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HELP! Am i a Grandma at 37??
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HELP! Am i a Grandma at 37??

Help! soon to be 20 yr old son just told me his ex girlfriend said she had his baby on August 9th. The baby is 2 mos. old and she just told him!! She moved 10-12 hours away and her last and only time visiting in a year was for two weeks beginning Dec. 2nd (12/2-16/05) and hasn't been back since.  Here I am 37 years old ttc myself and now this. First off, no matter what, he will get a paternity test and I will accept if she's his. Anyway, please let me know if it sounds right. Okay, baby was due 8/14, arrived 8/9. I looked at my pregnancy calculation chart and saw that to be due on either of those dates the baby was conceived on or around 11/16 and 11/21. If you give or take a week it's still not right.  Plus, the big kicker is this.  My son said she was throwing up with dry heaves when she was up here!!  I know you can't get morning sickness that fast.  She wasn't even missing her period yet if that's the case. That was the icing on the cake.  She said she was on the Depo shot and I think she got her last shot August and doesn't know when her last period was before pregnancy and I"m sure her body clock is off too. Please, someone let me know what they think.  I have to wait forever for him to even get a date to take a blood test.
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Avatar_n_tn
Well being on depo and then finding out your pergnant coming off of it is kind of unexpected and if she was like I was I never had a period the whole time I was on it for 2.5 years then when I came off of it I never had a period and 6 weeks later found out I was pregnant. So I basically got pregnant right off the shot. It can happen believe me. I was told it could take up to a year to get PG again and it would stay in my system well it was out in no time and I was pregnant. I was planning on going on Marina IUD so her dates could be right if she doesnt' know when she had her last period. The ultrasound could have been off in the beginning or her doctor with the EDD since she had no period. Mine was off until I got my first ultrasound. It was off by 3 weeks. So when I thought I was 12 weeks I was only 9 so that totally sucked in my book so until you get a paternity test don't jump to conclusions. I understand how some women try to get the man with the whole baby thing and its not their baby. But if she says it is until you have proof that its not there isn't much you can do.

I also have a friend who got pregnant on Depo a month and half into her shot so she had a month and half before her next shot was due. So the possiblities are there just like any other form of birth control.

Good luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
I can see why you are suspect. the morning sickness might have been an act....like she already knew she was pregnant maybe!?
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Avatar_n_tn
So, you've never seen the baby? I would tell her to at least send a picture so you can compare to your son's old pic's. Maybe that would ease your mind for a little while. I am sorry you are going thru this. I know it must of been a shock. I think it's great your son told you instead of waiting himself for the test. It shows you all are close. I guess he's scared to death too. If it is his child and you want to see it, you might check on the laws of her having the baby so far away. I wish you and your family the best of luck. Everything will work out for the best.

To you- I wish you the best in ttc! twenty year separation? Wow! I'll put your family in my prayers.
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Avatar_n_tn
I didn't know maybe she hasn't seen the baby, that is definetely a good idea! ...funny thing with the story with my brother when we first saw the baby we said no wayyyy jose lol the baby looked chinese we were like how in the world??? but we were wrong lol looks can'r help sometime! lol not saying this is the case. I Hope everything turns out for the best!
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162784_tn?1227299650
Thanks for the advice! But I have a doubt more about the actual conception dates.  Remember, she was only in town for two weeks, had morning sickness during those two weeks, and according to the actual date of birth, her conception for a full-term pregnancy would have been earlier than those two weeks. She was here 12/2 to 12/16 and a full-term baby would have been conceived some time around 11/16 or 11/21. I didn't go by her period dates, only projected ovulation from the delivery date.  I don't know how much she weighed at birth either, that would help.  I know I didn't get morning sickness two weeks after conception and I don't think that's common.  Or is it?

But like you said, I'll just be waiting until this test.  If positive, I'll have the girl I always wanted :-) but she lives 12 hours away :-(
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Avatar_n_tn
I wonder what a surprise that must that have been, something similar happened to my brother, but in this case the girl was still pregnant she told him and my mom, butthe big mistery is she was infertile..proved by doctors she was unable to have children and this happened! imagine the  doubig doubts in our heads, turned out to be his, they took my brother and baby a blood test. so that's all left to do, just take a blood test and wait for the result. I wish you the best! it seems a bit off the she had those symptoms so early but every women is different =/  good luck! =)
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158939_tn?1274918797
FYI:  I had morning sickness before I missed my period with both of my pregnancies.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think waiting for the paternity test is all you can do right now.  Just wondering, whose idea was it to break up?  I'm wondering, if you think it's impossible for the baby to be your son's, if this is her way of getting him back?  How did she react when a paternity test was mentioned?
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Avatar_f_tn
paternity test is all you can do right now...who really knows for sure.  If it does turn out to be your son's child, then i'm sure you'll make an excellent grandmother.  Best of luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
My brother had the same thing happen to him, only he found out nearly 3 years after she was born.  The funnier part is my niece and your potential granddaughter have the same birthday!

