Keep the bby or abort ? Help !

[Yosii]

I am going on 8 weeks pregnant in a couple of days. I already talked to my bbys father who doesnt want to be involved in the pregnancy or bbys life. I though he was going to b supportive but apparantly didnt happen like that. Im scared that my dad will want me out the house. I am also not in love with my bby since this wasnt planned at all. Should i consider abortion before im a little more ahead. ? Help please !

[remar]

Everyone has a right to their own opinion on these forums. She does'nt want to place the baby for adoption. To me, that would be best. I've seen so many teenage girls have babies and they suffer and so do the babies. The boy can just walk away. Even in ideal circumstances when you're married and have planned for a baby, it's so very hard. These young girls just have no idea how hard it is to take care of a baby. I do wish her the best.

[alexaviorsmommy]

Eve.. u r heartless that is an innocent child there is adoption she doesn't have to keep nor love that baby but regardless of what we think its HER decision so for u to say she should jus get an abortion is not right at all she needs to think about the damage it can do to her like depression and physically she could become unable to have babys or it would be difficult if god forrbid something goes wrong ..

[eve99322]

It's your life, so I think you should seriously consider abortion. Think about how the baby will affect your decisions later in life. You mentioned that you did not love the baby, so there is no reason to keep it. The baby's father doesn't care about it, so you shouldn't have to suffer the pain of childbirth for a man who won' t want the baby anyway.

[summero87]

I was a teen mom and it was tough but my daughter is my everything ...at 8 weeks the heart is beating toes an fingers are forming an It's very much a life inside of you ..please think through whatever you decide ..read up on abortion and what happens to the baby and the woman ..long term depression an sometimes physical damages happen ...you can be a strong single mother if you choose to do so ..its tough but worth every second ...best of luck to you ..and regaurdless of what you decide Congrats ,you got pregnant an have a baby inside of you when so many women can't ...

[alexaviorsmommy]

I'm pro-life if you made the decision to have unprotected sex than you need to be responsible and make a good decision for that precious miracle living inside you it is not the babys fault what is happening you need to grow up now adoption is in my opinion the best way to go if you dont want that baby but there is a million of people who can't have kids and your so willing to give up your blessing for a boy? I'm sorry but you are being silly I wony say stupid because I know your scared but trust me your parents wont be as mad as you think and just think about adoption ..

[specialmom]

Oh, the other thing I wanted to mention is that if your baby daddy doesn't want anything to do with the pregnancy, you'll have to sue  him to establish paternity and then try to collect child support from him.  He will give a percentage of what he makes and each time you want to up the amount, you'll have to go back to court if he is uncooperative in paying his child support.  That is a really common problem with fathers that do not want the responsibility of a child.  And if he were to lose his job, you'd be out of luck.  If he is also a teenager, it is hard to depend on them for lots of cash.  He may not agree with you about how much you think you need and may fight you over this.  
One other thing, and again-----  just giving you food for thought.  Dating is hard when you are a mother.  You have to find a man that would like to have a baby in his life besides just a girlfriend.  Not every guy is down for that.  

Is this your first pregnancy?  

Anyway, I just think that looking at all angles will help you prepare for what is ahead.  Hopefully your family is fully on board to support you and help you.  That will certainly help.  good luck

[specialmom]

Yes.  Mentioning the practical side of having a baby isn't to say you can't have one and take care of it but to be realistic about the things you need to plan for.  I wasn't implying that you can't do it or shouldn't.  But as a mother of two, there are things you have to figure out and be prepared for.

I agree with kitkat that you will need to really discuss with your mother and sister about babysitting as if they are of age to work, that is time that they could spend elsewhere bringing in a paycheck.  If they are not, that is taking away from study time and free time or whatever else that they do while you are at school.  Taking care of a baby is fun to me but also work and I guess I wouldn't take for granted that 'someone' will watch my child.  Have you told your dad and mom yet as in one of your posts here----  you were fearful of them kicking you out.  You've gone from that to them being in charge of the baby when you are away.  So, you'll want to discuss these things thoroughly.  Daycare is expensive.  I have heard about some cheap cheap places although I don't know if I'd leave my child there.  Those places are about 150 a week.  You'll have to check in your area.  And while you could nurse in the begining (and should really)----  at about 6 months, the baby starts to eat food food and you'll have to start buying baby food.  I think the average cost of having a child just through the ob/gyn is about 2000 dollars.  I had insurance so only paid a copay each visit of 20 dollars.  Then there is the hospital cost----  I paid 10 percent of that.  Babies go to the doctor for well checks every 3 months at least for the first 2 years.  Probably after that, diapers were one of the biggest expenses.  I supplemented with formula which adds up too.  I liked baby clothes so spent some money on cute outfits.  I was able to get a crib as a hand me down but had to buy car seats (the newborn one and then the one that goes after that that faces forward and then a booster seat after that), bassinet, bouncers, porta crib, etc. etc. etc.  It sure isn't cheap to have a baby!!  Whew--------  I honestly had no idea until I did.  But plenty of folks do it on little and are fine.  Just be prepared.  

