Am I the only one who is tired about hearing about God? There are so many horrible things happening in this world, and all anybody can say to try and comfort me in my miscarriage is "God Bless you" " I hope god comforts you", "God works in Mysterioius ways" "God has his reasons". I"m really ANGRY at God right now, and I question if there is even a God since if there was, why would he continue to let all the evil and bad things happen in this world? I'm angry at the world right now and I really am tired of hearing about God did this for me for a reason. I can only say, I've never been filled with so much anger before. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I have no comfort in God right now.
People who have never had MC do not know what to say. They don't know how to make you feel better. I had to learn to ignore their silly or even hurtful comments. I had a friend, (a close friend actually) tell me she knew how I felt because her dog got ran over the same week I MC. Just hang in there. I know it gets better slowly.
I felt the same way after my m/c. It makes you wonder why he makes things like this happen to you and then there are women out there that sleep with every man that comes there way and they get preggo and dont know which guy is the father. Or you have scumbags that can have like 30 kids with no problem. Then you have us that has a warm, caring home and wants a baby so badly and then he takes it away from US!! I just dont understand it! I know exactly how you feel. Im so sorry you are angry...but truth be told, things do happen for a reason, one which you will never understand. I never really believed that until I had my 1st m/c. Then I had my 2nd one and thought ok, is he testing me? What the h*ll is going on?!? It makes you think for sure. YOU ARE DEF. NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT FEELS THAT WAY!!!! It will get better with time. I know it took me ALOT longer to accept my last m/c than it did my 1st one. I think its because the 1st time we werent "trying" to get preggo and the last time we were. You will never understand gods reasonings but I wish sometimes we could!! Good luck and I hope you feel better!!
hi hun. Im sorry for your loss. I just had a natural m/c last weekend and i know what it's like to be mad at God. But that is not the way to the cross. The reason so many women may turn to God is because when something like this happpens is because who else can you turn too. Only one person can give you life, hun. I know your hurting but the tongue is deadly and a wise person watches what they say. I posted a while a ago about why things tend to happen and what God may be doing. I used a silversmith as an example and askes does anyone know how silver is purified? A silversmith will hold it over fire untill his reflection is in it, he then knows it's purified. God does the same thing. For what ever reason, you were put in that fire for a reason, by loosing a child, maby to see if his reflection will be visible in you. And untill it is you may continue to burn and feel anger. My intention is not to preach, i too lost my child and it still hurts but how can you move on if you hold onto the past. Count you blessings and dont hold this against God. No one know why we miscarry. The child that you lost could have had something terribly wrong and maby God didnt want to put that on you, so he took it back. You never know what it could have been. but God never sleeps and he knows how you are feeling and what you are saying. I will pray for u. I know you may not want to hear that but that the only thing that kept me sane, and hopefully it will work for u. im sorry for your loss, Bye
I hope that I didn't affend you. That was not my intentions. I have been your shoes. I got mad at God as well, it doesn't seem fair, but when I finally relied on him and realized that I would see that child again someday, it just made coping with it easier. I am sorry if you felt I didn't mean what I said. I do understand what you are going through.
I found out I was pg in Jan. I was so excited. I was 5 wks at that time. I went through 3 wks thinking everything was fine. I had no signs of losing my baby. I went in for my 8 wks app. and the sono revealed that my baby was only 6 wks in size, but there was a strong heart beat. I was told to come back in a week later for another sono. I went that whole next week convincing myself that everything would be fine. I went into that next app. with to much expectations only to discover that my baby had died. I had a D&C 2 days later. So again I apologized if I affended you, because I know what you are going through.
I am not a real religious person but believe all bad things can't be thrown upon "GOD" I believe in good and evil forces. Both forces have been estiblished since the beginning of time. Why do people blame everything on "God"? There are evil forces out there at work too to test us all. Hummm, just a thought.
