Aa
Be Brutally Honest
I'm 25 with 4 children ages 5,4,2 and 1 and I recently found out I am pregnant with twins. Yes all by the same dad but we can't seem to get along for to long. So I'm pretty much single with kids and pregnant. Nobody in my family knows yet because they are going to be so disappointed I have no idea how to break it to them. After so many times you can't call something a mistake anymore. I guess my kids dad is that bad habit I can't break. Its always the same thing. We get along but then we break up and I end up pregnant and then we try to make it work again, it's the same cycle everytime. But this time we have considered abortion I was all for until I found out it twins, and I'm actually 18 weeks by the way so that made me change my mind and he still wants to do it. His reasons are we already have 4 that we kind of struggle to take care of and him and I can barely get along. Don't get me wrong I completely agree with how he feels but I can't see myself getting abortion at this point. So I suggested adoption and he was against it.I mean I'm not all for that idea either I would rather raise my kids. I got myself I this mess so I feel I have to dig my way out. Either I'm really stressed and lost at this. Any suggestions?????
I was in the same situation. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, and married for 3 years. Anyways. Every year since 2010 we would fight, he would leave, we would fool around, get pregnant and got back together. We need this for 4 years. Even being married. Well last year it happened and I moved out. Well I absolutely agree with you its a habit you can't break. I love my husband. But we got back together and I told him this is the last night. I'm 25 years old and we have babies. Well we both agreed on counseling. Let me tell you, counseling has been amazing for us. And yes I'm pregnant with his 3rd my 4th. And money is was tight till we removed something's out of our budget. (Like cable, a phone contract, internet, ect) but no matter what happens I would never give me child/children up. You can do it. And get fixed when the twins are born. You have options. Good luck and hope for the best.
Please get your tubes tied after this... So that you make no more mistakes as you call them... Abortion at this point is crazy good luck
Although 18wks is too far for ME to consider abortion (unless there was some reason medically to do so), it is your decision.
I've had an abortion at 8wks, about 2 yrs ago and I think about it all the time.
I recently lost a little boy at 16wks, his heart stopped at apparently 14.5wks (is what he measured) and I was induced to give birth because I was too far along for a D&C (basically the same thing as an abortion, but the baby is already gone).
I held him. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect, formed fingers, nose, mouth, toes. And that's at 14.5wks.
I'm not saying this to make you change your mind, because who knows what you're going through and why it took so long to consider this as an option. I get sh*t happens. Things could have been going great the first couple mos, and then they got rocky and that's why you're considering this so late.
After losing my son September 12 2014, me and my fiancé tried for another baby. We were a bit rocky (for the first time ever) in December, his ex was trying to guilt trip him into saying he didn't see his daughter enough (they moved/live in Alberta and we live in Ontario and aren't made of money so we see her when we can) He eventually told her to shove it and we moved on. Finally the beginning of January I was pregnant! And then a week later he said he wanted to try to make things work with his ex... And now I move out the end of this month.
As 'easy' as getting an abortion would be for me, after losing a baby and having to bury him in my front yard, I just cant do it. Financially I'm going to just get by, emotionally I'm going to lose it going through this pregnancy alone because I've had so many issues already at not even 10wks along, but my theory is, if this baby makes it to term, he/she will seriously be my miracle baby. And I'm not religious at ALL, BTW.
I wish you the best, think of your kids you have now, and if THEY will struggle by bringing 2 more into the world, then you have 1 of 2 choices to make.
The counselor I saw before my abortion told me to think about NOW. Can I afford a baby NOW. Will my daughter struggle if I brought a baby into this world and tried to care for it on my own? and the answer was No, I cant afford a baby now, and my daughter would have been the poor kid in class if I brought a baby into this world by myself.
Anything can change at any time, but you have to think about now.
All the best!
I've had an abortion at 8wks, about 2 yrs ago and I think about it all the time.
I recently lost a little boy at 16wks, his heart stopped at apparently 14.5wks (is what he measured) and I was induced to give birth because I was too far along for a D&C (basically the same thing as an abortion, but the baby is already gone).
I held him. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect, formed fingers, nose, mouth, toes. And that's at 14.5wks.