Anyway, I think you're right about the dates.  I had my first daughter on 8/13 and I know I concieved on or around 11/17.  Unless she had the baby early (which you should try to find out about her pregnancy) I don't see how there is any chance it is your son's.  That's just my opinion, but obviously you won't know until the paternity test.

A little note:  My brother's ex new it was my brother's, however, the other man she was "seeing" made more money so she decided to go along with duping him.  It finally backfired when something with her blood type came up.  Sounded like a soap opera to me but at least it had a happy ending.  My brother couldn't be happier or a better father.
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Avatar_n_tn
i am 37 and have a 5 yr old. there is only one thing i would like to address...please do not take offense. just a word of caution. you sound as if you may be OVER involved in all of this. you even mentioned in a post that "you will have the girl you always wanted" and in another post "especially since she favors the mother" it sounds as if you are jealous and that can be dangerous! you are not the mom to this baby. your son will catch on to your "over involvement" along the way and you could very well become a hmmmm....what am i trying to say?
i hope you see my point so i do not have to say. all in all you dont want to drive a wedge in between your son and yourself because it does sound as if you two are close. however, give him room to live and learn on his own, make mistakes and have success... yet let him know he can come to you when he feels its necessary.if you are too involved and pushy, your son will resent you. just take a step back. i know you are excited and worried for your son (he is young) but think about what i have said.
i mean this very politely.
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162784_tn?1227299650
Hello, you guys are great! Thanks so much for all this support. I feel a little better but will feel even better after the test. I saw pictures of the baby and it's very hard to tell at such a young age, especially since she favors the mother. But like you all said, looks don't mean anything!! lol.  If it's his, then the baby would have to be 1-month premature. When I told her about the pregnancy test she said that's fine. My son tried to call her back later and she didn't answer. hmmm, go figure!! She's supposed to come up in two weeks but we'll see now. But I really want to know. I'm glad someone mentioned the birthdate and conception dates matching theirs. I truly believe she was already pregnant when she came up here and didn't want to be with who she thought was the father. That would have been perfect timing for her to really get morning sickness. The part that really makes me mad either way, is that obviously my son didn't use protection with her after them breaking up for 4-5 months or so. I had a talk with him and I'm praying he listens. Someone asked why they broke up, it was because her parents moved away and she moved with them.
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Avatar_n_tn
My grandma was a grandma at 34.........
I made my parents, grandparents, at the fabulous age of 42. :-)
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162784_tn?1227299650
I wouldn't say I'm overly-involved. I'm just a mother providing guidance to her son who requested help. I don't think that should be considered overly-involved. I'm sure you would do the same. He had no clue of where to go for a test and was scared to death. I can't imagine anyone not wanting to know if her son's life is about to change radically and if they have a grandchild. Imagine me not telling him to get tested and never knowing what's what. I know too many men who were tricked, and as the other posters mentioned the same thing too. And I've never been considered a jealous person, nor do I have any mama's boys. I tried to raise them to be independent like me and I was thankful that he didn't have a child early like me. Still praying, my youngest is 17 :-) I never said I CAN'T have kids so there is no reason to be jealous. I always wanted a girl because I have two boys (young mother at 17) and now that I'm more settled I am ready to have another one (or two). I know I said ttc earlier, but maybe I should have said "about" to ttc. I haven't even tried yet because I'm just going off of my bc pills and expect to try within the next few months closer to me finishing school. I mentioned this in my other posts along with my long list of medical problems..lol. I know it's hard to judge a situation from just what's posted here, but believe me, I'm not one of those nosy mothers. And about the baby favoring the mother, honestly I really can't tell who she looks like since she's only 2 mos old and the pictures are mostly her first pictures in the hospital, but I can see more resemlence of the mother if anything. Is that something that sounds jealous? If she didn't favor the mother it would have been easier to tell.

By the way, I always joked with my girlfriends saying I can't wait to have grand-kids to spoil them rotten and then send them back home to their parents when I had enough :-) Don't take the can't wait part too literally.  I can wait, but I'm sure you know what I mean, like when my kids are settled.
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