In the bible it is called "trials and tibulations"..... What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger! I have questioned why plenty of times but I know that there is a reason and that is all I need to know! I don't need to question his decisions! I just need to live the life he blessed me with and if I sin, ask him for forgiveness! I have faith that he knows what he is doing! I look to him when it hurts! I know it is hard to understand! I hope that you will one day and I pray that he will bless you!
hey girl, I havent heard from you in a while! I see your still doing well. Im glad you posted that cause im not ashamed either to announce how God can heal. You have a way with words! There truly needs to be more women like you on this forum. I almost got offended by the post, but who am i to judge. keep doing what your doing, you might really touch someone the way your words have touched me. I've said this before on here ladies just trust in it....HE MAY NOT COME WHEN YOU WANT IT, BUT HE ALWAYS ON TIME!! Bye
I too have had trouble talking DH into adoption. So we will be happy with our DD that we have if that is GOD's plan.
You are soooo young....no worries about adoption yet and I'm certain GOD will bless you in HIS time. Just look at your pastor and his wife....GOD really does pull through for you if you place your FAITH in him and stop trying to do everything our way and in our time.
I hope to hear that you will be blessed soon...stay faithful and I know you will.
FAITH IS NOT BELIEVING THAT GOD CAN, IT'S KNOWING THAT HE WILL
Apologies if you thought that I meant the ladies on this site do not understand. They absolutely do. It's just in my "real world away from the internet" I am running into people who have no idea. A lot of people who have never had a MC seem to think you will just chalk up the MC to bad luck and get on with your life. I simply wanted soworried to know she is not alone.
Hey there - I do know how you feel. Just last night I told DH that God must not like me - why else is he doing this to me? DH's best friend has been married for 4 months and just found out they are 3 months pg. We have been married for 2 1/2 years and have had 2 m/c - no healthy pg. I was reading an article about a family that had, I think, 10 kids. They said that the bible says that God opens and closes the womb when he decides to,not us. And that he encourages lots of children. So then why am I childless?? It doesn't make sense to me and I get so angry. But truth be told - without my faith and the fact that I keep going back to God after every terrible moment in my life - I wouldn't be able to get through this. Maybe he just wants me to treasure my child even more, when I finally am able to conceive. I really don't know. It has been even harder for me lately, because I had a good friend that committed suicide last month. Yes, again, I asked why - why would he let this happen?? I don't think that we will ever really understand, we just have to believe that he will do what is best for us - that's faith I guess. Good luck to you - I hope that things start looking up for you soon!
I'm sorry if we offend you for taking comfort in our maker at this time or hoping and praying that HE comforts you.
I have had 3 M/C this year...so as for specialteacher's comment...I HAVE been there....3 TIMES IN 7 MONTHS I MIGHT ADD..and you know what my FAITH and LOVE in the LORD pulled me through.
I don't have trouble conceiving but my babies keep dying....yes it's hard, the worst thing a mother can go through but believe me GOD did not do it....Man has free will...there is also evil in this world...not all good. Man brought sin to this world...so there is pain and heartache.
I have love and faith in my GOD...but you can't say I'm not hurt or angry or saddened over my babies death just because I take comfort in my GOD....that would a slap in my face as to how much I loved my babies....
I'm sorry if our 'GOD BLESS You's' bother you. but I won't stop because I'm not ashamed of how I feel or how I KNOW GOD can help you heal.
Not only have I lost 3 babies this year but I lost 3 grandparents and have been diagnosed with early cervical cancer...and my 2 yr old daughter was burned badly and was in a burn unit after surgery for 5 days due to being scalded by hot coffee in an accident. My step-dad was diagnosed with lymphoma and my real dad has diagnosed with prostate cancer...and I just found out my SIL conceived and told us on my first baby's due date which was Friday the 10th......
Look we all have dark valleys to go through but whatever you believe....I believe in one thing, MY GOD....and you know what...HE's pulled me through everytime.
Hi - I'm not sure how old you are or what situation you are in but your comment made me cry...I'm sorry you are childless...you have a 'mothers heart'....no question.
You know GOD has 'his reasons' you said it in your post...so I was just wondering...you know HE wants to fulfill all the desires of your heart....if you are having trouble conceiving or holding onto your babies once conceived (like I have)...have you considered adoption?
