Aa
opinions on being so in love
so i am so in love with my ex. he broke up with me 3weeks ago. Im six weeks prego. i found out a couple of days before we broke up. but i wanted to make sure i was i took three test.all postive but i had to get proof for him. i knew he was not gunna be happy about it. so we talked about it.he doesn't want another kid atm.he has two that r in fostercare. he is working on getting them back. but he doesn't think we could afford a kid. so we decided to try to find money for a abortion. idk he says he will find the money.but in doing all this for him.he agreed we will get back together in 3 months when he should get his kids back. n he is gunna buy me a promise ring. n in a few years we r gunna try for a kid. im 21 n i live at home n my mom doesnt know im prego.
We want to support you no matter what you decide to do. It's what this forum is all about, support.
thank u again specialmom. that no one knows him but me. its pretty sad that no one can try to understand where im coming from.most of you may think he is lying but really he is not. n he is tryin to do what is best. he is gunna pay for it n be there with me. also like ive said he has left the choice to me. but specialmom again thanks for ur support
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, we can't accuse someone of lying. We don't even know him. he's saying that he can't afford to take care of a baby, he wants to put his resources and energy into the children he already has and she also can't afford a baby. That's not lying but pretty honest.
Wishing the poster luck with this decision.
Wishing the poster luck with this decision.
I'm not trying to be mean but he's lying to you just so u will have an abortion...he doesn't going to get back with you and get you a ring or any of that...he's saying whatever just to get you to do what he wants.
well thank you
I'm sorry, I must have commented right before you made your last post. I see you've made a decision. Yes, it's a very difficult decision to make.
We're here to support you in anyway we can.
We're here to support you in anyway we can.
I'm so glad Specialmom got on here to give you advice!
Can I ask you this question? If your boyfriend did not want any more children right now then why didn't he use condoms or make sure you were on birth control? This is half his responsibility no matter what you decide to do. Unfortunately it almost never being a 50/50/ situation if you keep the baby. You're the one who has to go through the pregnancy, birth, taking care of the baby, having money for the baby. He can just walk away, that's a fact and it happens all the time. Yes, you can go for child support but you may never get it.
I would recommend not thinking about what you or your boyfriend wants right now. Think about what kind of life you can give a baby on your own. Is this something you can do? Do you have a good job and money in the bank, who will babysit while you work? I see that you're living with your mom right now so you aren't out on your own yet. I have to be honest and say that it is not up to your mom to help raise another child. She did not ask for this.
I know this is so overwhelming. Only you can make the decision. Please know that we're here to listen and support you with whatever decision you make. This is your life, not ours so we have no right to tell you not to do this, or, to do this. Only to tell you what reality truly is because many of us already have children and know it is the hardest job you will ever have.
Can I ask you this question? If your boyfriend did not want any more children right now then why didn't he use condoms or make sure you were on birth control? This is half his responsibility no matter what you decide to do. Unfortunately it almost never being a 50/50/ situation if you keep the baby. You're the one who has to go through the pregnancy, birth, taking care of the baby, having money for the baby. He can just walk away, that's a fact and it happens all the time. Yes, you can go for child support but you may never get it.
I would recommend not thinking about what you or your boyfriend wants right now. Think about what kind of life you can give a baby on your own. Is this something you can do? Do you have a good job and money in the bank, who will babysit while you work? I see that you're living with your mom right now so you aren't out on your own yet. I have to be honest and say that it is not up to your mom to help raise another child. She did not ask for this.
I know this is so overwhelming. Only you can make the decision. Please know that we're here to listen and support you with whatever decision you make. This is your life, not ours so we have no right to tell you not to do this, or, to do this. Only to tell you what reality truly is because many of us already have children and know it is the hardest job you will ever have.
thank you again. Im already planning on to get a tattoo in memory of our kid. I know this is the best choice. n yes its not a easy dession but its not somethin im proud of but im gunna have that be with me forever.hugs
COMMUNITY LEADER
That's hard sweetie. To be honest, he makes some valid points. but this has to be what you are okay with. I will say that many women have abortions and go on to have a family when the timing is better without a hitch. This isn't your one shot at having a child. But abortion isn't for everyone. So, you have to really dig deep and make the most practical and honest choice for yourself. peace and hugs. here if you need any support or help!
