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Unexpected Pregnant @ 42 and not happy!!!
I'm looking for opinions out there. Here's a summary of our issue:
1) told years ago that both my fallopian tubes were blocked, decided not to have IVF
2) came to accept we'd have no children and are perfectly fine with it
3) have been diagnosed with Anxiety and Panic Disorder, hospitalized 2X (1997 and 2006)
4) am 41 and husband is 44
5) went into hospital for really bad gastritis (past Tuesday) and found out I was close to 10 weeks preganant (still had my periods so no clue it happened)
My husband and I are happy with our life together as it is and don't feel that we need to have children. We both moved past it and are in a different state of mind and stage in our lives now. At first we were SHOCKED, wanting it to be a joke. Then, I was in bed depressed, crying and having anxiety since finding out. He is 60% in favour of aborting, I'm 70%.
We are still both having thoughts about it and doubts, but keep coming back to the same conclusion to abort. We wish we could be happy about the preganancy, but we're not.
I keep reading on the internet of all the wonderful things about having children, but I don't believe it's all positive. I think there's pros and cons to everything - it's just a different life. We're also concerned with passing mental illness down, as it runs in both our families too.
The problem is that neither of us are 100% and it would make the decision to abort that much easier. Looking for help in working this through. Never thought we'd ever be in this situation. One hell of a dilemma!
1) told years ago that both my fallopian tubes were blocked, decided not to have IVF
2) came to accept we'd have no children and are perfectly fine with it
3) have been diagnosed with Anxiety and Panic Disorder, hospitalized 2X (1997 and 2006)
4) am 41 and husband is 44
5) went into hospital for really bad gastritis (past Tuesday) and found out I was close to 10 weeks preganant (still had my periods so no clue it happened)
My husband and I are happy with our life together as it is and don't feel that we need to have children. We both moved past it and are in a different state of mind and stage in our lives now. At first we were SHOCKED, wanting it to be a joke. Then, I was in bed depressed, crying and having anxiety since finding out. He is 60% in favour of aborting, I'm 70%.
We are still both having thoughts about it and doubts, but keep coming back to the same conclusion to abort. We wish we could be happy about the preganancy, but we're not.
I keep reading on the internet of all the wonderful things about having children, but I don't believe it's all positive. I think there's pros and cons to everything - it's just a different life. We're also concerned with passing mental illness down, as it runs in both our families too.
The problem is that neither of us are 100% and it would make the decision to abort that much easier. Looking for help in working this through. Never thought we'd ever be in this situation. One hell of a dilemma!
COMMUNITY LEADER
i there. Well, this is a very personal decision and one that no one can tell you what is right or wrong. You are an adult woman with a life and should do what is best for you.
I was an 'older' mom with boys born to me when I was 38 and 39. I was trying and wanted them but know that having a baby older does often come with changes and risks that we don't expect. Yes, it changed my life dramatically. No longer do I work and I was a career woman. No longer do I travel and I used to go on killer vacations. No longer do I rush off and just do what I want. Rats, I never get to sleep in either. Lots of little inconveniences that came with kids. Lots of wonderful things too---- the look in my sons eyes when they say "i love you". It is the most pure love I've ever had. The joy as I teach them something new. The laughter and joy that fills the house over little things like decorating Christmas cookies to planting seeds in the garden. It's lively and fun and chaotic and tiring.
Not for everyone, definately.
So, make your list of pros and cons. One thing that does come to my mind is that there is often a bit of sadness to termination and knowing this is probably your one and only opportunity to have a child--- you may end up being sadder than you think after. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it but i'd be prepared for some sadness and regret down the road as that would be pretty natural for most women.
Lots of luck to you and no one here should ever judge you. This is a choice women in our country have to make the best decision for themselves and I wish you luck figuring out what that means for you. good luck
I was an 'older' mom with boys born to me when I was 38 and 39. I was trying and wanted them but know that having a baby older does often come with changes and risks that we don't expect. Yes, it changed my life dramatically. No longer do I work and I was a career woman. No longer do I travel and I used to go on killer vacations. No longer do I rush off and just do what I want. Rats, I never get to sleep in either. Lots of little inconveniences that came with kids. Lots of wonderful things too---- the look in my sons eyes when they say "i love you". It is the most pure love I've ever had. The joy as I teach them something new. The laughter and joy that fills the house over little things like decorating Christmas cookies to planting seeds in the garden. It's lively and fun and chaotic and tiring.
Not for everyone, definately.
So, make your list of pros and cons. One thing that does come to my mind is that there is often a bit of sadness to termination and knowing this is probably your one and only opportunity to have a child--- you may end up being sadder than you think after. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it but i'd be prepared for some sadness and regret down the road as that would be pretty natural for most women.
Lots of luck to you and no one here should ever judge you. This is a choice women in our country have to make the best decision for themselves and I wish you luck figuring out what that means for you. good luck
I am so irritated, I just wrote this really long, meaningful post and it closed out on me. :( So anyways i'll make this short.; I am pregnant and going through issues as well, (18, single mom, severe depression, SAD and addiction to self harm.) I was considering abortion as well, but can't personally go through with it. In your case, it truly sounds like this is a miracle baby. You will probably never get this opportunity again, so I'm not telling you what to do as it is a personal choice. I am just saying think hard before you decide because once its done its done, there is no turning back. Also I'm not really a religious person, but sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe this is exactly why we got pregnant at the times that we did. This could be our little blessing. Yeah I agree there are pros and cons to everything. But like I said, just try not to rush into a decision that you may regret later. Best of luck to both of you.
