i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, since we were both 14. we are now both 20 and have been sexually active for 2 years. we are both aware that he has a few issues surrounding his penis and sex but always tells me how grateful he is that i understand, truth be told it is getting me frustrated. i woul love him to see a doctor, but would like to find out if anyone thinks there is something medically wrong before i ask him to go through the awkwardness with a doctor, we know how much men love seeing doctors.
ok so the problems/difficulties...
- he cannot get an extremly hard penis, it does go hard but never to the extent that it will hold itself anywhere near upright. this does not effect sex but it is somthing that we have noticed.
- his body physically will not allow him to have sex or anything of the sort more than once in 24 hours. for example if we have sex at night we cannot have sex in the morning. he goes soft after having an erection for more than 5 mins. it is not just with the act of sex but any other stimulation aswel.
- he has always found it really hard to last during sex, he can only last 3-5 mins. :( at first we thought it was because he needed practice, but a year has past and it has not changed.
- i think because of this he may have a low sex drive. he doesnt want to try having sex more than once in a day to avoid the embarrassment of going soft. and i know he worries that he is too fast.
as a baby he had a hysterectomy, where they had to remove intestines from his scrotum. i cant help but wonder if this is the cause.
sex is down to once every two weeks if we are lucky. these are the years that a man is supposed to be at his sexual peak. and i am worried about what is going to happen to our sex life as he gets older.
i love him very much and we dont have a relationship based on sex, but i do want to know if it is normal from a medical perspective, because when i compare myself to friends they have alot more sex with their partners than we do.
You are correct in wondering if some of his sexual issues could be emotionally based.
I do think that he should be evaluated, initially by a urologist and probably by a sex therapist also. Different individuals have different libidos, sex drives, and also abilities in this area. Thus, while your partner’s interest is lower than many, it does not mean that there is anything truly wrong. His inability to maintain an erection for more than five minutes is surprising and I think worthy of medical evaluation. The fact that he reaches orgasm rapidly may be a physical issue that is not well understood but may respond to medication (Zoloft).
I would not expect things to improve on there own and you can approach the issue by pointing out that both of you are ultimately affected by this.
The hernia operation has no physical bearing on his sexual functioning unless the testis on that side has shriveled-up and the other is not working.
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