emotional/relationship fallout

[myhashiboyfriend]

My boyfriend was on T4 only meds when we started dating. We're both over 35, we  haven't lived together. I knew a bit about the emotional problems thyroid issues bring since my stepmother took her rage out on me as a kid, but never expected it to turn into this other thing..and not from him. He slowly pushed me away after we'd dated almost a year (we had been friends years before this, but I never saw this side of him) We had about 6 months of a honeymoon period and his depression overwhelmed him. He had told me he had "seasonal depression" - I think this goes a little further.

He was not abusive to me, but after that 6 month period, he was cold intermittently, and just slowly stopped caring about me. He started rolling his eyes at me. I asked him in August to let me go if this wasn't going to change over the holidays, I didn't want to add this to my already sizeable holiday "baggage" -  he didn't want to break up. Well, it sort of disintegrated before our eyes. He can't speak to me about it, won't speak to me about it. Just a stone wall. I'm still crushed and confused months later. Never had a breakup talk, really. Never got the "You're a great girl, but..." speech. He seemed to be as confused as I was.

I had told him right before christmas that I wanted off the roller coaster for a minute, so we didn't speak for a few days. I sent him a text about what was going on and that I could see his misery and wanted to help any way I could. He immediately changed his diet, I was hoping he would want to work on things with me. He had no desire. I asked if I should get my things from his house. He said "...no" very strangely. I haven't mentioned it since. It's been 4 months. Still have his house key.

He is on a T3 and T4 combo now, started a new dose about a month ago. He has more energy, but I'm still waiting for him to have energy to spend more time with me again, I feel hope every day, but the changes are minimal. He responds to my daily messages, text or IM, I try to just shoot the breeze or say something funny. I do get him to laugh, which makes my day. I text him goodnight when I feel emotionally strong enough to get dead air, but that's almost every night now that I have a better handle on how I want this to end and how much patience that is going to take and how much he really does need me under the stone wall that is sitting on his heart.

I have sent long emails describing to him my view of what is going on and I do my best to be forgiving and open and tell him I love him, and that he is experiencing symptoms and this is not permanent. I get no answer to those, or acknowledgement of their existence...but he'll always answer my next text about the weather or whatever. We meet for coffee about once a week, and have a drink together every other weekend or so. He has set boundaries that we are friends - it's very halfhearted, so I just take that to mean I'm pushing too hard and back off a bit.

He's doing everything he can to improve his situation. I am doing my best to keep my ego in check and under wraps, but I have let him have it a few times when I've been especially hurt. He seems to act like we were never together. I keep long email drafts I'll never send - trying to sort out what I am supposed to do... I am all over the board. Women are taught not to accept this sort of treatment!! I have broken up with abusive and uncaring men before! This is so counterintuitive. I am trying to keep the idea that this is something I needed to experience in my life - this limbo and feeling discarded by the love of my life. I'm the only person he talks to this frequently, so I know there is still something there through the haze. We are still good friends and will be regardless.

I won't abandon him though. I love him and did for a year before we dated. I knew his personality was very independent when we were just friends - I didn't expect it to have a medical origin and cause him to treat me like I am made of snakes. The lack of consideration is sometimes unbearable. I don't cry daily any more, a couple times a week now.

I knew we had made progress when he started asking me how I am doing. He still doesn't ask much about me yet, but now and then he tells me something as if he were waiting for the chance. Usually work related. He is throwing his extra energy into some online classes, which I commend him for every chance I get. I have some support outside of this, but it's thinning. People think I'm nuts for sticking around, people seem to think I just need a pep talk to leave him in the dust. I get offered help for setting up an online dating profile. Men I know are trying to "lure" me away. I'm sick of explaining it, sick of it altogether. Sick of people trying to pity me.

I can't seem to find much info or stories about people coming back into their emotions and what that was like to rebuild a relationship. Just looking for details/advice/whatnot. I'm living my life and keeping it together, I have a good job, lots of hobbies, lots of friends if we don't talk about relationships. ha

I'll feel better when he is emotionally well and tells me anything at all - that he just wants to be friends, that he hates my guts, that he loves me, anything.