God bless with what ever u do but I wish every day that it was me I raised 6 of my sisters kids now I'm to old to have my own but I wish it was me god bless u
God bless with what ever u do but I wish every day that it was me I raised 6 of my sisters kids now I'm to old to have my own but I wish it was me god bless u
I think you should really speak with your Dr. Sounds like you need more help than what strangers can offer. Please speak to someone at once. Reach out for help from your spouse, family and friends.
Sometimes the best things in our lives don't turn out the way we planned. Good luck what ever you decide, I know it is a personal and emotional choice.
As already mentioned it does sound like a miracle baby. You & hubby have moved on in life but in the future you might look back & say "what if..." one child is not a problem, age can be a factor but there are plenty ladies who have healthy babies in their 40s & medical technology is always improving.
B4 you decide abortion think of fostering/adoption as there are unfortunately many couples who would die to be in your shoes right now
B4 you decide abortion think of fostering/adoption as there are unfortunately many couples who would die to be in your shoes right now
Your post made me sad. :( Instead of feeling blessed, you feel like you are going through "one hell of a dilemma." Given your age and previous fertility issues, this pregnancy is a miracle and should be cherished. God works in mysterious ways. When you think you no longer want a child and are happy with your life right now, that is when a baby will come to further enrich it.
I am 37 and fought infertility for 5 years. I had IVF only to miscarry at 8-9 weeks. Attempted adoption, but the adoption ultimately failed. Went back to fertility treatment and due to the high cost of IVF, husband and I decided to give IUI a shot. I got pregnant with twins, but miscarried one at 7-8 weeks. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with the surviving twin and praying everyday for a healthy and full term pregnancy. Many women over 35 have a hard time getting pregnant and/or maintaining the pregnancy and would do anything to have that one chance of becoming a mom. There is a higher chance of miscarriage(s) and having chromosome issues (ie. down syndrome) for women 35+, so no need to abort. This may be your only chance to be a mom. Wait til you are out of the first trimester when miscarriage rates go down. if your baby sticks and is healthy, you'll know that it is meant to be. Good luck and I hope your make the right decision for your family.
I am 37 and fought infertility for 5 years. I had IVF only to miscarry at 8-9 weeks. Attempted adoption, but the adoption ultimately failed. Went back to fertility treatment and due to the high cost of IVF, husband and I decided to give IUI a shot. I got pregnant with twins, but miscarried one at 7-8 weeks. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with the surviving twin and praying everyday for a healthy and full term pregnancy. Many women over 35 have a hard time getting pregnant and/or maintaining the pregnancy and would do anything to have that one chance of becoming a mom. There is a higher chance of miscarriage(s) and having chromosome issues (ie. down syndrome) for women 35+, so no need to abort. This may be your only chance to be a mom. Wait til you are out of the first trimester when miscarriage rates go down. if your baby sticks and is healthy, you'll know that it is meant to be. Good luck and I hope your make the right decision for your family.
I knw tht this is your decision and I'm not here to.cast judgement but I think you shouldn't abort at least consider adoption bc you never knw the reason why you were given this blessing its so many women on here that would love to be in your place I say pray about it and be blessed!!
I am 23 and one day left til my due date. This is by far the best thing besides meeting my husband in my entire life. Having a child is a blessing and I understand it is not for everyone but that is why they have adoption. There are people that would die to be parents and people that get abortions are not only taking away an innocent life but taking some couples dream of being parents away. That baby didn't ask to be made n then denied the oppurtunity of life n it should not be anyone's decision but gods to take it away. You and your husband are obviously going to do whatever you want but I think you should think it through and if you really don't want the baby look into adoption because taking a life away is not something that is easy to live with. I know I couldn't live with myself if I took away a baby's chance at life.
Why don't you take a little more time to think about it? There are states where abortion is legal until almost 20 weeks if needed.
I had my son at 41 (I wanted a child very badly), my husband was 47 - first and only child for us. It is not always easy, I agree, he is 2.5... But I am so happy he is in our lives! He brings us a lot of joy every day, it's so nice to see him grow.
Don't rush ino a deision you may regret later: this is very certainly your only chance to be a mom.
I had my son at 41 (I wanted a child very badly), my husband was 47 - first and only child for us. It is not always easy, I agree, he is 2.5... But I am so happy he is in our lives! He brings us a lot of joy every day, it's so nice to see him grow.
Don't rush ino a deision you may regret later: this is very certainly your only chance to be a mom.
I am 40 and will be 41 when my baby is born. My husband will be 48 and this is our first. We were told 11 years ago I didn't ovulate and couldnt have babies. We came to terms with it. But we decided 3 years ago to try Clomid and here we are. I look at it as this is our miracle baby! We know it isn't always going to be easy as we are older and both have some health issues. But we will work thru it. I also have depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder in my family, but I am not worried, whatever will be will be. We will deal with it, if need be.
Don't rush into a decision. Take some time to think about it. Weigh the pros and cons. It sounds to me like this baby you are pregnant with is a little miracle. With both tubes being blocked... You don't want to rush and have regrets. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor about your feelings?
If you decide you don't want to keep the baby, you could always look at giving it up for adoption. There are a lot of people out there that can't have babies, that would love to hAve one. Only you and your husband can decide what is th best choice for you and baby.
Don't rush into a decision. Take some time to think about it. Weigh the pros and cons. It sounds to me like this baby you are pregnant with is a little miracle. With both tubes being blocked... You don't want to rush and have regrets. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor about your feelings?
If you decide you don't want to keep the baby, you could always look at giving it up for adoption. There are a lot of people out there that can't have babies, that would love to hAve one. Only you and your husband can decide what is th best choice for you and baby.
Do you believe in God? If so don't you think getting pregnant at your age and w all your complications that's it's a miracle n a gift from
god? If you don't believe in God them I really don't think
It's a coincidence.
god? If you don't believe in God them I really don't think
It's a coincidence.
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