good of the other one...

No need on blaming or pointing finger... if you say "you need help!" or "search for help" or "you are sick" or "can't you see you are destroying us" and etc etc etc, is not making it any better...

Is very hard for us who pass through this, mostly if you are an emotional one... but we sometimes get into a self-defense system of negligence were we don't want to accept we are sick or that some hormones control us and stuff like that... i don't know were that thinking stops, but it stops thanks to the nurturing love of your husband/wife...

Check the Louise Hay thing, and support support support love love love yourself and your partner... maybe you can go there yourselves first and then try to engage your loved one... i don't know just an idea

Cannot explain it, i have been very lucky on having such an angel as a husband who has helped me to understand that if I am sick, he is sick, we are sick and we want to get healed, together...

And don't get angry... what do you prefer, to be happy or to be right?

mmm... maybe my husband should comment on this one :) ... one thing he has done is to read a lot... of course he got pissed at some point but cannot tell it was a tug-war of anger between both of us... and i still get crazy and desperate but not anymore after i went to that louise hay thing

In order to love others, we need to love ourselves...

love for you all whom we (thyroid slaves) make your life difficult

Is not in purpose... <3




Blank
Avatar_f_tn
ooops didn't notice this thread was too old!!!

I hope things went in the right direction for you :D
Blank
2062295_tn?1330879478
I am 28 and was diagnosed with Grave's Disease back in October. (5 monthss ago) I felt as if i was reading my own story here several times. Me and my husband have been married 5 years and we have a 4 year old daughter and a daughter that is almost 3.

I had hyper thyroidism and had the radioactive iodine treatment done and now i have an underactive thyroid. I have watched myself go from someone that was naturally up and down mood wise to someone that wants to die each day. i am being treated and I get blood work and see my doctor every 6 weeks and have felt myself slip into something that i cannot fully grasp.

My mood is so unpredictable my husband and me are battling each other each and everyday. i have lost all compassion and love i had for him and notice I no longer want to be around my children as much anymore. I am a stay at home mom and have no friends. I have lost the 2 friends I did have and feel like i no longer want to be around anyone.

My best friend of 14 years told me that i am a crazy ***** and that she finds she cant even talk to me. I am on clonazpem, levatrox, and a thyroid medicine to hopefully help regulate my under active thyroid.

i cannot explain how much i have noticed a change in myself mood wise and just the overall person i have become. i am fine one day and the next day i want nothing to do with anyone and i flip out at my children or my husband for no apparent reason.

Ever since i found out i had this my marriage went from being bad in general to a million times worse. i am a complete witch on wheels and severely depressed most days and other days i dont know what to do with myself. i find i relate to so many ppl on here and hope to have as much support. i hope my response is read and will check back often and keep up with this post.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Please post your thyroid related test results and their reference ranges shown on your lab report, so that members can assess the adequacy of your testing and treatment.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I have graves to and my boyfriend always fights with me. he doesent even care that i have it. he told me he is not going to console me and let me cry on his shoulders because its not that serious. after finding out some things its very scary n sreious. now i understand y ive been lashing out sometimes n if i told him its because uf this disease he would just say thats just an excuse. i just found this out yesterday.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I was given a 304 uCI of I-123 in an oral capsule and after a 6 hour dealy a thyroid uptake and scan was obtained. after  a 24-hour delay a second thyroid uptake was measured.

Blank
Avatar_f_tn
so my 6 hour uptake was 88.1% the normal range is 7-18%. The 24-hour uptake was 98.6% the normal range is 15-32%.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hello to you and everyone!
I am on this forum for 1st time and it has given me some hope ....
MY STORY
4 years ago I was divorced after 30 years, moved away from friends and grown children, lost my job, dad died, ended up in counselling, visiting doctors frequently, on and off anti-depressants.
September 2010 re-married, v. happy - although still depression battling, on and off medication.  Had Shingles for short time - stress induced.  