Thanks for reading  

[Red_Star]

I added the list of dopamine deficiency symptoms below (they forgot to add unorganized to the list - I was voted most unorganized at school!).  My dopamine deficiency symptoms have improved to some degree since correcting numerous nutrient deficiencies, no longer suffering adrenal fatigue, and taking thyroid medication.  I am going to purchase L-tyrosine supplements from the US as I cannot find them here in Australia!  This info is from Nutritional Healing...

"Dopamine deficiency signs/symptoms:

Reduced ability to feel pleasure
Flat, bored, apathetic and low enthusiasm
Depressed
Low drive and motivation
Difficulty getting through a task even when interesting
Procrastinator/little urgency
Difficulty paying attention and concentrating
Slowed thinking and/or slow to learn new ideas
Crave uppers (e.g. caffeine/nicotine/diet soft drinks)
Use these to improve energy/motivation/mood
Prone to addictions (e.g. alcohol)/addictive personality
Shy/introvert
Low libido or impotence
Mentally fatigued easily and physically fatigued easily
Sleep too much and trouble getting out of bed
Put on weight easily
Family history of alcoholism/ADD/ADHD

Dopamine levels may be low due to a combination of genetic and acquired reasons. Dopamine can be raised effectively using either nutrient based therapies or medications. Dopamine is synthesized form the amino acid tyrosine.

Factors which reduce dopamine levels:

Chronic stress
Inadequate sleep
Hypothyroidism
Lead, arsenic and cadmium exposure
Under-methylation
Tyrosine (precursor) deficiency
Magnesium, iron, zinc & vitamins B3/B6/C/D deficiency
Excess copper levels
Genetic dopamine receptor abnormalities
Chronic opioid, alcohol & marijuana use
Adrenal insufficiency
Glutathione deficiency
Parkinson's Disease
Influenza
Estrogen deficiency
Human growth hormone deficiency"

[gimel]

If you are able to get into a discussion with him, keep in mind that a high Reverse T3 often results in a Free T3 to Reverse T3 ratio that is too low and thus hypo symptoms.  For many members we need for our Free t3 to be in the upper part of its range and Free T4 around the middle of its range.  Depending on which source you choose, the Free T3 to Reverse T3 ratio needs to be around 1.80 or higher.  Also, when he is taking T3 meds, it is best to wait until after the blood draw for tests, to take his morning dose of T3.  That helps avoid a false high result.

Some additional things to keep in mind is that hypo patients often are too low in the ranges for Vitamin D, B12 and ferritin.  Ferritin is very important for proper conversion of T4 to T3.  If he hasn't been tested for those three, he should request them.  

Good luck to you.  We'd be glad to help any way we can.  

[myhashiboyfriend]

Thank you. He is seeing a Naturopath now, started in Feb. The Dr promised to treat his symptoms and not his labs. He's not sharing any new info with me, we had both hoped that starting T3 would get him out of the woods. The Dr started him on too low a dose, and a few weeks ago had it increased. I'm not sure what his latest labs were, but he had good free T3 and T4 ratios - though a high rT3. I asked if he had told the Dr about his "mood issues" and I didn't get a response to that one.

I'm sure he won't be up to posting here, that's really not his style - he has read a lot of forums though he doesn't share which ones. It did take some prodding to get him to second guess his original endo Dr, and then really only did it at the suggestion of one of his friends who is also hashi's and sees this same naturopath.

I appreciate your time...I need to keep my emotions out of it for a bit and try to ask him about his latest labs. It's like feeding a deer in the woods.

He seemed to have an emotional setback a couple of weeks ago, and he's getting back to the point he was then. Hopefully he can get his head above water enough to talk to me about it a bit.

Thanks again.

[gimel]

I think I would try to get him to understand that there are very few good thyroid doctors around.  Accordingly he is most likely not being tested and treated adequately, which can lead to a long list of symptoms, including this list that is only those related to the emotions.

Emotional:

    Tension
    Irritability
    Wanting to be solitary
    Mood swings
    Anxiety
    Personality changes
    Feelings of resentment
    Jumpy
    Easily startled
    Lack of confidence
    Nervousness

Then if you will read this link and also can get him to read it, I think he will understand why it is so difficult to find a good thyroid doctor, since most have the "Immaculate TSH Belief' or use "Reference Range Endocrinology".

http://www.hormonerestoration.com/Thyroid.html

If he is then ready to find a good thyroid doctor, I'm sure that we can help with that, if you will tell us your location.   Members are also very happy to help interpret thyroid related test results,  if he is willing to share those with us.