I'm not saying this to make you change your mind, because who knows what you're going through and why it took so long to consider this as an option. I get sh*t happens. Things could have been going great the first couple mos, and then they got rocky and that's why you're considering this so late.
After losing my son September 12 2014, me and my fiancé tried for another baby. We were a bit rocky (for the first time ever) in December, his ex was trying to guilt trip him into saying he didn't see his daughter enough (they moved/live in Alberta and we live in Ontario and aren't made of money so we see her when we can) He eventually told her to shove it and we moved on. Finally the beginning of January I was pregnant! And then a week later he said he wanted to try to make things work with his ex... And now I move out the end of this month.
As 'easy' as getting an abortion would be for me, after losing a baby and having to bury him in my front yard, I just cant do it. Financially I'm going to just get by, emotionally I'm going to lose it going through this pregnancy alone because I've had so many issues already at not even 10wks along, but my theory is, if this baby makes it to term, he/she will seriously be my miracle baby. And I'm not religious at ALL, BTW.
I wish you the best, think of your kids you have now, and if THEY will struggle by bringing 2 more into the world, then you have 1 of 2 choices to make.
The counselor I saw before my abortion told me to think about NOW. Can I afford a baby NOW. Will my daughter struggle if I brought a baby into this world and tried to care for it on my own? and the answer was No, I cant afford a baby now, and my daughter would have been the poor kid in class if I brought a baby into this world by myself.
Anything can change at any time, but you have to think about now.
All the best!
I personally know people who their dream is to adopt babies. There are so many willing families that there is no point in eding innocent lives. Its your decision. But please be educated about the process at this point in you pregnacvy. Do research. Your babies will start moving soon if they havent already and im sure it will be amazing. Please consider giving someone else a chance who cannot concieve their own. Youve been blessed to be given two more instead of just one. Coming from someone who has had some messed up stuff happen and been through a lot in life and is still standing, what keeps me standing is telling myself that Everything happens for a reason.
There is a lot of advice on here and the truth is, we can all give our opinions all day. Try to envision your life in each scenario. How would you feel if you got an abortion? As gruesome as they are, look up images, because eventually you will want to know what your babies looked like. Someday, your children may look up the images as well. How would you feel if you put your child up for adoption? Would you be happy knowing they are being provided for and loved or would you long for the babies you gave away? How would your children feel loosing two siblings? How would your life and your children's lives be if you raised your babies? Would everyone be angry and stressed all the time or would they know that things are tight and feel loved and secure in your love. Would two more break you or make you? God will not give you more than you can handle. The Bible says 'do not fear' 365 times, that is enough for each day of the year, go forward with confidence and know that you are loved! God bless!
I'd recommend abortion before adoption. It sounds all well and good but how are those kids going to feel even they find out you had 4 offers that were good enough to keep?
I know many fostered kids that are messed up. Adopted kids are better but they tend to have a hole in them and can be resentful of their birth patents especially when they find out they kept their other kids.
Only you can make the final decision. But in the future, get your tubes tied.
I know many fostered kids that are messed up. Adopted kids are better but they tend to have a hole in them and can be resentful of their birth patents especially when they find out they kept their other kids.
Only you can make the final decision. But in the future, get your tubes tied.
Omg i would love twins i wouldn't abort ever i don't think. Hope u find wat works for you but if you love your children then your doing a great job. Maybe get on some contraception after this
I think this is a tough decision. But I'm sure you will make the right decision for your family... I would recommend seeing a psychologist before you make any big decisions, to make sure you can handle the aftermath of an abortion... Also I'm not sure where you are from buy where I am from 18 weeks is to late to get an abortion. So make sure you know your rights before you make any big decisions.
Have you got the space? In all seriousness, can u fit two more cots in preferably two separate rooms. I've known quite a fews sets of twins and only one was ok to sleep in the same room. The others all woke each other up, which the mothers swore was much worse than just having one baby at a time. Because eventually with one there is respite. Having said that, the twins I knew best had a 5 year old sister and that worked ok for their single mum. She just looked like a new mum for 6 months longer than most ppl.
I hope u have the space, because if it wasn't twins, I get the impression you would have been to the clinic already. And thus, were u given twins on purpose (god, universe-insert ur higher force!!) ??? Something to think on.
