Kind of a 'silly' Q

[oceans3]

Ha Ha notice how i put this under nutrition and vitamins! anyway, you all know i LOVE my wine as i sip away on it now. however, i learned my lesson and will not post on MH after having a few glases so i think i am okay for now...LOL!
my question is this. i suffer from social anxiety disorder, and maybe generalized. in addition i constantly WORRY about other peoples feelings and STRIVE to be perfect. sad i know i am a perfectionist. its rough being perfect and perfect i am not. i want others to think i am.
to give a quick example of today, my SIL's birthday is veterans day. okay, so i had my DD and i call her TODAY to wish her a happy b day. only its tomorrow. i totally felt like a loser, i got sweaty, nervous, upset. not rational to the "sane" human being. i see that and know mistakes happen!!! but it does not stop it (nervousness...) from happening. i do take lorizipams when i need to and wine seems to have the EXACT SAME effect. is there a difference? is that wrong? i HATE taking any meds (even asprin) but i know there are times when i NEED it so i break down and take a pill. id rather drink wine than take a pill but i am afraid i could get addicted and become an alcoholic? help?

[sparkeler]

OK take a deep breath.  I'm exactly the same way.  I get nervous and obsess over everything too.  And I am guilty of allowing myself to *escape* by having wine or taking xanax.  I realize too that it had gotten out of control, so now I treat myself.  I will take my xanax 3 times a week.  That's it, no more, no less.  Unless I have a really bad anxiety attack where it actually becomes physical (I had one so bad one day tingles went through my body and I couldn't breathe.  I literally felt like it was a heart attack.)  Otherwise, I don't care what anyone says, I'll take my xanax or drink a couple glasses of wine because my life is so hectic and it helps me cope.  I don't over do it (anymore) and I watch myself.  Now, if everytime something goes wrong, you grab a drink, then that's something you have to watch and be careful of.  I'm not going to say go for a jog or try yoga.  It's good for you, but really whose going to go sit indian style when their on the verge of a breakdown?  Sure as hell not me, I'll have the xanax thank you!  But maybe working meditation, exercise, counseling, along with the *treats* in to your weekly life, it can help with the over all frusturation.  Have you tried an anti depressent like lexapro to the mix?  That can also help.

[oceans3]

than you so very kindly for your response! i dont think i am depressed at all. i am VERY in tune with the psychological realm and feel i best fit the disorder i described above. it has been self diagnosed by ME!!! LOL!
i requested the lorizipams from my obgyn and have had them when i need them for about 2 yrs. i typically need them during the STRESS of the holidays like NOW! summer...i am totally cool and relaxed and never take one!
i do think i have seasonal affective disorder now that we are talking! hmmm...what else...LOL! no, i guess thats it. but my Q is if the pills have the same effect as a glass or 3 of wine? why not take the wine? can one become addictided off the pills and NOT the wine? OR vise versa? cuz i am telling you this right now. those pills make me feel the same as a couple glasses of wine.

[sparkeler]

I say drink the wine.  Alot of people drink it to relax.  Since there are some risks of dependency, watch yourself.  But hey, if the alcohol isn't disrupting your everyday activity in life,  (i.e. your not getting sloshed all day long and not going to work,or paying any attention to bills, kids, etc.)
Then I wouldn't worry.  Everyone has to relax somehow.  And that's how I chose to relax too.  Just don't get behind the wheel. You seem aware and responsible enough not to let it get out of hand.

[sparkeler]

Also, trying to be *perfect* all the time can mimic a sense of insecurity.  I'm not suggesting your depressed, but you don't have to be perfect.  Don't be hard on yourself (with your sil's bday.)  Everyone is entitled to mistakes,including you!  Just say "I'm fabulous" at least once a day.