specialmom thanks for ur advice.he has told me its my choice. he will be there for me so im not alone gettin a abortion. but if i had it he go to some of the appointments n be in the room when our kid would be born.but I got to see where he is coming from.like he told me we cant support a kid. n it would make it harder for him to get his kids back. n the fact he isn't ready for another. n money wise i couldnt take care of our kid by myself
COMMUNITY LEADER
BTW, social services most definitely puts into place various criteria for 'getting a child back'. Once the action is taken of removing a child to foster care depending on the area, they are reluctant to easily place kids back with the bio parents. They have criteria that must be completed and stipulations to returning a child. And if he is in the midst of a court battle, that can possibly not 'look' great to have a pregnant girlfriend when he is trying to prove he can take care of his existing children. Frankly, I'm happy he cares enough to fight for his kids to be returned to him.
He can not tell you to abort though. he can tell you he is not going to be involved and YOU would have to take him to court for child support but he has the right to choose not to be in your kid's life. Sad but true.
He can not tell you to abort though. he can tell you he is not going to be involved and YOU would have to take him to court for child support but he has the right to choose not to be in your kid's life. Sad but true.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi. Well, abortion is an option when it really isn't a good time to have a baby. He is honest with you that he doesn't want another child. He has TWO already that he's lost and it's a heck of a lot of work to get kids back once removed. he KNOWS what it can be like and how hard it is. He doesn't want to do it. He sounds practical.
That doesn't mean you have to have an abortion if you don't want to but you MUST think very clearly about this. He's telling you he doesn't want to be involved. So, you'll be a single mom. Are you capable of raising a child alone? I'm sure you can, that's not what I mean---- but do you want to and are you willing to do the work and make all the sacrifices in order to raise this child?? Will your mom help you? Do you work and support yourself now (as in pay rent to your mom?) Are you wiling to give up a huge chunk of your social life as babies are 24/7. I always say that nothing makes you grow up as fast as having a child. Can you continue college or job training to get yourself in a better place to take care of your child and yourself? I know lots of encourage assistance ad that is there to help for sure but shouldn't be a lifestyle choice in my opinion. You have to have a BIG picture plan.
So, abortion offers the opportunity to walk away from this.
But so does adoption. That is another wonderful option in which everyone wins. A couple gets the opportunity to have a baby they can't on their own and you are able to be free of the responsibility. They even have open adoptions these days so you could still know the child. But you do have to carry the baby to term.
And yes, you can keep the baby. I would talk to your mom about this and make sure she'll help. You are 21 and still at home and therefore, need to talk to her about brining another life into her house to support. If you set your mind to doing it, I'm sure you will be able to raise the baby. It's hard,I won't lie. But plenty of young woman are alone raising babies.
So think about what is best for you sweetie and make the best choice. good luck
PS: check clinics such as planned parenthood. Abortion is meant to be affordable so that anyone who wants one can have one. They often will use a sliding fee scale and the cost can be very little so check around at options regarding this if you go this route. al the best, it's not an easy decision.
That doesn't mean you have to have an abortion if you don't want to but you MUST think very clearly about this. He's telling you he doesn't want to be involved. So, you'll be a single mom. Are you capable of raising a child alone? I'm sure you can, that's not what I mean---- but do you want to and are you willing to do the work and make all the sacrifices in order to raise this child?? Will your mom help you? Do you work and support yourself now (as in pay rent to your mom?) Are you wiling to give up a huge chunk of your social life as babies are 24/7. I always say that nothing makes you grow up as fast as having a child. Can you continue college or job training to get yourself in a better place to take care of your child and yourself? I know lots of encourage assistance ad that is there to help for sure but shouldn't be a lifestyle choice in my opinion. You have to have a BIG picture plan.
So, abortion offers the opportunity to walk away from this.
But so does adoption. That is another wonderful option in which everyone wins. A couple gets the opportunity to have a baby they can't on their own and you are able to be free of the responsibility. They even have open adoptions these days so you could still know the child. But you do have to carry the baby to term.
And yes, you can keep the baby. I would talk to your mom about this and make sure she'll help. You are 21 and still at home and therefore, need to talk to her about brining another life into her house to support. If you set your mind to doing it, I'm sure you will be able to raise the baby. It's hard,I won't lie. But plenty of young woman are alone raising babies.
So think about what is best for you sweetie and make the best choice. good luck
PS: check clinics such as planned parenthood. Abortion is meant to be affordable so that anyone who wants one can have one. They often will use a sliding fee scale and the cost can be very little so check around at options regarding this if you go this route. al the best, it's not an easy decision.