I hope u have the space, because if it wasn't twins, I get the impression you would have been to the clinic already. And thus, were u given twins on purpose (god, universe-insert ur higher force!!) ??? Something to think on.
oh sweetie i really feel for you..i think a lot of the advice above is very good..i do think though that in your situation that you will torture yourself whatever u do..and keeping the babies will be a lot if work with the children you already have and their ages..honestly though do what you feel is right nobody else..u will have to live with abortion/adoption and you will be the one struggling with 6 children of very young ages..at the same time i know families of 7 and 10 children and always envied the closeness and having so many siblings..i hope you make the right decision for u..thoughts are with you x
I swear I'm not judging. I just had a 4 d scan done at 17 weeks. My baby boy is absolutely a real little person. He has "personality" seeing him hold his hand to his hand and cross his feet. Please think really hard about aborting 2 living innocent babies. If u didn't want or need more kids u couldve done things to prevent that. I do wish u all the luck in the world. Sounds like the relationship is over but also sounds like u know what's right for u already. It will be a tough road but u can do it and ur kids will love u for it
Everyone gave awesome advice so let me just say this... I've never met a woman that didn't regret having an abortion. I've also never met a woman that didn't long for the child they gave up for adoption. And lastly, I've NEVER met a woman that regretted raising her own children, regardless of the struggles it brought. Ultimately it's your decision, but do take these three things and ponder on them. Just please, for yourself and your babies, come up with a plan to prevent this future occurrence so you can focus at bettering yourself in life
I'm a birth mother and I don't regret my decision. Every adopted individual I've ever met expresses gratitude to be alive and not killed before they had and chance at life. Abortion sounds easy but you will regret it, because you're a Mama and you know those are your babies. You'll find a way to make it work! Look nothing in life goes 100% perfect all the time, that's just the way it is. If you can't handle more kids than get an adoption plan. Be serious about your commitment to get away from this man and maybe he'll see he doesn't want to pay child support for all the kids. I'm sorry, I don't want to come off as mean because I mean this with all the love in the world - you know it's time to get your act together and show these kids that in life you can overcome. If he's what you're saying he is, it's beyond time to get some boundaries. Obviously he is their dad and you will have to find ways to Co Parent but it's time to be strong and step up. Don't let these kids become a victim of the situation.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but except in extreme cases, I truly believe that children do best with their biological parents (presuppposing that their parents love them.) I think adoptive parents are wonderful and amazing, but no matter what, the adopted child will always have issues with abandonment, even if their biological parents were trying to do their best by their kids. Imagine spending nine months hearing one woman's voice and then being ripped out of the only secure environment you have ever known and never hearing that voice again? I cannot truly understand your predicament, because I am not in your shoes, and if adoption ends up being your solution, then so be it. But have you thought about alternative solutions, like a crowdfunding website? And how do your parents fit into the situation? I hope you find a solution that gives you peace. Hugs.
First off, PLEASE READ THIS IN THE SOFTEST, NICEST, SWEET AS HOMEMADE APPLE PIE YOUR GRANNY CAN MAKE NANA VOICE. ADVICE IS INTENDED TO HELP YOU NOT GET INTO ANOTHER SITUATION LIKE THIS WITH HIM OR ANYONE ELSE.
I agree that you should pray about it and also pray that you'll have the strength to accept the answer your given as well as leaving that man ALONE! Especially if you recognized that its not working. Ask yourself if he cares about you? Most importantly do you care about you? Why keep having unprotected sex when this is an obvious consequence that you can not afford? A man would keep getting his rocks off with you and get you pregnant a thousand times over but it's the woman that has to deal with it all in the end.
I also agree with you, you made your bed so now you must lay in it and that includes whatever choice you make. It's your responsibility to protect yourself especially since you've been through this already and know the outcome. Think about the children you have now and how much you have to stretch yourself thin to give each child their time with you and taking away your personal time that we all know we need from time to time. I don't want you to feel sad, stressed out because as my mom always said,'your not the 1st and you won't be the last' so don't allow your fears to cloud your mind.