I was just wondering because GOD knows what a wonderful mother you will be....HE can clearly see you heart if I can....maybe that's HIS will for you. By no means am I saying give up ttc....I say as long as it takes.. go for it....but just wondering if GOD ever pressed upon your heart to take in those who were less fortunate not to have a mother to love them....you sound like one of those selfless wonderful, loving women to do such.
I would never encourage anyone to do that but I was just curious because after reading so many posts on here...I read yours and GOD just pressed upon my heart that you would open your heart and love to another's child if that was HIS will for you.
I firmly believe you feel how you feel. You can't help it, and you are entitled to feel that way. I can understand being angry about losing a baby, but
I had a m/c a month ago and was devastated. I never got mad at God, although I wrestled with my feelings for a long time, and believe that God did do this, but
I think he actually was protecting my child from a lifetime of pain and instead chose to bring my baby home with him so that he wouldn't suffer and could experience God's love first hand. I think there is a reason for it all, we just may not know what that is right away. That's what's hard.
It is what keeps me staying positive about the future and knowing my little one is so protected and loved.
You are entitled to be angry, but I hope you find peace. Good luck!
wow - again, thank you so much for your comments - you ladies are wonderful!
deanne - I love that last quote - I actually have it hanging up here at work. I know it's true - we just have to have faith. I read all that you have been through recently too, and I want to commend you for your strength - it's amazing what we can get through with God's help, even if I do forget sometimes.
anxious - thank you, also - so do you have any children or are you trying for your first? I don't think you are too old at all. I have heard of lots of ladies your age that were blessed with the miracle of a baby. I sincerely hope that it happens for you. Don't give up hope! I know, I need to take my own advice sometimes :)
What I dont understand is why would you post what happened to you, if you dont want comforting words said? God IS a confort word, and he IS the only one that will bring you total peace with your situation. (The m/c). You are not the only one to have a m/c. I too, have had one, and it was nothing but GOD that helped me concieve again. You better thank GOD, because, because without him, you wouldnt be here.
im not going to fight on here about talk of god. i just think to say you better thank him is a little much. that is all. this poor girl says she doesnt want to hear about god right now and that is all she is hearing. nobody has respected her feelings that way.
to origional poster. its ok to be mad and its ok to feel what you are feeling. time will heal. im sorry some of the posters didnt respect your feelings.
You better thank him that you here too. I do respect her feelings. I have gone through the same thing, and it was not easy to deal with. GOD helped me through it though. Why cant you understand that. That is just the way I feel, and nothing or no one can change that. She too will realize this. I dindt say it was wrong to be angry for now, but dont put the blame all on God! Things happen for reasons.
ye i uderstand u at the moment....i miscarried in june and am now approx 5 weeks pregnant...ive already had a scare and my progesterone is dropping...i think how can he let me go through it again....i have read so many things on here from people saying they have had several miscarriages....these are decent people who long for a baby so much and there is people in this world who abuse or even kill their children...its not fair to us who would give a child the most love in the world....does he not see this?? also my friends boyfriend or several years died last saturday from cancer....he was just 21 years old.....he was a lovely person...now why doe it happen??? im sorry if anyone who is totally devoted to god reads this nd is offended..but until i start getting postive results from her and i start hearing some good news then im sorry..its how i feel...dont get me wrong...i pray to him every day that this pregnancy sticks and i get my longed for wanted and loved baby... take care everyone xxxx
Thank you - I don't think I've ever heard such kind words on here before. I wanted to mention earlier that your comment "GOD did not do it....Man has free will...etc." It really made me think - and you are absolutely right - it helps to look at things this way.
