I am very scared of doctors, hospitals, tests, needles, "medicine". The only medicine I use is my inhaler for asthma if I really need it. I have allergies/chronic sinus problems, and I can't even take pills for that. I have had a digestive disorder, undiagnosed, for the past 2 years and it controls my life, all I can mostly eat is white bread, noodles, rice, some veggies, lean meat and water. My immune system has never been good and I get stressed and sick very easily. I also have some anxiety issues. Last month by chance I actually went to the ER for kidney pain, because of kidney stones, but I couldn't even take any pain meds for it and that pain was really bad. But then went away a while later. I think I've been getting kidney stones sometimes this year. I let them do a cat scan and ultra sound and that's all. They said they couldn't find anything wrong with my kidneys (and I believe they are wrong) but they said they found a cyst, and called it an "ovarian cyst"...even though it's not even attatched to any ovary. It's behind my bladder and 12 cm big. I went to a gynecologist, I didn't let her do anything...just talked and left. She wasn't even that helpful. Then, my mom made me go to another gynecologist, who's also a surgeon. And he said this thing, although they don't think it's cancerous from what it looks like, is big and has to be removed or it could rupture or "seed out" into other areas of my body, which would mean I'd be needing surgeries all of my life for tumors. They wanted blood work and for me to have an exam, but no way I am ever having an exam, and I am still TRYING to get myself to get a blood test. It's so hard for me, all of this.
Anyways....I am SO VERY terrified of surgery...and everything. I can't handle this. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't think I'd make it. With how my health is, I don't know if I will really recover good enough and what if I get a serious reaction to the anesthesia. What if something goes wrong? and what if I get a serious side effect or blood clots or just anything? And I can't handle blood tests, What if I can't breathe well enough because of my asthma?
I'm mostly worried about after surgery. During it, you don't feel or remember anything right? but what if you wake up during it? And I heard you get a breathing tube and catheter. Ugh. I don't want some catheter. It's disgusting, uncomfortable and embarrassing....well, everything is embarrassing about surgery too. but I hate all of this. And there's risk for infection. And I hate IVs. EVERYTHING about all this, Im so phobic about. This is why I never really go to doctors, and I don't take medicines. *sigh* There's more to it. It's so much to try to explain. I'm just looking for advice or something.
Because this "phobia" is getting in the way of you taking care of your health and inhibiting your overall well being, I suggest seeing a therapist or psychologist for this anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy works wonders on phobias through a technique called exposure. Your phobias may be warranted in your eyes but re-read your last paragraph that you posted. This phobia is taking control of you and causing you to catastrophize the situation. All of your "what ifs" allow your mind to keep thinking about the worst possible things that could happen.
Also, a psychiatrist may be able to prescribe some sort of anti-anxiety medication to calm you down enough to get your blood work done. Deep breath, relax, you will be fine. Take each step at a time and only deal with what is going on right now.
Let me know if you have any questions or want more info.
I've tried talking to a psychologist about my needle phobia recently, but that didn't really help that much....a doctor asked me if I could do a blood test if I took something to "calm" me down, but no way, I don't take pills. I can't. I was hoping to get to the psychologist at least once a week but then her schedule filled up, and I have to wait 2 weeks (which is a week from now). It's hard to talk though. I don't even think talking about all this and getting help for it will help much. It's too big of a fear and its just too much to handle. =(
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