I have no friends!!!

I know this isnt really a question but im scared its affecting my health. At the moment im with my partner of 3 years and have a son who's nearly 5, and i have just moved into a new house. All that but i have no friends! People treat me like dirt all the time and i let them! At my old home in a flat which i was there for 4 years a new couple moved into the flat opposite us, and we become best friend and we did everything together and i even used to tell her my deepest darkest secrets. But one week she would want to know me, the next she started going out with my partners brother and his girlfriend. Then she 'd get bored of that then want to start knowing us again! Im scared she will tell people things i have told her. To make it worse everytime i see my partners brothers girlfriend she gives me snide looks and makes comments! If i stay with my partner for life then im gonna have to put up with this forever. My partner's family are so nasty aswel, they always pick on me, ive been slapped by his sister, called names and i just dont know what to do! It was even like it when i was in school, i had no friends and i was always being bullied! Im not ugly or posh im just a normal 22 year old woman with no-one to turn to and just keep wishing that she could run away and never come back! Thanks for listening and i hope no-one else has to go through life alone.

[kally]

i hope u share ur concerns with ur husband . dont let them bring u down . do ur family support u

[MelRich79]

I know exactly how you feel. My partner and I have been together for 8 months and we already live together. Before I met him I had a group of really close friends that I did everything with. After I met him, they all became kind of distant...even though they liked him. I just wasn't around as much. Four months into our relationship I found out I was pregnant. That's when we moved in together. My friends completely turned on me. They said they knew I had gotten pregnant on purpose and that I was a horrible person and they never wanted to talk to me again. I had been friends with them for over ten years...they were like my family.

The funny thing is...I was on BC and the only reason I got pregnant was that I had a tonsillectomy and was on antibiotics! That and I have PCOS, so the doctors told me I would have a very hard time concieving. I NEVER thought I would get pregnant so easily. Unfortunatly a month later, we M/C'ed

I've started going to art classes and have met some really great people. I'd say start doing things that you like where you can meet people that have the same interests. You have a dog...go to the dog park! Take your kids to the playground and interact with other mothers.

[tryin4ababy]

Thanks for your comments and support. There are people who i talk to at my sons school but where im 22 most of the mums there are like 30 - 35 years old with there own friends there age. Its nice to know that you had your dh's mum to talk to, where with me, my partners whole family is like it including his mum! My family have never really cared about me, its always been my brother who did his g.c.s.e's, went to college and got a job, where as i didnt, i got pregnant at 17 and did nothing with my life. Its just not fair.

[silver024]

i can relate...ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years...hes 2 years younger than i am..so when everyone was turning 21 he couldnt go out..so i would stay in with him...eventually my friends just kind of dropped off..no one called anymore..if i called them they didnt return calls. My only friends...are his friends (all men) which in a way i like, because ive been burned my so many females in my life, its hard for me to trust them. And i have gained about 10 close "brothers" as i call them..and for some reason, to me, men are much more real..or at least the ones im around, they dont talk behind your back, if they have somethign to say they say it..and definitely no cattyness. For me, the worst is when i think about getting married and having a wedding, i would love a huge wedding, but i think about having brides maids and i have no girlfriends!!  I have one close girlfriend that i work with..so that helps a lot when i have girly issues to talk about. Ive started walking and riding bike and i take the dog on the walks..i was depressed for a little while...but ive gotten much much better, and i think alot of it has been that i stopped feeling sorry for myself and just went out and did things i wanted to do..also i try to talk my boyfriend into coming with on bike rides and walks...we have a lot of fun, and its good for you. Animals are amazing..even though they cant talk to you..they have unconditional love and for me, my dogs have really helped. I can see why hospitals bring dogs in for sick people. There is just something calming about a dog, or even a cat. I think maybe because they depend on us. I felt the same way you did..and im actually really glad you posted this question, because you are not alone!! keep your chin up

[oceans3]

if you can,steer clear of his side of the family as best as you can. they seem physically and mentally abusive. not to pry, but were you abused in either way growing up? we tend to subconsciously associate, seek out relationships (not necessiarily our partners) that are abusive to us as well.
my dad (although not now anymore) growing up was sooo critical of me. now, i tend to associate with the critical types in my life and developed a perfectionist type personality as a result.

