8yr old does 180

Question

My 8 yr old has seen his dad (who was previously abusive) for the first time in a year at his grandmothers home on Christmas day. He went to visit again for Saturday and Sunday the following weekend after Christmas. When he returned he was very emotional, which I expected and he cried a lot. he didn't go back the next weekend and when Monday came I noticed he started a head jerking bobbing motion. It was more mild, maybe he did it 2-3 times per session every hour or two. As the week went on it slowly become more prominent and obvious where he would do it 2-3 times per session every half hour. He also was very quiet: meaning, he didn't talk a ton like normal, he wasn't interrupting conversations, he wasn't playing rambunctiously with his siblings, he wasn't even mean to his sister. He didn't talk back he didn't argue and he didn't throw temper tantrums. In fact during this week he wasn't in the corner at all. He didn't argue about going to bed or doing his homework. He ate whatever was given to him, didn't ask for a treat and was well behaved before school every morning. His behavior was a complete 180 from before. I had become concerned and started to take mental notes of his behavior during the week. He was due to go visit his grandmother (and dad) again that coming weekend, however he did not know. Due to previous rude behavior to his family when he knew he would be seeing his grandma and dad I stopped telling him that he was going and he would find out when she arrived to get him. So he left for the weekend again and when he returned his head jerking and bobbing was much worst. He does it now 2-3 times per session every 15-20 minutes. He also has shown more 'restlessness'. He started to add in frequent leg shacking (the shaking where you place your toes on the floor and shake your leg up and down) and I told him to stop several times but he could only stop for a few seconds before starting again. He does have a hard time sleeping some nights (especially last night) and had always had a stuttering problem. He has a very short attention span that has improved over the last year. I am very very concerned about his very sudden and drastic change in his behavior and body language. I plan to call the doctor tomorrow to set up a full physical exam but can anyone help guide me? I have looked at tics. 

thanks in advance

Crystal

bbxx · Answer

I think caregiver is on the right trail here. Unless you know for a fact what is going on, dont open the abuse door, because the damage can not be undone. If however you find or suspect abuse, then obviously protect your child.

Stephen17 · Answer

Your first priority MUST be the well being of your son. Don't be afraid to do what's right for him. I don't know the training level or experience represented by some of the other responders to your question, but I can tell you as a professional that a sudden change in a child's behavior is significant. I'm not saying to accuse anyone of anything. However, you know something is wrong. Seek the assessment of a medical doctor and a professional counselor. There are many possible causes for the trauma your child is experiencing. You must find out what the actual cause or causes are to take care of your child. To do anything else is unconscionable. A parent's first responsibility is to ensure the safety and well-being of his/her child.

A professional counselor will look at the changes that have recently occurred in the child’s life and see how those changes are affecting the child. Your question indicated that you feel the recent contact with his father may be directly responsible for the change. It would certainly be the first thing I considered as well. Whether the father is currently abusing your son physically and/or emotionally now is not the full issue. Even if that is not the case, if your son is experiencing the current contact with his past abuser as emotionally traumatic, then there is a reason to limit and/or supervise the visits. That’s what I meant in my earlier post when I said, “You didn’t say if there were legal requirements for your child to see his father or not. If so, I would discuss this with the doctor and counselor. If they advise that visits be suspended for now or supervised, then you need to see a judge about that immediately. DFACS can provide legal help too.” The relationship between your son and his father needs to be carefully repaired and developed for your son’s sake. Again, your son must be your first priority.

caregiver222 · Answer

Once again, from this post there is absolutely positively nothing  whatsoever to suggest physical abuse.

Neither is there anything other than the suggestion that an eight year old, who has been separated from his father for a year, is upset and confused by a visit with his father, which is quite understandable.

The authorities in many states are mandated within 24 hours of a potential physical abuse complaint to remove the child into protective custody in a foster home until a determination is made.

Your hearsay statement to anyone in authority regarding "suspicion of physical abuse" is, in addition to being an actionable slander. may become a legal "Magilla" from which the child can never been separated from.

I fully concur that any true abuse must be dealt with appropriately, but be sure of what you state to others is reality.

KMathurMD · Answer

Hi! There is definitely some problem, maybe aggravated by his visits and what he faces. Maybe he is being scared about you, maybe not. May be he is facing abuse, may be not. Nothing can be said for sure. Of course harmful words can be worse than physical abuse. Please consult a psychologist and a neuropsychiatrist and try and assess the cause behind this nature. Both the parents should take the child for this consultation and maybe something will come up. Take care!

Stephen17 · Answer

You should be very concerned. Your child has experienced something traumatic mentally, physically, or both. Get him in to see a physician and a counselor as soon as possible. If you can’t afford a counselor, talk to your school counselor, see if you have a community mental health center in your area, or DFACS will be a resource for counseling. I am a counselor and all the symptoms you have described are alarming. The well being of your child is at stake. Something has happened to cause this change. You MUST address it NOW. You didn’t say if there were legal requirements for your child to see his father or not. If so, I would discuss this with the doctor and counselor. If they advise that visits be suspended for now or supervised, then you need to see a judge about that immediately. DFACS can provide legal help too.

rachaels1982 · Answer

Sounds like he might be gtn abused there. All signs sound like he is trying to hide something. Would he tell you, if you were to ask him. That sounds very strange.

caregiver222 · Answer

Whatever you do be very careful about any allegations regarding his father.

Physicians are mandated by law to provide information regarding potential abuse to the authorities, and children have been known to fabricate stories when questioned by police "specialists".

The fact you are separated are grounds enough for your son to have very mixed feelings and emotions at seeing his father.

You are a good mother to be concerned and should be commended, however remember that patient confidentiality does not exist when there is potential child abuse.

The authorities often react in "general quarters mode" and you may find your son in the custody of adult protective services, and extricating him from the bureaucracy may prove difficult and expensive.