absolutely desperate

[Applecore]

Can anybody relate to what is happening to me.  First I get hyper then RAI then ok for 1 year then anxiety, end up in ER.  Diagnosed with hypo - then told I have hashimoto disease, find I am sensitive to hormone can only take 37.5 mg.  Fighting all the time to get better.  Then I am diagnosed with Celiac disease.  2 weeks ago started with anxiety, now this morning depression is scaring me.  What is going on with me.  I had serious depression many many years ago and it took me a long time to get out of it.  I have never taken medicine for depression.  Is this a sequence of events with hashimoto or what is going on.  I need hope at the end of this tunnel because at the moment I can't see daylight.   Sorry about the complaints but what to do is the question for me.  It is hard to do much more than I am doing.      linda

[tiredforever]

I am hypo and gluten intolerant and its been 5 weeks since my new doctor put my whole mess of symptoms together and figured me out.  You are probably getting a double whammy of some symptoms and other opposing symptoms, so it is not surprising iyour body is unhappy.  The whole celiac diet can be a bit daunting to start with, but if you focus on what you can have rather than the big list of things you have to remove from your diet, your body will thank you pretty soon. You might find like me that vitamins are low, especially vitamin b (I have had 4 shots in 5 weeks)
& started on  vitamin therapy also enzymes to help digest my food.  starting to feel 'untortured' - even smiling!  Keep persisting (maybe try a new med?) and be kind to yourself while you are struggling. I really felt like I was in a world of my own for a long time, but of course it never seems as bad when you get thru!  Good luck with everything, Maggie

[ChitChatNine]

Sometimes stress of life events can bring to the surface depression that has otherwise been dormant for many years.  It happened to me after my thryoid surgery ..... I called a few weeks of therapy a "mini tuneup". That is what happened to me.  I am not a Dr. but wanted to share my personal experience to keep in mind as you endure this rough time right now.

Cheryl

[Applecore]

What do you mean by new doctor.  Did you have depression because of this whole thing.  I find it hard to figure all this out.  I do believe I have three good doctors,  endo, MD holistic and a good psychiatrist.  I have only seen the psychiatrist 2 times during the onset of the thyroid problem.  He told me he thought my problems were from my thyroid.  I am thinking now that there are multiple reasons for all this. thyroid, celiac, and all this is causing me to have many things from my past come up and I am having to deal with them.  I may try to take a antidepressant even though I have never had to take anything like that before.  Maybe it will help to get through all this.  I am finding the celiac at first was so overwhelming because they told me I was allergic to other foods also.  My doctor told me to just concentrate on the gluten and no eggs.  I don't know whether in the future I will hav e to deal with the other foods or if my body heals some they will go away.   I am in the low normal of B12   260 (206-980)  I am going to call my doctor about this.  He isn't giving me anything I don't think for it.  I am just starting to take supplements and vitamins.  I didn't expect the depression to happen as I was trying to get started on these changes.  This makes it seem harder.  I am going to stop doing alot of what I had planned to do.  I am chief judge in the upcoming elections.  I think I will definitely give that up and take that stress off me.  I take care of mentally ill elderly ladies in my home for about 20 years and think that is also a stress that is something I could do without.  I have a wonderful husband who is a great help.  He can't understand what I am going through but he tries to help me.   It is hard enough for me to understand.  I am seeing depression in a different light and your comments helped me.  Also ChitChatNine your comments help also.  I guess no one wants to think their life would keep them in the teeth but sometimes it does and I will get through this.  You all might hear from me complaining.  Please remind me that it is not my fault and I will get better.  I had depression many years ago and I don't want to stay in this any longer than necessary.   Do either of you think antidepressants work.  If I am repeating myself please forgive me as keeping my mind thinking positive is hard and I have to work at it.  I was thinking that an antidepressant would help to do that and also slow down some of the irrational thoughts that I am getting.   I am going for therapy since the thyroid stuff and it has helped but for the past couple of weeks I haven't even wanted to go because I was so anxious and now this depression.  I don't know what I would do without this forum to give me information and help.  The Lord has given me good doctors, great husband, good friends and this forum.  Thank you all so much.  I don't mind if you have the time, any time, to keep on encouraging me.  It is so hard for my husband to understand all of this.  God Bless You All for all you do on this forum.    love linda

[AR-10]

I can relate to your situation, Applecore.