[shygirl1981]

Lorazapam is quite the little pill!! I had a bottle of it about two years ago, and I found it really helps with anxiety. I get sweaty palms and worry a lot too.  I'm afraid to ask my doctor for another prescription as I am afraid I will become addicted. When I take ativan, I get very euphoric, and can sleep for days. I'd have to say alcohol is less addictive and maybe a better  choice in the long run if you want an occasional 'escape'. A few glasses of wine every now and again is okay, just make sure you don't turn into a win-o  ;)

[oceans3]

ya know spark..we definitly have the same philosophy but the only difference is me giving myself my own advice. does that make sense? like, i would give advice (all of what you said) to someone else. but when its "me" its soo different. i know i have insecurities and that is why i strive for perfectionism. i know where it stems from but i just dont know how to get rid of it.  wine i guess...lol! oh and you are RIGHT,,i do NOT get behind a wheel and rarely am i out (as you can see). i am home with my family...but drinking wine here! i never am in a bar anymore or anything like that. we go out as a family (out to eat) and i have a beer or i am home here having beer or wine.

[oceans3]

i miis ya too already!!! i didnt see your post...sorry. i guess the lorizipams are for people who are about to go into a surgery to help them to relax. thats what they are REALLY for. they do help and i am such a paranoid freak about addiction. i will ONLY take then when i am over the edge. took one today and i am sure ther will be more to come during the stress of the holidays. the lorez's do make ya very sleepy, but relaxed/calm/not concerned just as a nice glass of red wine. (or 2-3-4!) LOL!!!

[jackiemoo]

Wine can cause anxiety. Alcohol is also a depressant. I would not recomend it to anxiety sufferers at all. I am an anxiety sufferer for many years and I cannot drink alcohol at all. I would stick to your meds if necessary, but there are many alternative routes if you don't like taking meds. Relaxation techniques, diet, excersize, and positive thinking are all great.

[girl522]

If you think that you might have a seasonal disorder (this is more prevalent in the nothern part of the country), you can try going to the tanning bed once a week.  A lot of people get this in the winter when they are not exposed to enough sunlight.  I'm not sure if it is available online or not but look up the DSM-IV and that will help you diagnose.

[oceans3]

that is an awesome point and i have thought of that as well, but isnt there a difference between anxiety and depression? after i have my few glasses of wine, i am not crying, sad, reminissing or anything like that. (thats what my period is foe...LOL) i actually feel very warm, comforted, relaxed, happy, better mood. i would have the same feeling as if i took that lorizipam. i will tell you though, the 2 do not mix well. its one OR the other. you will be soooo loopy/out of it if both wine (or other cocktail and lorizipam).

i do live in NE and things her right now are very chilly and scenery is depressing!!!!! i am a beachy summer gal and the two do not mix. i need to be in a tropical surrounding in order to survive.

[HIS GIFT TO US]

Theres enough big problems in life w/out our imaginations help, when something crazy happens like the bday thing just think how funny it will be next yr. On my moms bday she wrecked hercar by hitting a whole roll of mailboxes (the only roll on that road) she felt horrible, heck we all did & it done a lot of damage to her car too, not to mention having to put the roll back up, well do u know now her bday is in a few wks & we all laugh sooo hard about it NOW, it took a while but now it's so funny. Some things we just can't help & remember theres always someone out there that either has it way worse off or will do something so much dumber before the night is up. I have been in the craziest of crazy situations & eventually u just have to laugh things off :) So u r not alone, just remember to laugh & go to the beach sometime soon so u can see the BIG SUN! U won't even need to pack the wine or pills!!!   I don't think things r usually as big as we make em out to be unless ur just waking up every a.m. to find someone to be mean & harsh to, since u don't do that u r normal, just laugh at things a little more ;)

[monkeyflower]

Quit trying to diagnose yourself. See your doctor and get a REAL diagnosis and appropriate meds. Avoiding taking pills in favor of drinking makes no sense. Alcohol IS a drug.

Since you kinda asked, I do think you're working awfully hard to try to justify your drinking. I'm not saying you have a problem--that's something only you can decide--but I think if you're looking for reasons to drink, or trying to make yourself feel better about your drinking, you might want to consider why.