As for adoption, yes I have definitely thought about it - many times. Unfortunately dh does not want to adopt - we talked about it maybe a month ago. He says he wants his own child, not someone else's - I feel that, yes, it may biologically be someone else's but if you love them enough - than they will be your own child. My sis worked in a daycare and had a child that was being sent to a foster home (7 months old). She mentioned to me that she wished she could adopt her (but my sis is only 19 and still in college) and then she mentioned that I should. That's what got me seriously thinking about it. I think that if it takes us a long time and we still don't conceive that maybe then dh will consider it but for the time being, I can't talk him into it. My pastor and his wife also had a hard time conceiving - they planned to adopt and once they had all the paperwork filled out - she found out she was pg. God works in mysterious ways - thats for sure. Adoption will always be an option for me so I know that no matter what, I will someday have a child - I guess I'm just being impatient. :) And I also know that my two babies that I lost are so much luckier than I am - they got to skip all earth's cruel ways - and go straight to heaven to live with God - if nothing else, that thought helps me to accept it and move on.
I am 24 and so I still have plenty of time - they could never give me a reason for my m/cs so I guess we just keep trying. Thank you so much for what you said - your words brought tears to my eyes - you are a very kind, caring person. thank you
I hope you find comfort and peace. I know how hard a mc can be. I have had two this year and I think my child bearing days are coming to a close....I will be 40 in a few weeks. Don't feel like it, but I guess my eggs are old.
As fo why there is evil in the world, I think a lot of it has to do with the greed and selfishness of man. We have polluted the earth, allowed the poor to starve. I believe if we were very good stewards of our gifts, this world would be healed.
I hope and pray you get to be a mom as that is your heart's desire.
You are young and your bosy will heal and children will come to you. Most likely biologically, maybe through other means.
Take good care of yourself.
And it's okay to be mad at God, He's big enough to take it!!!
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I really really am. I'm sorry you are not taking comfort in GOD or our words we are using to help you. I REALLY do know your hurt and your anger.
All I am trying to do is use my GOD given gifts to help others who are hurting and for me that is prayer. Praying comes so easily and naturally to me...
I REALLY REALLY am sorry for what you've been through...I too have carried a burden this year. And yes at times I'm angry and jealous of others...as I mentioned my SIL is now expecting....but I can't let it control me...or evil wins. I have good days and bad days...but always find comfort in my GOD....whether I want to see it or not...he has blessed me with many wonderful things...people, family, a job, love, my home....I am grateful that's all I am saying....that is my personal path...not yours.
I would never expect you to feel or believe the same thing but because I totally have faith in my GOD...I want to talk to him to heal you and the other lovely ladies who helped me through my dark days.
This site...no matter what you believe is a saving grace for a lot of us who have lost a little one.
i understand you dont have to say i didnt. i had a mc too i know the pain. everything you have said has been exactly what she is tired of hearing about. you need to believe what you want but not push it on her. my opinion is as valid as yours. you have said 2 things that is what she is not wanting to hear. im guessing you wont hear me either.
Hi Everyone.....I Can't believe my post caused such a stir. I have my moments..........I'm fine, then I'm completely angry. I keep thinking of doing things to myself,and I keep believeing that everything that happens to me is deserved. I have a cousin who is due THE SAME WEEK I was due....we were going to be pregnant together....but not anymore. Like I said, I didn't mean to offend anyone with what I wrote, but my family and my friends too, I'm tired of hearing it. Nobody knows my life. I have sh*t luck with everything. I'm fat, high tempered, I can barely see without my glasses. I didn't mention to you all that I DO have a BEAUTIFUL little 2 year old girl who I'm dieing to give a sibling to. I'm angry that we waited so long to try again, and now I'm 33 and I feel like maybe here is where my problems will now begin. My husband doesn't get it either. He wantst to know why I don't want to go the is company Xmas party.....cause maybe I want to still feel sorry for myself I said. He wants to go to Atlantic City in Feb....I don't even care or give a sh*t and he's worried about going off to gamble. See what I mean? Nobody in my world right now knows how I feel. They think Its over and done with and we'll just try again in a month or so. For me this was everything, just as wonderful as my first....my sister had a MC the same time last year, so I didn't think I would too, I thought, no, it won't happen to me, too ironic. But it did. So now, if I become pregnant again, I will never enjoy or feel happy until my baby has come. I was fine, I had no pain, no blood, I felt wonderful, then there was my 7th week sono and no heartbeat, I waited a dreadful week only to find an emply sac one week later and then D&c 2 days after that. I didn't mean to offend anyone, and I"m sorry if I did. Thank you for praying for me, but everyone has there ways of dealing with things, and I guess this is mine. Sincerely, Laura
I think it's a little harsh to say we didn't respect her. Look I've been through a traumatic year and want so much to help others...but that is where my heart is...in my GOD...not your GOD...not what you believe....but me, my personal feelings....
