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I Know Its My Decision But I Just Dont Know
I just found out I'm pregnant and I honestly don't know what I want to do. I'm going to be a senior in college and my parents are deceased. I'm financially independent and currently struggling to make ends meet. My bf supports me in any decision I choose to make and will be active throughout. However, because of everything that is going on right now, he believes now is not the right time to have a child. I agree but I don't think I would be able to get an abortion. I just need some advice or maybe someone in a similar situation can share their experience.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I will have to say that having a baby was one of the most expensive things I've ever done. I wanted things to be a certain way when I had kids. I am economical and practical and still find that it takes a tremendous amount of income to raise children.
For me, it was always a discussion of whether I would work full time, part time or not at all. Loss of income due to kids is pretty common. good luck
For me, it was always a discussion of whether I would work full time, part time or not at all. Loss of income due to kids is pretty common. good luck
^^i agree( i got most of the expensive stuff from babyshower), all i will really need to keep buying throughout the year is clothes(which you could buy from consignment shop, much cheaper), diapers, wipes, and bath supplys. Breastfeeding would also save you alot of money that you would spend on formula(which if you dont have the money to spend on a pump or formula wic will help) im not saying the baby wont be expensive, but a baby isnt 16,000-20,000 a year. theres always ways to save on money like instead of buying huggies or pampers(which range from .23cents-.29cents a diaper you could buy luvs(they stay around .14cents-.18cents a diaper) same with wipes it would save about $5-$10 a week which you could spend some where else.. and i did the baby calculator to show me how much on average id spend the first 2 years and it said $4,987.. (: i hope you choose to keep your baby i know it'll be a little harder than not having the responisbility, but hey you have your bf to support you.. im 18 fixing to turn 19 im in my second year in college and i work 2 jobs(after i have her im going to postpone college a semester or 2, and just work after maternity leave but my fiance still works his job and were going to make it work
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry for your predicament. I know that is so hard. Unplanned pregnancy is so stressful and confusing. You'll need to do a lot of thinking to figure out exactly what is best for you. It is a blessing that women do have options to consider and can apply them to themselves.
You've already said that you don't think you'll want to or be able to have an abortion. So that is one option to take off the list. Many women do terminate and find it to be the right answer for their own situation. But this isn't for everyone. If you want more information on termination, please let me know either here or in a personal message that I will promptly answer.
So, then you could think about adoption. I personally think adoption is one of the most selfless acts a person can do. It is really a beautiful thing and can be a win win for all involved. A couple that is unable to have a child is given this wonderful gift! And the mother gets the chance to go on with her life as she had planned. She then can do what she needs to do to get into the position to be ready to 'try' for a baby down the road when it is a better time and situation for her. They have things called open adoptions today in which you'd be able to see pics of the baby and be in contact or closed aadoptions in which you don't. You can request either. I see pluses and minuses to both. There are not enough babies to adopt, believe it or not. And in many situations, this is the better option than a young woman or couple that is not prepared trying to wing it and keep the baby.
You can also opt to keep the baby although you indicate that your boyfriend really doesn't want to nor do you. And honey, it IS hard. When I was in college as you are now, I had dreams. I wanted to get established in a career. I certainly didn't want to be told by my boss I may need to work a bit longer one evening and be really torn because 'darn, I need to get home to the baby". I knew baby would come but wanted the opportunity to do other things before that happened. Because if you do it right, a child dominates everything. You do worry about getting home, your ability to just live for yourself is taken away prematurely. I really think everyone needs that time in their life. When I was in my early 20's in college and grad school, I loved to travel, to go out with friends at night, exercise whenever I wanted, etc. When I had kids, my schedule really is much more about them. I'd have been sad knowing what I know now to have given up on that time I had unencumbered from kids as a young adult out of college.
Things to consider when keeping a child are day care. It's expensive. Sure, you can go cheap but this is your child you are talking about! Healthcare is something you must have. And it isn't cheap. Diapers? Wow, they cost money. If you can't nurse, formula is expensive. You have to have a safe, suitable place to live. Tiny babies don't need much but every year they grow, they need and want more and more. I always wanted to be able to give my child all I could.
This is the reality. Some people can make this work but it is hard. Much sacrificing goes into it.
For me, I finished college, grad school. I began my career. I worked, built my assets, etc. Then I met my husband who is an ambitious man, my friend, my partner. We decided to have kids and tried. We have two. I stay at home with them. We live very comfortably and I would say that I'm not sure that would have been the case for me had I derailed the plan and hand had a baby in college.
I write all of this because I want you to know that I know where you are coming from. It is a HARD thing to incorporate a baby into things when we aren't planning on it and it is bad timing.
I would say that if you have a lot of support as in parents that will really help out, that it will be much easier. Boyfriends who say they don't want a baby sometimes stick around and sometimes don't.
Anyway, this is really hard and sweetie, this is ALL about you and what is best for you. So, maybe take out paper and pen and make a list of pros and cons and really think about what is the best scenario for you. peace and much luck and if you need to talk at all, please private message me.
You've already said that you don't think you'll want to or be able to have an abortion. So that is one option to take off the list. Many women do terminate and find it to be the right answer for their own situation. But this isn't for everyone. If you want more information on termination, please let me know either here or in a personal message that I will promptly answer.
