6 Weeks - Unsure on termination.

Hi there,

I know this is such a trigger subject for people, but anyway.

I was being really really careful, used condoms, etc, checked for signs of ovulation.. and somehow, on my PCOS riddled 50 cycle, I'm suddenly 5 weeks pregnant after finishing my period on the 6th of oct. So, I guess I ovulated around a week and a bit after the bleeding stopped.

Partner and I are about to move to Swansea from Scotland! We don't have a place of our own yet, but we do work, albeit not a lot of money, probably about £30k total from the two of us.

It's a bit of a shock, to be honest. Whilst we'd love to have a child, we don't feel as though we could give it our very best at the moment, so I am considering a termination.

I don't know what do to! My feelings are all over the place. Help.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I hope you aren't too sad about not being pregnant.  I understand you were struggling with what to do and in some weird way, it is nice when we no longer are forced to make the decision.  Anyway, much luck to you.  

[am623]

Hi, I just wanted to share I had a termination a few years ago but it was bc I was in a very unhealthy relationship nd didn't want that for my baby. Now I am 7 weeks pregnant , with an amazing man and been having problems for the last 11 weeks. Latelyi have been wondering if it is bad karma and I am afraid I will lose our baby. Think about it and be very sure because there is no going back huh...make sure that whatever ur decision is, it is the best choice for all 3 of you....good luck xxxx

[babyonboard24]

You gotta do what's best for you, whatever you may feel that is just remember there will never be a perfect time to have a baby,life's to crazy an uncertain for that. good luck!

[missy123421]

It depends on ur religion and feelings about it, but trust me, it is something u would regret later in life, no child is a mistake, if ur pregnant now,that means its meant to be. Its a blessing that u r tryin to get rid of. We all deserve a chance in this world,so does ur baby, he/she deserve to live.....what if this child is the only child u will be able to have in this life? Think about it, dont let whatever it is ur going thru influence ur decision.

[missy123421]

From ur previous post, u seem like ur tryin to get pregnant and praying to get a bfp, and u seemed upset when u got bfn, so am trying to figure out why this post now that ur finally pregnant.

[acline93]

And it's a sign that if you got pregnant with PCOS and also trying to prevent it, that maybe this baby is meant to be.

[aprilmay88]

Yes I am confused, werent you posting before about being upset with negative results...

[beauty12]

U r so lucky to fall pregnant with pcos naturally... Since age of 20 i hve been working out eating healthy etc to concieve (conceive).... It drove me crazy... I had to eat so many medication to fall pg last yr at age of 22 only to know its failed pregnancy... I just gave up on being a mother... N now i m pg again after 5 months of misery n suffering n medication... N i pray everyday i get to hold my child in march... Its going 5yrs of me n dh hving baby....


I know decision is urs... Fighting with pcos child is a blessing... U never know u mite hve to work hard like me afterwards... Takecares

[dragondreamer]

have you thought of giving the baby up to someone else? Either way it is your choice, just make sure its what you really want to do, and won't regret it later. hugs

[tkenna]

I can honestly say I would cry everytime I had a negative pregnancy test, now I'm pregnant and (This may be anxiety induced) and am doubting everything! Will I be a good mom? Will my relationship be okay? no one is ever ready with their first child, planned or not no one is ever ready. It's a life changing decision, but then I think about being able to hold my child, and being called "mommy" and watching him or her grow. it won't be easy and your life is going to change forever, but if it wasnt meant to happen then you wouldnt have gotten pregnant. and i strongly believe that.

[louloulally]

You are extremely lucky to be able to fall pregnant without medical assistance with policysic ovarian syndrome.
I am slightly confused by this post too.
You sound like you could give a child a decent life. My husband earns peanuts unfortunately but we are both very good parents and no matter what we still find ways to give our children a good life.
At the end of the day you will do what is best for you. On a forum like this nobody is going to agree with you on a termination..its a decision only you can make

[AnnaReid]

To those confused about my previous posts, I had lost a baby and think I suffered a little, as my body went through a lot and I was *convinced* I was pregnant, therefore it upset me a little when I found out I wasn't!

[AnnaReid]

I think I'm now panicking because it's *real* after having lost a baby and recieving negative tests. I really really need to think about this long and hard.

[AnnaReid]

Oh, and I was being careful as we'd decided we'd wait a little while to get settled in the new place, save up a little cash here and there. However, it's happening really fast now and I'm not sure how to cope.

[AnnaReid]

That's pretty much it! Panic panic panic!

[New24888]

People make it work if they want. My mom and dad were only 18 when they found out they were expecting me and my mom felt like you did. Thank god my didn't and saved my life! Today I am 33 years old and college educated with a great job and and married. My has said to me thank god I didn't have an abortion you are the light of my life and we are very close. Sure it was hard but worth it she and my did not work out and he was not around so we did not have much but we had each other and the love and support from my mom is all that mattered. GL with your choice but remember you can't go back once it is done.