also, i noticed your nickname and it made me wonder if you really are trying for a baby? do you think that you are trying for one to feel loved? to occupy your time? to feel needed? if so, i may reconsider until you are confident within yourself and can look in the mirror and say, "i am worthwhile" hard thing to do but it sounds as if you have some things that need to be sorted out in that department (dont we all!?).

you and your partner can certainly go out for drinks or clubbing (if thats your thing). he doesnt have to have a cocktail. its the atmmosphere, the people watching, the getting out that matters. you two sound so cute together.

seriously though, dont be afraid to do things by yourself. thats how you get to know "you" and remember that making friends, GOOD friends and maintaining them takes TIME. the few friends that i have, i have had for at least 10 yrs and even longer. those are the keepers.  it is healthy for those friends to have other friends. no need to get upset/jealous if a friend has plans w. someone else or can do something w. you because they have plans w. another pal.

it must be the people that you are "picking" because i think you'd make a great friend. so its them and not you!!!!! LOL!!

[tryin4ababy]

Its really hard trying to stay clear of them, they live across the road from me, i look out of my son's bedroom window and there the house is! Its just my luck really. And yes you are right, i would make a good friend, not just saying that to be bigheaded or anything lol but i know that if i had a friend i wouldnt treat them the way ive been treated by friends in the past. No i havent been abused when i was younger but i did used to fight with my dad alot! Hes hit me before and ive thrown a knife at him and it and just missed his head( i was 15 at the time and a troublesome teenager!) we just hated each others guts but get on so well now. Yes me and my partner are ttc mainly because i want to be with him and not his family and we have both agreed that they cant and wont do anything to split us up if we have a baby, which is good cause we have a solid relationship, and cause my 4 year old son keeps asking me, and begging me for a brother or sister as he also hasnt got many friends, hes got some at school what he plays with but not proper friends, like me.

[oceans3]

PLEASE tell me why you moved into a house right across the way from his family??? even a family that you get along with does not end up that way living so damn close. gee, cant you move just one more time and go further! thats your first and foremost concern. then worry about keeping busy and having friends. i would NOT want to live that way. too close for comfort. no peace whatsoever!
i do know what you mean about having your son playing w. other friends his age. my girl is also 4 and goes to preschool 2 times a week. she has a couple girls that she would like to play with but sometimes schedules and circumstances prevent that so she doesnt really play with anyone her age. i am quite sure that she is sick of my face on a daily basis. thats why i suggested a library group or something like that. you can really meet moms and kids in that type of atmosphere. or as ateague posted... church. do you go to church? they usually have it when your son can go to a group for his age while you go into church. he meets friends, does activities, crafts. here i am preaching about church when we are the ones who should be going! we would like to move ourselves so we are waiting to find a church in the town we move to.
anyway, feel free to vent or ask any questions here on the forum. health doesnt necessairly have to do with physical issues but mental health counts too!

[ateague]

First off, no one has the right to lay a hand on you.  I'm hoping your partner did something when his sister slapped you or I'd be very upset with him.  I hate knowing people treat other people like that, I'd beat her up if I were there with you.  It's all about self-respect.  I used to be like this in jr high school and all the way through my junior year in high school.  I had one friend and it always seemed like she was looking for other people to be friends with other than me.  I finally got tired of being second best and started being friends with everyone.  I was just pleasant and myself, and people began liking me for me.  

You have to respect yourself first before other people will respect you.  You can't let people treat you like that, stand up for yourself.  No one has the right to walk all over you.  Also, you have to be ok with being by yourself.  If you act desperate for friendship, people won't respond well to it and you'll get friends like the ones you've had in the past.   Try to have a hobby like gardening or writing people letters.  What about having a job?  Do you work?  You might be able to meet people at your place of employment or maybe you could go to church or take classes to find friends.  I know all these things are easier said than done, and it sounds like you didn't exactly have the best child-hood growing up, which has affected your confidence level.  But people will continue treating you like this if you don't do something about it.  Start by educating yourself, take some night classes whether it be art, history, crafts, etc type classes and find something you enjoy doing.  Once you do so, people will be drawn to you and you can make more friends.  I hope this helps some, I wish I could be there to be your friend, but you have lots of help and support on this website if you need to talk some more.