Probably the other thing you should think about is how your life will be.  I've had very little free time to myself since I had kids.  My husband and I get a date maybe once a month for 2 or 3 hours when I pay a babysitter.  If your mom is watching your baby while you are at school, I'm sure she'll expect you to be with the baby at most other times.  It definately ends the youth-----------  as raising a child is serious business.  You can't pick up and go when you want.  You can't stay out with friends for hours.  You want to talk on the phone to someone and the baby needs you and is crying.  You'll spend your saturday at the park playing with your baby while your friends are hanging out.  I love it!!!  I absolutely love it.  And you may too.  But just wanted to mention these things to you to think about.  

Anyway, I again feel that you are right------------  all things are possible.  You just have to plan for it to make it so.  good luck to you.

[Carly1306]

It's good you're thinking about it and sort of planning, but you know you can't rely on child support right? It can also take a while, and a lot of stress to get all that sorted before you start receiving payments. Just because he has a good paying job like you say, doesn't mean you will a lot of money from child support. It depends on other factors too. Are you sure your mum or sister will be able to watch the baby every day when you're at school? Don't they work or have their own lives to lead? And day is so expensive, it's shocking how expensive day care is. You'll also need a stroller, car seat, crib, clothes, wipes, diapers, money for medical bills etc, formula if you're not breast feeding, bottles, towels, bath/wash products etc. It is very expensive. You're right that it's never impossible, but it can be extremely difficult - even a married couple who earn money find it hard because of the expense of everything that they're not used to having to pay for.

[Yosii]

@specialmom. Im sure my Mom or sis can watch the bby while im at school if not theres plenty day cares i can bring him to. And diapers and other needs will obiously be provided off child support so it wont be much of a problem since my bbys dad has a very good paying job. Everything can be done its never impossible !

[specialmom]

Okay.  well, it is never too early to plan.  Who's going to watch the baby while you are at school or work.  How are you going to pay for all baby needs (diapers, clothes, etc.).  All those details that one must consider when raising a child.  I too had to think it all out before giving birth so that I had a plan in place.  If you are going to keep the child and raise it, then start saving every penny you make, come up with a plan to get through school and set yourself up for the type of job that leaves you completely financially independent.  All of that good stuff that a mom has to do. good luck

[msgorgeous]

Thats good news :) Glad u made the decision for your self dont forget your prenatal vitamins and to drink plenty of water :)



i wish u a happy and healthy nine months

[Yosii]

Thankrg a lot to all of you for your opinions and trying to help i really appreciate. I think i am just gonna go on keeping it. I always wanted a family maybe thats what confused me the most since i wont provide a father for him or her. I never believed im abortion and idk what the heck im thinking now, i feel like i need to really slap myself for this. I just wishd everything would happen different and wouldve been able to provide love frm both parents to my child. It just really starting to get to me and breaks my heart dearly how all is happening a whole different way. I just hope everything goes well this pregnancy and dont have to go through such thing again. Im afraid, really afraid ! Thanks all for the advice. I have my appt next Tuesday and decided to keep him, i say him since i have a feeling its gona be a boy. Im so excited to see that my baby is doing good and hoping for the best.

[Carly1306]

You said it yourself, it's a rainbow baby. You lost one baby sadly, and you did everything you could to prevent getting pregnant, yet became pregnant. I think that says a lot. I'm a great believer in everything happens for a reason, so there is a reason that you got pregnant (no matter ow hard you tried not to). Maybe that reason is to bring it up yourself, if you have everything you need to be able to do that. I could be the making of you. But the reason could also be to adopt it and provide a family with a baby to love and provide for that they're unable to have on their own - but that you can give to them as you're no currently able to provide that. Adoption has many choices and with the likes of open adoption you can still have access to your child and be part of its life. So it's worth considering.

I wouldn't worry about your ex - he's obviously an ex for a reason. I wouldn't worry about the current boyfriend either. If he doesn't want to be a father, then fine, that's his problem and he doesn't know what he's missing.

You really need to think about this, but from what you said before, I think you know what you want to do.

[specialmom]

Raising a baby is hard.  Really hard.  And expensive.  And time consuming.  And exhausting.  No lie.

I am a fan of adoption and maybe if you tell your dad you are going to give the baby up for adoption he will allow you to stay and do so.  Ugh.  Obviously if your dad may not let you stay because you are pregnant, he's not going to want to help you raise your baby.  So, talk to him about adoption when you tell him.

Keeping the baby . . .  'just keep it' is something you'll have to weigh.  your friend sounds confused about how incredibly hard it is.  