I've been taking anti-anxiety pills since 6/06 for depression and getting therapy on line. LOL!!

Hasn't worked very well. :(

To make things more interesting, lately my anxiety has turned into HIGH ANXIETY, like Mel Brooks type anxiety. Loud noises, unexpected noises, television violence, minor life problems, all freak me out. The sound of water running or the dog barking drives me over the edge. A ten minute conversation with four people has my mind trying to disconnect from the chaos. And here I thought anxiety was about  being nervous.

The depression comes and goes. Well, it's always here, but distractions cause it to seem to lift for periods of time. Unfortunately, the day to day things that ease my depression also make me physically ill. Doing things make me feel better about myself, but make me sick, which triggers depression from the Hashimoto's and also from the realization that I am sick because I went out of the house for a few hours.

My digestion is SO messed up I can hardly express it. It runs my life. Anymore when I sit down to a meal I look at it and wonder how sick eating it is going to make me. I've been thinking I may need some beneficial bacteria or something.

I'm sure eventually I will end up at an alergist's office and we will be discussing Celiac Sprue(sp?), which my sister has. But first I have to get my thyroid under control. Which won't be for another year or so.

And I'm trying to run a construction business, but I can't work.

I can tell you this. Living with untreated depression is bad. I have been denied treatment, but I urge you to discuss it with your doctor and consider medical treatment. Fluxuating TSH can trigger chemical induced clinical depression. Depression meds are a whole new minefield to walk through, but untreated depression is as bad or worse.

I may be completely wrong, but I have come to the conclusion that our bodies' daily need for T3 is partly determined by how much physical and mental stress we have that day. Like calories; the more you work, the more you burn. IF that is true, remaining stable on a med dose requires a fairly regular and uneventful daily life. A routine amount of sleep. A routine amount of physical activity. A routine amount of stress.

But first you have to get stable, and healed.
We are not there yet.

I know you get paid to care for these women, but maybe it is too much for you right now and maybe you need to look at slowing down. I know that means financial adjustments, but your health is more important. I don't say this lightly, because I am going through financial things right now that look insurmountable. But God will open a door.

If any of this advice works, let me know and I'll try it too. :)

I hope you feel better soon. I pray that God will guide you. Come here for support, because there are others here who know how you feel. I don't want to be the only one posting "Help Me!!!" threads.

One last thought. I have gotten the "one day at a time" thing down, sort of. I need to start working on goals, because I am sort of drifting about. Short term goals to feel better about myself, and long term goals to convince myself this can be overcome.

If that makes any sense. I'm not sure any of this rambling makes sense.

Rant on, and get it out. Then move forward.
Best wishes.

[ChitChatNine]

The short range goals and long range goals .. you hit the nail on the head .. that is what prompted me to return to college .. for no other rason than ME.  And eliminate ANY stressors that you can put on hold for now.  YOU need to take CARE OF YOU APPLE and I mean it and sound like you are doing so .. the therapy may be stirring up old stuff and getting close to new stuff, etc. and thus the symtpoms but do talk to your Dr to see if anti anxiety or anti depressents are the way to go .. BTW, when my thryoid was messed up many yrs ago the Zoloft did NOTHING and Ativan helped tenfold for the depression that to me felt more like having a baby depression and not clinical.  Again, I'm not a Dr. so only my thoughts here.

AR ... I hope you feel better soon .. so much on your plate to deal with .... C~

[hypogirl80]

Let's go back to your original problem. you siad you had RAI,.. then hypo.. then can only take 37.5 mg, (I assume that you are talking about 37.5 mcg of Lev. or Synthroid type of supplements, not Armour.or other T3 kind).  But what is your current thyroid blood test result.   Are they normal ??  (Without a healthy thyroid, you are going to have a lot of problems.)...