Noone here can tell you or advise you on what to do but whatever decision you decide, make sure your doing it for you with no regrets and don't allow the same thing to happen again because your babies need you strong and healthy and not stressed. So don't allow your fears to cloud your mind. But also don't keep making the same mistakes. Blessings.
I agree that you should pray about it and also pray that you'll have the strength to accept the answer your given as well as leaving that man ALONE! Especially if you recognized that its not working. Ask yourself if he cares about you? Most importantly do you care about you? Why keep having unprotected sex when this is an obvious consequence that you can not afford? A man would keep getting his rocks off with you and get you pregnant a thousand times over but it's the woman that has to deal with it all in the end.
I also agree with you, you made your bed so now you must lay in it and that includes whatever choice you make. It's your responsibility to protect yourself especially since you've been through this already and know the outcome. Think about the children you have now and how much you have to stretch yourself thin to give each child their time with you and taking away your personal time that we all know we need from time to time. I don't want you to feel sad, stressed out because as my mom always said,'your not the 1st and you won't be the last' so don't allow your fears to cloud your mind.
Noone here can tell you or advise you on what to do but whatever decision you decide, make sure your doing it for you with no regrets and don't allow the same thing to happen again because your babies need you strong and healthy and not stressed. So don't allow your fears to cloud your mind. But also don't keep making the same mistakes. Blessings.
Take everything into consideration. I mean EVERYTHING. money, living situation, help & support. Etc...hard decision but do what you feel is going to be good for YOU. Not your babydaddy that basically comes and goes as he pleases.
I'm 25 & I'm on my third. I had all the same thoughts so I can only imagine what u are going thru with potentially having 6 kids before 26. Not judging at all but grl now is tha time to really weigh your options because tha window for abortion is basically almost over (I think some places go up to 24 weeks) but most only go up to 15 or 16 weeks. The decision is yours
Do what u feel in ur heart is right, Like u said ur basically raising ur kids alone so u alone know what u can handle n deal with.
If abortion is on the table you should learn and understand the process to know exactly what you are doing. A lot of people just do it, my sister did this and was devastated later on after being educated on the process. People will judge you but you can live with that, you have to make the choice that is right for you as you will live with it forever.
Adoption, if you're considering it... So many good things come from this, open adoption is out there... I know so many people who were adopted, have adopted or were part of an open adoption...
If you're a single mom with four you need to consider what two more will change, does it change life so much that it'll hurt or take away from your other kids? Decide what to do with the Dad and stick to it, also keep in mind your oldest will see and know what's going on and think about how you act and explain to them what's going on as this is a life lesson your teaching them too.
If I were you, having unexpected twins... It would crash my world and life plans as I'm done after the one I'm having (I already have one, two total for me)... But for me personally my babies are my babies and I could never give them up...
Remember it's your choice and yours alone.
Adoption, if you're considering it... So many good things come from this, open adoption is out there... I know so many people who were adopted, have adopted or were part of an open adoption...
If you're a single mom with four you need to consider what two more will change, does it change life so much that it'll hurt or take away from your other kids? Decide what to do with the Dad and stick to it, also keep in mind your oldest will see and know what's going on and think about how you act and explain to them what's going on as this is a life lesson your teaching them too.
If I were you, having unexpected twins... It would crash my world and life plans as I'm done after the one I'm having (I already have one, two total for me)... But for me personally my babies are my babies and I could never give them up...
Remember it's your choice and yours alone.
Ultimately its ur choice do what u fwel
Not to sound mean but I personally don't agree with abortion I don't see it as a form of birth control I feel if you guys feel you can't get along or take care of another baby give the little one up for adoption there are so many women out there that want children and can't get pregnant or go through councilling and see if that helps you guys
No judgement here sorry you have to have this discussion but isn't 18 weeks too far along for an abortion? The decision is ultimately yours but it will cause an even bigger rift between the two of you if you dont take into consideration his opinion. For adoption if he doesn't want to do it then suggest counseling for the two of you? This will help both of you decide whats best; abortion, adoption or working it out to raise your kids together. Whatever the outcome have you thought of b.c. methods for after the births? I only suggest as you do sound a bit sad about being pregnant again and sounds like you don't want to repeat your circumstances. Good luck hun!
Take some time and pray about the situation and hopefully you'll make the right choice for you, good luck and be blessed
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