Dont get worked up! Youre not making any sense. Sometimes talking about things like this online may come off as people being mean. I truely think if you had a face to face conversation with any of these women you would see how much they are just trying to help and not attack.
Did the social worker tell you that? Is there a written record? At this point, the children are confused that they will even,go back to the father. But anyways, no matter the circumstances, he cannot tell you to abort for any reason at all, like he said. .. he'll want to be with you later on then there should be no problem to have your baby. Excpet like you said money... in that case put th baby up for adoption.. honestly what is on YOUR mind.. I want to know ehat you think, and,what you think you should do?
did i just not say the courts dont care if he dates. he can date. but like i said the r controlling his life. n i can't see his kids cuz like i said the court only will let th
Hes got you believing what you want and honestly i dont think anyone will say anything that you truely wanna hear cause at this point right now your being blinded by love. But these ladies are right the court will not keep him having a dating life even if the childrens mother dont want them.
and no the courts didnt say he cant date. its to were they r controlling his life.
actually yes the courts can. they control who can be around the kids. n they don't want no one around the kids but family. n to the person trying to be a social worker nothing against u yourself but the social worker who he has is wat caused us not to be together at this moment in time. Cuz the social worker n parenting couch n court think it is confusing to the kids when there mom doesnt want nothing to do with them. n those kids love me. n he loves me to its not like the abortion is something he wants. But its the best choice
^exactly
The court has made him break up with you??? Lmfao
My bd is fighting for his 4 yr old daughter back cuz his ex wont let him see her, probably because shes jealous of me...
But the courts WILL NOT say "oh if u have a gf, we wont give you your kid back"...
Thats absolutely ridiculous.
Wake up, hes *** you.
Youre gonna do what youre gonna do, but youre gonna regret if/when that dude gets his kids back &you see him playing w/ them & youre just sitting there thinking bout the baby you killed just so he'd stay w/ you..
If he loved you, he'd want you & this new baby.
No matter what other nonsense is going on in his life.
My bd is fighting for his 4 yr old daughter back cuz his ex wont let him see her, probably because shes jealous of me...
But the courts WILL NOT say "oh if u have a gf, we wont give you your kid back"...
Thats absolutely ridiculous.
Wake up, hes *** you.
Youre gonna do what youre gonna do, but youre gonna regret if/when that dude gets his kids back &you see him playing w/ them & youre just sitting there thinking bout the baby you killed just so he'd stay w/ you..
If he loved you, he'd want you & this new baby.
No matter what other nonsense is going on in his life.
She's completely in love. So she's willing to do anything for him & he's just saying what she wants to hear so she doesn't give him another responsibility. But hey if he's as great & amazing as you say he is, then goodluck to you & I hope you don't regret getting rid of your little one at the end.
Listen sweetie, the courts CANNOT dictate you being around him during this time of his life. If you are not a felon w/ convictions of child abuse of some sort they won't even bother you. Sweetheart he does does want to be bothered with you, as simple as that. By having the baby wont keep him around either. He knew what he was doing while he was havung sex with you, you can ask for so much advice but you will have to learn for yourself, like a lot of us women had to. Never let a man determine what you do with your body. Just because he penetrates you and it may be good, you always, always stay in control of yourself and feelings.
No relationship is worth the life of a child. The only reason i can think of that you would even ask a group if pregnant women this is to have them talk you out of it. Some woman try for years to experience what this man wants you to throw away. I had my first child at 18, had no money and i was so lost. Im now on my third. I am in school to be a social worker and i have a job working with kids. When i was pregnant i had a loser boyfriend who tried to marry me and I dumped him and never looked back. Im not telling you to keep the baby but dont expect a different answer or an approval from women who are so in love with their little babies they are creating. Adoption is a fantastic alternative to abortion because so many mothers want babies and cannot have one of their own.
Uhm someone,who loves you wouldn't decide for you but find a way to make everything works. If he put his first children on foster care what makes you think he is actually caring? Yeah he's trying to get them back but he's not thinking of his unborn son or daughter,which basically to me just shuts you out his life . He's not caring for this baby.. I actually would be devastated he would not even try and tell me to get an abortion... I feel like he's lying.. if he wanted to do things with you he'd do it not just tell u.
. That's my opinion though. You choose whatever you like.
. That's my opinion though. You choose whatever you like.
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