[acline93]

Well you're just going through what EVERY mama goes through! Even the ones who are really wealthy. It's normal to have these emotions and being afraid of bringing a baby into a home where finances are tough, that's called being a mama girl!

[stacey10]

I agree even if the pregnancy is planned I think that when you see those two lines theres abit of panic involved... just remember babies dont cost much, you dont need new things, we put the pressure on ourselves to get all the top range baby things, babies have no idea what type of pram they're in or if they are wearing clothes that  another baby has, if you breastfeed then all you will really need evey week is nappies if you decide on disposables or there are some really good cloth ones now :)

[crstl11]

I agree by the time u get moved u will.still.have time to save and whatnot u have 35 weeks left. Don't terminate just because it was not planned it may be ur only chance.

[lalesley]

At 6 weeks your baby already has a heart beat and the sex has already been determined...if your not ready there are a ton of parents who are, so consider adoption.  

[AnnaReid]

Adoption simply is not an option I can possibly consider.

[AnnaReid]

I know the ins and outs of it all. I don't believe in 'meant to be' or 'karma' or anything like that. I'm atheist and have no strong belief either way about abortion, only that we should have the option.

At the end of the day, we would manage fine with a baby. I've priced everything I'd need and we have a support network. We'd scrape by and that child wouldn't have *everything I think* it deserves as my child. I don't want to get by, I want to give it the BEST chance. I understand that moment may never become apparant, but it's not today and it won't be anytime soon.

It's a very difficult decision for me, because it's a beautiful process with an even better 'gift' at the end. However, I can't just have a baby because I *want* it. I have to assess what's best not only for myself, but my partner and the child.

Try not to think of me as heartless. My mother raised me poorly at a young age, whilst my partner is a twin from a single mother who had NO money growing up. We don't want to put that child anywhere near the possibility of that situation. I am sure that once we're settled, we'll try for one. This pregnancy is a shock and I'm almost sure I won't go through with it.

If I regret it, then I regret it. These decisions are not made lightly and should be considered at length, looking at all of your available options. However, lifes full of hard choices and this is one I have to make.

[KTowne]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind, and I don't think your parent has anything to do with how you'll parent. You choose a different path, you choose what you didn't like and what you feel needs to be done differently. If you can afford it, and you feel like you want your child, and can love him/her, I don't get what you think is NOT a good time for you and your significant other? I don't think everyone is saying anything about religion or karma, it's about physically, if you cannot get pregnant again, after a loss, then a termination, because terminations can cause infertility or issues carrying a pregnancy to term, so if you DID get pregnant again with pcos, which that in itself can be very very difficult, you'd regret not keeping the one you were given. Either way, everyone gave their opinion on the options you have, but no one can make that decision but you, if you feel like you're almost sure you won't go through with it, what did you want us to say? There are women that get pregnant (accidentally or on purpose) in a LOT worse circumstances than you, and turn out to be great parents. There are parents that make tons of money, live in mansion and are terrible parents, it's all about what you choose to do. Good luck either way in whatever you decide!!

[Nayfly25]

It does sound like you have already made your decision....and like ktowne said, your parents don't have anything to do with how you will parent since you're aware of their shortcomings in that area. I don't understand though why you are considering abortion bc in your question you said it was about money and giving your child the best etc but then you said that you figured it up and you guys could make it. I believe in a women's right to have an abortion....but I know first hand that it isn't a decision that you should make lightly. It's the after effects that make it such a difficult process, waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to stand hearing the sound of a vacuum, and many many more not to mention what you go through if you decide to have another baby. It's a hard process, I just hope that if you are going to make that decision that you first make sure It is the right one for you ( money shouldn't play a part in, there is no income requirement for being a parent, and there are many programs that will help you out like wic etc) please don't think that abortion is just a decision you make and then it's all done, it's a decision that you make that has after effects and will effect you for the rest of your life, no matter how strong and prepared you think you may be. Good luck to you, I hope you make the right decision for yourself, no matter what I may be.

[Nayfly25]

*what it may be

[AnnaReid]

I'm considering abortion because whilst we could *manage*. I know women who have been RAPED and kept a baby. Who have NO income and no family who KEEP the baby. They're fine. But it's not what *I* or my partner want, nor do I now think it's what the baby deserves. I want everything to be settled, more stable than I am now, with a monetary buffer in place after thinking about it at length. I understand that with PCOS fertility can be an issue. However, I know plenty of women who have it who don't have trouble getting pregnant. I might be one of the lucky ones. I'll have to have another scan and check my progress.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

[KateyP]

You both still have a lot of time to get ready and prepare for the baby. I'm not in the best situation as my husband and i love with my parents and I'm not working at the moment bc I've been taken out but it will all feel into place.

