I am SO FRUSTRATED!!! Re: Future In-Laws...

[sallystar]

Ladies I really need some help to keep from screaming on this one...first off - I am 7 1/2 weeks pregnant...so obviously emotions are running high...but tell me if i'm wrong on this one.  My boyfriends parents are driving 2 hours to where we live b/c his younger brother is playing a college bball game in town.  my boyfriend invited them to sleep over - giving them our master bedroom with the king sized bed - cause he didn't want them to have to sleep on twin beds in the guest room...fine.  he mentioned going out to dinner with them for their anniversay - and asked me to invite my parents who also live in town.  fine.  i invited my parents and they made reservations at a really nice restaurant...apparently that isn't good enough - his parents made their own reservations at a resaurant we CANNOT afford (we're talking like $50 a plate)...and my parents do not want to spend the money and neither do i...we are saving for a baby!!!  my boyfriend thinks it's rude to call his parents and ask them to come to my parents restaurant instead...and his solution was that he goes with his parents and i go with mine...this is NOT making for good future relations!!!  what can i do?

[socgirl]

Well...I know what you're going through.  My husband's mother drives me nuts sometimes and often makes, what i think, are ridiculous demands.  I can't tell you what you should do...but I can tell you this:  you are going to be connected to these people for a long time.  This most likely won't be the last situation that causes some tension/conflict.  So, choose your battles wisely.  yes, i know you're saving for a baby and $50 a plate is alot....see which side is willing to budge first (your parents or his) and go that way...because you also have your parents to consider.  Maybe explain to your bf parents that while you feel their anniversary is a special occasion and definitely deserves a celebration, you are also saving for a baby....hopefully, they'll be understanding.  But really, your BF should handle his parents, not you.  He's there son, they will never hate him.  You are soon to be daughter in law, they don't have to like you.  So, talk to your BF and HE should be the one to explain the financial dillema, etc.  Good luck with everything.

[HIS GIFT TO US~]

Go buy some paper plates & cups then make sandwhiches & have chips & dip!!!  This way u r making it so it's really rude if they say no. You'll have saved a bundle & FIL & your folks can't be ill with one another over dinner arr. Or even grill out, it'll still be cheaper on yall!! Bc your right about the ton of $$$ being spent on food when your trying to save.

[HIS GIFT TO US~]

& of course add some Cake for the Ann!! :)

[AnnieBrooke]

Boyfriend should explain financial situation to his parents, you should not go overboard on the frustration.  They probably didn't know.

[orphanannie59]

One compromise......go to the expensive restaraunt, order something cheap like just a salad, but eat something before you go.  I can't afford expensive either, but it is always nice to go and enjoy the evening.  An anniversary is special.  Part of me wants to tell you to put your foot down.....but I have done that and it only alienates your future in laws, and you are taking a chance on causing problems with your baby's father.  Talk to your parents too, I bet they would eat a little something and then order less expensive food too.  This way you get to go, celebrate an anniversary, get to know your in laws, and spend time with your parents.  Good luck!!!

[RockRose]

Are his parents intending to pay for the dinner?  Maybe you've completely misunderstood their intent.

I'm kind of wondering why your parents chose the restaurant and made the reservation in the first place,  rather than you or your boyfriend doing it.  Were they intending to pay for the evening?    

Have your parents ever met his parents?  Because etiquette says the parents of the groom host the initial meeting,   whether it be in their home,  or in a restaurant, it's up to the parents of the groom to host.  Is it possible that's what they're doing here?

When my husband's parents met my parents,  they took us all to the nicest restaurant I've ever been to in my life.  Only the host had a menu with prices - everyone else had menus without prices.  WOW.

If this isn't the case,  Sallystar,  and they upgraded the reservation and still expect ya'll to pay,  you have some serious thinking to do about them.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

You bf should speak with his parents and explain how money is tight for you adn for your parents and that you would all feel better is you went to a simpler place. His parents may not even realize that finances are an issue.  Don't assume they are trying to be difficult, it may just be a loack of knowledge on their part.

I think it is appropriate to put them in the guest room.

Finally, pick your battles.  You do not want to go to war with family unless it is a huge problem.

[JJety]

I like the idea of going and ordering something small and relatively inexpensive rather than causing a huge deal.  The other thing that came to mind is you saying his parents are driving from 2 hours away - is it possible they're not even aware of the expense of the restaurant?  Maybe someone recommended it to them and they don't know the whole story.

I agree with having your BF talk to them if you still don't want to go to their restaurant.  There might turn out to be an easy solution if he just talks to them about saving some money.

Let us know how this turns out!!!  Good luck!