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I cant loose weight & i feel terrible
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Questions in the Weight Loss & Healthy Lifestyle forum are being answered by James Beckerman, MD, Cardiologist. This forum is for questions and discussions relating to: cooking tricks, diet books, exercise tips, fad diets, fitness, health and hype, healthy role modeling for children, living a "green" lifestyle, medical treatments for obesity, metabolic syndrome, obesity, restaurants, smoking cessation, supplements, surgical treatments for obesity, trends in dieting, weight-related medical conditions

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I cant loose weight & i feel terrible

Im 22 im 5ft 6 and weigh 15st 6 ( 98kg). Im the heaviest ive ever been! i was never a fat child i was really skinny but the past few years i have struggled with my weight terrible! i dont know what to do!? I try dieting but i  get bored and give into temptations when i dont see some weight loss quick enough, ive tried regular excercise but when you have a full time job im always too tired after work to excercise! Im getting so depressed with my weight and my boyfriend has noticed im not as slim as i was when he met me!! :-(
Im embarrassed of my body as ive got stretch marks on my hips & thighs! ive got them coming on my stomach and breasts also! i really hate my body sooo much and i dunno what to do! im too embarrassed to go to my doctors an discuss it no matter what anyone says i couldnt do it! i couldnt go to weightloss classes because of the embarrassment either :-(
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I think you've taken a great step by expressing your concerns here in this forum.  A great thing about sharing weight loss stories and frustrations online is that it is anonymous.  You get to express your concerns and even your successes in a community of people who accepts you and understands what you are dealing with.  Have you ever thought about participating in an online forum or group?  Scientific data shows that actually helps with weight loss.  And if that's not your speed, think about starting a blog - it can actually do wonders!
6 Comments
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Avatar_f_tn
I can relate to how you feel.  I just had a big meltdown recently over how much I weigh and over how bad I look and feel.
If you're getting bored with your diet you could try being a little more flexible.  There is also some room for temptations.  You don't have to oust them completely.
I too get frustrated that the weight loss didn't happen yesterday or last year even.  I think we need to appreciate that weight loss and healthy lifestyle changes are a process and can take time.  Having some goals to work towards may also help you to stay focused.  I can get so caught up in the big picture (how do I get from being this to being that, etc) that I miss the opportunities to actually make the changes.  Baby steps are a good place to start.
If you're tired after work you could always try exercising before work.  Sometimes getting the exercise over and done with and out of the way early can take heaps of pressure off you.  It is also a great way to start the day.
Another thought is to go for a walk, etc with your boyfriend after work.  That is a good way to spend some quality time together and to do something positive for your health.

I can understand about the doctor.  I am extremely sensitive about my body and other than feeling extremely uncomfortable about body image I can also feel deeply ashamed.  Most doctors don't judge though and they are there to help.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and in excess of 30 people touched and looked at my breast (GP, surgeon, registrars, nurses, radiologists, radiotherapists, etc).  While I still are sensitive about people looking at me and touching me that shouldn't stop me, or you, from seeking medical attention.  It probably actually gives us more reason to go.

Many people in weight loss classes are there because they have a weight problem or had one.
Many weight loss programs are now able to be accessed via the net.

I hadn't thought about the blog option before.  It could be a good idea.  The doctor himself has posted several blog entries on this site.  I can be critical of what others write but that could be a good way to motivate oneself and even get feedback.

The doctor on the emotional eating expert forum has a website that you may like to check out.   It is: www.shrinkyourself.com.

Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
you mention joining a forum to talk about it and that has helped people... where do these forums exist? is this classed as one? also could you tell me more about the blog thing you mentioned?.
Any advice anyone has im willing to take on board because im so fed up! once when i was younger about 16ish i used to make myself sick to be thin and starve myself and i did get thin, its getting to a point with me where i think about doing that again, i dont want to but i cant help it when i know it got me the results i wanted!... I just hate my body so much!

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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for your reply on my sistuation.
It does feel good to talk to other people who understand how i feel! im just so sick of the way my body is! I feel that im going to be this way forever and that nothing i ever do will ever change it! i wont talk to anyone i know about it because i dont want to draw attention to my size even though people can already see it but i just cant talk to anyone face to face!
I have touched on it with a nurse at my GP practice as i went for a pill check not too long ago and she suggested weight loss classes which is something i just would not do even if the people in it are in the same situation i just wouldnt have the guts to go at it alone, then the nurse suggested they have a personal trainer that could help but she didnt really go into detail about that...
I think another reason i wont talk to my doctor is the fact there all men i have no women doctors at my practice and i find it hard to talk face to face with male doctors about personal stuff it was bad enough going and asking to be on the pill!

I am going to go check out that website you mentioned thanks for that. x

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Avatar_f_tn
Try looking under some of the community forums on this site.  Someone directed me towards one of the forums there.  I think the name was similar to this forum's.

For me it's a mind/ body thing.  I get tired of making the same mistakes over and over.  Surely after repeating the same mistake this many times you'd think I'd learn or get it right.  No such luck.  It's just crazy making.

One thing I am learning is that in order to lose weight it is imperative that we accept how we look and feel.  I just get so grossed out by my weight (how I look, how it makes me feel, etc) that I reach for food to try and minimize those negative emotions.  For me, I need to accept that I need to deal with this weight (and the feelings now) and not sabotage my efforts so that I can start seeing results.
I get tired of putting in all the effort only to undo it again.  It feels a bit like repeating primary school over and over again.  Which is frustrating when you see others achieve and move on.

A good place to start making changes is by having a dialogue about weight and lifestyle with someone.  I don't know if we're adverse to that because that would mean owing the problem and confronting it.  Talking through it with someone does help.

Could you take you boyfriend with you as a support person?  To see your GP, attend a class??
Weight Watchers has an At Home program where they send you the resources and offer you e-mail and phone support.

It's hard to advise where to go for support when one doesn't know where the problem lies.  Is it a lack of education around diet and exercise?  Is it an emotion eating issue?  Do medical issues factor into this?  Your GP is actually in a really good position to help.

Maybe you could phone the doctor's surgery and ask for more information about the personal trainer.

It sounds like you feel vulnerable or insecure around male health professionals.  If you don't feel comfortable and can't self-disclose to your doctor could you enroll in another medical practice?

This is another thought.  You may like to speak to a therapist about your weight and other issues.  I always thought the eating or the weight was the issue but I was wrong.  Many people use food as a defense mechanism against other underlying issues.
My concern is that the lack of confidence isn't primarily about the weight.

I saw my therapist the other day (I have issues with anxiety, etc) and he suggested going for a 15 minute walk or whatever and doing it for no other reason than for it being a goal.  Ironically, it's worked.  I've been for two 40 minute walks in the past two days.  For me that's not a huge amount of exercise but when I struggle just to put my shoes on and get out the door and when climbing Mt Everest seems more achievable, I'll take it.  It's a good place to start.

Something else has also helped me.  A neighbor died recently.  He was young, had a family, was successful, was wealthy, etc.  But is dead.  It has made me reflect a little on how I choose to spend my time.  Why do I feel sorry for myself being fat, etc when someone, who had everything, is dead?
I also realized that I can't blame my family.  Yes, they've done all this wrong and as a consequence I lack important life skills but they also have strengths.  I have strengths.  I think if we use our strengths and make incremental changes as Dr Beckerman suggests we must eventually start to move forward in a positive direction.

Good luck with everything.
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Avatar_f_tn
I forgot to say, DON'T do what you did when you were younger.  While it may work short-term is doesn't get you any closer to where you need/ want to be.
We both know it is unhealthy and potentially very dangerous.
Try making small changes.
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