How to get my morbidly obese Boyfriend to lose weight?

[Missamn]

My boyfriend weighs in at about 380 pounds. We've been together for 3 years now and he's just the most caring and loving person I have ever met. He does everything for me and I couldn't be happier in our relationship if it wasn't for his rapid weight gain. When we met he weighed about 250 pounds and I accepted that seeing as he was capable of physically doing everything and looked handsome. He's not the skinny type, he has broad shoulders and big bones and is about 5'11. He's been having weight problems his whole life always having ups and downs but now for about 2 years his weight has been increasing massively. We can't be intimate anymore, I can't get on top (I'm not petite, I'm tall but weigh about 145lbs) and when he's on top he can't do anything because of his stomach and thighs. His penis has disappeared completely. I've tried telling him this politely and gently and he's tried going on various diets but nothing seems to help. We don't live together so either he secretly keeps eating his beloved junk food or he's immune to losing weight. He's currently on a ketogenic diet which he once before tried and helped him lose 50lbs but nothing seems to be helping. And even while on the diet all he thinks about is how hes gonna eat his pizza and m&m's on his cheat day. For which he has a countdown for on his phone. He has really good health care so I suggested going to a few consultations and maybe even getting surgery to help him(gastric band). But whatever idea I come up with he immediately denies. He works full time and studies part time so he doesn't really have any time for the gym, he's only home 2 nights a week and even then he's learning. The weight hasn't only destroyed our sex life but just being around him irritates me so much, his breathing has gotten abnormal. I always have music on or the tv going because I can't hear it, it's so loud and making me hear it gets me parranoid because it sounds like he's taking his last breath. Any little tiny bit of movement gets him sweating even when it's below degrees out and he wears tshirts and stretch shorts everywhere we go because he can't fit into anything else. It's getting to the point where I'm embarrassed to go out with him because I see the looks of other people judging him and it's happened so often that when we're out I get asked out by other guys as theyre assuming I'm out with my brother or friend. I don't want to sound like a bad person, I'd never cheat on him or anything like that but is all getting to be too much for me. I don't have weight problems and I eat whatever whenever I like and if he finds any candy or whatever at my house he goes ballistic. Even though I try not eating it in front of him because of his diet. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much but I'm scared that sooner or later the time will come when I can't support him anymore and will end the relationship.

[TheLightSeeker]

Pizza and M&Ms are a substitute for love and sex ,in his subconscious mind.
He can't perform, he can't lose weight, so the subconscious mind has food on the top of the list.
It's not as simple as most people may think!
The satisfaction center must be filled with something
and often it is filled with the wrong things because of another factor called "depression".
Can you just momentarily imagine yourself in an  
morbidly obese body?
It might come to the point (or even at present) where choosing food over a relationship makes more sense to him, as food makes no demands and has no expectations, thus less pressure!
Do not be surprised , if in the future he may even want  you go out with other men.
Among my various relationships and experiences in my younger days I once had a proposition  (I've always been very fit and athletic, even now) to go out with a beautiful married woman, whose husband was obese, but I declined, despite the fact that I was physically attracted to her.
We actually had a nice discussion  and it all turned out for the best, as I convinced them to go for counselling.
I suggest you do the same.
If he repeatedly refuses, it might be time to take a closer  look at YOUR life.


Best wishes,
Niko

[Hollyisthebest]

My suggestion is to actually do the diet with him and exercise with him. You can't expect him to make all these changes by himself when it's you that wants him to make the changes. There is ALWAYS time to exercise. Even a 20 minute workout at home will make all the difference. Find time every day to workout with him. Go on walks together. Eat healthy meals together. Do meal prep together. Having your partner do these things with you makes something like this a lot easier because you can both use each other for motivation. I'd also suggest going to a supplement shop and buy some thermogenics to help him burn the fat faster as well as carnitine to activate the liver to use fat as an energy source instead of muscles. Buying some protein is also a good idea as you can use it in cooking a lot and make food that bit healthier (try protein pancakes!) Another thing; do not have a whole cheat DAY. Have a cheat meal. A cheat day is too much. Remember as well that moderation is key. Don't change his diet from one extreme to the other. Still allow treats, but small ones to avoid him bingeing. Another suggestion is to look up healthy recipe versions of his favourite junk food. Like making ice cream out of frozen bananas, soaked dates and a scoop of chocolate protein for example. This will show him that eating healthy doesn't always have to mean you don't get to eat yummy food. Making healthy meals that taste like they're bad for you but actually aren't will be good for his motivation because it'll make him feel like he's gotten a junk food fix but he won't need to feel guilty about it. One last thing to remember is to not always just rely on the scales when checking results. Do multiple measurements as well such as waist and hip measurements and pinch test.

[Barb135]

You should ask your boyfriend to go to the doctor and get some simple blood tests done to make sure his thyroid is functioning at optimal levels.  Since you said his weight began increasing a couple of years ago, it's very possible that's when his thyroid function might have began to decline.

The thyroid controls metabolism, heart rate, body temperature, as well as other body functions.  If levels are off, it can mess up the entire body.  Have him get tested for Free T4, Free T3 and TSH...

[TheLightSeeker]

Hmm, good observation from Barb, however it falls short from hitting the mark!
It is far more complicated than what
appears to be (or suspected to be) at first!
It is almost a certainty that he has developed a significant Leptin resistance, where hypothyroidism could be secondary.
Naturally he needs to have Leptin levels checked.
In addition to the thyroid tests mentioned, he must get reverse T3
levels tested, since Leptin resistance
causes Thyroid resistance.
Few Endos recognize this as a problem since it is typical to have normal thyroid labs in such cases and while RT3 increases (but not tested for) Free T3 also increases, which results in leaving the patient in limbo,unnecessarily suffering probably for LIFE!

So to put things in perspective his
profile would be as follows:
Serum Leptin > 12
Free T4 --> Low
Free T3--Mid-high
Reverse T3 --> High
  TSH--> Low-normal

I can see a big challenge in finding
a knowledgeable practitioner who would be able to help him.

Cheers,
Niko