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VERY DIFFICULT
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VERY DIFFICULT

I have P.C.O.S. and it is very difficult for me to lose weight not to mention I suffer from depression and tend to take my feelings out on food and not others.  I have ballooned up to 381 pounds and desperately need help.  My deductible is so high that I can't afford to go the the doctor.  I have an h.r.a. but that won't help.  I have various health problems including pre-diabetes and high blood pressure.  I am also still mourning the death of my Father 3 years ago and can't seem to get over the hurt of losing him and almost losing our home.  I am 32-years-old and only work and go home.  I don't like going into public very often because it is summer and the mean  teenagers like to make comments and point when passing in the car.  The humiliation is unbearable plus with dealing with medical bills, house payments, gas, etc.  I feel like my life is going no where.  I ache basically and I truly need help.  I am barely hanging on and have no other outlet.  My husband is no help and often makes me feel worse.  My Sister and Mother try but my depression is so deep.  I try to talk myself out of a lot but the food is all I have.  Plus my hair is falling out so I went ahead and shaved it all off.  I feel like a giant boy.   I am so tired all the time and bleed almost twice monthly that I just don't feel like doing anything but sitting.  I'm sorry to sound whinny but I have been through a lot including separating from my husband who has been thin all his life and doesn't understand why I'm fat, can't have children, and am sad all the time.  I feel like my life is over and only feel that death will make it all better.  I'm trying not to give up but every day is a struggle.  When I was a child I never imagined life would be so difficult and people could be so cruel but they are.  Does anyone have any suggestions besides just will power? Does anyone know of any kind of food that will cut appetite and make me full and satisfied? Please no mean comments.  I can't handle mean.
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12 Comments Post a Comment
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649848_tn?1357751184
I'm very sorry to hear about all your difficulties.  You won't find any mean people here.  We are all suffering with various degrees of weight issues and we do what we can to help out other members.  Sometimes, it's not all about willpower.  

I know you said you can't afford to go to the doctor, but I strongly suggest that you do so.  Along with pre-diabetes & high blood pressure that you already have, you also have several of the symptoms of hypothyroidism.  Thyroid issues can most certainly cause weight gain/inability to lose, hair loss, extreme fatigue, and can also mess up your monthly cycle, along with a lot of other symptoms.  One of it's major symptoms is depression......  

*I* have autoimmune thyroid disease and I've had every symptom you mentioned plus some others.  

In addition to that - have you ever been tested for PCOS? That can also cause weight gain, as will your pre-diabetes.

I firmly believe that you need to be under a doctor's care.  If you DO have thyroid issues, you NEED to be on meds for it.  You could check out your county health department - sometimes they can help if you have financial issues; or there might be other agencies that can help you.  

In the meantime, do make sure that you eat foods that have plenty of fiber and protein as they tend to fill you up faster and keep you feeling full longer.  If you drink sodas, switch to water.  Water will keep you hydrated and if you drink a large glass of water before each meal, it can help keep you from eating so much.  

Try eating several times each day (3 small meals and 3 snacks) and make sure that you protein with each one.  Stick to fresh fruits & veggies, lean meats, low fat dairy, and healthy fats (like avocados, nuts, olive oil, etc).  If you can't do fresh fruits and veggies, go for frozen over canned, as canned foods tend to have excess salt, extra sugars, etc that can compound your health issues.  Try to eliminate salt from your diet - it can make you retain fluid, which could complicate your blood pressure issues AND add to your weight problems.

I hope I've given you some ideas to start with.  Please keep posting; I'm sure some of the other members will chime in with more ideas.    
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649848_tn?1357751184
I'm sorry - asked if you'd been tested for PCOS and that was in your very first sentence.  My apologies.  
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428506_tn?1296560999
If anyone dared to post a mean reply, you'd have an army of supporters here run to your defense!  

We're glad you came here to unload your problems, it sounds as though that may be a very important first step for you.  

Barb135 gave a lot of practical advise--she's one of those level-headed people I've always envied!  I'm more of an emotional eater.  I've been many different sizes over my life, but I've never had a normal, healthy relationship with food.  I honestly don't expect that I ever will, I just want to be strong enough and have good enough strategies to not let it rule my life.