[crst]

Except for the Celiac disease you sound just like me! The main reasons I kept going to the doctor was my emotions. I was up and happy one minute, angry the next, and crying the very next. When my doctor discovered my thyroid levels were elevated she started me on an anti-anxiety medicine. She had recommended on years before but I refused. I don't want to mask the problem, I want to find out the cause. Once we realized I was hyperthyroid we could start figuring out how to maybe fix it. Within 1 month new tests with the endo showed I was hypo, than they leveled out, than I was back to hyper. You can just imagine what my mind and body were doing. Long story a little short, I was originally diagnosed with (probable) Graves disease. I had a TT on 10/01/07 and I have stage 1 papillary carcinoma and Hashimoto's disease. My entire thyroid was diseased. I do completely relate and I can tell you since my thyroid has been out and I am not going through the ups & downs I feel better (emotionally, not physically) than I have in 10 years. I am on a much more even keel. If I can say that after being diagnosed with cancer and needing further treatment/surgery/RAI because it spread to the adjacent lymph nodes; hopefully, that will give you some comfort and you can see a light at the end of your tunnel.

[Applecore]

Chtchatnine -  I am not sure I understood what you mean about the therapy.  It is stirring up old stuff.  You think the symptoms are coming from this stirring up.  The lorazapam helps me also to get through.  I haven't taken it in about 3 months but in the last two weeks have taken a couple of halves.  I took 1/2 today.  It doesn't drug me but does make me feel better.  I think I may need an andepressant of some type to help bring up my seratonin level.  Can you be tested for that to see if you need it.  I wonder.  Maybe I don't want to find out, I think I need it.  I took prozac during the first round of anxiety in April.  I took it until August this year.  Now I am going to have to take it again.  I don't mind.  Actually I felt the Lord told me to take the meds as they would keep me safe.  I don't think the prozac did much for me then but it might now that I can feel the depression.  I will leave that up to the psychiatrist.  I haven't heard from him yet.  I think the loprazam is ativin.  I don't know about taking Zoloft.  They gave me prozac at too high a dose and I don't know what it did for me I was too sick to care.  The loprazam helped me more.  I agree.

hypogirl:  My numbers were as of 2 weeks ago tsh 5.6 and t4 1.60.  He is increasing my levothyroxin (levothyroxine) on Sundays only to 50 and then the rest of the week 37.5.  He is afraid of causing more anxiety so we are doing it slow.  I am not normal yet.  5 weeks ago I was 3.5 for about 3 weeks and then it went up again.  That is why he is increasing it.  I am feeling better from the other thyroid symptoms.  I didn't have the anxiety at 3.5 but when it started I checked my blood and it was up to 5.6.  I don't know where it is now.    

I am also hoping that the supplements will help to get my body in better shape so it will fight better and do better things for me.  I am sure the fear of when will this stop is one of the reasons for my feeling so bad.   I had depression a long time ago don't know if it was thyroid related and it took years and years for me to come out completely.  I think that fear is there and I don't know exactly how to address it.  My psychiatrist says this is completely thyroid related and the endo agrees to a point.  I am sorry for all you have gone through but the emotional part is the hard part and if you are feeling so much better emotionally then that it good.  

I am off to the therapist now.  Will talk later.   linda

[kitty9309]

I think taking the anxiety meds and maybe going to anti-depressant would help you through this time until the TSH drops. No one wants to go on an antidepresant, but sometimes you need to do what you have to to make it through. It can feel like a weakness, but it isn't a personal one. It is due to a chemical imbalance and that is a physical problem.
I hope you get some good advice from the therapist/ psychiatrist today.

Kitty

[hypogirl80]

Your doctor is very conservative. usually people had RAI, will need at least 100 MSG of lev daily  to be normal. but may be you have other problems, so your doctor goes slow.  Both your TSH and t4 shows you are in the hypo range,  To me, increasing lev should be considered first.  at this point you need to get a free T3 and free T4 test with your TSH at the same time, so to better pinpoint your thyroid functions...good luck.  