So, then you could think about adoption. I personally think adoption is one of the most selfless acts a person can do. It is really a beautiful thing and can be a win win for all involved. A couple that is unable to have a child is given this wonderful gift! And the mother gets the chance to go on with her life as she had planned. She then can do what she needs to do to get into the position to be ready to 'try' for a baby down the road when it is a better time and situation for her. They have things called open adoptions today in which you'd be able to see pics of the baby and be in contact or closed aadoptions in which you don't. You can request either. I see pluses and minuses to both. There are not enough babies to adopt, believe it or not. And in many situations, this is the better option than a young woman or couple that is not prepared trying to wing it and keep the baby.
You can also opt to keep the baby although you indicate that your boyfriend really doesn't want to nor do you. And honey, it IS hard. When I was in college as you are now, I had dreams. I wanted to get established in a career. I certainly didn't want to be told by my boss I may need to work a bit longer one evening and be really torn because 'darn, I need to get home to the baby". I knew baby would come but wanted the opportunity to do other things before that happened. Because if you do it right, a child dominates everything. You do worry about getting home, your ability to just live for yourself is taken away prematurely. I really think everyone needs that time in their life. When I was in my early 20's in college and grad school, I loved to travel, to go out with friends at night, exercise whenever I wanted, etc. When I had kids, my schedule really is much more about them. I'd have been sad knowing what I know now to have given up on that time I had unencumbered from kids as a young adult out of college.
Things to consider when keeping a child are day care. It's expensive. Sure, you can go cheap but this is your child you are talking about! Healthcare is something you must have. And it isn't cheap. Diapers? Wow, they cost money. If you can't nurse, formula is expensive. You have to have a safe, suitable place to live. Tiny babies don't need much but every year they grow, they need and want more and more. I always wanted to be able to give my child all I could.
This is the reality. Some people can make this work but it is hard. Much sacrificing goes into it.
For me, I finished college, grad school. I began my career. I worked, built my assets, etc. Then I met my husband who is an ambitious man, my friend, my partner. We decided to have kids and tried. We have two. I stay at home with them. We live very comfortably and I would say that I'm not sure that would have been the case for me had I derailed the plan and hand had a baby in college.
I write all of this because I want you to know that I know where you are coming from. It is a HARD thing to incorporate a baby into things when we aren't planning on it and it is bad timing.
I would say that if you have a lot of support as in parents that will really help out, that it will be much easier. Boyfriends who say they don't want a baby sometimes stick around and sometimes don't.
Anyway, this is really hard and sweetie, this is ALL about you and what is best for you. So, maybe take out paper and pen and make a list of pros and cons and really think about what is the best scenario for you. peace and much luck and if you need to talk at all, please private message me.
I just did the one year calculator. With everything I got from my baby shower and things I got used, the cost of baby for the first year would only be $6,000. $16,000 is a little much
I was in this situation 2 years ago when I was just out of school and starting jobs. I got pregnant with the same person I am pregnant with now. We decided to abort due to financial issues and my career and I told myself once is okay but if it ever happened again I am keeping baby. Here I am 2 years later and we got preggers again. I am so excited. sometimes people are not prepared and i think that everyone has one opportunity to abort but those who abort more than that I think that they really need to grow up and take responsibility for their actions. Unless it were a rape situation.
My friends were very upset with me for a couple weeks because they did not support it and one of those friends ended up having to get one later on. Nobody knows how to take it until they are in the situation and it changes completely!! Good luck girl I hope you do what ends up being best!
My friends were very upset with me for a couple weeks because they did not support it and one of those friends ended up having to get one later on. Nobody knows how to take it until they are in the situation and it changes completely!! Good luck girl I hope you do what ends up being best!
I wasn't in your identical situation, but I was in a situation where we couldn't afford a child, among other things, and I chose to have an abortion. I don't regret it, never did, never will. Honestly, I'm glad I chose to. I do understand that many do not have similar feelings as I do. I suppose my advice, being that you're financially struggling and in school, is either to go the adoption route or consider abortion.
Roughly guessing what you'd want in the first year of life, I used the baby's first year cost calculator on babycenter.com and it would be ~$16,516 for the first year or so, ~$7,264 would be one time expenses or at least for that year. Just a little picture of how much it would take and is that feasible?
I wish you the best of luck and sending hugs your way!
Roughly guessing what you'd want in the first year of life, I used the baby's first year cost calculator on babycenter.com and it would be ~$16,516 for the first year or so, ~$7,264 would be one time expenses or at least for that year. Just a little picture of how much it would take and is that feasible?
I wish you the best of luck and sending hugs your way!
Im also going to be senior in college and as hard as its going to be im going to keep my baby. I do have the support of my husband and parents but the finances pretty much will depend on me when baby gets here since hubbt will stay home and ive been financially indepedent of my parents since 16. just try to make a decision that you can look back on and be proud of and feel you did the best thing, whether that be abortion, adoption or parenting . Just be strong and do what you find best. good luck!
If your not fully ok with abortion your not going to be ok afterwards,I know 3 people who wish they could take it back now..(and I think its because they weren't fully for it in the first place) nobody's going to judge you either way cause it's your choice but there is always adoption
adoption is always an option.. give your baby life and it will be a blessing to a couple that is more prepared for a baby.. but its a tough decision
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