I am very scared of doctors, hospitals, tests, needles, "medicine". The only medicine I use is my inhaler for asthma if I really need it. I have allergies/chronic sinus problems, and I can't even take pills for that. I have had a digestive disorder, undiagnosed, for the past 2 years and it controls my life, all I can mostly eat is white bread, noodles, rice, some veggies, lean meat and water. My immune system has never been good and I get stressed and sick very easily. I also have some anxiety issues. Last month by chance I actually went to the ER for kidney pain, because of kidney stones, but I couldn't even take any pain meds for it and that pain was really bad. But then went away a while later. I think I've been getting kidney stones sometimes this year. I let them do a cat scan and ultra sound and that's all. They said they couldn't find anything wrong with my kidneys (and I believe they are wrong) but they said they found a cyst, and called it an "ovarian cyst"...even though it's not even attatched to any ovary. It's behind my bladder and 12 cm big. I went to a gynecologist, I didn't let her do anything...just talked and left. She wasn't even that helpful. Then, my mom made me go to another gynecologist, who's also a surgeon. And he said this thing, although they don't think it's cancerous from what it looks like, is big and has to be removed or it could rupture or "seed out" into other areas of my body, which would mean I'd be needing surgeries all of my life for tumors. They wanted blood work and for me to have an exam, but no way I am ever having an exam, and I am still TRYING to get myself to get a blood test. It's so hard for me, all of this.
Anyways....I am SO VERY terrified of surgery...and everything. I can't handle this. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't think I'd make it. With how my health is, I don't know if I will really recover good enough and what if I get a serious reaction to the anesthesia. What if something goes wrong? and what if I get a serious side effect or blood clots or just anything? And I can't handle blood tests, What if I can't breathe well enough because of my asthma?
I'm mostly worried about after surgery. During it, you don't feel or remember anything right? but what if you wake up during it? And I heard you get a breathing tube and catheter. Ugh. I don't want some catheter. It's disgusting, uncomfortable and embarrassing....well, everything is embarrassing about surgery too. but I hate all of this. And there's risk for infection. And I hate IVs. EVERYTHING about all this, Im so phobic about. This is why I never really go to doctors, and I don't take medicines. *sigh* There's more to it. It's so much to try to explain. I'm just looking for advice or something.