[kitty9309]

I agree with hypogirl. If you can get a higher dose of levo (which you need) the depression should resolve if it is due to that. Maybe the anxiety meds could cover until the TSH drops. The anxiety meds are not as long term of a commitment as the antidepressants.

[Applecore]

I get anxiety from the 50.  I can't take more than I am taking now.   We'll see how it works out .   linda

[kitty9309]

Sorry, I forgot you did say that earlier.

[Applecore]

When you said you felt you were in a world of your own what did you mean.  I feel that way like my world is all of the sudden upsidedown.  I am going for therapy for the anxiousity and now that the thyroid seems to be settling down it seems like I am left with depression and anxiety and no cause.  I seem to be obcessed with the way I feel wondering what is causing this now.  I know I am still waiting for my thyroid to come to normal but when I was at the counseling session yesterday I was able to place thoughts and feelings with the first time I had a breakdown way back in 1970.  It was a real breakthrough and I am going back this Friday to work on it more.  I had the anxiety again in about 6 months back then and again in a few months after that.  This has opened up a new can of worms for me.  The psychirtrist wants to see me to ask me some questions and I didn't want to see him but maybe I have some anxiety disorder also.  I don't know if I can handle any more disorders.  I was waiting for this to go away when the thyroid got better now it looks like I am in for more than I bargained for.  This makes me very focused on the therapy part of this whole deal.  I feel that I am doing what I can for this 3 fold thing in my life.  The celiac I am taking supplements and eating no gluten as I find out what it is in and the thyroid, doing what the doctor says and taking my medicine and now the therapy, I am finding that there are issues that need to be addressed even more than what I thought.  How in the world am I going to make it through all this and remain sane.  Has anyone else been there and survived.  I took 1/2 lorazapam .5 and then 3 hrs. later took 1/2 lorazapam to go to bed.  I slep about 4 hours.  I really feel that this is a good thing for me as in the therapy I am settling old accounts so that I can finally get peace in these areas, but am shocked and ashamed that there are mental things that seem to be causing some of this also.  This is where I am now.  Please can anyone relate to what I am going through -  I feel like I am some kind of a nut case.  I am going to try walking today to bring up my seratonin and also get vitamin B12 shots if my doctors oks them.  I feel so much a part of another world in all these areas.  It is process and the way isn't plain for me and that is disturbing.  I can't just get up and live my life as normal. I get up knowing I will have to fight my way through the day with no knowledge of when it will stop.  Please can anybody here relate and give me hope that they made it through.  Did you find out that you had issues other than the thyroid as it got near normal and what did you do.  I am going to research the antidepressants.  I feel like my head is in a spin over all this .  You all are so wonderful to me and if it wasn't for this forum and God I don't know what I would do.  linda

[Applecore]

I think my tsh is fluctuating. 6.6 - 3.5 - 5.6  I read on one of the comments that with nodules they like to have it a little higher.  Have you heard that.  I may be near my normal.  I don't know yet.  We are going to try the extra hormone on Sunday for the next few weeks and then have my blood tested and see what happens.  I think the hardest part is now to have to go through the therapy to feel better.  That is a kicker for me.  I do know that I have issues but they weren't like you or somebody said on the top and this has kicked them there.  the Lord told me that I would look for them and wouldn't be able to find them but to count the cost of getting rid of them.  My paraphrasing it slightly.  I have a hard time getting through the day with all the mind battles going on inside of me.  That is what I thought maybe an antidepressant could help.  Finding the right one might be an issue.  I am going to look on line  under antidepressnats to start looking.  Does anyone have a been suggestion?   I know I am a very needy person at this time and more than appreciate the advice given here.   love linda   you can email me at my personal place on here.  Any of you can if you would like.  

[ChitChatNine]

You are on your way to being a very healthy person .. need is ok too along the way .. we are here for you!!!!!  They thryoid TSH #s can cause depression and stress to the body can cause a prior depression to resurface and for whatever reason I don't know .. but sounds like you have great Dr's and maybe an antidepressent is a good idea to ask for and see how things go ... if it doesn't work at all then it may not be a clinical depression with seretonian levels off, etc. I don't know if they can test those levels .... but a trial run will give you and the dr an idea if they are effective at all .. with me, they caused side effects of jittery eye movements (jerky) and not helping at all but everyone is diff. need and diff person so worth asking and maybe trying?