And in all honesty, I'd not worry about the ex boyfriend now.  That is the least of your concerns.  You've got a huge dilemma with MUCH riding on it.  

good luck

[msgorgeous]

In all honesty whatever decision u make you will have to live with it for the rest of your life, just out way all your options if its abortion you chose it may effect you later down the road its easier and harder on differant woman make sure its a decision you make and not let anyone chose for you

adoption is an excellent idea but also hard to do but if u chose to do so theres many differant options you can chose from like open adoption depending on what you and the family chose to do as far as how many times u get pictures when u can see it etc.. you would be giving a family who cant have kids one of the greatest gifts and life they would be forever grateful for the gift you gave them

If you chose to keep it, yes single parent hood is tough but theres soo many woman or men doing it everyday, my mother raised me and my 3 siblings on her own and i wouldnt change my life for anything she did the best she could and thats all i can ask for she did a great job its not all ways gonna be easy but my mom says she wouldnt change anything either

whatever you decide make sure you do what you feel is right no one else look into all your options before you decide but like some posters above said you dont have alot of time left to get an abortion so u need to think thru all options rush but dont rush cuz once you get that abprtion its to late to go back  

i do think you may be a lil young but you know what life throws you a curve ball now and then and its up too you to catch it or let it go all tho u may be young its not impossible to be a great parent with or with out support and i believe you can be a great mother no matter your age i will not judge you for the decision you will make thats yours to make not mine :)

i wish you the best of luck in your decision whatever it may be :)

On a side note im 26 years old currently 20 weeks pregnant ive dreamed about the day i would become pregnant at one point i thought it wasnt in my future but surprise surprise :)..after i became pregnant i was a lil unsure about it all was i ready will i be a good parent when i went to my ultrasound that day would forever change my life i instantly fell in love with this baby <3  i believe its one of the greatest gifts in life and so thankful for it <3

[Yosii]

This will b a rainbow baby since my first was a stillborn and frm the guy i trully love. But i do consider this one is a blessing after what i already went through and its a very tough decision since i will face it all on my own and it also was a unplanned pregnancy and used condom plus took the morning after pill. I feel as if i do want to have it but again im afraid having to raise my child as a single parent and afraid of my families reaction since we dnt believe in raising children as single parents.

[Yosii]

NicoleW09. Yes im just afraid of the fact that i will b facing this on my own. Sorry if i misunexplained myself bt i NEVER said i wanted to abort because of my ex. Ofcourse it aint even that !
Imdone12. I dnt consider abortion bcus no matter what the bby is still gona b there and i feel as if maybe in the future i might want to b involved in that kids life i wont b able to and abortion i wouldnt worry about it as much since the bby wnt b here. I wouldnt feel too good, idk how to explain myself bt i hope yu understand what im trying to say.

[Yosii]

NicoleW09. Yes im just afraid of the fact that i will b facing this on my own. Sorry if i misunexplained myself bt i NEVER said i wanted to abort because of my ex. Ofcourse it aint even that !
Imdone12. I dnt consider abortion bcus no matter what the bby is still gona b there and i feel as if maybe in the future i might want to b involved in that kids life i wont b able to and abortion i wouldnt worry about it as much since the bby wnt b here. I wouldnt feel too good, idk how to explain myself bt i hope yu understand what im trying to say.

[Imdone12]

Have you considered adoption? It's always an option. But regardless of what you do it is your Decesion to make and no one else's

[khawkins]

I do agree with NicoleW09 on this one.  Aborting a baby, so you will possibly have a future with your ex is not something that anyone should do.  

I truely believe that you need to talk someone other than a friend.  If you feel more comfortable talking to a Dr. I would suggest that.  They will be able to give you all the facts and information that you need to help you with questions that you might have to make a decision about your future.

If you do come to decision that you are going to go through with the abortion, it does need to be done before the 2nd trimester starts (wk 13).

Just know that no matter what your decision is you will always have support.  This is ultimately your choice and no one elses.  

[NicoleW09]

Abstinence is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. By having sex (even though you took proper steps to prevent or try to prevent pregnancy) you have placed yourself in this position.

If you feel as though you cannot provide a stable, loving environment for this child, I encourage you to look into adoption. I also encourage you to speak with your parents and be open and honest with them about everything.

Aborting a baby just because you're afraid that it will possibly hinder a hypothetical relationship with your ex isn't really a good enough reason, in my opinion.

If you don't want to speak with your parents right now, you need to speak to someone at planned parenthood who can point you in the right direction and help you figure out what's the best decision for you.

[Yosii]

Its a tough decision. If i hadnt used protection then i would admit why youre saying i placed my self in this. Whicht i actually did wore a condom and took the morning after pill the next day to b more on the safe side which apparantly didnt seem to work. Im so confused because i also still have hope for me and my first baby daddy to work things out nd i want to if possible have family with him. Im deeply in love with him and maybe this will affect a future relationship with him.

[Yosii]

I dont want much people to know. Ive already talked to my best friend but says just to keep it. Ive already been pregnant before bt had a still born and this time its my second and im only 17. I am not sure about growing to love the baby. Maybe it yet hasnt hit me that i have a growing life inside me untill i either see it through ultrasound or hear the heart beat . I may react differently. Yes ive spoken to the father and he says hes not ready and that hes not sure if its his or not. He said its up to me trying to mean if i wanted to have it i will have to figure it out on my own.

[Phoopibear]

Im not very good with this kind of thing, but if I were someone that you knew I would talk to someone close, that you can trust. If there isnt anyone that you trust I would go to a planned parenthood to figure things out. I personally frown apon abortion but if you think that it could be best for you then by all means. Its your life but you also need to realize that you've put yourself in this position to have to make this decision. Dont do anything out of spite. And remember that everything will be okay.