- Chronic fear. Can be mild when I wake up in the morning, but soon turns severe and crippling and there isn't a moment in the day where I don't feel scared.
- Extreme fatigue. My whole life I have always been very fit and confident that I could walk indefinitely. On many occassions I would walk for 12 hours or more and never felt like I would collapse. I considered myself very fit. Now I can barely make it to the 7-11, 900meters from my house.
- A rash appeared on my left leg, above my knee, which the GP could not explain and said he never saw anything like it. He even brought up a medical encyclopedia on his computer and went through all the types of rashes but couldn't find anything similar. He has referred me to see a dermotologist. The rash appears as red blotches on my skin. The skin now appears to be slowly dying there.
- Very high blood pressure. My reading yesterday was 168/90 and my heart rate at 84bpm and this was after I got myself to relax a little bit and waited for my heart rate to go down. (I was having a panic attack while waiting for the pathologist)
- Shortness of breathe after a small amount of physical activity.
- Light headedness, dizziness, numbness, burning sensation, loss of feeling, tingling, stabbing pains and convulsions/twitches all around my body in random places, at random times.
- Rapid, hard heatbeat which feels like my heart is trying to beat it's way out of my chest.
- A second rash/mark appeared on my right shoulder, at the front which looks like tiny red dots of blood seeping through my skin.
- Severe to mild insomnia at random times. Some nights I can sleep normally, depending on how scared I am at bed time. The amount of fear determines whether or not I will be able to fall asleep.
- A particular ache seems to focus around my heart area. This is one of the pains which worries me the most. It is a mild/faint ache which seems to throb in a slow rythm. This ache will come and go throughout the day and usually last a few minutes, but sometimes an hour or more.
- Occasional sharp pain in my chest when breathing.
- Pains in my sides when I lay down or sit in a chair. Certain parts of my ribcage seem to hurt when I push on them, like the muscles are pulled.
- Complete loss of appetite and nausea. Everything I eat must be forced down and usually after a few bites I will feel too nauseous to continue. I'm losing weight quickly.
- All of the symptoms of IBS. Diarreah, constipation, constant gastric upsets and noisy stomache/digestive system. Most of the time I drink fluids or eat something, I will need to go to the toilet moments afterward.
- Severe migraines, not that often, but evey couple of days.
- Hot and cold flashes a few times a day and mostly when I try to lay down in bed at night. Especially when the panic attacks are at their worst.
- Blurred vision at times and inability to focus my eyes.
- Ultrasensitivity to sunlight. I can only go outside without sunglasses on an overcast day and even then it's quite bright.
- Depression, feeling like I am losing hope and all of the symptoms are just becoming too much to bare. I see all the happy people and ask why I deserve to be like this. I sometimes wonder if I should just end my life as it's too difficult to live like this.
- Loss of interest in all things I used to enjoy. Comedy shows, movies, video games, music etc. I think I am too disracted by my fear and physical symptoms to enjoy anything any more. Libido almost completely non existent.
- Very irritable a lot of the time. I snap at people and get frustrated easily.
- I get confused regularly. For instance, I went on a walk yesterday because at times it helps to get up and go outside the house when the panic becomes too much. I feel like I need to. Soon after I found myself far away from home and I was scared that I wouldn't make it back. I didn't realize where I was going or what I was doing.
- Feeling very alone as nobody can diagnose or understand what I am going through.
- I cannot work and have no income. I will soon run out of money and fear I will be on the street homeless. That will be the end for me, as I know I couldn't cope with homelessness as well as all of the symptoms I'm battling. The Australian government's financial support system is becoming increasingly hard for somebody like me to become "eligble" for a disability pension. I will need to convince a psychologist that I am in no state to be working. This would require a number of visits. A single visit to the psychologist will cost hundreds of dollars and I just can't afford that.