[LadyLynch]

Just a few facts for you to think about @ 4weeks pregnant baby's heart is beating, and eyes are starting to show. @ 5weeks baby has arms and legs, its nose and mouth are begining to show, and baby's brain waves can already be detected. @ 6 weeks baby has fingers and baby's heart is beating about twice as fast as your. @ 7weeks baby is moving around, baby's mouth can open, and baby has stubby toes. @ 8weeks all baby's major organs are working and baby can FEEL. Like to other girls said is sounds like you have already made up your mind. I personally feel that aborting or losing a child doesn't make you not a mother it makes you the mother of a lost child. In most places abortion is aloud until  week 12, at week 12 baby has vocal cords, taste buds, ears, and baby has the ability to get hiccups, swallow, make facial expressions, and even curl its little toes. Just some things I think you should know before making your final decision.

[Steph_MHModerator]

Hi Everyone,

Just a reminder that we are a support site and while we may not agree with other members' choices, we are not here to judge or to think harshly of anyone.

Best wishes to the original poster.

Steph

[erikamtz]

i think if you aren't stable enough just give birth and put the baby up for adoption theres plenty of women out there who can't have babies that would love to be able to , bt sadly can't . just think hard about what your doing don't do anything your gonna feel bad for later . bt i believe everyone deserves a chance at life . there will never ever be another baby like the one you have in your tummy now the dna is one of a kindd . :)

[Kimejo_81]

Personally after reading your responses to these other women, you had made up your mind long before posting here. Not sure why you did as u know its a 'trigger' subject for women. Unless you just wanted to get the women on here riled up. Especially those who would LOVE to be able to get pregnant and or carry to term. No matter what situation a baby is a blessing and a gift from God. Every child deserves a chance as it didn't ask to be conceived. If you chose to be selfish and not keep the baby, why not make the choice of adoption? Why sentence your CHILD to death because you are too selfish to 'woman' up and give it the best life you can. Instead of death offer it life with a family who WANTS it and WILL give it a chance to live a wonderful life. It's much better then killing the life you and your partner created out of love. Just my opinion (like you asked), no judgement and I wish you the best in whichever choice you do chose to make. But please think long and hard before taking the life of your child.

[stacey10]

so you dont think that the baby deserves to be brought up by two parents that are in a relationship etc, that may struggle for money for abit,.... you dont want that for your baby, but your ok with removing your baby from you and ending its life? that doesnt add up to me, you posted on here to ask for advice/support I imagine as thats why most people do, so why are you getting very short with the people who are letting you know that babies dont need much, and that you will get by, you really dont seem open to this point of view at all, I understand that you want more for your child, but money doesnt make a child happy no does an iph, etc, its a stable home, and love, if you can provide that, then your giving your baby the best thing possible

[missy123421]

You shouldnt have asked for anyones opinion here bcuz its obvious everyone is tellin u the same thing, u and ur partner should ve secretly make that decision. I think what it is is that ur choosing ur partner over ur own child, he tells u that hes not ready yet and told u to ve the abortion, he's gonna leave u someday to a woman who has not committed an abortion, that will give him a child without any medication. Both of u are selfish, be an adult and take respinsibility for ur actions. For ur info, the forum is for ppl who wants their baby and needs support from their fellow women, its not for ppl like u. Goodluck.

[KTowne]

I was just thinking the same as stacey.. you feel like your child deserves better, therefore you want to end it's life? I think giving it what you can for love and support and financially is better than what you have planned right now.

[KTowne]

I also don't get why women say "I cannot consider adoption, it's not an option for me"..because it would be too hard for YOU to give that child a better life...what about the child? Isn't it supposed to be 100% about the best for the child?

[LB_2]

An unborn baby doesn't have a voice yet. And it can't stand up for itself and say I want to be born. I don't want to die. YOU are that advocate. YOU have to stand up for that baby who can't be heard yet! This is your chance to change the course, do something important. That baby doesn't care if its gonna be poor. Love that baby more than yourself. Just because you used condoms doesn't get you off the hook, you were having sex. You made a baby.  

[AnnaReid]

Well, this was a pretty moot subject now!

I went and had my ultrasound. I considered keeping the baby and delayed until my 9/10 week scan.

Sac was empty, blighted ovum at 9 weeks.

My HCG levels dropped and I've now got barely any pregnancy symptoms. So, am waiting on a natural miscarriage until it becomes too delayed and then I'll have to go the D&C route.

Now, I'll say this. I am prochoice, I always have been and will be. I didn't want god or anything like that to rear its ugly head into something that in my opinion, has nothing to do with god. And also, it's not what's best for the baby, it's what's best for *all* of us. However, my body had decided for me.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I hope you aren't too sad about not being pregnant.  I understand you were struggling with what to do and in some weird way, it is nice when we no longer are forced to make the decision.  Anyway, much luck to you.  

[AnnaReid]

Thankyou. I've had some really nice private responses too. In a weird way, it takes the decision away from me and doesn't mean I can't in the future either. x