We're all different, but what often happens to me is that some circumstance will present itself that overwhelms me.  I turn to food, because even though I know that's "wrong," I can't think of any other way to get through the situation.  Then, once the dust has settled, I feel guilty and angry at myself for having resorted to food as a coping mechanism.

It is important to recognize your triggers.  You may even want to make a list:  What situations specifically make you want to eat?  What foods do you turn to first when the going gets tough?  What places in your home and what settings (lights off?  TV on?) accommodate your overeating?  Getting to know your enemy is an important step, from there you can start to plan solutions and strategies.

One very simple method I've been employing lately is to not allow myself to bundle too many problems into one.  I have a tendency to add fuel to the fire:  If I am worried (or sad, or angry) about A, then I also think about B, C, D.....all the way to Z!  It seems that my negative thoughts rarely come alone, instead they travel in packs.

To try and get through those times when I feel overpowered, I stop myself from thinking about tomorrow and next week.  Instead, I tell myself to just get through the next 5 minutes.  I don't order myself not to eat, I just put it off, sometimes one minute at a time.  Then, when I reach that time, I again see if I can add one more minute.  Often, I can make enough "baby steps" to get past the critical stage.  And avoiding even one episode of emotional eating is victory.

I hope you come back and check in with us, and let us know how you're doing.

Tale care.


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649848_tn?1357751184
Good wonko.  You've always got some sound ideas.  

The approach I'm trying now is a bit different. I've never really had a problem with food or been an emotional eater - in fact, most often if I've been under stress, I CAN'T eat and normally LOSE weight - until the thyroid wigged out on me........That put me into a whole new ball game.....

Now, I gain weight just by looking at food and, if I try to eat "scheduled" meals/snacks, I seem to be too focused on food all the time, waiting for the next meal.  What I'm doing now is going about my business and eat ONLY when I'm hungry, but making sure I eat EVERY time I get hungry; otherwise, I wait too long, get too hungry and eat a lot more than I should.  By doing that, I don't eat a lot each time, but enough to keep from feeling like I could devour an entire cow.  

When I feel that first hunger pang, I make myself wait a few minutes to make sure I'm really hungry for FOOD and not just bored, angry, etc - for me it's almost always boredom - I was a smoker for 40+ years and whenever I needed "something to do", I lit up.  After quitting 2 yrs ago, I've had a hard time filling in the spaces when I would normally have had a cigarette.  

I do sometimes have a problem with my blood sugar dropping too low, so I have to make sure I eat things that will help it as stable as possible; I rarely eat sugar, white bread, etc because they tend to spike the blood sugar and I end up craving more.  

wonko is right - everyone is different and what works for one person might not necessarily work for someone else.  The one thing to remember is that you don't HAVE to stick with just one strategy. There are as many weight loss strategies as there are people trying to lose weight, so if you try something and it doesn't work, try something else, but make sure to give each thing long enough - in other words, don't expect results overnight.  

I also agree that it's a good idea to keep track of what feelings you are having when you are eating certain foods, the circumstances surrounding the food - do you hide food, make sure you are alone so no one sees you, eat in the dark, etc.  You could start a journal here on MH - that would make it easy for you post and stay motivated and journal all in one place.  

Another good idea is to keep a food journal, in which you record EVERY morsel that goes into your mouth.  That will help you realize just how much you are or aren't eating.  Since you seem to be pretty aware of your feelings, etc, you most likely have a good idea of how much you eat; however, keeping track of it might help you stay more accountable.  

Hang in there.  Hope to see you back soon.  
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657315_tn?1319494987
Hi averyms, and welcome to the Weight Loss & Dieting Community!

As both Barb1135 and wonko said or implied, I don't think any regular members on here would be mean to you.  Probably ALL of us have felt like you feel at times to one degree or another.  I hope we can give you a sense of coming along side of you and that you have help....

Barb, at times, steals *MY* answers right off my computer.    She's not quite as smart as wonko thinks she is. (Not sure how she does this, since SHE'S in FL and I'M in WI.) *I* was going to suggest a food journal.  Maybe if you write down not only WHAT you are eating, but HOW you are feeling at the time, you might get to know your triggers a bit better.  You could jot down VERY BRIEFLY what just happened and a one or two word description of your emotional state.  Even if you only do this for a week, it might help you to identify triggers.