2011 - GP diagnosed under-active thyroid as I had been complaining of fatigue, depression seemed worse etc. etc.  I remember crying with relief to know what seemed to be causing my problems.  

Thyroxene meds only - up and down, but still struggling with how I was feeling.  Worked for 4 mnths last year and had to leave, stress again.  Came off anti-depressants July 2011 as felt wanted to cope on own.

My dearest mummy passed away 3 September 2011.  Sent me into tailspin.  For a while blamed my state to grief and no doubt it had lots to do with it, but early this year seemed to really be getting bad.  I began to wonder what was wrong with me.  More visits to doctor and tests of thyroid levels - normal!!  Told I am menopausal and depresssed with my thyroid probs and difficult to separate issues.  My mum was also hypothyroid, but seemed ok on her meds.

Have suffered over last four years with constant anxiety - racing heart - feeling like something was wrong.

I took anxiety pills for 2 months end of Jan to March but stopped because felt not helping other than sedating and even took extra few times to make myself sleep away everything!

Meanwhile - I am losing the plot emotionally and mentally - reading up constantly on thyroid issues, my poor husband coping with a woman who has so changed - I withdraw from everyone, cant cope with friends, when really bad - do not want to speak with my children, have become at times a recluse retreating to bedroom.  We have lodgers and I have decided I dont want them around - one lady is convinced I hate her!  I am and have been an outgoing, warm and caring girl, now life feels one nightmare and I cant trust my own mind/thoughts.

2 weeks ago - saw a different doctor with my husband and told her I wanted to be referred to specialist - symptoms of my underactive thyroid present and new ones - aching hips in bed, etc.  Blood tests came back normal again for TSH etc.  However, I requested a Cholestrol test - never had one before - result. 7.6 v. high -she said not lifestyle related, I knew that as I eat ok, read up that elevation is also caused by thyroid disorder - even those mis-managed.  

TO DATE - am seeing doctor today, discussing anti-depressants again - as I am desperate to get emotions under control, whilst waiting Endo's appointment.  I will be telling her about my swallowing last few weeks, feel enlarged thyroid in throat - my mental stability even worse.  Crashing frequently - crying for hours on end and even last week, screaming at my husband, his two young teenage daughters heard me, and were so scared went home and wont come back to visit.

Attended family event yesterday, son of 21 returned home from abroad 2 years, managed to survive until evening - but then broke down sobbing and my 25 and 27 year old girls saw me as I am at home but not usually with them.  I have had 5 children, one grandson, so much to be happy about.  Divorce was traumatic and residual effects are still there for some of family, one son who is very distant - so these background thing make being ill all the more difficult.

My bed is my ZONE - I retreat there when things get bad and try to escape by sleeping.

I am just wondering if I may have this Hashmito Disorder, but know I have too get answers and treatment - feel like I am not living properly - no desire to pursue interests etc.  I am 56 on Saturday!  

Would be interested to hear from you/anyone else.

Kind regards
Beverley
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Your load is more than anyone should have to handle.  I'm sure that the knowledgeable and experienced members here can be of help to you.  The first thing you need to do is to be tested for the biologically active thyroid hormones, which are Free T3 and Free T4 (not the same as Total T3 and Total T4).  You can also ask to be tested for the possibility of Hashi's.  Those tests for thyroid antibodies are TPO ab and TG ab.  In addition, I would suggest testing for Vitamin D, B12, ferritin, a full iron test panel, zinc, and selenium.  If the doctor resists testing for the Free t3 and Free T4, and only wants to test for TSH, or the Totals, then you should insist on the Frees and don't take no for an answer.  

I won't get into all the reasons behind these suggestions right now because I want to make sure you see this as soon as possible, and before your appointment.  

When test results are available, please get a copy of the lab report and post test results and their reference ranges shown on the report and members will be glad to help interpret and advise further.

Blank
Avatar_f_tn
HelloThank u so much for your concern and information.