C~

[Applecore]

I got on line last night and I am very excited.  I found that the amino acids are the prozac of the naturals with almost no side effects except good one.  I am going to call my MDholistic doctor and ask him is I can take them.  They also can help produce weight loss instead of weight gain.  I checked and most of the antidepressants had so many awful side effects and I couldn't see much help.  They said they could help for a little while and then stop.  Guess that is why they use more than one.   I am definitely looking into the alternative.   Let you all know how they work.  I hope to get my first B12 shot today.  Kind words thank you.  linda

[Craniac3]

Your B12 is WAY low. Somebody on this forum said it should be around 800. B12 deficiency causes a myriad of problems: digestive, fatigue, etc. Relentless fatigue can cause depression. I bet anything once you get some of that into you, everything else will start to improve.

I'm going out on a politically incorrect limb here, and wish you a very Merry Christmas, and that the new year is healthier and happier for you.

[Applecore]

I think you are politically correct - the other side is not.  Merry Christmas to you also.  I just had to have another B12 test as my doctor regular Md said that 260 was not too low I was still in the normal range.  She took the test and said she wanted to see if my numbers were still going down.  I want the B12 as I agree it is too low.  The range on my blood result form is 211 - 980.  Wouldn't you think as low as I am it should be raised.  l will find out on Friday and hopefully will insist she do this for me.  Every day is an agony to get through.  I know each day is a gift from the Lord and His will is for me to get through this and be happy.   I will be happy to get through this soom.  

Is  anybody familiar with ammino acids for depression.  The name of the ones that I am looking at are K-Tryptophan - natures answer to Prozac with almost no side effects and tyrosine .  You can combine the two at very low doses.  I want to take it but am waiting for my holistic doctor to call me back.  In the meantime I am going to walk.  My appetite isn't good either.  Fortunately I have a lttle extra weight on me and can handle this for a little while.    My daughter thought these ammino acids were banned in the US.  I am still researching this.  Any thoughts anybody?    Linda

[tiredforever]

I am sorry I have not got back to you.  I have been too tired getting thru Xmas!!  I meant perhaps a change of medication if you are sensitive to the one you have been using.  I have certainly been in a 'world of my own' during this last year as I was becoming sicker and certainly depressed with having to fight with myself to manage all the things I wanted to achieve (even normal daily things). Where was the joy in life?  Unfortunately I had been going to doctors for over 10 years with a myriad of problems but could never get a result (except for a misdiagnosis that just confused things) and so I had decided to quite all doctors and 'cure myself'. (trying to save my sanity really)  After trying a celiac diet I felt so much better & after another poor result with a new doctor, I went to a  nutritionist to ask his advice and he listened to my sorry tale (& managed to piece it all together) and for the first time in my life someone understood my daily battle.   Instead of fighting myself,I have allowed myself to focus on my health (including having a cry when I need one)  I hadn't realised how tired I was physically & emotionally, & I hated myself for being forgetful & stupid (oh & fat too!).  Much of this was to do with denial(well the doctors could never find anything wrong with me!!)  But at least giving some names to my state of health gave me 'permission' to be kinder to myself, even tho just a validation of what I knew.  I had rarely complained about my illness (not even to my family or friends) & usually made light of it.  But that is a mask and I have had to realise that complete honesty is the only way to tackle life's problems.  I have put off many of the things I wanted to achieve for this year and have set some more realistic goals, including a two month holiday mid year (hoping I continue to improve!) I have not taken anti depressants, but have friends who have when needed, and I think we have to do whatever it takes when we are low to turn the tide. I had to keeping fighting from withdrawing from everyone.  I wish I had been more assertive in the past but am looking forward to 2008.  I hope you are able to improve soon - even if just little steps. Good luck and thanks to all who have replied to you.  It helps all of us. PS I walk on the beach everymorning - it helps so much!