I know she isn't taking comfort in GOD and that's her choice...but I can still use my heart, prayer and GOD to pray for her. I FEEL so much for all of you who have a lost a baby....I lost 3 and not one was any easier than the last.
I cry for each one and cry for each one you lose as well....I have a big heart for children...
Maybe it's just to hard for me to be on here now....I may just need time because at every loss I feel it.
if you respected her feelings, you wouldn't be doing the EXACT same thing she's saying has upset her. give it a rest. those are YOUR feelings right now, not HERS. i have to agree with sailors - you shouldn't use god in that manner. and remember - he's the one to judge, not you.
To all of us who know God we need to just pray for soworried. She needs that more than anything now.
To ask us not to mention our God in our comforting responses is impossible for us. That is what has gotten us all (myself included) through our losses. No one is trying to be mean about it, it is the only comfort we know. We are simply trying to help. I only speak for myself but if I had to omit God from my posts I would have nothing to say to help. It is the only refuge I know.
You know what.......I dont care about what irritates you. I believe in GOD and for those who dont, you will never understand where I am comming from, so KEEP POSTING!!!and for those that do understand thanks for understang!!!
this shouldnt spark a debate, it should be filled with im sorry i understand. i respect that each you do find comfort with god. i have done the same. but if someone says i am quitting smoking do you tell them how good your cigarette is? if they quit drinking do you tell them how nice a cold beer is? its the same. she doesnt want to hear that right now. pray for her all you want, it think that is great. but she clearly stated how it was not what she wants right now. im sorry if you cant undertsand that but it is disrespecting her wishes. its too bad that we use our beliefs at the sake of anothers feelings.
no one is asking you to refrain from mentioning god in your usual posts. this is ONE person who asked, and it sounds like it's a temporary situation for her. she's asked for a type of comforting, and anyone should be able to understand and give her the type of compassion SHE is seeking, not what YOU would like to give - as understandable as that may be.
you do belong here and you do good by your actions. but when they are not asked for its best to not post if that is all that we can say. med help is also for encouragment and love and god, if that poster wanst that. dont stop doing that, just remember that not all posters want to hear that.
you can't compare GOD to cigarettes and beer...sorry not a fair analogy...but I understand what you are saying and maybe I just don't know how to encourage without GOD....he's all I've had my entire life.
but in fairness...she did ask questions in her post...and i was trying to answer ....lovingly answer.
People! Consider the request of the original poster, please! I completely understand her feelings. She may find comfort in turning to God at some point, but NOT RIGHT NOW!! I felt the same way after my m/c and ectopic, because they made no sense. I realized later that everything happens for a reason, but I'm glad no one tried to cram that thought down my throat when my pain was so fresh and raw.
She's not asking to be swayed over to the good side; she's asking everyone who's preaching to give it a rest!!
I agree with you. I dont know if you all have ever been told never talk about religion or polotics.lol At least thats what they tell us in the Air Force!lol that's a sensitive subject to some. I see why. In time she'll see how good God is and untill that happens no one can tell her anything. Let her find out for herself. God is workin on her right now. At rock bottom the only way to look is UP!! I'll continue to pray for theses ladies as well as u! Bye!
i know cigs a beer arent a good way to put it but it was the comparison that i was after. you are all great here and you are very uplifting. a simple im sorry you are going through this and i understand is pretty much all that can be said at times. when the intial hurt is over she may be right there with you.