I live in the UK so not sure if GP will agree to all testings, but will try.

I did have a T3 test last year, not sure if that is the free T3 but that was within normal!

I asked her before if I could be re-tested and she did agree.

I am due there in just over an hour.  THANKS AGAIN.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I fully understand the difficulty in getting adequately tested and treated in the UK.  However, it is possible.  Note this piece of advice from a fellow UK member who was successful.

"What I have learned from my experience is that you have to go to the Dr's office and TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT and to go backed up with knowledge.  You have to tell them that you have done your reading and looked into your condition and care about the long-term treatment of your health and thyroid.  If you fight for what you want, you will eventually find someone that is happy to go along with your wishes.  But we all have to take charge of our own health, right?"

So my best suggestion is to be forceful in requesting to be tested for Free T3 and Free T4.  Tell the doctor that you also want to be treated clinically by testing and adjusting free T3 and free T4 as necessary to relieve symptoms, without being constrained by resultant tSH levels.  Take a copy of this letter to the doctor and tell him that is what you need.  

http://hormonerestoration.com/files/ThyroidPMD.pdf
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hello
Spent all day in bed yesterday - so no contact with the world!

Dr agreed for me to have blood test for Free T3 and Free T4.  She did not want to commit herself to commenting on thyroid issues - have to wait to see specialist.

I began my course of anti-depressants yesterday and have some Valium if things get difficult whilst they are kicking in.

Feel so tired, unmotivated and wonder what will happen next.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I say this with respect, but your attitude needs to change.  I am also like your wife, and my husband immersed himself and learning about this issue, and that our lives will never be the same.  

Dear Doug......I am not bashing you, but so many of my "Thyroid Cancer Sisters" have husbands like you, some walk out because they can't take it.  Please don't be one of those if you truly love your wife.

If you doubt your love for her, the best thing you can do for both of you is get out so that she can hopefully one day find someone empathetic enough to realize they have to change too.

I wish you the best of luck, even though this post if 5 years old.  Hope you've stepped up to bat and learned to support you're wife.  

