Aa
Pregnant and fiancee wants me to terminate
My head is in such a muddle. I have a beautiful one year old son and I just found out I was pregnant again yesterday. I am in utter shock I am worries I won't cope however I want to keep my baby. I told my fiancee last night and he point blank wants me to terminate he says we can't afford another baby and he doesn't want another one right now.
I do see his point we barely have enough money to survive as it is, we were on the verge of homelessness last month as my partner wasn't working so couldn't afford rent however he has just started a new job and whilst we have no spare money at all I still don't think it's a good enough reason to terminate my baby, I know it will be hard and I will literally not have a spare penny but I don't care I really don't want to terminate, I told my partner this and he is being sulky as he is saying I'm not listening to him so what's the point in him telling me how he feels, he barely wants to be around me and is ignoring me most of the time. He also said it's selfish to have another one as I won't be able to have proper one on one time with our son anymore.
Please ladies tell me honestly am I right to stick to my guns, is it silly to have another baby right now, what would you do in my position.
I do see his point we barely have enough money to survive as it is, we were on the verge of homelessness last month as my partner wasn't working so couldn't afford rent however he has just started a new job and whilst we have no spare money at all I still don't think it's a good enough reason to terminate my baby, I know it will be hard and I will literally not have a spare penny but I don't care I really don't want to terminate, I told my partner this and he is being sulky as he is saying I'm not listening to him so what's the point in him telling me how he feels, he barely wants to be around me and is ignoring me most of the time. He also said it's selfish to have another one as I won't be able to have proper one on one time with our son anymore.
Please ladies tell me honestly am I right to stick to my guns, is it silly to have another baby right now, what would you do in my position.
Good for you! Give him time and maybe as you get further along he will come around, if not screw him. He wasn't worried about having a second child while he was making it. I'm glad you have a support system which is one less reason for him to try and convince you to terminate. I know this is scary but women have been doing this for years without the help of a man. You can do this too!! I'll pray for you and your family.
Thank you all so much for your advice. We just had a big argument because I told him under no circumstance will I be having a termination, he is saying he will never be happy with this and he loves me and our son but he can't help how he feels. I said to him I understand but if you were so worried about having another baby then you should of been more careful concerning contraception. I spoke to my mum and sister and they said they will always be there to support me and they think everything will work out ok. I really really hope so, the tension between me and my fiancee right now is terrible! I just adore my son so much and knowing my unborn baby will chances are be very similar to.him and have exactly the same genetics it just makes the idea of having an abortion worse. I hate the thought that my partner isn't supporting me but I know myself and I know if he makes me have a termination I will never forgive him and I will always regret it. I feel very scared, I can't even say I'm really happy about being pregnant because right now I am still in total and utter shock but still I know I can't terminate. Xx
I'm going to talk to you like my BFF talked to me when I was in this situation: terminate the boyfriend.
Obviously I wasn't there when he was telling you to terminate, but from everything you listed it sounds like he is trying to reverse responsibility. (My response to him:) It takes two people to have a baby. If he didn't want to have a 2nd child, he should have used a condom and he should have ensured you were also using a Bc method. "You won't have enough time with your son." Are you kidding me?! Many families have more than one child, it's really not as theatrical as he's making it out to be. Sounds like an excuse. Having a child that's already been created is not selfish. In fact, it could be seen as selfish to terminate simply because it would make his life more of challenge.
My response to you: if you want the baby, have it. I'm sure you've been told, but there are programs available to help financially struggling families. TANF, Medicaid, SNAP, and WIC might be options for you. There are also a lot non profits that offer limited assistance if you're not comfortable going the gov route. It sounds like you are great mom to your son and you know what it takes to be selfless. I have no doubt you could be a mommy to 2. I also have no doubt that if you decide an abortion is the best option for you and feel 100% confident about your choice that you'll be strong enough to get through it. But do not have an abortion based on the idea that it will make your fiancé happy. Because over time you will grow to resent him for pushing you in a corner and making you do it. By the same token, you are running the risk of doing the same to him if you do have the baby. Although if it were me, I could never be with a man who demanded abortion. I'd rather him be mad at me than have an abortion.
Best of luck sweetie :)
Obviously I wasn't there when he was telling you to terminate, but from everything you listed it sounds like he is trying to reverse responsibility. (My response to him:) It takes two people to have a baby. If he didn't want to have a 2nd child, he should have used a condom and he should have ensured you were also using a Bc method. "You won't have enough time with your son." Are you kidding me?! Many families have more than one child, it's really not as theatrical as he's making it out to be. Sounds like an excuse. Having a child that's already been created is not selfish. In fact, it could be seen as selfish to terminate simply because it would make his life more of challenge.