Here is another TIP I've come across with all the dieting I've done through the years.  If you were raised like me - even though you are quite a bit younger - I was raised in a "clean your plate" home.  Of course, most people were taught NOT to waste food.  NOW, I have a hard time NOT finishing EVERY bite on my plate, even once I am completely satisfied.  Old habits die hard, as "they" say.  ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?  Here's the part you've been waiting for, the TIP:  *IF* you *CAN* stop eating when you are full, then begin eating the bites that MOST APPEAL to you.  That leaves the least appealing bites for scraping off your plate into the garbage!

Worded another way, start eating, say, a casserole, taking the most delicious-looking bites first.  You know how if there are noodles or pasta, etc., in a dish and they can be exposed and therefore, get dry in the oven?  LEAVE THOSE BITES!!!!  If you start with the moist, eye-appealing bites on your plate, you just might find that you ARE satisfied sooner and CAN leave a few more bites for the hungry garbage disposal or trash can!  Of course, you can always take less, but I've STILL found this tip to work for me.  It goes along with eating slowly and THINKING about EACH BITE while you eat.

Please let us know how you are doing.  Sometimes just knowing YOU ARE NOT ALONE can help.  We're here.........
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649848_tn?1357751184
Wow - *I* have to just stay on top of things all the time - that twehner5 is FOREVER accusing me of stealing off her computer.  Hmmph!!!!!..  

BUT - one thing I must say it that she always has some good ideas to share...... She's even been able to teach this old dog a thing or two........
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232_tn?1298415283
Thank you for all of your helpful comments.  I just don't feel how anything will ever get better for me.  I feel my entire life has been a waste and that I'm just taking up space.  My religion will now allow me to kill myself so don't worry about what I am typing.  I would never do that.  I am just very tired and discouraged today.  I can't go anywhere without being made fun of for my size.  The teenagers are off on summer break and often when I drive home from work I have several pointing at me and laughing.  I never know if it's because of my weight or the fact that I am Muslim.  I'm tired of being made fun of.  I have been teased for being fat since I was a child without any let up.  I thought once I became an adult everything would get better but it only got worse.  I don't have anyone who understands me.  My Sister used to but she lost 100 pounds and has forgotten what it's like to struggle and now assumes because she is close to her goal that it should be really easy for me even though it was a major struggle for her too.  Also she's pregnant and I can't get pregnant and feel worse.  I feel like less of a human and a woman.  I feel sad and ugly and just can't make anything feel better.  I wish I could go back in time and change so many things but it's too late.  I can't see ever getting out of this rut I'm in.  Now that my Father is gone I just feel lost and lonely.  He was teased when he was a child and his father was an abusive jerk.  He grew up in the 1930's and even suffered extreme poverty and racism.  He even fought for this country under segregated conditions.  I was so close to him because he understood the pain and I understood his.  The day he passed away I had a mini break down.  It is now 3 years later and I can't seem to move on.  I go to Jefferson Barracks, where he's buried often and cry and the hurt is so extreme.  I have no one to talk to about it because everyone feels I should have gotten over it by now.  I mean afterall he was just my Father.  The man who raised me and loved me and threw me birthday parties and bought me presents and listened to me for 29 years and then suddenly he's gone.  I know I will see him again but the strain of life and it's cruelty that I was always sheltered from is gone.  I guess I was too babied.  I was told I wallow too much in self pity and let it take me down.  I don't know how not too.  Eating really is all I have right now.  I don't go anywhere for the fear of being seen and made fun of.  I don't know how to let go of these feelings.  I have been keeping a journal of my feelings which does help a little.  I have thought of keeping a food journal but I suppose I don't really want to know what I eat.  I'm trying I guess that's all I can do.  Thank You again.
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657315_tn?1319494987
You are very good at writing.  I can almost tell just how badly you are feeling, but of course, I cannot really feel YOUR pain.  I am sooo sorry.  It is good that you had such a wonderful father.  I am just sorry that you have no one else in your life to care for and to care for YOU now.  I hope that somehow you and your husband work things out and that he comes to understand that you don't WANT to be sad and depressed.  You don't WANT these health issues.  I also pray that your mom and your sister would put themselves in YOUR shoes and be more supportive.  OH!  Someone to help shoulder your load!