No one hates our behavior and feelings more than we do.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
How are you doing now?  I am 6.5 years out from Papillary Stage I, no recurrences, one huge dose of RAI and 3 small ones.  Still feel like a truck hit me.  :)
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Your wife, hate using words incorrectly.  
Blank
649848_tn?1357751184
This is a very old thread and to my knowledge none of the previous posters are still around, except for gimel, who was trying to help......
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Hi,
I had some postings earlier. How can I change my attitude to support my wife? I am a passive person but sometimes I lose it and we go into very heated arguments. Yes, it's not helping if I am like that, but I am also a human with a temperament and it's a helpless feeling....
Blank
2062295_tn?1330879478
I will let you know my bloodwork this week. I have to go back to my dr this week. I was off my Levothyroxine for a few months and trying to get back on everything. My husband still does not understand me or my moods, and has resorted to calling me a crazy ***** and an insane person that is laming my disease on everything. I am making him come to the dr with me in hopes that he will be able to tell my hsuband what ot expect and hwo to deal with me. Does anyone have any advice for me that might help with my mood and so that I am not lashing out for no apparant reason sometimes? I really feel like my marriage is going to end if things are not straightened out.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
my wife was diagnosed with graves disease 6 months ago.her latest lab results  came back and the medication she has been on is not working at all.her doctor said she has has her last option to get surgery and have her thyroid removed.she is in total deniel about her condition.she really doesn't understand the serious complications this disease can cause.im now waiting on her decision whether or not she's gonna get the surgery.it has been the worst 2 months of our marriage and it's falling apart.she has become so quite and distant with me I did not know why.i finally asked her what is going on with you.she replied she no longer loves me and has no feelings at all.we are on a verge of a divorce but I truly know that it's the graves that's causing her to feel the way she does about me.im alone and don't know what to do.we have a 1 year old son to top it off.im doing everything in my power to save our marriage regardless the way she feels bout me.this is not the beautiful caring most loving person I ever met before.she was so in love with me I really can't understand how u can just stoop having feelings for someone just like that.this illness is taking over her life.i just want her to make the right decision and start thinking clearly again and be the old wife she used to be.i never cried so much in my life.please if anyone has any advice for me that they can share.thank you all..
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Hi I'm 24 with a pretty serious case of Grave's.  After the 1st year of treatment wasn't much help, my mother made me go to a certified Naturalist and she recommended TS-II and kelp pills.  Not sure if it helped too much but my constant pain did subside.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Greetings. i know this is an old post but it its home as to where I am right not with my wife of ten years who i have loved adored and supported went on vacation to the USA and is filing for divorce and has broken all sorts of things she and i agreed to where our two kids were concerned. My wife is a beautiful woman 31 and  was diagnosed after the birth of our daughter 7 years ago. Reading these posts has confirmed to me again that her refusal to accept that her illness can have anything to do with anything she has done or said and felt and forgotten over these 7 years, has to be due to her Graves and now I am here in tumoil and pain caus she wants nothing to do with me and has taken the kids. I am asking for HELP from anyone who can point me in the right direction as I am praying and trusting God to work it out for our familys sake....but with all the irrational decisions and disregard or care for me or what she is doing and seeing her slip away from me over the last year or so has lead her to this and she refuses to even admit to a possibilty that her illness has anything to do with it because she takes her meds which is carbimoazole. I am now going to fight for my marriage and my wifes health by putting God and The Bible and His commands first, and then her thyroid condition to @ least give us six months of therapy and counselling and pray that within that time she can meet me half way and keep our God Given Family together. There is so much more, but I am trying to trust God. Is there any group or counseller I can find in Brooklyn, NY or someone who can try reaching out to her as she doesn't wanna talk to me about anything but the kids right now and not us. She is a good person with great character and very smart and I know once she acknowledges her issue, she will rise above all this cruel stuff she is doing. Someone help me please but more so everyone please say a prayer for our family...Please!!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Also experiencing the horrors of a spouse with Graves Disease... Will lift a prayer for you Georgies.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
My husband of 16 years was diagnosed last month with hyperthyroidism and I believe he started showing symptoms 2 years ago.  Hand tremors, and facial twitches.  He has had a total personality change.  Displays complete narcissistic characteristics and is prone to irrational fits of anger over exaggerated or fictitious events.  Blames me for everything including making him mad.  Has delusions that I have had an emotional affair.  Accuses me of being angry all the time.  He has no remorse or empathy.   And only months after some outrageous behavior he might admit that he could see how that might hurt me, BUT he felt...so it was OK.  Asking him simple questions like what time will you be home for dinner has spiraled him into fits of rage and he blames me for not talking to him right.  I don't know if he is a narcissist and the stress emotionally caused the graves or these mental issues is displaying is cause by the graves.  He does seem to be able to control himself at work and with strangers however with me he projects all his emotional problems.  Lately he likes to characterize as cowardly or scared.  I attempted to discuss with him some that some of the irrational behavior and delusion beliefs may be caused by his Graves disease.  He refuses to acknowledge he has any problem at all.  I’m at my wits end.  I so want him to say yes that was crazy….I’m sorry.   But instead he accuses me of being mentally and physical abusive.   He will get tested again in a couple weeks but won’t see a doctor again until next year.   Can anyone give me any hope that this can get any better in any reasonable amount of time.  I love him but he’s not there anymore…and I don’t think I can do another 2 years of this.   Are there any stories of someone who got their numbers in check and made a mental recovery?