My response to you: if you want the baby, have it. I'm sure you've been told, but there are programs available to help financially struggling families. TANF, Medicaid, SNAP, and WIC might be options for you. There are also a lot non profits that offer limited assistance if you're not comfortable going the gov route. It sounds like you are great mom to your son and you know what it takes to be selfless. I have no doubt you could be a mommy to 2. I also have no doubt that if you decide an abortion is the best option for you and feel 100% confident about your choice that you'll be strong enough to get through it. But do not have an abortion based on the idea that it will make your fiancé happy. Because over time you will grow to resent him for pushing you in a corner and making you do it. By the same token, you are running the risk of doing the same to him if you do have the baby. Although if it were me, I could never be with a man who demanded abortion. I'd rather him be mad at me than have an abortion.
Best of luck sweetie :)
If you do have an abortion and you don't want to you will regret it forever. I would stick to your guns on this one. We couldn't afford another baby either this time but we are managing.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Ahh, hon, I'm so sorry to hear this. Such a tough spot to be in. Women in this day and age, DO have choices and you really have to do what is best for you. Your fiancé's opinion does factor in as the father so you two have to figure out what you feel the best option is. It is very hard to raise a baby under certain conditions and understandable that ideas come into your head as to what ALL your options are. Same for him.
So, I'd think about things and maybe put pen to paper to decide. No one here can tell you as we aren't walking in your shoes.
So, your options include abortion. This is one that a woman picks that simply feels this is NOT the time to have a baby and any reason she has is her own and valid. No shame. This is your body and your life and an unplanned pregnancy can change the trajectory of our lives like nothing else. And you SHOULD have the ability to have some control over that. So, if being pregnant and having a baby is just not something you want to do right now, then consider termination. Clinics handle this or if you are early, your doctor can prescribe medication to take at home. Then when ready, you and your fiancé can have a baby when the timing is better. :>)
Another option is adoption. This can be a really a great thing. A couple that can't have a baby gets that opportunity. And you can go on with life and revisit starting a family at a better time. They have open adoptions these days where you can know the child or traditional closed adoptions. An adoption attorney is good to visit for this option at no cost (they look for birth mothers) or somewhere like Catholic Social Services can also help. You DO have to go through a pregnancy though which we all know isn't easy.
The last option is to keep the baby. This can be really hard under some circumstances, no doubt. Having lots of family support helps. It requires much sacrifice and hard work but many women do it. So, if this is your option you choose, you'll need to start putting together a plan.
Anyway, I'm happy to help in any way I can and talk about all of your options. good luck hon
So, I'd think about things and maybe put pen to paper to decide. No one here can tell you as we aren't walking in your shoes.
So, your options include abortion. This is one that a woman picks that simply feels this is NOT the time to have a baby and any reason she has is her own and valid. No shame. This is your body and your life and an unplanned pregnancy can change the trajectory of our lives like nothing else. And you SHOULD have the ability to have some control over that. So, if being pregnant and having a baby is just not something you want to do right now, then consider termination. Clinics handle this or if you are early, your doctor can prescribe medication to take at home. Then when ready, you and your fiancé can have a baby when the timing is better. :>)
Another option is adoption. This can be a really a great thing. A couple that can't have a baby gets that opportunity. And you can go on with life and revisit starting a family at a better time. They have open adoptions these days where you can know the child or traditional closed adoptions. An adoption attorney is good to visit for this option at no cost (they look for birth mothers) or somewhere like Catholic Social Services can also help. You DO have to go through a pregnancy though which we all know isn't easy.
The last option is to keep the baby. This can be really hard under some circumstances, no doubt. Having lots of family support helps. It requires much sacrifice and hard work but many women do it. So, if this is your option you choose, you'll need to start putting together a plan.
Anyway, I'm happy to help in any way I can and talk about all of your options. good luck hon
Keep it!!I was in a same boat as u...i got pregnant at 14 n had Her when i was 15....so then 2yrs pass n i got pregnant wit my 2nd child....i was flipping out girl i told my husband that i was pregnant he was in shock....we bearly had enough money to suport another baby to...so we and up having Her GOD GAVE US A ANGLE...GIRL we struggled alot wit my first child....so im 35wks having another girl!!
Adoption would help out a couple who can't have kids and really wants one. It would also help the baby have a good life, I can't imagine doing it myself, but it seems like that is what is best for everybody now. But it is your body, you do what is right for you.
You need to do some serious soul searching. It's your body so it's absolutely your choice and NOT your fiancés. I know your supposed to consider his feelings but in a situation like this you will be the one who has to live with this decision. I personally couldn't terminate but you do have the right to choose that for yourself. Also why is abortion the only alternative? What about adoption? I'm sorry your having to deal with this, you may need to reach out to someone professional who can talk options with you.
As a Christian point of view, I would keep it. Even if you don't keep it as a kid you may be able to put baby up for adoption. Some women can't have children and have several miscarriages. I say keep it but if really don't want it, look into adopting! Be blessed
You are reading content posted in the Women's Choice Community
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
Bumps in the genital area might be STDs, but are usually not serious.
Chlamydia, an STI, often has no symptoms, but must be treated.
From skin changes to weight loss to unusual bleeding, here are 15 cancer warning signs that women tend to ignore.
