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Difficulty having an orgasm
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Difficulty having an orgasm

I hope this doesn't sound too weird - I'm embarassed writing it but reading all the posts here thought maybe I would get some helpful information/replys.

I feel very inadequate not being able to manually bring myself to orgasm. I've actually had very intense orgasms during sex and with partner stimulation (but only once, and not yet in current, very loving relationship which is a big reason why it's now an issue!), and lighter ones (but enjoyable) by myself by using imagery/fantasy and squeezing thighs together while on my side to squeeze and rub. I feel weird as my partner wants me to show him what I do and it seems strange now.

Shouldn't it be easy? Is this just a sexual hang-up of mine?
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Avatar_n_tn
well, you're ahead of the game if you had an orgasm during intercourse. most of us gals do not (at least without clitoral stimulation). so... you are able to orgasm when you please yourself but not when you are with your guy? is that how i understand it?
it does take time to really feel at ease when you are with someone else. its embarrassing at first. soooo much is going through your head. do i smell? am i taking forever? is he starring at me? does he want it to end? am i fat? what do i look like? do i have a dumb look on my face? does he hear noises from "down there"? should i moan? not moan? it never ends. sooo, with all of that in mind how can you have an orgasm unless you are alone? it takes time and more "sessions" the more you are together, the more/faster it will happen. just feel comfy with each other, dont rush it and dont feel rushed. just think of what you would think about if you were alone and do what you would normally do but when you are with your guy. it should happen.
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Avatar_n_tn
from what i read he wants you to show him how to please you so you'll reach an orgasm thats a good sign so relax and walk him through it don't feel uncomfortable to talk to him about it cause if you show him what you like and he shows you what he like it would only make the experiance soooo much better.
you asked shouldn't it be easy not all the time i've been with my guy for 9 yrs + and at the begining of our relationship i was a little uncertain of my self i guess insecurities might take part in the situation but once i was comfortable with him i was able to reach an orgasm and one thing i always say keep the guy informed cause if he is doing something wrong or he's not hitting the spott he should know so you both have to work together inorder to have a good sex life
also guys ask themselves the same question am i doing this right does she like it am i hitting the spott so let him know what you like and show him work together you picked him so train him lol  
good luck
hope i answered your question
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Avatar_n_tn
hi again
ok your having trouble giving yourself an orgasm oh ok well there are books that help also video's like for example like nina hartley's guide to female ejaculation. description they explore the myth and realities behind the female ejaculation orgasm nina reveals tips and tricks needed to help women achieve this very elusive orgasmic experiance.sorry to have to suggest porn but try video that can guide you if nothing else seems to work what do you have to lose there are many videos that can help in certain situations so good luck
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Avatar_n_tn
I should be honest here as well -- this issue embarrasses me big time -- the problem I was trying to describe is that I think I masturbate a bit 'weird'. I can't manually stimulate my clitoris to orgasm -- have no idea why, just have never 'found' the spot which is why I feel so weird about it! I've gotten a mirror and tried to look and feel and see if it helps but I end up frustrated. Can 'find' it but to have an orgasm I end up lying on side and squezzing muscles that rub and stimulates. For some reason just my hand laying on my back I've never been successful with -- hence feel weird showing 'how I do it'.

Argh. I think I'll give it some more trys! I just want to be able to stimulate myself manually to orgasm - then be able to show my partner, have him watch, etc. With all the info on this site I feel more encouraged to keep working at it! Maybe my clitoris is small, or maybe it's something from past I'll have to get over - don't know, just know most woman can and I can't so far!

Hope that's clearer, Todo
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Avatar_n_tn
"...you picked him so train him" -- cracked me up! I really appreciate the help/advice. Hoping this relationship lasts as my guy is the most caring lover I've ever been with - and I've fallen in love with him which helps a ton as well! I experience a lot of pleasure during lovemaking with or without an actual orgasm so with all the suggestions maybe in time I'll reach that goal as well.

Helped me relax a ton - thanks much! Todo
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Avatar_n_tn
Thanks - seems it should be easy! Ill check out your recommendations - Ive used porn to help with fantasys, etc. before, not something Im really into right now but definitely can help get things going - and Im motivated to move beyond whatever blocks Im experiencing.

Appreciate the help, Todo
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