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I almost cried when I read this post.  Have been dealing with this for a year, and am currently going through a divorce.  She refuses to believe it is the disease and won't even take her medication.  I fear for her and our children.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
My now-ex-wife was diagnosed with hypo in May 2012. It was around that time she had changed jobs (probably because of inattention) and became distant and withdrawn. I thought it was because of stress from the new job, but she would not talk about it.
She accused me of having an affair, which I never did or would have. She had copies of bank records sent to her father; opened her own single bank account and was not contributing anything to our joint account for bills.
By this time is July 2012 and while she had been on Armour (60 mg) for more than a month, her behavior on grew more bizarre; taking up company with a guy at work, shuffling him places because he had no vehicle, staying out with him all night (he's supposedly gay), picking fights over nothing.
At this time all I knew was that hypo was about low iodine and it was treatable. I never related the actions to the other manifestations of hypo.
More and more aberrant behavior which led to us separating for three days before Christmas 2012.
She had me arrested claiming abuse, of which there was none.
After spending Christmas in jail and her screaming she wanted a divorce, we went through a terrible 2013 apart waiting for the judgement.
Even though she was diagnosed a year before, she at a pinnacle of pills in May 2013 on three antidepressants, 1 -anxiety and 1 -psychotic; and I heard even more about her behavior with other men and disassociating from former friends.
Not knowing what in the world had happened, I started researching hypo and was absolutely shocked and terrified of all the ramifications.
Thinking back, she was manifesting all the classic initial signs four years earlier. In those four years she had asthma, hives, rosacea, hair thinning, constipation, GERD, osteoporosis, arthritis, fatigue, irritability, depression, anxiety, premenopause, anemia, chronic pain, TMJ, dry/gritty eyes, high blood sugar, indigestion, high cholesterol, bad snoring, unexplained weight gain, cold intolerance and really irregular menstrual cycles.
In the last two years she's had 4 jobs, three of which have been in the last 5 months, threatened suicide at least three times, and had her father threaten to institutionalize her at least temporarily. In the last year she's been through 5 roommates, all of whom I understand 'couldn't take living with her.'
She had never gone back to the dr after the initial diagnosis and was still on 60 mg Armour a year later along with the other pills.
We've spoken only one time in more than a year and after I tried to tell her about all her past symptoms and they are reflected hypo, especially the mental aspects and no change in her dosage, she refused to her it -- that was only last week.
During the spring of 2012, I began to lose the beloved wife I knew as she shrunk into the abyss of hypo, and I didn't know why until it was too late.
I have cried and cried, been frustrated beyond belief for a year now having thought low iodine was no big deal. It truly is big deal that can in a very short amount of time turn your life completely upside down.
Very insidious, heart-breaking disease for all those involved.
Blank
9390143_tn?1403498426
   Hello every one i am a German citizen but with my family here i Canada, i had some problems in my marriage because thought i keep some secrets from him before we get married and i was unable to get pregnant because my husband hate it to sex with me that again develop to my filter problem but before we get married he so much love me and i love him as much so i decide to search for a solution on  marriage site and from friends and i find so many spiritual doctors then i contacted three of them one after the other but they all disappointed me till my family seeks for divorce and he happily divorce me because he already find another lady. so while i was alone with pains i still look for solution every where till a meet with a friend of mine that just came from Germany then she direct me to this site where i read about great ***@**** on how he solve marriage, relationships, family , healing and so many testimony about him then me and my friend decide to contact despite i he told me about the materials that i must provide i just have to do all that he told me because of what other persons said about him. three days after we have done all he ask me to do, he said he have done everything i did not know how it will work because i could even contact my husband again he already block but i was so sup-rice Hashberg call our home line to ask of me. well we are happily married now with one kids but expecting another one soon. My dear contact ***@**** if you have any problem that give you pain. contact ***@**** today he is helpful and excellent
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Thyroid Disorders Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Thyroid Answerers
168348_tn?1379360675
Blank
ChitChatNine
649848_tn?1357751184
Blank
Barb135
FL
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
goolarra
Sisters, OR
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
gimel
MI
1756321_tn?1377771734
Blank
Red_Star
Queensland, Australia
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
flyingfool
WI