contemplating Abortion :(

[lizpregnant]

Hello.

please do not judge me or write ugly things but I am unexpectedly pregnant after being on birth control for years. The father of the chilf is my ex boyfriend of 3yrs that we began sleeping with each other again.

I am 5 weeks pregnant and found out at 4weeks. I am contemplating abortion bc I was the product of a single parent home and never wanted to bting a child into the same struggle. My ex wants an abortion and sadly I honestly do not know what it is that I want. I never thought about having a baby but now that I am pregnant the connrction I feel is unexplainable.

Although you all are strangers,  I'd really like to know what are the reasons you are keeping your baby?!

[Chima7]

I've been really lucky to not find myself in this situation before. So that's why I truly honestly don't know what I would do. Every individual's situation is so unique that I don't think it's possible to have a one size fits all answer as to what to do. I wish I could tell you the right path to take but ultimately, only you know your life well enough to know what the best option is for your situation. Do some research on each option, to see what each option entails. Consider them all, and truly think about the pros and cons of each one before you decide. Write out down so you can have a visual of what each option would mean for you. I'm sure that in the end you'll make the right choice for you.  

[specialmom]

I can't imagine becoming a mom at 15 as you have.  That must be very hard.  I hope you have strong support from your parents to help you sweetie.  parenthood is very hard and at such a young age before you've even established yourself as an adult----  I'm sure you're going through a lot.  

[specialmom]

This is a forum for support and we sill support you with whatever decision you make!  I understand how hard it can be and I do wish you all the best in figuring this out.  

I think it helps to sit down and write out your options.  You are very right, single parenthood is hard on all including the child.  But many moms do this and make it work.  If you can provide a happy, stable home for your child on your own and wish to undertake the task of parenting yourself, then I'm sure you can make this work.  You do know the pain of this situation from your childhood.  But I'm sure there was much joy too.  If you can figure out the logistics of it in part of the pros and cons list, that might help such as if you have a family member to watch the child from time to time, where you'd do daycare so you can work and if you'd have enough to pay for this, etc.  The practical things that go into having a child must be considered.  

If you choose to give the baby up for adoption, this can be win win for all.  A couple that can't have a baby of their own get this valuable, wonderful gift from you and then you can go on and have a child when you are in a better position to do so.  However, you do have to go through a pregnancy for this option.  

And abortion is another option.  This can be a good one if all things point to having a child being too much to handle.  Then you can have a child in the future when there isn't this stress surrounding it.  

I do wish you the very best in your decision.  peace

[specialmom]

I planned my children and must be honest, it was far harder to be a mother than I ever imagined.  I think that for each woman it is different.  I love my kids dearly but will say that they are an immense amount of work, very expensive, and consume all of my time.  But as they are completely dependent on you, that is what they are supposed to do.  I don't fault them for that.  But I do encourage all women to not enter into motherhood lightly.  

One must always look into what option is best for them.  If one has the wish to terminate, thank goodness it is a legal and viable option.  If one chooses to put the baby to be up for adoption, that can be a beautiful thing.  And if someone chooses to keep the baby, it can work out even if it is had.  

there is no judgment or right or wrong answer as to what to do.  Every woman must make the right choice for them.  Luck to all making this decision.  

[janecanal]

My dear! I know its not an easy for you and I don't know if my comment is coming late! But I know there is a joy that goes with motherhood, my ist baby was not planned but am happy I have him!it really a wonderful feeling your ex might want an abortion now but if you keep it later he will be so happy you did, some people can't conceive and some don't have womb

[XXkaylaXX]

Talk to a doctor and parenthood clinics to help you decide what you want. Also, you shouldn't have an abortion if someone pressuring you. Have a abortion if you want to. I know it isn't a easy choice but it's your choice.

Good luck.

[lizpregnant]

I really appreciate your feedback. I am definitely feeling the opinion of frightened loved ones and it makes it that much harder for me. Ultimately hard being the father is really wanting an abortion yet still being supportive through it all. I am grateful for that but nothing like being pregnant for a man that don't want to keep his child and the mother wasn't expecting it either with no decision as to keep or terminate ...

[lizpregnant]

Thank you for the wise words sincerely! Yes, using birth control for years seemed to be working so well. I am still in shock and will be seeking a different method over the pill after the choices are made with this pregnancy. It just has to be a wise decision on my part that I am aware of but it is HARD to make. My ex wants an abortion, and my dad suggests adoption. I am not going to be strong mentally to give the baby up for adoption after carrying it during those months.

I just really want to be fair to my child in  the future and provide a stable home with a husband. I never in life imagined being a baby mother :(

[lizpregnant]

I have given thought to adoption, but scared that the attachment while pregnant would be too strong to let go after delivering for me. You are truly a strong woman and one to be commended for keeping in contact with your child. Congratulations on your children and husband. Im not saying having a husband makes things easier, but it sure feels better I am sure!

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm thinking of you and hoping you find your way.  Everyone has the right to make this decision without an overlay of politics, religious shaming, or pressure from opinionated (or frightened) loved ones.  It's my experience that most people find a way to a decision that they are not sorry they made including women who have done all three (abortion, adoption, keeping the child) even though none of these choices is easy and none of the roads taken would be said to be a cinch.

[Sar0817]

This is such a touchy subject for many people to comment on without their feelings of what is right and wrong in their eyes. I will do my best to not let my feelings of abortion cloud my comment. The fact that you were utilizing birth control is commendable considering many people use nothing and then find out their pregnant and wonder how?! Second, if you don't knkw what you want then take some time to figure it out. Rushing into an abortion just because your ex wants it will leave you feeling even worse. The bond a mother and child feels IS unexplainable. Explore all options. The option of adoption is a fantastic one if you could manage throughout a pregnancy and that connection you'll always have with the child.  Of course you will have to get your ex to agree considering it is his child as well. You have time to think things through and discuss your options with someone you trust. Good luck with your decision either way.

You asked WHY we kept our baby.... well my first was planned with my husband. This one isn't planned but we both wanted or son to have a sibling

[jbusta1222]

I didn't have a very good childhood so when I became pregnant with my first at a young age there was no question that I would have the baby and give it up for adoption. He is now 9 its an open adoption so we have a relationship and he is such a happy boy. I've since gotten married and had 1 with 1 on the way and I wouldn't change it for the world. He has more than I ever could have given him and I'm not talking financially.