Well I dunno how to say what I wanna say without becoming judged.
I guess I feel under a lot of stress right now, from some changes in my life.
In the last few days I have become obsessed with the idea of me going into hospital. In that I just want to be rushed to hospital and cared for. Even going as far as to thinking about ways of harming myself to make it happen, but in a way that doesn't make it look like i've harmed myself. Now I've NEVER faked illness before or even injured myself before for the purpose of attention and to get into hospital. And I like to think I never would. I've never had these sort of thoughts before. Sure i've thought of suicide and self harmed but never for the purpose of getting into hospital. I'd always keep it very well hidden. And when I thought of suicide, the thought that would take me to hospital never really entered my mind.
I've been feeling pressure inside my head for a while now. Comes and goes. Worse some days than others.
I had a weird sensation go down my face like cold water dripping down but from the inside. I've become increasingly tempered, and now i've forgotten what I was about to say....
I can't place the words i was thinking of. :S
forget whatever it was I was trying to say. But my ears keep buzzing, ringing and pulsating. They've been doing it a lot recently. I feel as though I'm going mad. I'm scared and realise that anxiety is probably all it is. Or is it? see I don't know! But I'm scared to go to the docs because I don't wanna look like a attention seeker. Although I feel like I'm on the verge of becoming one of those attention seekers with the way my thoughts are going...
I'm just so scared it'll come back as nothing, because then if it comes back as nothing...>then I'm truly going mental right? Well it'd be good if it came back as nothing because then I'd know i'm okay. But my recurring thoughts? well it'd show me I'm just mental. And my mental health is very important to me for one reason and one reason only, in which I won't go into on here fully. What I will say is that it means that i can't.....er..oh right yea. I need to prove my sanity to some people to get me somewhere in my life. But I....I must sound really bonkers right? I just don't know anymore.
I am sorry you are having such a hard time , I am wondering if you could have something like Lyme disease, have you checked out that forum, check out the symptoms of Lyme and compare .The ringing buzzing in your ear is tinnitus ,.You are not an attention seeker , you need and are asking for help, it may be a good thing to go and get some tests done and see what happens ..good luck I hope you get answers soon
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