[tryin4ababy]

thank you so much! i cant believe what wonderful people you are! I wish that when i do find friends that they can be as nice and as understanding as you all! On to the bit about my partners sister slapping me, my partner cant stand up to her, after she slapped me she kicked him in the leg ( she was 8 months pregnant at the time) and my partner is disabled. hes got a muscle wasting disease (cmt) that affects his legs and hands. He is petrified of his family. They are always threating us. They all **** stir between them and its not normal. I have never in my life met such a twisted family! And the poster who wrote about there partner being younger than them, its the same for me. Im 22 but my partner is 18 nearly 19. So when our ex friends used to go out clubbing or to the pub for a drink we coulndnt because it isnt my partners thing, he prefers to stay in and watch a dvd, hes also scared of people fighting and hates the thought of being dragged into a fight or being started on, and in the end they just didnt want to know us cause we were boring. x

[oceans3]

we must have been writing at the same time! it always seem you say what i want to say, or am thinking of saying! i forgot to mention about taking a class and other suggestions that you had. good ideas and good advice on self respect.

[ateague]

I know, I love your advice too.  I'm the same as you, I have alot of "acquaintences" but I only have like 2-3 really close friends.  I love it that way, I'm not like the "sorority" type of girl that needs 20 million friends and they all have to be close to me.  I just have a few and that's enough for me.  Less hassle that way, but to each their own.  I'm only 25 but if I ever saw another girl slap someone for no good reason, I'd take her down.  That's disrespectful and no one deserves to be treated that way.  I used to have a friend in h.s. that reminds me of the poster, and I always had to stick up for her.  She used to have this long blonde hair that she would wear in front of her face because she was so self-conscience of her looks, which I always thought she looked fine but she didn't.  I would try to tell her to have more respect for herself and others won't treat you like that, but it's difficult to teach someone about self-respect when they had a difficult childhood and were torn down for so long.

[oceans3]

i think the point silver made about finding your own thing to do for now and the point about the animals are true. ya know, its kinda funny..i dont really like/want a lot of friends! i dont have the time or energy to devote to them. i have 2-3 close friends and thats good enough for me. guess what also? i even met 4 great ladies off of this forum. i have never met them and they live all over the u.s. i consider them true friends and one is even 16  yrs younger. we email each other all the time and we know we are there for each other.
one tip i would like to add. be careful of trying to hard and coming off as needy to others. i had a friend in college whose story was quite similiar to yours. she wanted/needed a friend so bad. she scared me away. it got to the point of ignoring her calls and told her i was busy and couldnt get together. give people their space. let them call, make a plan with you. it works both ways. another thing that i have learned the hard way and i am only saying this because you mentioned it but dont gossip and/or spill life stories. try to say positive things and dont complain to people. it depletes their energy and its difficult to be around someone who complains all the time. the less said, the better.
do you have a library or community center in your town? that is a great place to bring your child (to an activity group) and you can meet other moms. who cares if you are younger. that wouldnt matter to me. as long as you are friendly, positive, fun then you'd make a great friend. it takes a long time to get situated in a new community and meet people. it took my friend 3 years to be stable and have a good set of close friends. give it time.

[kally]

where r u from??????

[tryin4ababy]

Im from the uk. Where are all of you from?

[kally]

I AM FROM PORTSMOUTH IN THE UK

[oceans3]

WOW...that is AMAZING to me that the 2 of you would be from the UK! What are the chances (even though the UK is big)???? MOST of the people who post here are from the U.S. or Canada so it blows my mind since it os rare that you'd be in the UK. dont tell me you two are neighbors!! that would be awesome...fate actually.

[tryin4ababy]

No where near neighbours! lol Im in the midlands so i quite far away from where you are. Its a shame really! Where are you from oceans3?

[oceans3]

i am from the u.s. (massachusetts). now thats far!

[tryin4ababy]

wow! that is far lol. Ive always loved to go to the u.s. Maybe one day when i win the lottery lol. Ive heard that people are nice there, including yourself. x