I'm tired of the God talk, period. And I'm a religious person! Personally, I feel that any mention of God on MedHelp is highly inappropriate. I used to not feel that way but lately it has just gotten to be too much. We are a diverse group of women. There are ignostics, atheists, muslims, Jewish, Christian, etc etc, people on here. I know it's your post, your opinion, but don't be so hard headed and self centered that you can't even see that you might be offending someone.
Please respect the girl!!!!!!! come on ladies, if she's saying it irritates the cr*p out of her to hear about God, and some of you are 'holly rollers' and can't say anything without mentioning Him, then don't respond! period.
Maybe some of us are taking a brake from him.......like someone said, he's big enough to take that!
If she doesn't wanna talk about God cuz she is MAD at Him, then leave her alone, understand her, and support her, if you don't agree, then just don't answer.
As for the poster- Girl, i understand SOOOO much the way you feel, I lost my baby in July and then had a chemical pg on August....and I feel very irritated everytime someone says about God's misterious ways and all that blah blah blah.....don't worry hunny, we are here for you.....=)
Laura, Hi...I wouldn't post anymore but I just want you to know that despite my post about my FAITH...I too have those days when I just feel like you do. Trust...me, days, minutes, hours.
Last night I even tried to push my hubby away....I mean away away. He just doesn't understand my grief...no one can.
3 babies in 7 months...hell just losing one baby is way to much for a mother to handle. I too am 33 and have a 2 yr old girl...I too live on the east coast.
You mentioned AC so I assume that's where you are....I'm in PA.
And despite our different way of handling our circumstances I want you to know that I feel your pain, it comes through your writing and I hope you find peace soon....I'm still searching for the ultimate peace...it's there but then goes away in my bitter moments...we are human...it happens.
If you ever want to vent or chat you can email me directly...***@****. And by the way...you didn't offend me with what you said...despite my FAITH...I get very very angry at GOD sometimes...not that I blame HIM but because I am so faithful and still this happened...if that makes sense.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU...I HOPE YOU FIND THAT PEACE AND IF YOU ARE TTC...THAT A NEW BLESSING COMES YOUR WAY SOON
I am so sorry for your loss, I know it is a hard thing to go through..On January 1, I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, and just last month October 8, I had an ectopic pregnancy and I lost my right tube as well. No one will understand what you are going through, and they will say things that are inconsiderate or hurtful or just plain infuriating. I had a co worker come up to me and ask me if I ever thought that I am just not meant to have children then she went on to talk about her newborn neice who is just health and beautiful. ANother person told me that adpotion is still an option....none of these things I want to hear right now, so when they start going that route I politely say "This is a topic that I am not ready to hear/discuss" and I walk away. (when what I actually want to say to them is **** ***!!) I suggest that you do the same thing, because you have a right to be angry at who ever you want to be angry at, and you have that right to tell someone that there are certain things you don't want to hear/talk about right now.
I know you feel like family and friends have forgotten and expect you to get over it and be all happy and smiling over night, but actually most of the time they just don't know what to say or how to comfort you, they are not sure if talking about the baby will make you more sad than you already are, so they just don't talk about it with you.
Your husband may be greiving too, but his way to deal with grief may be to just avoid it and try to have another baby right away. I never thought my husband grieved for either of our babies until he broke down the other night and I realised that he was in just as much pain as I was, but he felt that he had to stay strong for me in order for me to get through it all, and sometimes that meant him talking about other insignificant things and totally avoiding talking about the baby. And he thought that the only thing that would make me happy was to have another baby.
It will take a lot of time and a lot of tears but eventually you will be able to smile again.
Hi Im really sorry to hear about what your going through right now, I know how heart breaking it is, I have been through 2 m/c's. But I really think that we should just give her a break, geeze do you really think that this is the right time to be preaching to somebody who has already been kicked down as far as she can go, about what our own beliefs are? I dont think that some of the posts that I have read here are very nice. So ladies I think that we should give her the warmth that she needs instead of making her feel worse, and making ourselves feel better by ranting on!
Ps I dont care if this offends anyone, GIVE HER A BREAK!
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