[mslkpage]

monkeyflower is right- see a doctor. There are lots of meds that can treat anxiety, and many of them are not addictive. Paxil and Welbutrin have helped many people, and they don't contain benzodiazapines.

[lucylocket2]

Hey girl! i got on here late ao o don't know if you'll see it or not, but i just wanted to tell you your not alone. I am the same way. I really don't like to go in public very much. Why? I dont know. I'm so bad if im in walmart and see someone i know I'll duct down the other isle so i won't have to talk to them. Weird, huh? I agree with the pills. i hate to take them too.If they help you though you need to take'em. The wine won't hurt you, just don't end up one of those that stand outside the liquir store beggin for a dollar. People like us do end up having a problem with addiction though. I smoke. Bad, I know. lol Just take everything day by day and you;ll make it. Plus, you have us here to talk to if ya need. As long as your sippin and not turning the bottle up - keep enjoying the wine. lol I'll be thinkin about ya!! Be good

[PGB]

Yours is NOT a silly Q.  Now, the Q above yours, that is an entirely different story!

You always seem to give really great advice to others and seem to be very forgiving of other people's mistakes, try to let some of that bleed over onto yourself.  Easier said than done, huh?  If a few glasses of wine help you relax, and you are at home, not out driving around, and you are not talking about a few 20 oz. glasses what does it hurt?  Sounds to me like you are so hard on yourself that you aren't going to let it get out of control anyway.  Just my opinion, of course.  Take care.

[kenziesmom]

I took Paxil for awhile for IBS.  Just to let you know ahead of time, it does cause you to gain weight.  I know THAT alone could actually add to the stress!  Since you mentioned you don't like to take pills (as I don't) maybe you could look into alternative ways to reduce anxiety.  I think I have preached about how wonderful yoga is for stress reduction, but so is acupuncture.  I want to fall asleep peacefully after a session of that- it's amazing.  Biofeedback is supposed to help people with stress reduction as well.  Just learning how to correctly breath (full breaths through the diaphram, not the chest) helped me when I was having panic attacks awhile ago.

[mslkpage]

Very good point! I am so relaxed at the end of my pilates class. Last week, I actually dozed off right there on my mat!! And if I skip a few weeks, I notice that my stress level begins to rise.

[shygirl1981]

I wouldn't say it's a silly question, or that you are trying to self - diagnose. Obviously you have everything under control, and you know your limits. Also, it seems to be a very common problem with women all around you!

[oceans3]

see..i knew there was a reason i missed you! you speak of such logic and comfort. i went online to check out the lights (EEK $$$)so i emailed my sister and "suggested" her and the family pitch in for one for christmas to help save my sanity! LOL! i also read up a LOT more on SAD and sounds like my life because like i said, i don't get like this come spring-summer. i know when it's august 31st that's when summer is "over" and it all kicks in.
maybe i should move to italy..they drink wine daily over there. i think they even get to have it on lunch at work!!
my dr. prescribed xanax (is it?) last year, but it made me feel worse?? so that's why i opted for the lorez's.

i hope you are doing well and i am thinking of you. i hope you let us know how everything goes for you (which i know you will). gee, you, joanna, and i are one big mess!! LOL! glad2beamom i think is okay for now but she will find something wrong soon i am sure! LOL! oh...her feet have been bothering her,that's right!

[oceans3]

thank you all for your responses. i have been wanting to take up yoga. i think it would really suit me and do well for me in all areas of body and mind. thanks again.

[MandaJo111]

I know you like your wine.  :)  But I also know you don't overdo it.  You are far to aware of yourself and afraid of addiction to let that happen. I hate taking pills.  If I were in your position, I would do the same thing.  You are not taking the two together, so that is not an issue.  I often worry about what side effects pills will have now and later down the road, so I tend to shy away from them.  Wine however, has been around forever, and there is little to worry about with it as long as you are diligent in monitoring how much you drink and mindful that you do not "have" to have it.  