Your pain is palpable in your writing.  I am reluctant to "hang-up".  Let me first send you a gentle and heart-felt hug...will you accept that?  I hope so....((((HUG)))).
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649848_tn?1357751184
I'm with twehner5 - she and I do a lot of bantering back and forth, but she pretty much said it all and much better than I would have.  

I have lost both of my parents - my mother when I was 23 and my step father (who was closer to me than my natural father) just in 2000.  Let me assure you, I understand your feelings about your father.  Even after all these years, *I* still miss my mother and she's been gone for 37 years.  My dad (step father) has been gone for 9 years and yep, you guessed it - I still miss him too.  

The one thing that carries me through and has helped me move on is knowing that they are both in a much better place, are together again and will never again be in pain......  I don't think we ever really do "get over", but somehow we have to find a way to move on.

I hope you will accept another heart-felt hug ((((hug))))..........
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232_tn?1298415283
I'm still having the same issues but worse.  I am now over 400 pounds and have difficulties breathing and sleeping.  My depression is much worse and I can't seem to get a handle on how to make it stop.  I've been to many doctors who only seem to think that I'm just fat and depressed and nothing else is wrong.  It's very frustrating because yes the obvious is that I'm fat and depressed but there are reasons for my issues.  I have been having a lot of heart palpitations lately and had a bad panic attack on Friday which I swore was a heart attack.  I took off work to go to the ER but was treated like a fat hypochondriac by the attending and basically dismissed.  It was an awful feeling.  I felt humiliated and just sad.  I also felt disgusting all in an instant.  A massive waive of shame keeps passing over me.  I'm just sad.  I love where I work but am worried I will lose my job and can't afford to.  I can't sleep because every time I try I am jerked awake because I stop breathing.  It's scary.  I've been to a cardiologist and have worn a halter monitor but haven't been called back on the results so I'm sure they haven't found anything.  I'm dizzy, tired, sad, having trouble breathing at all times of the day and no one can figure out what's the matter.  They've listened to my heart and lungs and all seem clear.  I'm just worried that they will find the problem on the autopsy table.  I'd really be fired then.  I'm trying not to dwell and sound whiny but no one seems to believe me.  If anyone has any suggestions please let me know because I am scared and basically alone in this matter.  I thought I would have family support but to them I am just a whiner.  They think I'm pathetic and should just stop complaining.  I know there are people that have it worse than I but I am me and for right now can only concentrate on my health issues because they dominate my life right now.  I can't even walk 15 feet without wheezing.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I just read your whole story,and i want to tell you you are not alone here.Many of us are in similar situations.I am not good with words but I want to comfort you and want to see you climb the ladder of success. We are all with you. We may not have experienced your pain to your degree.But as you relate your pain I want to turn your attention to few positives you still have.

You still can wake up each morning and enjoy the wonderful nature.You are not bed ridden and you still can drive your car.  make the most of it and consult a dietician.          internet is such a wonderful medium and now there are tools to find the calorie count.Just keep yourself busy and plan for the next activity before you finish the first one.

        I have Pcos and I am under medication for depression.Both these factors and the fact that I lost my job have caused me to gain 50 lbs,    my husband had been thin ever since our marriage and for him it is so east to stay thin.

         i have decided to cut on all carbs and put myself on a diet with lots of veggies and fruits,  i still have my cravings and pangs and  i fail mostly but  i am determined to keep trying..Just dont give up,keep trying ,journal your sucess as well. Just stay positive....
I am sure you will be down 200lbs in  two years time .Slow and steady loose will help you. Keep Posting...
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232_tn?1298415283
Hello Lotus369,

Thank you for your words of encouragement.  I'm sorry to hear about you losing your job.  My husband left me because of my weight.  I was mistaken about his love for me.  If he truly loved me he would stay no matter what as I have with him through his countless times of verbally abusing me and making my life hell about little things.  He never physically abused me but since I have been married to him I have gained 120 pounds and completely lost all self esteem.  I suppose it is for the best.  I knew I've needed to get away from him for a while but was afraid I would never find anyone else.  I suppose he did me a favor.  It is very hard to get out of bed let alone exercise when my depression keeps knocking me down.  I hope it will subside soon because it is tiresome to be so very sensitive.
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