It does sound like SAD is a problem as well.  You really do need to be exposed to more light.  There are "light boxes" and "light visors" for SAD that doctors recommend using for at least 30 minutes a day.  While tanning beds expose you to light, they are usually not recommended by doctors.  In addition, studies have shown that the light must be absorbed through the retina of the eye to be effective for this disorder.  In tanning beds, you should have goggles on at all times, so this counteracts the effectiveness.  You might want to look into an SAD light -- they have them all over the internet.  Just do a search for "SAD light" "SAD light box" or "SAD light visor"  they are available in various price ranges.  

Good luck girl! And remember, you have friends that love you and care about you! :)

[JoAnnaRF]

As you know, my mom was an alcoholic and not once did she ever ask, "Do you think I may be an alcoholic? or might become one?" She could care less what anyone thought ad wouldn't let anyone come between her and her drinking. This is NOT you. I honestly think that it is just part of your personality to find fault within yourself. But hey, we all do right? So you enjoy having wine. But I know you and if you thought for a half a second that it was harming you or anyone else, you would toss it in a heartbeat. Alcoholics will to keep it flowing.
Now relax and don't sweat wishing the Happy Birthday a day early, that's a heck of a lot better than a day late;)
--J

[oceans3]

i LOVE you guys!!...you're "frienship" means so much to me and i thank you all for being here.

[MandaJo111]

:)  I am glad I could help.  If you don't get one for Christmas, you may want to check EBay. They have the for under 70 for a "buy it now".  There are cheaper ones to bid on, but watch the shipping.  A couple are hitting unsuspecting bidders for $90+ for shipping ?!?!  There are some bulbs on the market too, but many are not that great.  The Solux seems to be the best, but it needs an adapter to work in a regular socket.  The Christmas gift would be the best.  

Until then, try to get at least 30 minutes outside everyday.  Even if the clouds are blocking the sun, you will still be getting your vitamin D.  

We are thinking of you sweetie!!  All will be well.  :)

I say we all pack up and move to Italy!  My DH would be all for it -- he is Italian! :)  First round of drinks is on me!! :) Love you too girl! :)

[oceans3]

get this..i emailed my sister last night suggesting the light box for christmas. she replied with "NO WAY!" she was planning on getting me one and they sell them at costco. i assume they are very reasonable over there!
ciao!!

[MandaJo111]

OMG that is CRAZY!  At least you know what you are going to get. :)  I am really betting it will make a big difference.  Just be sure to use it for a minimum of 30 minutes a day and keep your eyes open (but don't look directly into it).  I am so excited that you are going to get it.  :)

[shygirl1981]

I was at the doc's office the other day, not my family doc, just a walk in clinic. I asked for lorazapam, and he gave me 10 of them! It's amazing how one teeny tiny pill can knock you out for hours.
ps. I haven't slept in about 4 nites because I'm having migraines and wicked muscle spasms in my neck, I wanted something along with the muscle relaxers to help me sleep.

[sparkeler]

Hope your feeling better.  I scrolled down to this post to make sure you were getting GOOD advice.  I worked all weekend so wasn't sure how you made out.  I'm sure everything will be looking up soon:)if not already.

[oceans3]

shygirl...he just GAVE you 10 pills? just like that? wow! yes, they can make you very sleepy. be careful if you have a cocktail with one. it can have double effect!

sparkler...i am doing better and as you can see I forgot to check my post!! so i guess that means i am ok/better! LOL! plus i am PMS'ing bad and my emotions/perfectionism nearly triple in size if ya know what i mean! so that may have contributed.

i did get great advice ^^^^^! thanks for checking in with me. i appreciate it. we have many things in common.
i think of you a lot when i go into work and get those NYC calls. i'm like, say hello to sparkler for me! LOL!

[sparkeler]

:)